by Dahlia Rose
“He can stay out there. I don’t want to see him.” Lynette turned her head away, afraid that if she looked at Favian she might rethink her decision. She didn’t want to see Remy now, maybe never. He put them in danger and all because he couldn’t admit to her that his past was encroaching on their future.
“You may need to tell him that yourself, Lynette.” Favian’s voice was somber.
He was right. She couldn’t let her friends do her dirty work. After all, she jumped into the relationship with Remy feet first. No one forced her to do it.
“Send him in then.” She sighed.
“I’ll leave so you can talk,” Adira said.
“No, please stay, please,” Lynette whispered. She hated that tears clogged her throat.
Adira nodded and stood, and was holding her hand when Remy came in to the hospital room. He took Lynette’s free hand and kissed it repeatedly, murmuring words of love in both English and Spanish. His voice was broken and it tore at her heart. The feel of his lips against her skin was torture but she had a baby to think about and she couldn’t let her own raging emotions break her resolve.
“Dr. Schiller said our baby is okay,” he said huskily. “I was terrified that I’d lost both of you.”
“Imagine how it felt from my side,” Lynette said coldly.
“Mi amor, you have to know I didn’t expect that to happen,” Remy said gently. “Lola is a madwoman, but I never thought she would go that far.”
“When did that dawn on you, that she was a madwoman? When you saw that Alex person at the airport, or that first call we got?” Lynette snapped and pointed her finger. “I saw your face. I know you knew who that was and all those calls afterwards. You could’ve told me, Remy. For God’s sake, why didn’t you?”
“Because I wanted to take care of it myself. I didn’t know it would spill over into the life I was building with you.” Remy rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes met hers and she could see torture and pleading in them and it made her look away.
“But it did, and I could’ve been killed, our child could’ve been taken from us before she had a chance to even be born!” Lynette cried out.
“God, Lynette, don’t you think I know that?” Remy’s voice was harsh but filled with pain.
“Obviously you thought sweeping it under the rug would keep it at bay.” She shook her head. “Well, I’ve been shot, and I can still hear her saying that she was going to wait until our baby was born and then take her from us. I can’t be with you and feel safe. Instead, I will be afraid to look behind me, afraid to turn every corner for fear she will be there, ready to hurt us.”
He leaned forward. “Lynette, mi amor, my heart, please don’t say what I think you’re going to say.”
She shook her head. The tears she tried so hard not to shed began to run freely down her face. Pulling away, leaving the man she loved, hurt more than the bullet wound. But she had to protect her baby.
“I’m sorry. Favian and Adira will be getting my things from your place. I’m moving in with them until I’m better.” Lynette swiped at her tears with her free hand and Adira took tissues from the box next to the bed and handed them to her.
“After that?” Remy’s voice was low.
“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. “But I know I can’t be with you. You tried to hide something from me and look what happened. How can I trust you to tell me things that might affect us in the future? I cannot live in a bubble of your own creation, you letting in only sunshine and rainbows and filtering the rest. Life is not like that, it will always catch up with you.”
“Baby, let me fix this. I was only trying to protect you,” Remy said earnestly.
“I know, but I told you from the very beginning that I can’t be that woman. I need to know everything, the good, the bad and the ugly, so that I can make my own decisions. I can’t have that taken from me,” Lynette replied. “Respect my decision this time.”
“We share a child, the one growing in your belly. Are you going to deny me the chance to be with our baby?” Remy asked.
“I don’t know what my choices will be, but I still have months to decide,” Lynette replied.
“Then I have months to win your heart again,” Remy said.
Lynette looked at him and felt tears welling up once more. “You haven’t lost my heart, just my trust. I have to look out for us now. There’s not only you or me anymore. She is innocent and mommy will always put her first.”
Remy smiled weakly. “You started calling the baby a she. Lynette, I will fix this and prove to be the man you deserve.”
“Remy, this may be my fault, really. I made you out to be my knight in shining armor even though I know there’s no such thing.” Lynette shook her head. “How can I expect to have perfection when my own childhood was so bloody messed up? Maybe we’re meant to be good parents and nothing more.”
“I refuse to accept that. What we have is the real thing, and I will show you that,” Remy said firmly. He stood and kissed her hard before striding to the door. He turned and looked at her once more. “You’ll see, and that’s my vow.” And then he was gone.
Silence hung in the air until Adira said, “You know he’s not going to give up.”
“I know.” Lynette sighed and let her head fall back against the pillow. “Jesus, I’m so sodding tired and in pain.”
“They could only give you a small dose of Demerol so that it won’t affect the baby,” Adira explained. “Shall I go get the nurse or doctor, lovey?”
“No, thanks, I can manage. I’ll just sleep for a bit,” Lynette said. “Thank you for being here, Adira. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“And you’ll never have to. I’ll always be here just like you would be for me,” Adira said. “You rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Lynette nodded and closed her eyes. She turned her face away from Adira so she wouldn’t see her tears. The ache in her chest wasn’t from the bullet wound but from heartbreak. Everything went so wrong in such a short amount of time. She had to be strong, but when Adira leaned over and hugged her she knew that she wasn’t fooling anyone. Lynette sobbed for the first time in a very long time because she couldn’t deal with this pain—physical and mental. She could push it away for a time and pretend it didn’t matter, but this time it couldn’t be done. She was pregnant, in pain and alone by choice, but the feeling of loss wasn’t easier because it had been her decision and not his.
* * * *
“He’s not going to stop coming by,” Adira said.
Lynette sighed. “Damn it all, I know.”
It had been a month since she was shot in the shoulder, and she was now moving around fine. She’d graduated to wearing maternity tops and leggings since her clothes no longer fit right and her baby bump was evident. At night, she lay as still as possible trying to see if she could feel the baby move. Dr. Schiller said it would be a few more weeks before that would happen, but sometimes she swore she could feel a little flutter of movement in her stomach. It was either that or the morning sickness that still plagued her at the weirdest times. She wasn’t the most normal of people so how could she expect her kid to follow the usual pattern of pregnancy? Still, that was less of a problem than the matter at hand.
Remy dropped by every few days and sent her into hiding in the guest room of Favian and Adira’s home. She still didn’t want to face him. Lola was still at large and obviously using the resources of her gang to go deep into hiding because the police couldn’t find her and that terrified Lynette. That, and the nightmares that plagued her. She’d wake up with a jolt when the shot rang out in her dream, or, sometimes, she would not wake up when the shot rang out and the dream would play out if she had been hit in the stomach and not the shoulder. It was absolutely horrid and she’d wake up bawling. It didn’t matter if it was a dream. The more she dreamed it, the more heartbreaking it was than the last.
She knew Remy wanted her to get past what happened and to give him another chance, but she sti
ll blamed him for the incident, and she could not get past it with Lola sill free and an obvious threat to her and the life of the baby. She’d had two appointments with Dr. Schiller since she saw her at the hospital and the baby was doing well. Remy asked to be there both times and she had adamantly refused.
“Lynette, I can’t ask him not to come here. Favian and Remy are best friends, almost like brothers,” Adira said. “He’s Mateo’s godfather, and each time I tell him you won’t see him, I see him die a little inside.”
Lynette got up from couch in the family room and began to pace the floor. She was trying to work, but finding the concentration to create her programs was useless. Remy was the first thing she thought about when she woke up and the last thing at night. And to make matters worse, he had sent her an e-mail that made her even more worried.
She brought it up to Adira. “He e-mailed me last night and asked if we should go to court about custody. I mean, the baby is not even here yet and he’s ready to bring the court system into it?”
“He’s desperate, but I’m sure it won’t come to that,” Adira said. She was feeding Mateo a bottle and he greedily drank it down and she lifted the baby up over her shoulder to burp.
“Oh, I know it won’t because I’ve decided to leave and head back to London,” Lynette announced.
Adira looked up, startled. “Oh, Lynette, no! That will make things so much worse.”
“How exactly? I’m bloody well scared to even go outside knowing Lola is out there somewhere,” Lynette said in exasperation. “Remy is breathing down my neck trying to force his way back into my life regardless of how I feel and now he’s threatening court action. Bloody hell, I should be picking out colors for a baby room and wondering if the cherry wood baby furniture I picked out was the right choice. Not this!”
“I understand that, but you need someone to be with you, honey. It’s tough being alone and pregnant,” Adira said. “Remember when I first found out I was pregnant and thought Favian wouldn’t be in my life? I didn’t know how I would make ends meet.”
“Yes, but I have resources, you didn’t,” Lynette pointed out.
“What about…” Lynette watched tears form in her best friend’s eyes. “We were going to raise them together and they were going to be best friends like we are. I was going to be in the delivery room with you as your coach, find nannies together, and everything. Oh, sod it all! This whole mess has ruined our plans.”
“It will be fine, Adira. I won’t be gone forever, just until things works themselves out,” Lynette said. “Whatever happens, we will be in each other’s life and our babies will know each other. I just need some peace and quiet. I need to be able to breathe.”
Lynette sat next to Adira and wrapped her arms around her and the baby. Mateo thought it was a good time to burp and made a grab to be in Lynette’s arms with milk drool running down his chin.
“Oh, you little milky-breath sweet baby boy,” Lynette crooned. “I think I’m going to miss you most of all.”
“Will you go back to the flats?” Adira asked.
“No, I need some warmth and less traffic,” Lynette said. “I’m heading to the seaside. Remember that three-bedroom house in Salcombe that I bought last year? I started to think London life and the small flat were getting old, and I always wanted to live in a little beach town. Especially in the winter when the tourist season is over and the winds are cold. The fireplace will be lit to keep the house warm. I’ll make soup and fresh bread and cozy up in front of the fireplace to eat.”
“You don’t cook,” Adira reminded her.
“I plan to learn. I bought a ton of cookbooks and had them shipped there.” Lynette smiled. “That’s what I’m going to do, be pleasantly pregnant, have peace of mind, and learn to cook for the next few months.”
“Can I visit?” Adira teased.
“Always.” Lynette grinned and hugged her friend. “But you can’t tell Remy where I am. I hate making you keep a secret, but I need time.”
“You were my best friend long before Favian and Remy came into our lives. I’ll be a pillar of stone,” Adira announced. “Just let them try to get it out of me.”
“You bloody well rock. Do you know that?” Lynette said.
Adira sniffed. “Don’t try to console me. When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning. I fly into Heathrow and from there will take a train to Salcombe,” she answered. “My clothes and stuff are already packed and ready, and before you ask, I have a midwife appointment soon after I get there and I’m going with a natural water birth.”
Adira looked at her like she was crazy. “Woman, are you mad? Take the drugs!”
“Dr. Schiller said I’ll be perfectly fine. She is going to transfer my records to the midwife clinic,” Lynette explained. “They come to the house for every appointment, and I’ll have a doula to help me when the time comes. In fact, my doula is named Tessa and she will come every week so we can practice and get to know each other. I want to do this the natural way. My life was always so sterile when I was growing up. I want to embrace bringing my baby into the world this way.”
“Good on you, then, love,” Adira said amazed. “I could not do it, so you are officially my hero. Promise we’ll talk every day and when the time comes, if you want me there, I will be there.”
“I promise a hundred times over,” Lynette said without hesitation.
So it was set, and Lynette felt good about her choice. Maybe living on the seaside with the fresh air and the sand between her toes would stop the nightmares or at least dull them somewhat. Maybe she’d feel safe again and find that part of herself that the terror had taken away. She could focus on her baby and having a healthy pregnancy. With the way it was now, she couldn’t because the stress she was dealing with kept clawing at her throat, making it hard for her to breathe. It also didn’t help that the ache and longing for Remy was still there, strong as ever. And what made it worse was knowing that they were supposed to be sharing this experience together, not separately.
Chapter Seven
“Where is she?” Remy walked into Favian and Adira’s house and into the family room.
He was so angry that he could rip the door off its hinges. He’d called for Lynette and Adira told him that she wasn’t there. He thought she was out on errands but when she said that Lynette left the country, his knees felt weak and he saw his hopes dashed against the floor. She’d left and not given them a chance at all. The life they were going to share, seeing his child brought into the world, dissipated before his eyes.
“Well, hello to you too, Remy,” Favian said dryly.
“Cut the crap, Favian. You’re supposed to be my friend. Why did you let her leave?” Remy roared.
“Hold the phone. What did you want us to do? Hold her hostage until you got your act together?” Favian retorted. “You came over here every other day and she hid in the damn room like a hermit. How is that healthy? You didn’t give her a chance to breathe. You didn't give her a chance to give you a chance.”
Remy ran his hand through his short dark hair. “I don’t know, man, but at least she was here. How am I supposed to protect her if she’s gone?”
“You did a bloody good job of it till now, didn’t you?” Adira snapped. “From the first call you should have told her the truth.”
“I did. I told her about my past,” Remy snapped.
“You told her the condensed version. You never mentioned how vicious Lola could be. You failed to give her the information she needed to protect herself, so when Lola showed up she had no idea who she was or what to do. My friend was shot. She wakes up every night in a cold sweat, screaming and crying from nightmares. She’s bloody well pregnant, you sod. Anything can put her into complications, so, yes, she did what was best for her and her baby.”
“Please don’t preach to me. Just tell me where she is,” Remy pleaded.
“As if that is ever going to happen. Not you or Favian can make me tell you where she is. You’re selfish for tr
ying to keep her here and you’re selfish for wanting her to pretend that everything is okay. You fucking almost got my best friend killed and now she’s off being pregnant alone without any of us!” Adira slammed her hand against the table and stood. A very rare show of temper for her, so both Remy and Favian’s eyes widened. “I’m going upstairs, Favian, and as American’s like to say, fix your boy.”
Silence reigned for a few moments after she left and then Favian let out a breath. “When she gets pissed it’s like a hurricane blew through the room.”
“But she’s right, isn’t she? I screwed this up royally.” Remy sighed.
“Why didn’t you come to me in first place is what I wonder.” Favian walked over to the bar in the family room. He took two crystal glasses and filled both with brandy.
“Because you’re not here to fight my battles, for one, and the other, I thought Alex was being a blowhard. Who really knew he’d go home and tattle to mommy?” Remy said.
“We’re talking about the same gusano cobarde from the neighborhood when we were growing up, right?” Favian shook his head. “He was a pussy then and since Lola is the one with the big brass balls now, he’s probably ten times worse.”
“She came in with a gun and you could see in her eyes that she wasn’t bullshitting.” Remy slammed his hand down on the polished wood of the bar. “My only thought was getting her to focus on me and finding a way to get Lynette out of her line of fire.”
“It could’ve been much worse, Remy, but she was shot. And Adira is right, you haven’t seen the sheer terror on her face after those nightmares,” Favian pointed out. “She talks a good game and, hell, has that suit of armor she always wears, but this scared the crap out of her. She loves that baby and you put them in danger. She looks at you and she sees it all happening again.”
“Then there’s no hope for us,” Remy said brokenly. “I should’ve done more to comfort her and let her know she’s safe.”
“There’s always hope, but this would have been so much easier if she knew all the cards in play from the very beginning.” Favian took a gulp from his glass. “Now you’re working from scratch, and talking about court and custody didn’t help either.”