by Cat Johnson
“Nothing to worry about. The hot water was helping my shoulder.”
“Do you want me to rub it?”
Jace stifled a groan. That was the last thing he needed—Tara rubbing anything. “No. I’m good.”
He was picturing her hands on him. He was a sick man, but his cock got harder at the image. He couldn’t go out there. He’d have to deal with it. “Go watch television. I’ll be out in a minute to join you.”
“Okay.”
He waited until he heard the sounds of the TV, and then pulled the towel off, tossing it onto the vanity next to the sink. Once free, the erection with the mind of its own sprung up and bobbed, as if mocking him. “Dammit.”
Luckily the cheap hotel came with the usual tiny bottles of complimentary products, and hand cream was one of them. He flipped open the lid and coated himself. He closed his fist tight and set to stroking, hard and fast. He’d have to be quick and quiet or Tara would be pressed up against the door again asking if he was all right.
Jace latched on to his lower lip with his teeth to keep any sounds in and tried to concentrate, but the sounds of the hand cream and his fast strokes seemed to echo off the walls. His paranoia convinced him she would hear every pass he made up and down his length.
If he went back into the shower, she’d question why. He turned on the water in the sink to help cover the sounds and went back to work. Eyes squeezed shut, he pictured anything he could think of to finish. The models in the girly magazine he had under his bed at home. The last porn movie he’d watched years ago. He refused to think of Jacqueline, but he couldn’t stop the next vision that popped to mind—Tara, up against the wall gasping for breath as she came from his hand.
Desperate times called for desperate measures. As wrong as it seemed, Jace let the memory remain. He was concentrating so hard it was amazing he heard the door latch open, but he did, and when he opened his eyes it was to see Tara standing in the doorway watching him.
“Tara! What the f—” Jace grabbed for the towel with his left hand, but knocked it off the vanity and onto the floor. Reaching out to catch it, pain shot through him. “Ow! Dammit.”
“Be careful with your shoulder.”
Yeah, because his shoulder was his biggest issue at the moment. Jace pressed both hands over his nakedness. “Tara, please, please get out of here.”
“No.” She shook her head and moved a step farther into the room. Reaching for the sink, she turned off the water. “Let me do that.”
“Do what?”
“Take care of that.” There was no question what she meant when she reached for his hands and tried to pry them away.
“Hell, no.” Jace held firm.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I already told you why the other night. I’m not a child. I’m a woman and I want to experience everything a woman should.”
“And this is on your bucket list?” Jace kept talking to distract her for as long as he could. Short of physically throwing her out of the room and locking the door behind her, it was the only idea he could come up with. From now on, he was going to double check he’d locked the bathroom door.
This idea of hers to help him wouldn’t be an issue if the erection from hell would just go away. But dammit, it was as strong as ever and wasn’t going down. Damn thing seemed to like the idea of some attention from Tara.
“Yes, it is on my list. Among other things.” She ran a finger down his stomach.
His muscles jumped in reaction. His cock beneath his hands did, too.
“It’s no big deal, Jace. It’s like one person scratching another person’s back if they have an itch.”
“No, it’s not like that at all.”
“It could be. You obviously need it, Jace.”
“If I do need it, I can take care of it myself.”
“But wouldn’t it be easier for you if I did it instead?”
“No, it most definitely would not.” The entire situation with Tara had made his life harder, not easier. But her suggestion was also making his erection harder, and when she pulled his hands away, he let her.
Smiling, she gripped him in one hand.
The feel of her touch had him reaching for the vanity to brace himself.
“Tara, please.” The word don’t remained unspoken. When she touched him, he seemed unable to say the words to tell her to stop.
She tightened her grip and leaned close to his ear. “Shh.”
Her warm breath blew across his skin and sent a shudder through him. He was harder than ever. His balls drew tight as she made long, slow strokes up and down his length. He wouldn’t take long, and finishing might be the only conclusion that would satisfy her.
She watched his face with those eyes that had seemed too big for her face when she’d been a bratty pre-teen. Now, they were pools of desire that any man could fall into and drown.
Resolved, Jace drew in a shuddering breath. “Faster.”
Tara quickened the pace. That was all it took. A sound of pleasure he never meant to make escaped him. It was followed by another as he got closer. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to block out everything—his disappointment in himself, his own weakness, the knowledge that every encounter with Tara seemed to take them a bit farther into territory he shouldn’t be in.
Somehow none of those thoughts that careened unbidden into his brain affected his body’s pleasure. He was almost there when the feel of her hand was replaced by the warmth of her mouth.
Jace’s eyes flew open. The sight of Tara’s mouth closing over him had his stomach twisting with pure need and tore a groan from his throat.
His mind lost, his resolve long gone, Jace gripped Tara’s thick mane of hair with his right hand. He thrust maybe twice more between her lips before he came, throbbing as he shot all he had into her.
The moment it was over, the weight of his actions hit him full force. Horrified with himself, he used the hand that had just held her close to push her away. He popped free of her mouth, but he knew he’d never be free of the memory of having been there.
Tara blew out a short breath. “Next time I’d like to try it without the taste of the hand lotion, but still, that was . . .”
He didn’t know what word she was going to say, but he had the correct one. “Wrong. That’s what that was. And there won’t be a next time.”
His face burning with shame, Jace couldn’t look at her as he bent and picked up the towel off the floor where it had fallen pre-blowjob. He wrapped it around his waist again to hide his nakedness. Too little, too late. Still, he had to. Knowing Tara, she’d go for another round. He hoped she didn’t because apparently he was incapable of stopping her.
“Jace, there’s nothing wrong with what we just did.”
He couldn’t even begin to tell her all he was feeling about what they’d done. None of it good. He shook his head as words escaped him.
The knowledge that he couldn’t trust himself to do what he knew was right, to keep his hands off her, sickened him. He was a weak, broken man. He’d like to blame Jacqueline for his sorry state, but knew he couldn’t. It was his weakness that had him going back to his ex over and over. And it was that same weakness that had him doing this with Tara now.
“Tara, I can’t do this anymore.”
She raised one brow. “That’s what you said after last time.”
“No, I don’t just mean this.” He motioned between them, though they couldn’t do that anymore, either. “I mean we can’t keep traveling together. It’s not working. I’ll—hell, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
He’d have to think of something. Rent her a car. Give her money for hotels and go back to Stillwater himself. Something. Anything. The girl was too obstinate to listen, and he was too weak to resist, but he wouldn’t cut short her internship and ruin her chances at a degree because he couldn’t keep his hands off her.
“No! Jace, you can’t do that.” Her eyes flashed. He couldn’t tell whether with anger or unshed tears, p
ossibly both. “What’s wrong? Why are you angry with me?”
He’d upset her. What else could he do to hurt her? If he stuck around much longer, he’d be bound to find out.
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.” Jace softened his voice. He shook his head. “Hell of a friend I turned out to be. I betrayed Tuck. I took advantage of you.”
“Everything’s not about you, you know.” Tara frowned at him. “What about me and what I’m feeling?”
The image of his hand tangled in her hair as he thrust deep into her throat and came was like a blow to the gut. Jace let out a snort. “Yeah, I can just imagine what you’re feeling. You probably hate me even more now than you did before since I did this to you.”
“You’re an idiot.” Tara crossed her arms and glared at him with a look of pure hatred.
He didn’t blame her one bit. “Go on. Get it all out of your system. I deserve it. Every word. Every insult you can come up with, I deserve.”
Tara shook her head. “You’re so much of an idiot and so into your own damn self and your wallowing, you didn’t even notice I want—I need—what we do together.”
“Because you want to grow up and be a woman and learn about men.” He rolled his eyes. “I know. I’ve heard it all.”
“You are a stupid, stubborn fool but I like doing this with you and I want more, even if it is with you.” In typical Tara fashion, she finished with an insult.
The situation was so ridiculous, it was almost laughable. She and Jace had done nothing but insult each other since almost the day they’d met, yet now she wouldn’t keep her hands off him. Wanted him to be her sexual experiment. Her coming of age project.
“You are the most confusing, complicated, annoying doggone woman I’ve ever met.” Jace’s string of insults brought a smile to Tara’s lips. He shook his head. “That wasn’t meant to be a compliment, you know.”
“Don’t care. You called me a woman instead of a girl.” Her smile widened.
“If that’s all it takes to make you happy and if it will prevent this shit from happening again, then hell, I’ll call you woman from now on.”
“That’s not all it takes. Will you keep driving me? Can we continue to be traveling partners?”
He sighed. It wasn’t her fault he was a weak man. “Yeah. I gave you my word I’d drive you for the full three weeks. I won’t back out.”
“There’s one more thing that will keep me happy.” Her narrowed eyes told him what her words left unsaid.
Jace didn’t need her to say it outright. He might be stupid sometimes, but he knew enough about women to know what this one wanted from him. “No. Not gonna happen. Nothing more is going to happen between us.”
“Sure, it won’t.” Tara’s tone was drenched in sarcasm. The frustration made him want to rip his hair out. Worse, it made him want to shake her until she got some sense. That image led to the next one, him grabbing her and thrusting his tongue between her lips.
“All right, woman, get this through your head. We are never doing anything like what we just did ever again.”
“Uh-huh. Got it.” She nodded.
He couldn’t deal with any more. It was too much already between the pain in his shoulder from his wreck, and the rock in his gut from what he’d let happen. “It’s getting late. Get your ass to bed, Tara.”
Her eyes brightened. “Okay.”
“Your own bed.” Jace stressed that point.
They both needed some sleep, not that he believed he’d get any after what had just happened.
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m not tired yet. Thanks for your concern.”
Contrary as usual. He was beginning to believe she’d say the opposite of anything he said. Maybe he should have told her to blow him. That way she would have gotten that look he knew so well—the look that said don’t tell me what to do—and refused.
“Can you and I please get back to normal? Can we be the way we used to be before this road trip confused everything?” At this point, Jace wasn’t opposed to begging.
“Don’t worry about that. We’re exactly the way we used to be. I still think you’re an idiot and you think I’m annoying. Status quo.” She shrugged.
He noticed she didn’t say they’d go back to acting as if they hadn’t had their hands all over each other and didn’t both have the image of seeing the other come seared into their brain.
“This brings up an idea I’ve been thinking about.”
Jace was afraid to ask, but he did anyway. “What’s that?”
“Since there’s no love lost between you and me, and we’re comfortable with our hate-hate relationship, I think we’re in the perfect position to take advantage of a risk free situation.”
“You’re confusing me again.” He had a feeling he was better off not knowing what she was suggesting.
Tara let out a snort. “No surprise there, but I’ll explain. You and I, it’s the perfect friends with benefits situation.”
Jace’s eyes widened. “Friends with benefits, huh? Do you know exactly what that term means?”
“Of course I do, you dickhead. I’m not an idiot. It means our relationship will stay exactly as it was, but we have sex.”
Oh, hell no. There was no way that was happening. “One problem with that, Tara. We’re not friends, remember? Your words.”
“We’re not. We’re more. Traveling partners, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. And stop using my own words against me.”
“You use my words against me. Besides, you shouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. Did you? Are travel partners closer than friends or not?”
He let out a sigh. “I meant it and they are.”
“Anyway, what I’m saying is, it’s safe. I get the experience with men I want, without the supposed risk of going out with the other riders since you’re so dead set against me being with one of them. It’s all of the fun with none of the risk of falling for the guy. There’s no way I’m falling in love, so I can’t get hurt, because let’s face it, it’s you.”
That hurt more than it should. Jace scowled. “Thanks.”
She ignored him and kept going, “And you get to have some fun, uncomplicated sex.”
Only a woman who’d never had sex would think that they could be intimate at night, and not have it change things between them during the day. Tara was no buckle bunny. It wouldn’t be some post-competition one-night stand before Jace left town and never saw the girl again.
“Uncomplicated sex? Yeah, right.” The thought had him snorting out a laugh.
“And maybe,” Tara barreled right over his comment, “if you go home satisfied and have been with someone other than your ex, it will be easier to resist falling back into Jacqueline’s bed. See? It’s a win-win for both of us.”
That part made sense to Jace, which was frightening in itself. Tara might be dead-on that the reason he kept falling into Jacqueline’s bed was because he hadn’t been with anyone else. Or perhaps he had just lost his mind. Either way, there was a small part of his brain—the part that listened to his cock—that was seriously thinking that doing this shit with Tara could be a good idea.
Jace scrubbed a hand over his face. “Crap.”
He hadn’t meant the cuss to slip out, but it had, and his response had a devilish smile lighting Tara’s face.
“You’re considering it, aren’t you?”
“No.” The appalling truth was yes, he was considering it and he shouldn’t be. It proved how warped he was in the head thanks to his messed up relationship with his ex-girlfriend.
His brain spun with more thoughts than a man should have in his head, particularly right after what should have been a damn nice and relaxing act with a woman. But there was nothing normal about what he’d done, so he decided to get while the getting was good.
“I’m going to sleep.” Jace turned toward the door and strode to his duffel bag in the bedroom.
He dropped his towel without worrying whether Tara was in the room. Rea
lly, why bother? She’d had her hands all over his cock. He’d come in her mouth. What did it matter if she saw his naked ass now?
Jace pulled on his shorts and headed for his bed. He rolled on his side to face the wall, but lay braced for anything. Knowing Tara and her new obsession with becoming an experienced woman, he wouldn’t put it past her to drop trou and crawl into bed with him. If she did, then he’d pick her up and toss her right back in her own bed.
Yeah, right. Just like the promise he’d made to himself to never kiss her again. He’d stuck to that, all right. He hadn’t kissed her. Her mouth had been too busy for kissing while he’d done so much worse to her.
Jace remained tense as he listened to Tara brush her teeth in the bathroom, and he cringed one more time at the memory of being in her mouth. He heard her pad barefoot across the carpet to her own bed. The television and the light both went off. Still he waited. It wasn’t until a good quarter of an hour had passed and he heard her slow steady breaths that he let himself relax.
It might be over for tonight, but he knew tomorrow was another day.
Chapter Fifteen
Jace had been riding some sort of stock since he could walk. First, sheep as a five-year-old. After that he’d moved on to horses, and then, in his teen years, bulls. He thanked the good Lord for those years of experience. The motions he needed to prepare for his ride on the second night of competition in Norman were so ingrained in him, he didn’t need his brain to be involved. That was a good thing because his mind was elsewhere. It definitely was not on his bull rope.
“So, you, uh, wanna talk about it?” Dillon’s question brought Jace out of his head and back to behind the chutes where it belonged.
Jace glanced over at his friend standing next to him prepping for his own ride. “Talk about what?”
“About what’s up with you today.” Dillon pointedly eyed the quick, almost violent movement of Jace’s gloved hand.
All right, maybe he was using a bit too much enthusiasm working the resin into his bull rope. He released his death-grip and took a step back from the rail where he’d tied the rope. “Nothing’s up.”