I try one of the spring rolls, dipping it in the sauce, and it’s yummy too. And before I realize it, I’m gorging myself. And it occurs to me that despite all the heavy conversation, Adam’s right, I am having a good time, which is what exactly what I want to do. This is my favorite kind of restaurant, one that serves delicious Asian treats, and he’s the perfect companion, gorgeous and fascinating. And maybe it will be worth it, all this scary drama I don’t want to think about.
And silently, I feel a pang of remorse for my old life of mailrooms and wondering what to cook for dinner. Because I have a feeling I will never return to it again, now that I’ve become entangled with vampires and their reincarnated enemies. Now that I’ve found the lover who may have been searching for me throughout time.
We finish eating fairly soon. I can’t really devour as much as I usually would, my mind is too full of questions. And, of course, Adam doesn’t really need to eat at all, at least not this type of food. So I don’t feel too bad broaching the subject of leaving.
“Not to sound ungrateful, but … do you think we could just get out of here?”
“I think that’s a brilliant idea.”
He pays the bill, and within minutes, we find ourselves walking along the streets of New York. It’s another one of my favorite things to do aside from lurking on rooftops, to simply stroll about the city, especially at night with a hot guy. And Adam is great company. I have to admit, I’m a bit of a chicken at heart. When I walk at night, I always feel like something is going to jump out at me from somewhere. But Adam can more than defend me against any monsters we might face, especially the new ones I’ve discovered that are lurking about in the world. In fact, he’s probably the only one I know who can.
Unless you count my latent, so-called assassin’s skills.
He watches me intently, and I find it hard to believe he can’t detect the thoughts that are spinning around in my mind.
“Just think, before tonight your biggest concern was whether or not you should be dating a vampire. And now you’re wondering if you’re some kind of immortal ninja.”
“I’m not sure which blows my mind more,” I say. “But if you don’t mind, I have a few more questions to ask.”
“Go ahead. Although I probably shouldn’t be telling you anything, since you’re the enemy, and all,” Adam says, smiling playfully. “But there’s really nothing about vampires I can tell you that you won’t remember soon enough, from your time as Saga.”
“Okay, that really freaks me out even more,” I say. “But you told me something about the way vampires can control you. Through the bite.”
He stops for a moment, and luckily, we’re on a part of the street that isn’t crowded, so we can have a moment of privacy. Adam puts his hands on my shoulders, and stares at me with great seriousness. But when he’s touching me, I find it difficult to focus on his words.
“It’s a venom, Meri. Our fangs are like those of a snake. But it has several effects. It numbs our victims, relaxes them, so we can finish them off, or at least drink against their will, if need be. Though it doesn’t poison them.”
“But is that what you mean by control?”
“No, it’s not. The venom has a secondary effect. It does more than just numb them, it gives the victim a feeling of great physical pleasure. Some would even call it an erotic sensation. And it’s an extremely addictive one, like a drug. Once you’ve tasted it, you’ll do anything to have it again.”
“So basically, your victims get off on being killed?”
“Exactly. That’s why they let us do it, and why they keep coming back if we don’t finish them off,” he says. “They die feeling an incredible sense of joy. Or live a life under the thrall of their vampire master, begging to please him or her for a chance at another bite. Though in many cases, the older vampires can lessen the amount of venom they inject, to make the effects less severe. That is, if they don’t feel like having some zombie servant following them around.”
“Lessen it how?”
“By biting something else. Their own body, or a nice thick steak. Another person.”
A chill runs down my spine.
“That sounds absolutely horrible,” I say.
I’m stunned, and I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. And yet, at the same time, I can’t help but to feel a certain degree of fascination. What would it be like to experience that kind of pleasure at the hands of someone absolutely gorgeous? And I wonder what the street value of this venom would be, if someone could figure out a way to synthesize it into a drug. The junkies of New York would go crazy. It might cause a global epidemic.
“Now do you see why they think we’re monsters? Why they want to destroy us? We’re parasites. And some vampires feel a sense of entitlement. They believe they’re giving a great gift by allowing a person to die in such happiness.”
“I don’t know, Adam. You just don’t seem like a monster to me.”
“Not yet, anyway,” he says.
And I stop again, to consider his words. I wonder how much of the monster there is to him, lurking under that beautiful facade. What kind of horrible things he’s done. But no matter what happens, whether he bites me or not, I know I will always be able to see the good within him.
“So if you’re attracted to me, why is it you don’t want to bite me? To control me?”
“It gets boring, controlling people. The whole thing is like a vestigial appendage. We don’t need it to survive anymore, to get our blood. And I’ve been looking for you for decades … centuries. I don’t want to play games with you. I suppose, after all of this time searching, I want to know that these feelings are real, and not just something I’ve created in my mind.”
And it’s amazing to me, how Adam can go from scaring me in one moment, to touching me so deeply. It kills me, it absolutely slays me to think of this poor man, this so-called monster searching so long for the woman he loves. Searching for me.
“You know, even though I’ve only just started to remember, I feel like I’ve been searching for you too, in a way,” I say. “I haven’t really been with a lot of men. I mean, I’m not a virgin, of course, but …”
And I laugh nervously, uncomfortable with my own over-sharing.
“It’s okay, I’m not a virgin, either,” he says, smiling.
“It’s just that, I talk a good game, but I never really go out with anyone. I always find reasons to fault the guys who hit on me. I feel like I’ve been looking for someone in particular all this time. I feel like I’ve been looking for you,” I say. “I really am Saga, aren’t I?”
“Yes, I think that you are,” Adam says.
I realize we’ve been walking again, and I look up, and see that we’ve wound up close to my place. I spot my local Starbucks just in the distance.
And a few blocks away, the Omnicom building juts up into the night sky.
“I didn’t realize we’d walked so far. We forgot about your car.”
“That’s all right, I can have someone get it tomorrow.”
And I nod my head toward my apartment.
“Do you want to come upstairs?”
“Well, only if you insist,” he says, with a smile.
We enter my apartment, and Adam sits with me on the sofa, which feels naughty, like we’re going to grovel, which is not exactly an unappealing concept. It’s been the scene of a few make-out sessions before, though I’m a million times more attracted to Adam than the few other guys I’ve wasted my time with.
And now that I’m sitting right next to him, I can get a closer look at his eyes, which are the most unusual shade of green I’ve ever seen. They’re so dark, with little flecks of brown and gold, which I find absolutely mesmerizing, the way I think his bite must feel. For some reason, they remind me of the sweet side I see in him, hidden beneath the dark and dangerous nature.
I want to reach out and touch his face again, but I know I won’t be able to control myself if I do.
“I want to try something. I want you to
close your eyes,” Adam says.
“Why? What are we doing?”
“Think of it as a guided meditation. And through it, I’m going to connect our minds. It will make it easier for me to sense you, to feel what you’re feeling. And with time, we might be able to communicate, if necessary.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t control me?”
“I can’t!” he says, with a playful exasperation. “I said I was going to connect our minds, not control yours. I have just as much of a chance of controlling you as you would have to control me.”
“Hmmm … having you under my control sounds intriguing. I can see how that power could be addictive,” I say.
“We don’t have to do this, if you’re not interested. I’d be just as happy if we sat here and necked, so to speak,” he says with a wicked smile.
“No, no. Let’s try.”
I force a smile, and close my eyes. If I’m going to understand my Luminos nature, I’ll have to go down any path he wants me to take. It scares me, what he’s planning on doing, but I have to force myself to trust him.
No, I do trust Adam.
“Now imagine a tunnel in your mind. A tunnel of white light,” he says, softly.
I struggle to picture it for a moment, but I can’t. All I can see is blackness, and static energy racing back and forth across my mind. It’s the same thing I see when I meditate, in yoga or at night, when I want to fall asleep. And at times it gets so intense that when I open my eyes, the energy will still be there in my room. At times, I can even feel it. But tonight, there’s nothing within it, certainly not a tunnel.
I open my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m not picking up on anything.”
“Come on. You’re not even trying,” Adam says. “It’s not that there’s nothing there, it’s that you’re not letting yourself see it.”
It feels silly, like something from a bad self-help seminar, or a cheesy Metaphysics class. And certainly not what I thought I would be doing with an ancient vampire. But I need to give it another chance, if I want to unravel the mysteries of my life. And I close my eyes once more.
I focus on my breathing and give it a serious try for several minutes. And just when I’m about to give up, I finally think that I can see something. It’s vague at first, like a tiny dot in the center of my mind that slowly morphs into a circle. And after a few moments more, it becomes something else, a pipe with ridges that look like the sides of a forbidden storm drain I used to play in as a child. It freaks me out, but I feel like I can see a light coming from the other end, though I can’t quite see what’s there. The curve of the pipe somehow blocks my view, and even though my eyes are closed, I find myself straining my neck, as if I will see the far side if I lean over just a bit.
And finally, I catch a glimpse of something; a field with green grass.
I feel something too, the energy of this place reaching out to me, prickling at my skin. And I can sense it pulling at me, drawing me forward. But I’m afraid to let myself go, to let it take me.
“Do you see the tunnel?” Adam asks. “Do you see something on the other side?”
“It’s a grove. And there are little dots.”
“Flowers.”
“Yeah, maybe. Some flowers in the grass.”
“I want you to concentrate on the flowers. Focus just on them. Pick a certain one if you can.”
He’s right, I do think I can see one that stands out in particular. It’s purple, and it glows more brightly than the other specks around it. And as soon as I focus my intention on it, the energy around me seems to heighten, its pull on me seems to increase.
I tell myself not to resist it, to just let it take me wherever it wants me to go. It’s the only way I can move on.
And the second I make the conscious decision not to resist, in that instant, I’m shocked to find myself hurtling down the tunnel. And for a brief moment, I have an awareness of its sides, which are nothing like a pipe. They’re made up of a radiant white light.
And it’s the strangest thing, I suddenly find myself standing in the grass field, and Adam is nowhere to be found. I can’t even hear his voice.
I’m in a whole different world.
This place feels like Earth, but it isn’t. The energy that makes up its essence feels sticky, so thick that it seems to hang in the air. And I can feel the grass on the hill between my toes. I realize that I had kicked off my shoes back in my living room, and I’m wishing now that I had kept them on, though this wouldn’t be the place for high heels.
I look down at myself, and find that I’m wearing a white dress made of a material that’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It’s gauzy and luminescent, and as I twirl about, the skirt floats around me in an ethereal way. The dress is low-cut and the hem falls just below my knees, and I realize that I’ve seen it before. And it suddenly hits me.
It’s my dress from the real world. I have on some magical version of the purple dress I had bought for Trevor.
I start to panic. I don’t like being here, this place isn’t natural, and Adam is nowhere to be found. But then I look down and notice my friend, the purple flower, sprouted among the perfectly manicured blades of green grass. And the little bud helps to calm me. It has five petals, round ones, that look like circular discs. And each one has little dots at the center, of yellow and black. It’s sickeningly adorable, like an exaggerated version of a real flower, like something that would sprout in a Japanese cartoon. Yet it’s absolutely beautiful at the same time.
And there are more of them. There’s a path in the grass, and little purple and yellow buds line it. And more flowers dot the sloping hill I’m standing on; red, orange, green and blue ones. To the left, there’s a forest, where the path seems to come from, and to the right it leads up to the top of the hill. There’s something at its apex, some kind of structure, but I can’t quite see it from where I am. But somehow, I know this is the place where I need to go, I know I’ll find Adam there. And my need to be with him suddenly grows greatly.
I start to walk up the path. I’m hesitant at first, thinking there might be rocks or gravel that will hurt my bare feet. But instead, the path feels like it’s made of fine sand or powder. I reach down and touch it, and the dust feels like it’s the consistency of something I would find at the MAC counter to brush on my face, yet it doesn’t stick to my hands or feet.
The physics of this world seem off. I feel like I could fly if I really concentrate, but I don’t want to try that right now. I have to find Adam. I rush up the path, and as I get closer to the top, I can see a quaint little cottage resting at the pinnacle, with smoke coming out of the chimney. As I approach the door, I see Adam standing there, waiting for me, and it’s such a relief.
His clothes are different, they’re not mirror images of what he’s wearing in the real world, like my dress. He wears a crisp white shirt, long-sleeved, and white slacks that are nothing like the jeans he wore to the restaurant. His hair is slicked back, like a character from the Great Gatsby. And his smile is almost as bright as the delicious, warm light that’s shining down on us from … somewhere.
Adam is standing in the sunlight … if that’s what it is in this place. And I wonder if this means that vampires can walk during the day. It’s another question I need to ask him, but now hardly seems like the right time.
“You’ve made it,” he says, smiling.
“Where are we, Adam?”
“It’s a world our two minds have created. You can think of this place, try to visualize it or send your mind here at any time, and I’ll know you’re trying to reach me. And even if I can’t contact you mentally, I’ll find a way to get to you.”
“But, where does it exist? In our brains?”
“Technically, it’s in a place called the Astral Plane. Think of it as a world between worlds.”
I look around us, and it’s all so beautiful. The forest below seems just a bit scary, like there could be monsters dwelling in it the further you go,
but it’s still lush and green and lovely. And there’s a valley that extends off behind the hill, as far as the eye can see, and I wonder what lurks within it. The cottage itself is adorable, charming and without pretense, with its pristine white walls and intricate woodwork around the windows.
“Are you seeing what I’m seeing? The little flowers on the hill? The white house?”
“I am. Our subconscious minds are coming together to create all this. But with time, you can learn to shape and mold it to your will. It’s why I’m wearing different clothes, but yours are similar to what you had on, because you think that’s what you should be wearing. Come on, let’s go inside.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder, but I stop, as something catches my eye. I look back, over the chasm that seems to loom larger than the Grand Canyon. And behind it, there’s a strange sight, an odd occurrence that’s happening in the clouds.
The billowy puffs that float over the expansive valley begin to open and separate, forming a kind of doorway or portal. And I can see into another place that seems to float in the clouds.
There’s a golden light emanating from within this new world, and for a moment, I’m convinced that this place is the source of the sunlight that’s shining down around us. And through the portal, I can see a gentle, rolling hill that reminds me of the one I’m standing on. But there’s no cottage in this place. Instead, I can see what looks like a city in the distance, protected by a huge, ominous wall.
And even though this new world seems far away, I can see its contents in great detail, the way I would if it was much closer. I’m absolutely mesmerized by it, even more than with the strange reality I’m in with Adam. And I begin to realize there’s something moving within it.
The gates surrounding the city open, and two dots come bouncing toward us, ones that look like the specks that helped draw me into this world. But these aren’t flowers. As they begin to grow larger, I realize they’re young girls.
They wear very light pastel dresses that are almost white, but if I had to assign them a color, I would say one is purple and the other is blue. And the girls have long hair; one girl has straight blonde locks, and the other has brown pigtails. I can’t take my eyes off them, and I begin to realize that they’re staring back at me. It scares me that they seem to know I’m here, and it becomes even more frightening when I realize they’re saying something that’s intended for my ears. Their voices float toward me, as though carried by the wind.
The Meridian Gamble Page 9