“That’s true. Or the memories were simply put in your brain,” he says. “Tell me something, you and Adam have found a way to connect your minds, haven’t you?”
I hesitate. I don’t want to tell him about the Astral Plane, or the special place within it that Adam has created for me, where our minds can meet. But before I can think of something to say, Roland laughs in my face.
“You don’t even have to tell me. It’s all so deliciously obvious.”
“Could … could he really do that?”
He moves closer, like a tiger, stalking its prey. And I’m like the little lamb that stands there, defenseless. Roland reaches out and touches my face, playing with me. And I let him, feeling the familiar warmth of his hand. And I just know that I’ve felt it before.
“Of course he could. Any of us could alter your mind, once you let us in. And he could even strengthen your defenses from inside, making it harder for the rest of us to pierce your psyche.”
“But if he could pierce it so could you. Couldn’t I just find a way to open my mind to you?”
“And I would spend forever trying to pick through the illusions, the ones that will seem just as real to me. For all I know, he has more skill than I could ever have imagined. He’s certainly had practice enough.”
I shake my head, trying to brush off my confusion. Could it be true? Could Adam have implanted these thoughts in my brain, made me think I was part of the Luminos? It all makes sense in a way, why I was so different from the rest of them, why it took so long for me to remember the past. Because it was all a lie. Perhaps Adam attacked my mind in one fell swoop, under the guise of a dream.
But, no. It can’t be. I struggle to think of something to prove to the both of us who I really am, the people I once was.
“You’re wrong. If I’m not Caroline, than why would the Luminos have contacted me and said I’m one of their own?”
“Actors he’s hired? He could have even had Marion arrange it, with the excuse of testing you. You would have known the truth, if you had gone with them.”
“No,” I say, angrily. “I’ve seen them, one of them anyway. On the streets of New York. I’ve seen the glow around them.”
“You think you have.”
“I know I have,” I say. “But you’re forgetting something else. I still have you.”
Roland steps back from me and cocks his head to the side, seeming just a bit confused.
“You know I’m her,” I say to him. “You already have feelings for me. I can tell. I can see it in your face.”
And for a moment, he can’t look at me. Roland turns away, and there’s a sadness to his eyes.
“You are definitely the best decoy that he’s found,” Roland says. “But I’m still not completely convinced, and there is far too much at stake.”
“But there must be something,” I say, full of frustration. “Something I can do to prove myself …”
“There is.”
And he opens his mouth, and pops out his fangs. And I gasp.
“You’re going to consume me?”
“I’m going to drink of you, until I can feel your essence,” he says. “I am going to take you to the point of death, just before I would absorb you forever, just enough to taste who you really are. There is no stronger bond than the blood.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I say. “Roland, please, don’t do this.”
But he pulls me close to him, and I struggle to get away from the powerful grip that’s impossible to break. And he whispers in my ear.
“Adam is not the only one who can plan. I’ve been practicing this, on the Luminos, on fools who’s mediocrity it disgusted me to taste. I’ve been doing it for decades just for you, to learn to stop myself before I do any permanent damage. I have it down to an art form.”
“Marion will know. If you don’t kill me, she’ll know something is wrong,” I say, in desperation.
“No, she’ll only think I didn’t want to absorb you.”
“Because I’m a disgusting cow you didn’t want to carry around?” I say. “How romantic.”
“When you wake from this, if you are Saga, that is what you must tell her. You must not give her any reason to suspect.”
He begins to move toward my neck, but somehow, I push him back.
“Stop,” I say. “If you’re not a monster, at least give me this.”
I hold up my hand, and Roland relents. He eases his grasp, granting me the small courtesy of a moment.
I step back, and take off Adam’s sweater, throwing it aside. I put my hands to the collar of my V-neck T-shirt and rip it, widening the gap. I pull it down, exposing more of my neck, and Roland gasps.
“Go ahead, if this is what you need to do. I can’t stop you,” I say. “But know one thing. You’re going to regret this, Roland, more than any of your past sins. Because I will never forgive you. And I will never forget that you didn’t believe me.”
“If you are truly Saga, you’ll understand. Because this is more important than just you and I. You matter too much for me to take any risks.”
I’m important, though I still don’t understand why. And before I can ask him, Roland lunges at me and plunges his teeth into my neck. It’s too fast for me to react, even when I know its coming.
It hurts, and not in a sexy way. It feels like someone is driving two nails into my flesh, the most incompetent carpenter in the world. But then, the sensation changes. My body relaxes, and it feels like liquid gold is coursing through my veins. Every touch of his body is electric, the slightest brush of his legs against mine gives me intense pleasure. And I remember why the bite is so addictive. I remember the feeling from Caroline’s life, only it’s a thousand times more pleasurable when I experience it for real, in the here and now.
And it doesn’t feel like he’s biting me. It feels like we’re making love.
Roland lowers me to the floor, and I try to collect myself, I try to remember that there’s venom in the blood, that it’s an illusion. And it’s so hard, all I want is to be with him in this way. But I try to think of Adam. I try to push Roland off of me, because I want to live, I don’t want to have to come back and find Adam again. But Roland is too strong, he’s lying on top of me, pinning me down, making sounds like he’s gorging himself on the fluids that come from my body. And the erotic sensation of his warmth and his strong arms around me is too much to bear.
It’s useless. I give in to him. And when I do, I feel something else, a connection. In my mind, the reality around me melts away, in a slightly different manner than it does in my Luminos visions. I’m transported to the garden behind Caroline’s home. It’s a beautiful day, but not just any one, it’s the day when we first officially met, the sweet moment my parents set up so that I could get to know my future husband. We sit under the gazebo, and I pour tea for Roland. And in that instant, I know in my heart that I’ve found someone to love. And I can almost feel Roland, this Roland, that he’s there with me.
But I’m a fool, my trust in him was misplaced, because he’s draining my life away. As quickly as the vision appears, it goes away, and I’m thrown back into our reality. And over his shoulder, for a brief moment, I can see a tunnel of light. I can feel all of my life and experiences being drawn from me.
Suddenly, Roland pulls his fangs out with a gasp of horror. And it’s disgusting, his mouth is full of my blood, which drips onto my face. And I can see in his eyes that he realizes exactly what he has done.
“Oh my God …”
“I told you I was Saga,” I say. “I …”
But I’m too weak to finish.
And I begin to think that maybe Roland is the fool, to have overestimated his skill. Because it feels like he’s killed me, as my head rolls back into darkness.
Chapter Eleven: The Decision
“Bite me,” I beg.
I’ve always been aloof with men, but something has changed in me of late. I’ve certainly never pleaded in this way, demeaned myself for attention, though it
all seems worth it now. And I just can’t stop myself.
“I won’t. It’s wrong,” he says.
“You need to eat, and I have plenty of blood to give. Take a little. You don’t have to kill me this time. I just want to feel it once more …”
“What I did, I did out of necessity. I won’t manipulate you in that way again.”
“You’re not manipulating me if I’m already in love with you. In fact, nothing you do could possibly make me love you more than I already do.”
But I can see it in his face that he still hesitates. And suddenly, my need becomes more than just a desire. An anger rises up within me, that Roland has the gall to refuse me.
“It’s your fault that I want this!” I’m practically screaming, but I can’t rein in the drama. “It’s your fault that I feel this desire. The least you could do is give me one more taste.”
He sits across from me, just inches away, looking as handsome as ever, beautiful even. He’s wearing a white shirt and pants, and it’s hard to keep myself from touching him. I long to erase the distance between us, to feel his lips against my skin. But not just his lips. I want to enjoy the sensation of his fangs piercing my flesh, and the pleasure they’ll send coursing through my body, as his venom transforms me, reducing me to my essence, a single nerve of erotic energy that’s his to play like the string of a guitar.
Maybe because he denies me, my mind is able to pull itself away from Roland for a few moments, and I slowly become aware of the room that surrounds us, his chamber in ancient Egypt. But it doesn’t make sense, because he’s dressed in modern clothing, not the garb of that time. But the scene quickly shifts, and we’re suddenly outside, surrounded by green. We’re resting on an expanse of grass that’s maybe in Central Park, or my parents’ home in London. And his good looks are even more impressive in the sunlight.
The natural setting makes me think back to another place that I once shared, a cottage on a hill, perhaps. It all seems so familiar, like a word on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t quite remember it. And I don’t care, because I’m here with my one true love, and that’s all that matters.
“So does this mean that you’ve forgiven me for what I’ve done?”
“It means I’ll consider it,” I say, as my mouth curves into a playful grin. And a delicious bargain comes to mind. “If you give me what I want.”
And Roland smiles.
“All right. But, only this once.”
He doesn’t bite me, though. He kisses me. Roland brushes my hair aside, and runs his lips along my neck, as low groans rise from within me. And I know he wants to do it, despite his protestations. I know he wants to drink my blood. His tongue gently touches my skin, licking me right where he would bury his fangs. And I remember it now. It’s the same way my old boyfriend Adam kissed me when he first showed up on the roof of my apartment building, so long ago.
But Adam isn’t my old boyfriend, he’s my Adam, the one I truly love, in the now. And the realization comes too late, as I feel the shock of Roland’s teeth piercing my skin, and I scream out in pain.
The dream startles me, rousing me from my slumber. But I wake slowly, and thankfully, I don’t cry out in the real world. Or at least I don’t think I do. And I look around through tiny slits that are filled with blurry tears, wondering what strange new place I’ve found myself in.
It’s a hospital room, or at least something that looks like one. The furniture and walls are all white, and there’s an I.V. drip feeding into my arm. They’ve even got a little TV clamped to the wall, near the ceiling. And Adam and Marion are at the foot of the bed, arguing over me. I realize it must be some sort of recovery room in the vampire tower.
I close my eyes, hoping they haven’t noticed I’m awake. I’m still confused over what’s happened, and by my erotic dreams about Roland. I need a few moments to gather my thoughts, so I try to listen in on what they’re saying.
“He tried to kill her.”
“But he didn’t. In fact, he was the one who saved her.”
“There should be consequences.”
“Roland will be banished from this house for a very long time.”
“Roland wants nothing to do with this house. That’s hardly a punishment.”
“And what would you have me do? Meridian is not your Chosen One. Not in the true sense of the words.”
“She should be. She would be, if my ban was lifted. This should settle the score.”
“Unfortunately, it settles nothing. You broke one of our most sacred laws, and it will take more than this to correct it.”
“It will take you to correct it. You are our leader, Marion. You can pardon me.”
“No, I cannot. I cannot ignore the rules. If there are no rules, then there are no consequences, and everything will be chaos.”
“Then maybe chaos would be a better place to live.”
I get a bit nervous, as their discussion becomes more heated, and wonder if they’re going to attack each other. But they stop talking, and after a few moments, I can almost feel the sensation of eyes resting on me.
How stupid. I should have known they would see past my ruse. If there’s one thing the vampires must be good at by now, it’s sensing the condition of their prey.
Slowly, I allow my lids to flutter open, so I can see them again.
Marion walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, resting her hand on mine. She’s wearing another great suit, beige with black piping, and she looks like she just came from a business meeting. It’s touching that she would take time out of her busy schedule to check in on me, and suddenly, I remember my friend from the past once more, and I’m overcome by emotion. I’m about to cry, probably because of my weakened state.
Adam is standing next to her, looking at me with concern, and perhaps a bit more. I immediately wonder if he knows how Roland’s bite has affected me, which he must. He’s a vampire, after all. I wonder if he’s jealous, and I’m afraid to think about Roland at all, for fear that he will read it on my face.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Meri,” Marion says.
And I suddenly realize how I can overcome this desire that Roland has put in me. I can conquer it the same way that Caroline did, through anger over what he’s done.
“So much for being safe in this place,” I tell Marion, sarcastically.
Her lip trembles just a bit, and she looks away, upset. I’m sure it annoys her to have a chink in her armor, to have been made a liar in her own kingdom. Or who knows, maybe she really does care about me.
“Are you at least feeling better?”
“Well, I’m not dead. I guess I feel better than that.”
“You know, you’re lucky for this to have happened here, where we have plenty of blood on hand to replenish you,” Marion says. “It made all the difference in the world.”
Marion’s trying to seem upbeat, and I’m sure my being saved by the vampire technicians seems like a good thing to someone who views humans as nothing more than cattle to be milked, but her words sound ghoulish to my ears. And I know on a gut level that it was all part of Roland’s plan, why he felt so safe draining me in the tower.
I turn my head just a bit, and feel a horrible pain in my neck where he ripped it apart. And I quickly rethink the idea of trying to move my head. But I also realize that Marion is still sitting at the edge of the bed, expectantly. And she’s not going to leave until she gets something more.
“Meridian, Roland didn’t kill you. Do you know why?”
“You’d have to ask Roland that,” I shoot back.
“And I will, when he resurfaces,” she says, patiently. “But he’s … fallen off the radar, I believe is how you say it. So for now, I’m asking you.”
“She’s tired, Marion. Let her rest.”
But Roland did do me one favor, from amidst his torture. He told me what to say, and I realize it might be better for me to do it now, while I’m weak. Maybe I’ll sound more convincing to Marion in this condition.
�
�He called me a cow,” I say, sounding wounded. “He said I was an animal, and that he didn’t want my essence lingering around him forever.”
Marion turns to Adam, and exchanges a glance. I’m not sure if they’re communicating telepathically, but I’m certain she understands the significance of what I’m saying.
And a tear comes to my eye.
I’m not one to sob, and I’m surprised by my sudden acting ability. I look away, as if I’m upset with the insult, but I realize that it does hurt me on some level, what Roland has done. It feels like a betrayal, from the man who loved me in a past life. And it’s all so confusing, that he’s mixed it up with the lust his venom has filled me with.
“He’s an animal. Roland should be put down,” Adam hisses, enraged.
“Do not say these things, Adam. They upset me,” Marion says. “Roland is very smart. He has only drank of her, nothing more. And though it was cruel, he hasn’t actually committed a sin.”
“She’s right, Adam,” I say, full of mock desperation. “He got what he wanted, and I don’t think he’ll do it again. Let it go, so maybe we can be happy now.”
Adam says nothing, and glowers, still seeming enraged. It’s believable, I’m sure because he’s more than just a bit angry. But I’m also surprised, because I suspect that he knows exactly what Roland was trying to do. On some level, I feel like Adam knew this would happen. And it makes me angry, to think that he might have gone along with a scheme that brought me to the brink of death.
But I wonder what his endgame is, and how many moves he’s thinking ahead. I wonder if maybe he isn’t worried about Roland’s bite and the effect it has on me, because he knows the hold will be broken when he turns me into a vampire some day.
“I’m going to leave you to get your rest,” Marion says, standing up. “Let me know if there’s anything you need, at all.”
“Thank you, Marion.”
She leaves, and Adam moves closer, sitting at the edge of the bed where she was. And if I’m annoyed with him, it all goes away, seeing the pain in his eyes over my bedridden state.
The Meridian Gamble Page 39