by Wilder, L.
When I turned to reply, I found her standing right behind me. She looked so fucking cute in her oversized Def Leopard t-shirt and ripped jeans. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, and for the first time, I noticed that she had tiny freckles on the bridge of her nose. I had to fight the urge to reach for her. “Not a problem.”
Standing close to her was fucking with my head, so I quickly turned and headed to the back of the store. After I’d grabbed a book, I sat down on the sofa and started reading. I could hear her up front sorting through the boxes, and something about knowing that she was preoccupied helped me to relax. By the time I finished my coffee, I was feeling recharged and ready to face the long day ahead. I was just about to put my book away when I heard a loud bang. It wasn’t until that moment when I realized I hadn’t heard Alex in several minutes, and as I made my way up front, I had an uneasy feeling after I saw no sign of her anywhere. That feeling was only made worse as soon as I heard a second loud thud coming from the alley entrance of the store. Concerned that something might be wrong, I rushed over to the back door, and when I eased it open, I found Alex cornered between the dumpster and the back of building. Two young thugs, wearing blue bandanas around their heads, stood in front of her, and when I noticed that one of them was sporting a knife, my blood ran cold.
Unlike me, Alex seemed unphased by her perilous situation. Her voice was void of expression as she warned, “I’m going to say this one last time … back away.”
The motherfucker with his pocketknife aimed at her throat, cocked his head to the side and asked, “And if we don’t?”
Her voice remained eerily calm as she answered, “Trust me. You don’t want to find out.”
“Look at this stupid bitch trying to be all tough.” The other one laughed, but when he saw me advancing towards them, his smile quickly faded. “Hey, man. We’ve got company.”
“Let the girl go,” I demanded as each of them turned to face me.
The punk with no weapon took a step back and mumbled, “Look man … we don’t want no trouble.”
“From where I’m standing, it looks like you’ve already found it.”
I reached out and grabbed the kid holding the knife at Alex’s throat, and as I slammed him against the wall, he cried, “We weren’t gonna hurt her. We was just trying to score a few bucks, man.”
“You’re about to score a whole lot more than that, asshole. Drop the knife. Now.” When the cheap metal hit the ground, his buddy took off running, leaving him alone to deal with the consequences of their actions.
“Please, man. Let me go.”
I tightened my grip on his throat, making it difficult for him to breathe, and he was growing limp when Alex put her hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at her, and she whispered softly, “Let him go.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can.” Her expression lightened as she added, “I’m fine. He’s just some stupid kid who’s trying to be something he’s not.”
I loosened my hold on the kid’s neck, but before I let him go, I pulled him closer and said, “You show your face around here again, and you’re done.”
“Yes, sir.”
As soon as I released him, he darted down the alley like a bolt of lightning. Once he was gone I stepped towards Alex, who was looking up at me with those beautiful dark eyes, and I knew I was in trouble. My need to reach for her was almost too much to bear, and I was about to lose the last of my restraint when she moved in front of me and placed the palms of her hands on my chest. “You were pretty amazing.”
I inhaled a deep breath as my eyes dropped to her hand. I couldn’t remember the last time someone touched me, and it took me a moment to collect my thoughts. After several seconds, I finally managed to ask her, “You okay?”
“Yep. I’m all good.”
“Have you had trouble with these guys before?”
“Well, not them … but there have been a couple of others. It’s not a big deal. It just comes with the territory, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
I took a quick glance around the deserted alleyway and wasn’t happy when I noticed there were zero security lights and not a single camera in sight. To make matters worse, the locks on the backdoor were as old as the building itself. “You gotta step up your security.”
She shrugged. I could hear a hint of embarrassment when she said, “I know. I just can’t afford it right now.”
Seeing that it was a sensitive subject, I motioned her towards the door. “Let’s get you back inside.”
“Okay.”
I followed her back into the store, and as she was locking the door behind us, she turned to me and said, “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. The neighborhood isn’t exactly the best, but there are lots of great people who live around here. Some have been really great customers.”
“I get it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to be safe.”
“You’re right, but I’ve been doing okay.” She gave me a half-smile as she continued, “I’ll try to be more careful.”
“If you ever get in a bind …”
Before I could finish my thought, my burner started to ring. I took it out of my pocket, and when I saw that it was Murphy calling, I quickly answered, “Yeah?”
“You in with Hoss?”
“Not yet. Had to take care of something.”
“Does this something have to do with that chick from last night?”
“Not exactly.”
“Um-hmm,” he taunted. “I’ll let you get back to it. Just let me know if you need a hand with Hoss.”
“About to head that way now.” After I hung up the phone, I turned to Alex and said, “I gotta get going.”
“I kind of gathered that.” She smiled and said, “But before you go I wanted to ask … would you like to come over for dinner tonight?”
My back stiffened. Her invitation caught me off guard, and my tone was almost harsh as I answered, “That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not? It would give me a chance to thank you for your help today … with the boxes and you know … those guys out back and all.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“What if I want to?”
I was going to tell her no. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue, but then I looked into those beautiful dark eyes and I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. “It’ll be late before I could get here.”
She grabbed a piece of paper, and after she wrote her number down, she handed it to me and said, “Doesn’t matter what time. Just text me when you’re on your way.”
“Okay.”
“Oh, and when you get here, just ring the buzzer outside the door. It’s the one right next to the bookstore entrance. You can’t miss it.”
Even though I knew it was a bad idea to spend time with her alone, I nodded, then immediately turned and silently cursed myself as I walked out of the store. I needed to get a fucking grip before things got out of hand, but it wasn’t going to be easy. I couldn’t deny the fact that Alex had an effect on me, and it was my own damn fault. When I was around her, I let the memories of all those horrible nights of my childhood slip to the back of my mind. I didn’t think about how I’d let my only friend down, how I hadn’t been there in the way that she needed me to be. I managed to block out the sounds of her cries, the aching in my heart, and how my very soul was plagued with regret. I didn’t think about the war, the countless explosions, the stench of death that lingered in the air, or the pain and starvation I’d endured while in captivity. All of those things were forgotten when she was close to me. Alex brought me out of the shadows, and even though I was being selfish, I wanted to remain there in the light with her. She deserved more than a man riddled with regret, a man who didn’t know how to love or be loved, but I was helpless to resist her. Even though I’d tried to fight it, I’d let my guard down, and I wasn’t sure I had it in me to put it back up. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to. Damn. I was fucked. I jumped on my bike and started bac
k towards the clubhouse, knowing exactly what I had to do. There was only one way I was going to get Alex Carpenter out of my head, and one way only. It was time for me to visit Hoss.
Alex
After all these years, I could still remember my last training session with Marcus. It seemed like it was only yesterday when I was standing in front of him with the sweat beading across my brow while I waited for him to make his next move. For a man in his late forties, he was in exceptional shape. He had a toned, athletic build, and with his tall height and menacing, dark eyes, he could be quite intimidating when he wanted to be. Over the years, I’d learned a great deal about self-defense and him. Marcus wasn’t a man who liked to lose, but after training for over an hour, I could tell from his sluggish movements that I was finally wearing him down. Man, how he hated that. He never once let me get the best of him, so it was only a matter of time before he tried to kick it up a notch. I figured he’d either come at me with a side kick, hoping to throw me off balance, or he’d advance with a combination of jabs and uppercuts, forcing me to shield the blows. While he always tried his best to keep me guessing, after years of working with him, I’d learned all his bags of tricks. I skirted over to his left, then back to his right, all the while taunting him with my overconfident smirk.
“You must remember … that a well-planned attack is fought with your mind, not your body,” Marcus warned with a calm, yet stern voice.
“Um-hmm,” I mumbled with an annoyed eyeroll. “You’ve mentioned that a time or two.”
I’d barely gotten the words out of my mouth when he lunged forward and slipped his foot beneath mine, causing me to fall flat on my back. He stood over me with a disapproving scowl as he growled, “Then, maybe you should listen. It might keep you from ending up on your ass … or worse. Dead.”
I pulled myself up into the sitting position and said, “Dramatic much?”
“It would do you good to drop the attitude.” He extended his hand and helped me to my feet. “It’s your life we’re talking about.”
“Yeah, but who’s really gonna go to all this trouble just to get their hands on me?”
“Let’s hope you never have to find out. Now, let’s go again.”
While there were times when he was overly intense and a bit overbearing, I knew he wanted to make sure I was prepared to handle anything that might come my way. At the time, I had no idea why he was so concerned. At eleven, I was simply too young to ask the right questions. I just knew that Marcus treated me like I was one of his own, like I was his own daughter, and I loved him for it—until I found out the truth, but that didn’t happen until many years later. By then, he’d trained me to the best of his abilities, and he’d trained me well—very well. Even though that was a lifetime ago, I wasn’t frightened when those two jerks showed up in the alley. In fact, I found myself hoping that one of them would try something stupid just so I could see if I still had the means to take them down. But before I had a chance to tap into my old skillsets, Shadow came charging out the backdoor.
The last thing I needed to do was draw unnecessary attention to myself, so I couldn’t exactly let him see me take those guys down. I’d managed to keep my true identity a secret for seven years, and there was no reason to blow that now—especially after how hard I’d worked to keep anyone from finding out the truth. I knew it was a bad idea to even consider getting involved with someone, especially a man like Shadow. I knew nothing about him, nothing at all. I’d like to say that I was a good judge of character, but considering my past and how I always believed my father was someone he wasn’t, I had no way of knowing if I could trust my gut instincts. Hell, for all I knew, he could’ve been a serial killer, a closet crossdresser, or a sadomasochist asshole who preys on women in bookstores, and yet, I still invited him to dinner. The more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder if I’d made a huge mistake, and just as I was about to work myself into a tizzy, Jason walked into the store.
Without even saying hello, he gave me one of his looks and said, “What was up with you last night?”
“Nothing was up with me. Why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because you said you had to leave early because of work, but then I find you outside talking to a bunch of fucking bikers,” he grumbled.
“I did have to work, and I wasn’t talking to a bunch of bikers, Jason. I was talking to only one.”
“Well, that’s one too many, Alex.”
Suddenly feeling defensive, I snapped, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Those guys are bad news, Alex. They’re into some bad shit. You should stay as far away from them as possible,” he warned.
“Well, for somebody who’s bad news, he was there to make sure I made it to my car safe and sound last night, and then, he helped me out this morning when two goons tried to give me a hard time.”
His eyes widened as he hammered me with questions. “What the hell are you talking about? What two goons? Did anything happen? Are you okay?”
“I’m obviously fine, Jason, and it was no big deal. Just two young kids trying to act like they were tough, but Shadow ran them off.”
“Shadow?” He grimaced. “The guy’s name is Shadow? For fucks sake, Alex. Doesn’t that tell you something right there? You’re lucky you made it to your fucking car. God knows what this guy could’ve done.”
“If you were so concerned, then why didn’t you come out to help me last night?” I snapped.
“After the look you gave me? Are you kidding me?” he huffed. “It was pretty clear you didn’t want me out there, but just so you know, I was watching from the window the entire time. I even had the bouncer waiting to step in if that asshole tried to pull something.”
“Clearly, that wasn’t necessary,” I fussed. “Besides, I’m very capable of taking care of myself.”
He crossed his arms and gave me one of his disapproving looks. “I’ve always thought so, but now I’m having my doubts.”
“Well, stop with the doubts.” Trying my best not to let him get to me, I walked around the counter and grabbed a handful of books. “And for what it’s worth, even though I don’t know him all that well, I happen to think Shadow is a nice guy.”
His eyes narrowed as he asked, “So, what you’re saying is, you’ve got a thing for this guy?”
“No, Jason,” I said with exasperation. “I don’t have a thing for this guy. I just think you’re judging him too harshly, especially since you don’t even know him!”
“I don’t have to know him, Alex. I saw that he was wearing his patch last night. I know what it represents. Satan’s Fury practically runs this city, and the fact we’re talking about a place like Memphis and all the gangs we have in it, that’s saying something. Hell, everybody knows they’re into some pretty bad shit, and there’s not a soul around who isn’t afraid of these guys!”
“Okay. I’ve heard enough.” While I didn’t want to admit it, a part of me knew he was right. I heard all the rumors about Satan’s Fury, and like Jason said, they weren’t exactly good men. They were known for their violence and mayhem, and I could only imagine what Jason would say if he knew I’d invited one of them over for dinner. Hoping to keep that tidbit a secret, I started to make myself busy by organizing the books on the shelves as I declared, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Why? Because you know I’m right?” he replied sarcastically.
“Because I think you’re being a jerk!”
“You sure are getting defensive about some guy you don’t really know.” He cocked his eyebrow. “You really must have a thing for him.”
“Will you just stop already? You’re going way overboard with all this.”
“And why would you think I was going overboard?”
I turned to look at him and said, “I don’t know, Jason. Why don’t you tell me?”
“Because you’re my best friend, and I’m worried about you!” He stepped towards me with a pained expression. “I don’t know what I’d do if s
omething happened to you.”
The sincerity in his voice tugged at me, making me feel guilty for being so dismissive. “Nothing is going to happen to me, Jason, but if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be careful. Okay?”
“And you’ll steer clear of this Shadow guy?”
I hated lying to him, but I knew he wouldn’t let it go unless I said—“I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” He grabbed the rest of the books off the counter and brought them over to me. “Is this the last of it?”
“Yeah. That’s it for now.”
“Good. You wanna go get a burger or something?”
“I can’t. Debbie called in sick, so it’s just me today.”
“You really need to hire some more help around here.”
I couldn’t say that he was wrong. I was working overtime after losing one of my best employees, and my other cashier, Debbie, wasn’t exactly the most reliable person on the planet. I needed the help, but I simply didn’t want to go through the hassle or the expense of hiring another employee. Seeing as I didn’t want to get into another debate with him, I nodded. “I know and I will, but for now, I need to get back to work.”
“Yeah, I guess I better do the same,” he groaned as he headed for the door. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
Once he was gone, I made myself busy around the store, which wasn’t exactly difficult since I was there alone. After I dealt with the few customers who came strolling in, I checked the time and realized I only had a half hour until closing time. I was suddenly overcome with nerves and excitement, and I was eager to get upstairs so I could start preparing dinner. I rushed around the place, picking up trash and putting away stray books, and when I got to the back of the store, I was surprised to see that Shadow’s coffee cup and book were still sitting on the side table. With everything that had happened outside, he must’ve forgotten to put his things away, so I went over and placed the cup in the trash. I reached for the book he’d been reading and stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed the title—Getting Past Your Past, a New York Times bestselling book on how to deal with PTSD. I was beyond stunned, and as I stood there staring at that cover, I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d chosen that particular genre. Was it just a fluke, or did he really have a traumatic past that he was trying to deal with?