Hookup List

by J. S. Abilene

  I finally saw Carly’s house. I hustled to my car and jumped in. I certainly was not about to pound on the door and demand my undershirt back; Carly was the last person that I wanted to see at that moment. As I looked up at the house, however, I noticed something usual in an upstairs window. I shaded my eyes and squinted.

  No – it couldn’t be. Alas, it was. My boxer-briefs were hanging in the window like some sort of trophy. The girl was pure evil. I couldn’t think of her as Carly anymore; she truly was El Diablo. I shuddered and peeled out of the neighborhood.

  I was right about my parents. I managed to park, sneak into my house, and shut myself in my room without even waking them up. As soon as I was in the safety of my room I yanked my pants and then the thong off. I put on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and lay down on my bed. I took deep breaths and told myself to relax. It had been one crazy night but it was all over now.

  Girls. They had gotten me drunk and then made me look like a fool. What was wrong with me? I had lost my mojo. I stood up again, pulled David’s shirt off, and looked in the mirror. Even after a bender like the one I had just been on I was hot. I knew I wasn’t being biased; it was the truth. I was easily one of the best looking guys in the school. Perhaps I had just allowed myself to get caught up with the wrong group of girls. They couldn’t help themselves around me. Yeah, I needed to find myself a hot chick with a great personality. That would fix everything. I was just one good hookup away from being my old self.

  I picked up my cell phone and looked at my hookup list. Hmmm... well, supposedly Alyssa was really nice, though Sadie had said she was “nicer than a saint” and I didn’t really feel like hooking up with a saint just yet. I had some pretty dirty intentions in mind. Lilly Wong sounded like a promising prospect but I didn’t feel like jumping in bed with a nerd at the moment. Who else? There was Mandi Page. Sadie had said the girl was “too innocent” for me. Corrupting an innocent was appealing but then I recalled Mandi’s mouse-like picture. I wanted to get steamy with a girl and Mandi didn’t seem to fit that profile.

  I continued reading and then my eyes suddenly fixated on one name. I instantly knew that I had found my next target. She was perfect: sexy, funny, athletic, and oh so blond. Darcy. She was exactly what I needed.

  I fell back on my bed, folded my arms behind my head, and smiled. Sadie was a fool. She didn’t think I was funny enough to land Darcy? We would see about that. Hooking up with another one of Sadie’s soccer girls would send a message to the her that no one could resist me.

  My phone buzzed. I glanced at it. I had gotten some sort of Facebook notification. It was an invitation to accept Liam Hall’s friend request. Liam Hall? I wracked my brain. Oh yeah, he was the cool kid from the party last night. The invitation included a note from him asking if I wanted to meet up on Tuesday morning to lift weights on before school. I smiled. This was getting better and better. I would hook up with Darcy on Monday and then chill with Liam on Tuesday morning. Who knows? By the end of the week I could have a decent rolodex of girls on call and a brand new posse of dudes to back me up.

  El Diablo had just been in a tiny detour in my journey to conquering Lakeville High School. Now I was definitely back on the right path. Nothing could possibly stand in my way.

  Chapter 13 – Tasting The Forbidden Fruit

  Darcy and Morgan led me down to the physical therapy room. They giggled as they locked the door behind us and turned to face me.

  “So, who wants to start?” Morgan said eagerly.

  “Ladies first,” I replied in my most gallant voice.

  The girls exchanged smiles. Then, in unison, they took their shirts off and tossed them aside. I was in heaven.

  Darcy wore a blue bra that framed her ample bosom perfectly. The color of the bra brought out the blue in her eyes. Her skin was light and perfect. She was thin and toned and I could see the light definition of her ab muscles. She was a Scandinavian goddess. I wanted to press my lips against her skin and kiss every part of her body.

  Morgan was more exotic looking. Her pink bra stood in sharp contrast to her tanned skin. She had long, athletic legs that never seemed to stop.

  “Now you,” Morgan said eagerly. I smiled. The girls were eager for the show. Well, I was ready to give it to them.

  I peeled off my shirt. Morgan smiled appreciatively. Darcy actually clapped her hands like she was watching some sort of performance.

  I nodded down at the girls’ legs. “Now the pants,” I said.

  “We went first last time. It’s your turn this time,” Morgan said.

  “Ooh, can I do it?” Darcy squealed. She walked up to me and put a finger on my chest. She let the finger trail down over my abs to my belt buckle. She started to undo my belt as she pressed her lips to my chest.

  Morgan discarded her jeans. She was wearing pink lace panties that matched her bra. She smiled slyly and walked up behind me. I felt her hands rest on my shoulders and then I felt her breasts press up against my back. She began to kiss my neck.

  Darcy undid the button on my jeans and let my pants fall to the floor. She wrapped her fingers around my package. As she began to probe and stroke my manhood I reached around her and undid her bra clasp. Her bra fell to the floor.

  Darcy pushed her jeans off. I turned to face Morgan and help her out of her pesky bra. While I did I felt Darcy pull my boxer briefs off. “Time to play with Nathan Junior!” she exclaimed.

  The girls led me one of the therapy tables and there I learned three things. The first was that the girls were willing to do the dirtiest things my mind was capable of dreaming up. The second was they were very, very appreciative lovers. The third was that the forbidden fruit was always the tastiest.

  The events that had led up to this glorious moment had transpired five hours earlier as I hung out with a few of the soccer guys in the Lakeville student commons.

  “You’re a lucky man,” I said to Noah. I nodded at Darcy. “Your girlfriend seems like a cool chick.”

  Darcy was, at that moment, on the other side of the commons trying to catch a dollar that a group of sophomore boys had tied to a string. No joke – she was actually chasing the dollar around the commons. Every time she got close the boys would reel the dollar in. The look of confused frustration on her face was priceless.

  “Yeah, I know,” Noah said. “Hey dude, did you really puke on El Diablo?”

  “Yep,” I said impatiently. I didn’t want to talk about El Diablo. Instead, I wanted to figure out a way to get Noah to give me the okay to pursue his girlfriend. Noah was, unfortunately, a friend. He had always been nice to me when he was hanging out with Aaron and me. I couldn’t break the bro code and steal his girl unless he allowed it. How was I going to convince him to give me permission?

  Noah laughed. “That’s rough,” he said. “You shot yourself in the foot, or maybe the dick, ‘cause no girl at this school is going to want to go out with you now.”

  I opened my mouth to refute that statement when there was a commotion in the middle of the commons. A large group of girls had suddenly become engrossed in what appeared to be several newspapers. They pointed at something on the newspaper pages and argued rapidly with each other.

  “What’s going on?” Dylan asked, sidling up to Noah and me.

  “Dunno,” Noah said. “Hey kid,” he called to a little freshman boy who was hurrying away with a newspaper. “Give us that paper.”

  The freshman froze and stared at us. A terrified look passed through his eyes. He let out a high-pitched squeak, tossed the newspaper to Noah, and darted away.

  Noah chuckled and opened up the paper. Dylan and I read it over his shoulder.

  The Hottie List - By Little Miss Aphrodite

  My fellow students,

  One year ago today our school was changed forever. Sadie Anderson, captain of the soon-to-be state championship soccer team, created a “Kiss List” with her friends. This Kiss List was mired in secrecy for most of the year but then, just before the last day of school, her secret
was outed and the Kiss List became public knowledge.

  Whether you applaud her for her spunk or condemn her for her audacity, you have to admit: the girl’s got good taste. She managed to pick the hottest boys in school and then walked away with Aaron Caldwell, the best of them all.

  In the spirit of the Kiss List, this anonymous contributor has assembled a new list of the hottest boys in each class. Go get ‘em girls!

  Freshman Boys

  Scotty Grover: Little brother of last year’s swim team captain, the combination of him and his skimpy swimsuit are the reason why swim meets have record attendance this year

  Cooper Kelley: A soccer prodigy and the cutest boy in school, he causes the biggest buzz amongst the freshman girls

  Zac Knight: Little brother of last year’s homecoming king, he should never be allowed to take those tight football pants off... unless he’s in your bedroom

  Sophomore Boys

  Darnell Tucker: Basketball star and ladies’ MVP

  Milo Cruz: Smooth-talking stud and a certified genius, this boy grew a foot over the summer and rocks the smart-boy look like none other

  Clint Harrison: Hot southern boy and a true gentleman

  Junior Boys

  Nate Caldwell: Little brother of the hottest guy to ever walk Lakeville’s halls, this is the one boy who could actually rival the renowned Aaron Caldwell for the title of All-Time Hottie

  Bryson London: Tall, dark, and oh so handsome, this boy’s eyes will make any girl melt

  Sam Queen: OMG, enough said, he is already a legendary hottie at Lakeville

  Senior Boys

  Chris & Liam Hall (according to official Kiss List rules, twins count as one): Two identical brothers who each could give Zac Efron a run for his money

  David Reagan: Best body in school and a favorite of the Lakeville soccer girls

  Paul Stedman: Might as well be Taylor Lautner’s twin, he was rumored to have given Aaron Caldwell his greatest challenge to capturing Sadie’s heart

  Noah looked at me in amazement. “You ugly bitch,” he said.

  “Not according to that,” I said, nodding at the newspaper. I was just pissed that Bryson’s name was next to mine. How had he gotten on the list? Was he really that good looking? I hadn’t noticed. Sure, he was an athletic-looking dude, but surely he did not belong on the same page as me.

  “Oh God,” Dylan groaned. “This is going to make girls even more eager to hook up with you.”

  I smiled back at him.

  Dylan snatched the paper out of Noah’s hands. “Sadie is going to want to hear about this. She’s not going to be happy about the Kiss List being in the school paper. Who the hell is Little Miss Aphrodite?” he said and stormed off.

  “Sure, run to Sadie, it’s your loss,” I yelled to him. “If you stick around you might have a chance at hooking up with some of the chicks that flock to see me.”

  Dylan ignored me.

  “Seriously, who did you have to sleep with to get on that list?” Noah asked. “If I knew I could get drunk and vomit on a girl I would have done it a long time ago... maybe.”

  “I don’t know, dude,” I said. I slapped him on the shoulder. “I’m just blessed I guess.”

  When Noah didn’t smile, though, I knew something was wrong. The kid always smiled.

  “What’s up with you?” I asked.

  Noah looked over at Darcy. She had given up her dollar chase and was reading one of the newspapers. “Nothing, man,” he said. “I just wonder how much longer Darcy is going to go out with me, you know? We’re both graduating this year and there’s no way I can get into the same schools she’s thinking about. She’s way too smart for me.”

  I looked back at Darcy. Too smart? The girl had just been chasing a buck on a string. “And I suppose not having your name on the list didn’t help things,” I said, realizing why Noah looked so upset.

  “Darcy’s, like, the hottest girl in school,” Noah said morosely. “She’s way out of my league, she just didn’t know it. Now she does.”

  “Hmmm... maybe I can help with that,” I said. A brilliant idea had just occurred to me. “What if Darcy were to hook up with a guy on the list and be a little less than satisfied with his performance? Say, some awkward flirting and a piss poor kiss. You might be looking pretty good to her after that.”

  Noah looked at me in confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked.

  Wow this kid was dense. “I’m saying I could try to hookup with Darcy and do a crappy job of it,” I said. “Think about it. She would realize what a great catch you are. It’s foolproof.”

  Noah looked skeptical. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t want you hooking up with my girl.”

  “It wouldn’t be a real hookup,” I said. “I would fumble the whole thing. Trust me.”

  Noah looked back at Darcy. “Okay,” he said. “So long as you promise to not actually do anything with her then yeah, I guess it’s worth a shot. Thanks.”

  Walking through the commons towards Darcy was a bit like parting the red sea. People turned and saw me and automatically took several steps back. It was a if they were in awe or something. Apparently the title of “All-Time Hottie” more than made up for vomiting on a girl in the middle of a party.

  Not everyone was suddenly shy around me, however. Just before I reached Darcy a dark-haired girl swept across the path in front of me. Morgan. I looked her over. The girl was looking particularly fine today and it seemed she had something on her mind.

  “I hear you’re in the running for All-Time Hottie,” she said.

  “News travels fast, I guess,” I said with a grin.

  “Too bad I couldn’t find out for myself,” she said. “We were interrupted before I had time to do a closer inspection.”

  Morgan leaned into me and put her mouth next to my ear.

  “How about we find someplace a little more private to finish up,” she whispered seductively.

  “Thanks, but maybe later,” I said. “I sort of had Darcy in mind at the moment. Doing a favor for a friend. You know how it is.”

  “Hmmm...” Morgan said. “Well, maybe we can work something out.” I felt her hand slip between my legs. She gently squeezed my manhood. “Did you know we’re studying anatomy right now in biology? I think both Darcy and I would like to do some extra credit studying.”

  A thrill of excitement went through my body. Was she proposing what I thought she was? “I don’t want to do anything that would get Darcy in trouble,” I said in my most convincing voice. There. I was on record.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Morgan said soothingly. “I’ll talk to her. Darcy likes Noah but both of us would to get a little more experience before we go off to college, if you know what I mean. As long as you don’t mind the fact that we’re pretty much just using you for your body, how about meeting us by the west entrance during 6th period?”

  They just wanted to use my body with no strings attached? Perfect. “I’ll be there,” I said.

  That was how I found myself lying naked on a physical therapy table five hours later with two naked girls on top of me.

  “That was amazing,” Morgan gasped. She continued to rub my body – particularly the area below my waist – fondly with her hands. “You were amazing.”

  “I didn’t know that’s how some of that stuff worked,” Darcy said seriously.

  I grinned. “You were pretty good yourselves, ladies,” I said. What they lacked in experience they more than made up for in enthusiasm. I slapped both girls lightly on their bare rears. “We’ll have to do this again soon.”

  “I’ve got ten minutes before my seventh period starts,” Darcy said.

  “Same thing,” Morgan said. She grinned slyly. “Do you think Nathan Junior is up for another round?”

  My life was amazing. “It looks that way,” I said. Going without a girlfriend for so long certainly had its perks. “Alright girls, let’s have some more fun.”

  The girls and I got busy. I did feel a momentary pang of
sympathy for Noah but that was quickly overcome by much, much more pleasant sensations. If this was what betraying Noah felt like, then I planned to do it as often as possible.

  Chapter 14 – Dad Candidate

  “Congrats for making it onto the ‘Hottie List’,” Liam said.

  I laughed. “Yeah, you too,” I said. “I’m not sure what that’s all about but I suppose it can’t be a bad thing. Argh. Let me take a break.”

  Liam helped guide the bench press bar back onto the rack. I sat up and stretched my arms.

  “Want to put 10 more pounds on?” Liam said. “I think I can do another set at that weight.”

  “Sure,” I said. Liam walked off to get the weights.

  It was 6:30 AM and the weight room was deserted. The lifting coach had opened the room at 6:15 AM and then gone off somewhere, probably to sleep. Liam and I were both wearing shorts and weightlifting shirts – the kind with no sleeves and the sides cut out to maximize ventilation and allow a guy to see more of his abs as he worked out. I could see that Liam was pretty fit. He was lean and definitely had a six pack. With his good looks and all-around fitness, I figured girls were probably all over him.

  “So who do you think wrote that list? Who is Little Miss Aphrodite?” I asked. I wondered if I knew the chick. I was really hoping that it was Trinity London but that seemed doubtful. She was new to the school and it would have been weird for her to put her own brother on the list.

  “No idea,” Liam said. He put the extra weight on and took my spot on the bench. I stood by his head to spot him. “Maybe get a little closer,” Liam said. “This is more than I usually lift and I want you to be right there in case I drop it.”

  I was practically on top of him already. If I moved any closer I would almost be straddling his head. Well, we were just two guys, and if it didn’t bother Liam it didn’t bother me. I shuffled closer. The front of my shorts were nearly brushing Liam’s forehead.