“I do so love you, sweet Molly. I wish I had the words to tell you how much.”
She placed her hand on his, squeezed gently. “I know, my darling. You know I feel exactly the same. I love you with all that I am.”
He took another sip of his milk. “Molly, why don’t you come home with me, next time I go back? I’d love you to meet Mummy.” The sound of the motor bike had faded, as the despatch rider hurried on to whichever destination he was heading for.
“She’d love to meet you. I’ve told her all about you.”
“Oh dear. So she knows I’m a cradle-robbing old hag, then?” she grinned evilly, “Did you tell her that I’m about the same age as her?”
“Honestly, Molly!” His expression was severe.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t appear sorry in the slightest. “What did you say?”
“I said that you’d love to see her, and that we’d come as soon as we could.”
She groaned and looked away. “Oh, Lord! She’ll be horrified when she sees me!”
“No she won’t. She’ll adore you.” His stern expression softened. “Just as I do. I told her you’re an absolute smasher!”
“I can’t go, Harry,” she said beseechingly, “She’ll think me too old. Can’t we just enjoy each other’s company for the time being?”
“I want her to see you. And my family. They have to see the girl I’ve chosen.”
“Your family too! Oh no!”
“Oh yes! Honest, Molly, they’ll love you.” He raised his eyebrows slightly. “You’re exceedingly lovable, you know. A little bit like me.”
“Hm, quite. Why must we get so serious, Harry? Let’s enjoy ourselves, make the most of each day. Forget about the future, let’s just enjoy now.”
“Of course you must meet them!” He sounded scandalized, “They have to see my girl.”
“Girl! Crone more like!” sitting before him, her head tilted so that her hair fell in a delicious cascade, she looked exquisite and delicate and, oh, so gorgeous. Crone could never be used to describe her, never in a thousand years.
Rose cleared his throat. “If we mean to take our esteem and regard for one another further, I feel that we must make some kind of formal arrangement, an understanding of sorts.” he said, rather pompously.
She stared at him, suppressing the urge to shriek with laughter at his formality. “My God! What on earth are you chattering about, Harry?”
He could feel his neck and cheeks darkening. He groped around in his pocket, gripped the box hidden there fiercely. She was looking at him in some bemusement.
He slipped off his seat clumsily, dropped the box, fumbled for it, and went down on one knee before her.
He was conscious of a dull roaring in his ears, and the chalk dryness of his mouth, but all he could see was the surprise in her eyes, the perfect O of her mouth. Thank the Lord there was no one else here!
“My darling sweet Molly. I think you are the loveliest thing in my life and the thought of you makes each day of my existence a pleasure. I love you with every fragment of my being,” go on, throw in a bit of science, “And it feels, um, as if each one of my atoms is inextricably linked with each one of yours, an unbreakable bond holds me to you, and attracts me to you. I’ve written a poem for you.”
He cleared his throat again, placed one hand on his heart, struck what he hoped was a heroic pose (difficult to do whilst kneeling on one knee), and recited theatrically:
“Bewitched, I remain enthralled by you.
Helpless and enslaved, I seek not freedom from you, I seek no release.
For when the thin white line of dawn splits the sky from land,
And when the sun's glare shines hot green through the canopy of leaves above,
To the moment that day becomes fast receding, to the faint refractive glimmers of flamboyant purple and red and pink,
And through the night when the milky skein of thin cloud over moon lights the empty loneliness,
I can think only of you, endlessly of you, always you. Whether awake or in my sleep, it's always you.
I love you, I adore you.”
His heart was clattering along, and he had to gasp for breath.
“What I mean to say is that I love you, and I need you, and I would be honoured if you would become my wife. My own very sweet Molly, will you marry me?”
Oh, you old silver-tongued smoothie! He was quite pleased with his performance, despite the fact that he was trembling. Now for the next bit…
He opened the box and held it out to her. “Please?” Granny had taken him to London secretly, and Rose had bought his Molly an engagement ring.
He was aware that someone was watching from a shadowed window.
She took the box from him. “Oh, Harry!” she looked at the ring wistfully, “This is really beautiful!” then she shook her head. “But I can’t accept it, my darling.”
She closed the box with a sigh, and held it out to him.
He ignored her outstretched hand. “Why not? You do love me, don’t you?”
“You know I do, of course I do. But, one day, you’ll meet a girl who will be right for you. I wish it were me, but I’m not right for you. A wife is the last thing you need right now. Particularly one very much older than you. You’re too young to get married right now.” She stroked his cheek tenderly. “So, let’s forget this nonsense, alright?”
“But I need you.” His voice sounded petulant to his own ears.
“And you have me. I’m yours. Completely. Yours in every way.” She dropped her eyes, folded her fingers between his. “In every way that you want. For as long as you want. Do you understand?”
His throat felt dry. He understood. But it was not enough. He wanted it all. “But I love you,” he muttered feebly, standing up.
“I know, Harry, you silly sausage. I love you and I need you, too.” She smiled self-consciously, “You are the loveliest man I’ve ever met, and I need you.” Molly blushed. “I want you, too. In every way. Very much.”
She tossed her hair anxiously, “For goodness sake! The girls are always going on about how dense men can be! Do I have to spell it out? I want you. In that way. You know. There. I’ve said it. Aren’t I a dreadful person? It’ll make your poor mother’s hair go grey to know that her little boy is in cahoots with a shameless creature like me!”
“Ah.” He was at a loss as to what he should say. His head was spinning madly…did she mean what he thought she meant?
Cripes!
She licked her lips nervously, and closed her eyes, her features downcast. “Oh dear. I think I’ve shocked you.”
“No. Erm, no, not at all.” His neck felt constricted, and his voice came out girlishly high pitched. He cleared his throat, and he felt his eyes might pop. Bloody silk scarf was too tight.
“I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want to offer you my commitment, for life.” However long it might be. “You are everything in my life that matters.”
“Harry, my darling love, the last thing you need right now is to worry yourself about a wife. You must put yourself first. Getting married will only complicate things for you. I’m not going anywhere, you know.”
“But you said you love me. If you do, you must marry me. How can you love me but not marry me?” He felt tears burning hot behind his eyes, and he sat down again.
“That’s why I want you to put yourself first, because I love you. Very much.” She sighed. “Don’t you see? You will be going back up there. I don’t want you to think about anything else but taking care of yourself. I need you to concentrate on yourself while you’re up there. I will do anything for you. Give you everything I have, everything you could want, but not that. I can’t marry you. Not yet. Because I love you.”
“You say you’ll do anything for me. Prove it to me, then. Marry me.”
She shook her head in exasperation. “Harry, you are so awful! We’ve been through this already! Are you listening to anything I’m saying?”
The corners of hi
s mouth turned down. “Yes,” he said sulkily.
“Enough, then, of this marriage talk. I’m flattered and proud that you asked me, so pleased that I cannot say. Your poem was the most beautiful I’ve ever heard, but this isn’t the right time. You know that.”
She sighed deeply, “You’re very serious about this, aren’t you?”
He nodded solemnly. “I’ve never asked anyone before. It’s not something one does every day, y’know. It took me a lot of courage to ask you. The least you can do to honour my courage would be to say yes.”
“You wonderful, strange, sweet boy.” She kissed him lightly on the lips, once, twice, three times, touched his chin lightly with a forefinger. “Alright. As it means so much to you, ask me again in six months. If you’re still interested then in this old girl, you can ask me again, and I promise I’ll consider it then.”
“Wear it for me until then? Please Molly? Please?” He looked so hurt, she relented.
“Good grief. It’s like pulling teeth with you, isn’t it?” Almost regretfully, she put the little box into her respirator case.
He glowered at her. Like so many of the WAAFs at Foxton, she used her respirator case as a handbag, whilst the respirator itself was languishing in a drawer in her quarters. How many times had he remonstrated with her about not carrying the damned thing?
“I’ll keep it with me, Harry, but I shan’t wear it. Not yet. Agreed?”
He grunted.
“And yes, in the meantime, I’ll meet your family.” His eyes lit up. “Don’t get your hopes up. They’ll probably hate me. You’ll thank me afterwards for not agreeing to marry you.”
“They’ll love you, not because I do, but because you are just so very wonderful. You will say yes, one day. You’ll see.” The faintest of smiles, “You can’t resist me.”
She shook her head again. “Did I tell you that you were awful?”
He nodded.
“I did?”
Another nod.
“Good. Because you are. You’re bloody awful.” She smiled again fondly. “You are such a fool. A crazy, sweet, wonderful fool, and I love you. Very, very much.”
“And I love you in return, because you are absolutely, sublimely, bloody marvellous.”
“Yes, I seem to have heard that before.” She stood, smoothed her dress, and held out her hand to him. “Walk with me?”
“Gladly.” He didn’t feel very glad at that moment. Instead he felt empty inside, where his heart ought to be just a vast gaping well of disappointment and sadness. What a bind! Once he had wanted so desperately to be an ace pilot, but all he now craved was the girl beside him. What else could possibly matter?
“I love being here with you,” she smiled warmly and his heart skipped in its warmth, “I wish it could always be like this.”
I don’t, he thought, I want it to be like this and you with my ring on your beautiful finger.
They walked slowly along the tree line, quiet for a moment, each deep in thought. Once, he bent and plucked a wild flower and gave it to Molly. She arranged the white and yellow bloom in her hair.
“Do I look like a South Sea princess?”
“You were a princess before I met you, and now you are my princess.” He looked again. “My! You do rather look like a delectable piece of Tahitian totty.” He thought carefully. Was Tahiti in the South Sea? He couldn’t remember. Never mind, it sounded right. Certainly suits my Molly. Beautiful tan, dark hair, laughing eyes and delicious smile.
“That’s kind of you. I think. Although I don’t think I’m too partial to being called a piece of totty. Makes me sound like a bit of confection.”
“Tasty piece, fabulous to look at and awfully sweet.”
“Don’t waste your breath. It’ll not get you anywhere, Pilot Officer.”
There was a faraway growl of Merlins, but although they searched the sky, they could not see the fighters.
They continued in companionable silence, skirting the long line of trees that flanked the road, with their pale trunks and rich verdant lushness. To one side of them was the orchard, on the other the flatness of the surrounding countryside, with its abundant greens. The earth was twisted into dark brown ruts where the farmer had driven over the land in a tractor, and the opulent odour of fresh wet loam hung in the air, like a heady promise of a warm, rich and fertile future.
She had put her arm through his, and now clasped his hand tightly as if to hold on to him.
The freshness of her was far more delightful than the fragrance of the surrounding summer landscape, and when she tossed her hair, it swirled like a glorious cloud around her face momentarily.
They stepped carefully past the clods of earth and grass, staying on the surface of the road, where it was firm and safe. The first time they had taken a walk; Rose had stepped into a trail of mud, and had almost lost a shoe in the sticky thickness, much to Molly’s amusement.
They walked carefully, for in some places the road was uneven, and the rutted furrows left by the tractor were filled with water and mud.
Once a lorry full of squaddies lumbered past, and Rose part-hated, part-enjoyed the admiring whistles from the khaki mass when they caught sight.
A cheerful voice called out, “All right for some!”
Another voice, “Officers always get the nice ones!”
He watched them disappear ruefully. “They liked you.” He commented dryly, “the bastards.”
“Well, you could always get yourself a girl with no hair, no teeth and a glass eye, I suppose. She’d probably get fewer wolf whistles.”
“Much as the thought of it is attractive, and one I’d normally consider, I think I’ll keep you. You don’t have a glass eye, but I suppose you’re passable enough.”
She laughed, and tossed back her hair again, punched him lightly on the arm. “If it had been a truck full of WAAFs, I’d have had to put up with their admiration of my chap.”
He smiled at her compliment.
Apart from the army truck, there was no movement around them, just peaceful countryside basking in the warmth and sunlight. The earlier rainbow that had painted an arch across the sky had long faded away. There was no hurry, no stress, and it felt wonderful to be alive and not feel the tension, or the need for haste.
In the distance, a herd of sheep dotted the green of a field like crystals of sugar on baize. Rose thought he could just hear the distant call of the shepherd as he worked with his dog.
They came to a low stone wall in an advanced state of disrepair. He spread out his handkerchief for her to sit on, and they sat down together, still arm in arm.
She put her head on his shoulder, and he turned his face to press his cheek against her gleaming hair. Her fragrance filled his nostrils.
The wall felt cold and knobbly against his buttocks, and he shifted slightly at the discomfort.
“Are you comfortable, Harry?”
“Whenever I’m with you, of course I am.” He shifted again, and then sighed contentedly. “I feel totally at peace.” The stones still dug him cruelly in the backside, but he ignored them. What did they matter when a girl like this was beside him?
He could feel the warmth of her body through her dress, the smoothness of her arm, the curve of her against him. What was I before I knew her? How could a man enjoy life if he did not have the love of a woman in it?
The slight breeze that had played skittishly with her dress earlier had waned away to stillness.
Sitting there in the still landscape, the calm making Rose feel as if he were caught in a still-life picture, as if the two of them were a couple, deeply, gloriously in love, caught for an instant in an empty, colourful world (not taking the shepherd, his dog or the sheep into account, of course).
After a while, she spoke again, her head still on his shoulder, her body tucked in against him.
“I meant what I said, Harry.” Her voice was quiet, little more than a whisper, “Every word of it.”
“I know. Don’t worry, I shan’t shoot myself,
or anything like that. I’ll wait, because I know you’ll marry me one day. I am irresistible.”
“No, that’s not what I meant, my conceited darling.”
“Oh?” Intrigued.
“What I said.” Her voice again dropped to a whisper. “You know. Don’t expect me to say it again.”
“Um, what was it you said, then?”
She elbowed him painfully in the side, with a surprisingly bony elbow. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re being purposefully dense.”
“Eh?”
She sighed, vexed, looked away. “I said that I was yours in every way. In every way that a man could want a woman. Oh Heavens! You know. Do I need to draw a picture for you?”
“Oh. Ahem! Of course not, sweet girl,” he muttered hastily. He suddenly remembered the picture of Vivien Leigh in his room. Oh Lord! I’ll have to chuck it away before Molly sees it!
“Well?”
“What?”
“Do you want me, too?”
“Of course I want you! My God, how could I not? I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my whole life. I’ve wanted many things in my life, but never anything as much as I’ve wanted you. I’d not have asked your hand in marriage if I didn’t!”
Rose realized he was gabbling, and squeezed her hand gently. “I want to be with you in every way. I want you so very badly.” He licked his lips, “So very badly that I can’t sleep sometimes. All I can think about is you.”
She lifted her head and looked straight into his eyes. He was surprised that he hadn’t noticed before, but her deep brown eyes were flecked with gold.
“You can have me anytime you want. I was careful before, because I want what is right for us, but I love you so much, Harry. I thought things were complicated, but the way I feel for you has made me realise that it is just so very simple after all.”
There was silence for a moment, and he willed her to speak again. “Harry. I want to be loved by you. I don’t think there’s anything I’d like more. I want you. I want to hold you with my hands and lips and body. And I want to feel your hands on my body.”
Her cheeks had coloured slightly, but she did not look away. “I’m not a loose woman, or anything like that, I hope you realise that? I’ve never said this to a man before, you know.”
To So Few Page 28