by Nia Night
Aware that we’d been tumbling about for a bit, making far too much noise for a building with so many others in close dwelling, I swung the chain one final time. The end of it coiled around his throat. With a hard yank, I cut off the supply of air to his lungs. He fell to his knees
His eyes bulged from his head as I circled around to the rear of him, adding another coil to that around his neck. He clawed at the hot links uselessly, burning the skin off the tips of his fingers as he did so.
I pulled tighter still. He made terrible, familiar noises. His feet beat at the floor behind him. The color drained from his face. After a little while, he stopped moving.
I realized that my adrenaline was running high only when I finally released my hold on the Calidi chain, my hands white in the spots where I had gripped them. The air tore in and out of my chest as I looked around me, seeing that we had broken a coffee table, and blood splattered various surfaces from where I’d stabbed him in the shoulder.
I looked down at the body, still unable to catch my breath. Of course, the Collectors would clean up the mess, make sure that no one was the wiser as to what had happened this evening. And since I didn’t hear any sirens or alarm from those living around this apartment, I figured I should be grateful for these small favors.
But there was a sinking feeling in my gut as I took a final moment to survey the scene before hightailing it out of there. Too many small details stood out in my head as odd. The timeframe that I’d been given to complete the task. The lack of mentioning the Mark’s supernatural race in the brief I’d received. The fact that the Mark had not looked surprised to see me, that he had been so ready to fight when my appearance should have thrown him off kilter enough to allow me to get the deed done without it resulting in the mess I now stood in the center of.
Indeed, it was almost as if the Nagah had been expecting me.
As if the whole thing had been a setup.
11
Perhaps I was being paranoid.
I allowed for the idea that I was completely off the mark. Just riled up. Not seeing things clearly for one reason or another.
But that job had been risky. Nothing I couldn’t handle, of course, nothing my training hadn’t prepared me for, but certainly a closer call than ninety-five percent of the kills I’d made in the past.
I worked to convince myself that if the Superiors wanted me dead, there were surely easier ways to do it. Hells, they could just send one of my Sisters after me, and I wouldn’t know to have my guard up until it was too late. Surely they didn’t think some Mark—even a Mark that was Nagah—was all it took to get rid of me. Surely they didn’t want to get rid of me at all. A lot of time and money had gone into training me, and I’d been an exemplary soldier for as long back as my time with them went.
So, why, then? Why not warn me of his race? Why not give me more time to make the kill?
On top of that, there was the information Kieran and I had gained from the Accursed outside Club Silver. Not that I trusted her kind, but she’d told us the Sisterhood was in possession of the child. As far as I knew, the Sisterhood did not get involved in such affairs. We were a private organization of assassins.
Unless someone had hired us to retrieve the child, which I supposed was possible.
Too many damn questions, not enough answers, and I was starting to have real anxiety over them. I felt as though I had to constantly keep a lookout over my shoulder. This was not a good feeling for someone who was used to a life spent in the shadows.
I didn’t even want to return to the loft, because I had the sneaking feeling that if the Superiors had not been watching me before, they were certainly watching me now. It was a good thing I had access to the money I’d earned, had spread it out in various forms of currencies and locations, so I could afford to stay away from the place if I wanted.
But even so, I couldn’t stay away for too long, lest they grow even more suspicious of my activities.
The worst part was, I couldn’t even be sure if they were suspicious in the first place. I received no further communication, just the normal radio silence I got between Marks. After the mess I’d left in the Nagah’s apartment, I’d sent a message to the Collectors to let them know it was time for cleanup, and one to the Superiors to confirm mission accomplished. The replies from both were completely ordinary, totally textbook.
By two days following the last Mark, I was in need of something to clear my mind, so I rode out of the city on my motorcycle, following the eastern coastline southward. I stopped in a small town along the seaside, parked near the beach, took off my shoes, and walked through the sand.
The salt air and the gentle crash of the waves lapping at the shore accompanied me. I had a healthy fear of the enormous body of water, but its vastness also played a role in soothing me. It was difficult to stare out over its massive form and not feel small and insignificant. It somehow made coping with life’s problems easier just with its existence.
The sun was setting as I continued to pick my way down the beach, not thinking of much other than the way the sand felt between my toes, the way the salt cleared my senses. After what seemed to me weeks of wracking my brain with questions I had no answers to, this was a welcome reprieve.
And then the damn Angel had to go and land in front of me.
Kieran dropped from the sky as if from out of thin air, the force of his body sending up a spray of sand that struck me in the face. He landed only a foot and a half before me, his massive form blotting out the sinking sun for a moment and draping me in shadows.
I stumbled backward, and would have fallen if not for the steadying hand Kieran placed on my forearm. As soon as I had recovered from the shock of his appearance, I yanked out of his grasp.
“What in the ten hells is wrong with you?” I snapped, shaking sand out of my hair.
He looked surprised at this reaction. “Did I startle you?” he asked.
I pressed my lips together, blinking up at him. “Not at all. I totally anticipated a giant Angel dropping from the sky and landing nearly on top of me. Why would that startle me?”
Kieran’s head tilted, the dying sunlight playing across the perfect planes of his face, catching in the gold of his hair. He seemed to notice my appraisal and smiled. My eyes narrowed.
“Well, I had to hunt you down to find you,” he said. “You haven’t been back to your loft in a couple days. I’d feared something had happened to you.” A pause. “And I am not a ‘giant’ Angel. I’m a perfectly normal sized Angel.”
My dumbass could not help a glance down at the place where I wondered if he was a perfectly normal size indeed, and I was gratified when this seemed to make him a little uncomfortable for the first time since I’d known him.
“You found me,” I said, reclaiming the subject. “So what do you want?”
Kieran strolled along beside me as I continued my walk. “What do you mean what do I want? I thought we were partners, that we agreed to locate Vida together.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been rethinking that. You don’t need me. I can’t get any more involved.”
Kieran looked at me as though I’d personally wounded him. “I do need you,” he said. “Especially if the Sisterhood really does have the child, as that Accursed claimed.”
I glanced over at him from the corner of my eyes. “What makes you think I’m not in on it, then? I saw the way you looked at me when the Accursed revealed that. You thought I’d lied to you about what I knew. Maybe I did.”
“No, you didn’t.”
I scoffed, tossing up my hands and picking up my pace. Kieran sped up to keep beside me. “This whole thing has caused me enough trouble as it is. I can’t be sure of anything anymore, and I just want things to go back to normal. So, please, just leave me alone.”
“Back to normal?” Kieran challenged. “You mean your wonderful life of loneliness, murder, binge drinking and sleeping with random males?”
These words had my temper touching the sky. I turned on him with gri
tted teeth and clenched fists, and though I could not see them, I was pretty sure the flames of my fire magic were burning red hot in my eyes.
“You don’t know shit about me,” I snapped. “And I don’t need your judgment or approval. If this was your way of trying to convince me to help you, congratulations, I’m convinced. I want nothing to do with you, or the child, or any of this other bullshit. Got it?”
Kieran was silent a moment, standing as still as a statue. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said those things.”
I started to walk away again. “You’re fucking right you shouldn’t have.”
When he caught my arm, I looked down at where he touched me, still feeling my rage simmering below the surface. I sent a bit of fire magic there, but from the look on his face, I did not think this was why he released me. He released me because he realized that it was not right to hold me.
“I’m sorry, Iliana,” the Angel repeated, and Gods if there wasn’t sincerity in those blue eyes. “I should not have presumed to know how you wish to live your life, or to have judged it. I’ll leave you be for now, because I know I’ve upset you, but I hope you will reconsider.”
His hand came up then, as if he were thinking of placing it against my cheek. I held very still, unable to pull my eyes away from his gaze. His mouth tightened, as if he wanted to say more, but he did not. He simply nodded a goodbye, unfurled those massive white wings on his back, and shot off into the air.
My hair lifted off my shoulders at his departure, and my eyes followed him until he disappeared into the sunset. I continued to walk along the beach for a while, hoping that the ocean would provide the serenity I counted on it for.
But it was lost and would not return.
A week passed, and I did not hear from Kieran, nor did I receive another Mark from the Superiors. I didn’t know what to make of either of these things, so I resolved not to make anything of them at all.
I tried to use my usual methods of coping—namely booze and males, but after one night of drunken sex with another stranger, I realized that these things were only making me feel worse.
And this realization made me feel worse still.
As much as I still thought the Angel was out of line for what he’d said to me, I had to admit that there had been some truth to it. Even before the whole incident in the park with the child, I’d been feeling discontent as of late. At one time, if someone had asked me what I wanted out of life, I would have answered without hesitation that all I wanted was to be a formidable, respectable member of the Sisterhood. The Sisterhood was life. The Sisterhood came first. The Sisterhood was all I needed.
I’d believed those things.
Now, I didn’t know what I wanted, where I stood, what I believed. It was a mess, and I needed to speak to someone who could help me sort it out. This was the biggest indication that I was in a bad way, because reaching out to others for help was not a coping mechanism that I ever resorted to. When I felt troubled, my instinct was to withdrawal into myself, to analyze the situation in my own head until I formed acceptable conclusions.
But I needed a friend.
The trouble was, I didn’t really have any. I had Sisters, and that was not quite the same thing.
Abri was the Sister who was closest in location, a six hour ride to the north of where I was, and after another couple days went by with no word from the Superiors, I said fuck it and hopped on my bike to go see her.
This was a risk, because if they sent me another Mark with another very tight timeframe, I wouldn’t make it back in time to get the job done. But it was a risk I was going to take, because I felt as though I was teetering on the edge of something, and I knew instinctively that if I tipped over, crawling back out again would prove very difficult, if not impossible.
The ride helped to clear my mind, however, and by the time I reached the city where Abri was located, I already felt a little better than I had in days.
I went straight to her apartment and let myself in.
Then I waited for her return.
12
“There’s an efficient way to get yourself killed,” said Abri, lowering her blade and tucking it away into her jacket. She embraced me, and then held me by the shoulders to get a look at me. “Why are you here? Are you okay?”
I felt emotions welling up in me when I looked at her, and bit down on my tongue to control myself. Just the smell of her, the familiarity of her dark, curly hair and the curve of her face, comforted me.
“I’m fine,” I lied, and was sure she knew it. “Can we talk?”
Abri’s brows furrowed, but she nodded. We were standing outside her apartment, and she went to put the key in the lock, but I shook my head.
“Not here,” I said. “Take a walk with me?”
Abri held her piece until we were out of the apartment building and strolling down a quiet street in the city. This was a residential area of old row homes, with character in every bit of molding and corner. Cars lined either side of the street, which was narrow, but no one was out for the time of day. Early morning lent a serene feel to the place, and I busied my eyes on the various houses, their unique colors and decorations.
“What’s going on, Ili?” Abri asked, but answered her own question. “I thought we went over this. Whatever is going on with that child, it has nothing to do with you.”
I told her of the new developments. The seven keys and the Veil. The Angel and the Sisterhood’s role. The Nagah Mark who’d somehow gotten the drop on me. When I stopped speaking, she was silent for a time, and I bit my lip as I waited to hear her conclusion.
It came in the form of a question. “Do you wish to leave the Sisterhood?” she asked.
I paused in my tracks, and if Abri’s arm were not linked through mine, I might have stood there a while. She pulled me forward, however, as if she understood intuitively that the motion would soften the blow of the words.
It was a question that I had never considered, a thought that hadn’t even dared enter my mind. When one became a Sister, it was a lifetime appointment. There were no exit or retirement plans. Sisters continued on in their duties until they were physically (or sometimes mentally) unable to carry on, at which point most took their own lives rather than living in such a weak state.
That future had never seemed so bleak as it did now, so…unpalatable.
I answered as truthfully as I dared. “We both know that’s not an option.”
Abri sighed, giving my arm a squeeze. I was rather surprised at her warmth and sympathy toward the situation. She was usually the one that would revert to The Code for any problem that may arise, who would preach the sanctity of the Sisterhood at any sign of doubt.
“I didn’t ask if it was an option,” she said. “I asked if it’s what you want.”
Again, I tried to at least walk alongside what I felt was the truth. “I don’t know what I want. I just know that I’m unhappy, and this whole mess with the child and the Accursed and the Angel, it’s only making things worse.”
“Is your unhappiness a result of all these recent happenings, or were your apprehensions present before the child and the rest?”
I looked over at my Sister, who was watching me closely with her big brown eyes. “When did you become a psychologist?” I asked.
“You deal with our lifestyle your way,” she answered, “and I cope in mine. Part of that has been studying the brain and how it works, along with the nature of people. For all their faults, humans have made great leaps in understanding science and society, and to overlook these accomplishments because they were done by people who are not supernatural would be foolish. Now, answer the question.”
“And if the answer is blasphemous?”
“It’s still the answer, and blasphemy is little more than a matter of opinion.”
“I was unhappy before,” I said at last. “And if not unhappy, then at least not content.”
“Ah,” she said.
My gaze flicked to her. “What does ‘ah�
�� mean?”
Abri smiled, a gesture that had broken many a heart. “It just means that I’m not entirely surprised. If one of us was gonna break from it all, my money was always on you.”
My jaw hung open. “You anticipated this?”
She pursed her lips in thought. “Well, not this. Not the specific situation, but I told you, I’ve been studying people, and when you get down to it, what the Sisterhood has always fought to suppress in us is our humanity. We’re Demons, but we’re also half human. Humans are feeling creatures, Iliana, as much as it would be easier not to be, it’s true. The way we live, the way we grew up, the things we do, they take a toll. Why do you think so many Sisters die young? Why do you think the Academy is always kept full of new fledglings?”
As she spoke, I felt rather dull because I had simply not considered these things. For whatever reason, I’d not looked beneath the veil of what had been sold me. Perhaps I’d known instinctually that I would not like what I found.
“Abri,” I said, “what am I supposed to do?”
My Sister looked at me with sympathy in every plain of her lovely face. “I’d warn you again not to go any deeper, but you’ve always been a rebel. And it may be too late for that, anyway. So just watch your back, I guess. Watch it real close.”
I dared not stay too long with Abri, as she lived six hours from my station and the Superiors could send me another Mark at any time. We parted with a hug, and I lingered in her arms for a moment while she stroked my hair. I hated how vulnerable I felt, but was powerless against it.
“Be strong, little Sister,” Abri told me, and sent me on my way.
The ride back was soothing, and by the time I returned to the loft in Carson City, I was ready for a shower and bed. I made quick work of the former and fell into the latter immediately after. Sleep claimed me swiftly.