by Hannah Pearl
I passed round boxes of pizza whilst Charmaine handed out cans of pop. She had wisely suggested that we didn’t risk using the glasses either. I shifted a stack of Viz magazines and sat on the manky brown sofa, where I immediately sank so low that I’d need a hand when it was time to get up. My cousin watched me and decided to take a chance on sitting on the floor instead. I wished I had done the same, until she let out a shriek and shot up.
‘Something tickled me,’ she cried. ‘That better not have been a rodent or I’m never coming to visit this skanky hole again.’
I pulled my feet up off the floor and tucked them underneath me on the sofa just in case.
Matt laughed and reached behind her. ‘It was just an old sock, you must have sat up against it,’ he said, holding up a piece of fabric. It was thick with mud, and had been under the sofa for long enough that big balls of fluff were stuck to it.
‘That’s no better than a rat,’ Charmaine squealed.
Matt picked it up and waved it at her and we both screamed at him. He laughed, finding himself hilarious, until a ball of dust detached from the sock and floated gently down until it landed on his pizza.
‘Jonno,’ he shouted up the stairs, ‘it’s your turn to clean this bloody place. It’s turning into a dump.’ ‘Turning into’ gave it more credit than the house deserved. It had passed dump status about three black bin bags and a decent vacuuming ago.
Matt blew the dust off the pizza, but thankfully he didn’t eat that slice. Instead he took it out and rested it on top of the empty box on the coffee table.
‘So what are your plans for this evening?’ he asked us. ‘Not that I’m complaining about having my dinner provided.’
‘We’re off to the Standard,’ I said. ‘There’s a band playing that we thought we’d check out.’
Just then Matt’s flatmate, Big Steve, walked in, swiped the dirty piece of pizza and ate it as he went upstairs. Charmaine and I looked at each other and shuddered. Matt didn’t even notice and carried on talking. ‘That sounds all right,’ he said, taking a swig from his can of Coke. ‘Let’s clear up here and I’ll come with you.’
‘What’s to clean? We didn’t use any of your stuff?’ Charmaine pointed out as Matt shooed her into the kitchen.
‘You wash and I’ll dry,’ he said, pointing at the mountain of dirty pots in the sink.
‘None of that is ours,’ I pointed out.
‘If we don’t get it done soon I won’t have time to come out,’ he said.
‘I don’t want you to,’ I argued, wondering what he would say if he realised who we were going to watch.
‘Come on, you don’t really want me to have mice in the house, do you?’ he asked.
I sighed, long used to the games my brother played to score some extra help, and started scrubbing. Charmaine grabbed a black bin bag and started throwing out all the empty food boxes, which littered the surfaces. She also chucked a pan which contained food remnants so carbonised it was impossible to tell what the cook had been attempting to make in the first place. Matt disappeared off claiming he was going to look for a clean tea towel so that he could dry up, but I figured that was probably a futile gesture. This household didn’t seem that concerned with housework or hygiene.
When he came back downstairs he had changed clothes and gelled his hair. The kitchen was looking slightly less like a bomb site. He didn’t have a tea towel with him. ‘Couldn’t find a clean one after all, so these might as well drip dry whilst we’re out,’ he said, gesturing at the now sparkling set of plates.
‘Let’s go,’ Charmaine said, tugging on her jacket. ‘I need a wee and there’s no way I’m going to use the loo here without a gas mask.’ We headed out to make the short walk to the pub.
The Standard was huge, built around three hundred years ago, when the area was still mostly woods. Today, Epping Forest remained as a reminder of the rural past, but increasing numbers of houses had grown around its outskirts, hence the crowds milling around outside waiting to go in and hear Nick’s band. Rumour had it that the front bar area was haunted by a ghost of an old highwayman who was caught and hung on the site shortly before the pub was built. I wasn’t sure I believed the tales, but I tried to avoid having to order the drinks, just in case.
The previous landlord had extended the bar area at the back and added a stage. I’d been to a couple of gigs here when I was a teenager, but hadn’t been since I’d returned from university. It hadn’t changed a bit; the old wooden benches at the back were still too narrow and too hard to be comfortable. I handed Matt some cash and asked him to fetch the drinks. He laughed at my being a scaredy-cat, but went anyway. Sometimes it was nice to have a big brother.
The warm up band were playing and there was a decent crowd already, though I expected it to get busier as the evening wore on. The room felt cosy, with its low ceilings, and a pit at the back where open fires were lit in winter. The warmth of a June evening, coupled with the body heat from the people dancing, meant that there would be no need for one tonight.
Matt returned carrying a round of beers and handed us each a bottle. More people crowded in, and we found ourselves being edged nearer the stage. The band played their final song and we cheered as they packed up. I took my jacket off and dropped it onto a bench.
My heart began to race as the band packed away their instruments and the stagehands began to set up for Nick’s band. I was just about to chicken out and nip to the loo when Nick himself came onto the stage and plugged in his guitar. He looked striking, lit up by a spotlight against the black stage, complete with black curtains.
He played a few chords and asked the tech guy at the back to adjust the settings. He sang a line into the microphone, unleashing an ear-splitting feedback loop that caused me to cover my ears. Charmaine grinned and gave me a thumbs up and I was glad that someone was finding this funny.
Matt nudged me and shouted in my ear, ‘Hey, isn’t that the bloke you used to fancy at college?’
Sadly, he shouted this just as the wail ended and the room had fallen quiet. A ripple of laughter went round the crowd, and Nick paused from his preparation to look at who was talking. He walked over to the edge of the stage. I tried to step back but by now there were so many people in the room I couldn’t escape.
‘Evie?’ he asked, as he noticed who I was.
Chapter Six
The band were actually really good and, if I hadn’t been feeling so embarrassed all evening, I would probably have enjoyed the music. Nick looked great, he stripped down to a tight black vest for the final songs, and his arms displayed some impressive biceps that hadn’t been there when I knew him. He must have been putting in some serious gym time these days.
He’d asked me to stay and join him for a drink after they finished playing. I wanted to skip out, but Charmaine pointed out that there was no point in me retracing my past if I kept running away from it. I sucked it up and waited, my heart pounding, to see if I could learn anything about where I’d gone wrong with Nick.
I’d initially met him through a mutual friend. The lead singer of his old band had been in my English Literature A-level class and a group of us had gone along to hear them play one night. Nick had been spellbinding to watch as he rocked out to their music, hair flying as he danced. I’d been captivated, and when the band had joined us for a drink afterwards, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He’d noticed, and had offered to walk me home. When he kissed me on the doorstep I’d found myself pressing against him. He was the first guy I’d kissed who really moved me.
Sadly, I don’t think I’d moved him as much, as we had a couple of dates and I was just starting to think of him as an actual (whisper the word), boyfriend, when he unceremoniously dumped me. I’d never known why, but perhaps by the end of tonight I might pluck up the courage to ask him.
Charmaine and Matt danced crazily to the music, with their arms in the air and plenty of jumping. I managed a gentle swaying motion, but was too distracted by thoughts of what I was going to say to N
ick. Luckily I didn’t need to worry too much. He was so high from adrenaline when he got off stage that he talked enough for all of us.
He told me that my ex-classmate was now a councillor for their local area, which I was chuffed about until he said what party he represented. ‘I never knew he was a selfish prick,’ I said, causing Nick to laugh so hard he spat beer out.
‘How about you?’ Nick asked. I told him that I was now a teacher, and he looked at me with respect. ‘I could never do that,’ he said. ‘I remember how awful I was to teachers.’
‘They keep me on my toes,’ I admitted. Not that any of my students had led a mass student walkout, as Nick once had, claiming that it was too warm inside to study and insisted that his classmates would only meet in the pub from then on.
The bar staff had started collecting glasses and most of the crowd had departed when the music had finished. Matt went to use the bathroom and Nick asked me for my mobile number. ‘I was thinking maybe I could look you up? For old times’ sake?’ he asked, and winked at me. I handed him my mobile to enter his number in and I promised to text him.
I was just thinking about how I could meet up with him somewhere more private and subtly find out what had gone wrong, when Matt returned. I took my chance to use the loos, Charmaine was right about not using the ones back at Matt’s house if you could help it. I had once discovered that his flatmate had been tasked to clean it before my parents visited. He’d opened a window and hidden the porn mags and been pleased that he’d done a thorough job. It had smelt so bad I’d almost been sick.
When I got back to the table Charmaine was rolling her eyes at something one of the guys had said, and they all stood as I approached, ready to leave. We bid our goodbyes and began walking back to the house, but two minutes later I realised I’d forgotten my jacket.
‘The front bar will still be open while they re-stock for tomorrow,’ Matt said.
‘I’m not going in,’ Charmaine said.
Matt teased her about being scared, and whilst she refused to admit it, she would not budge. Instead I knocked on the door and was let in by myself to look for it. I wandered round the side of the small bar and out towards the stage. So far so good, as I didn’t see any ghosts, but I did hear a clatter behind me and jumped out of my skin. Realising that it was just two people making out behind the bar, I relaxed until they broke apart and I saw that one of them was Nick.
‘Just came to get my coat,’ I said, picking it up from the table and backing away.
Though I hadn’t thought about him in a long time until that week, it still hurt to think that he’d been chatting me up only ten minutes before I caught him snogging the barmaid. I blinked tears out of my eyes and tried to pull myself together again before I went back outside.
‘Got it,’ I said, holding up my jacket. I led the way down the street and they had to jog to catch up with me.
‘Slow down,’ my cousin panted. ‘I’ve got heels on and I can’t run.’
I did as she asked, but even once they’d caught me I found it hard to concentrate on their chatter. It wasn’t until I heard Charmaine moaning at Matt for being overprotective that I zoned back in again. ‘What did you say?’ I asked.
‘I was giving him a bollocking for warning Nick off you,’ she said.
‘Warning Nick off me?’ I asked, my voice rising despite how late at night it was and how many houses lined the street we were on.
Charmaine put her hand on my arm to try and calm me down but I shrugged it off. A light flicked on in a room opposite where we stood but no one emerged from the houses. I tried to get my temper back under control.
‘I just pointed out that you were my little sister and he should be careful,’ Matt said, as if in my mid- twenties I still needed his protection.
‘You do realise that thanks to your little warning he had already decided not to bother with me at all,’ I said, and turning my back on them, I carried on walking.
‘What happened?’ Charmaine asked.
I stopped and turned back to face them.
‘By the time I went back in just now he had already moved on to the barmaid.’
‘See, so it’s just as well I warned him off, save you getting hurt by someone who would cheat on you,’ my brother said.
‘Or maybe he would have been okay but he thought that it wasn’t worth bothering with someone who still turned up to gigs with their bodyguard.’
Back at Matt’s house I was fuming with him. I think he knew because he gave up his bed without complaint so that Charmaine and I could share it and took himself off to sleep on the sofa.
‘So who’s next?’ Charmaine asked.
‘Maybe I should give up on this whole bloody scheme,’ I said, trying not to cry. ‘So far all it has reminded me is that my taste in men is awful, and that even when I find a cute guy he can’t be bothered with me.’
‘Or maybe it’s shown you that the people you were choosing were either not good enough or not grown up enough to handle you. Didn’t Nick start going out with one of Matt’s many exes just after he dumped you? Maybe he just wanted someone he thought would be a surer thing back then too?’ she countered. ‘So who is next?’
‘I think I’ll skip the next one, I have no idea how I’ll go about it.’
‘So who was it?’ she asked again, turning over in bed and accidentally kneeing me in the back.
‘It was the first time I kissed George,’ I admitted.
Chapter Seven
It was the summer that I’d turned seventeen. Matt was two years older, and after his year out, which he’d spent partially travelling but mostly going out drinking and partying with George, he was off to university. He’d arranged a meal with some friends for the night before he left. I was never sure whether my parents had guilt-tripped him into inviting me, or whether he’d felt sorry for me sitting at home yet again as he went out, but I was a last minute addition to the group.
We’d had a private room at the back of a restaurant. My parents had paid for the food but we were paying for our own drinks, so I spent most of the evening slowly nursing my pint. Matt had had a few, and after we’d finished eating he suggested that we move next door to where the bar had a dance floor.
I followed them through, but hung back and watched as Matt asked several girls in turn to dance. They all said yes, of course, and I admired his confidence. One of his mates asked me to dance, and I was about to join in, when another guy led him off to the bar instead, so I sat back down and carried on watching everyone else having fun.
Eventually it was kicking out time. The other girls shared a cab home, and the guys gradually wandered off in different directions. By the time we got back to our house, it was only Matt, George and I left. We went in and I put the kettle on to make us some tea. I figured Matt could probably use some time to sober up. He started a film, but within ten minutes was fast asleep on the sofa. I got up and fetched a blanket to cover him.
‘He’s going to feel rough tomorrow,’ George said with a grin. I smiled back, but only for a moment.
George took my hand and led me into the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking but I followed him anyway.
‘What’s up?’ he asked me. ‘Didn’t you have fun tonight?’
‘I did,’ I assured him. ‘It was nice to watch you all.’
‘I noticed that you didn’t join in. Don’t you like dancing?’
‘I do. I just, well, no one asked me,’ I said, wondering why I hadn’t just danced by myself as some of the others had. I wondered whether he would laugh at how shy I suddenly felt, but instead he reached out and drew me against him.
‘We can dance now,’ he said, resting his hands on my hips and moving me against him.
I looked up at him, and he returned the eye contact. Neither of us blinked, and he ran his fingers slowly down my face.
‘This is a little confusing,’ he said.
‘What is?’ I asked, still unable to take my eyes off him. He slowly lowered his head until he
could place a gentle kiss on my lips.
Even though I hadn’t seen it coming, as soon as he touched me it felt electric, and I found myself stood on my tiptoes kissing him back. He wrapped me in his arms, and I crushed myself against him, returning his kisses with a passion and an energy that surprised me. He stepped back, and I took his hand and led him to the counter. Lifting myself up until I was sat on it, I was the same height as him now and I reached for him. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I drew him in and kissed him again until we both needed to come up for air.
‘Wow,’ he said, stepping back and running his hands through his hair.
‘That was fun,’ I said, trying to act grown up and not show him that my legs were actually shaking like jelly. It was lucky that I was sat down. He kissed me again, and I let my hands reach down and run over his backside. It felt hard and muscular below my fingers. I could feel a bulge pressing against me, and I wondered how far he would take this. I wasn’t sure myself how far I was ready to go. He lifted my blouse, and was just stroking my back and reaching for my bra strap when we heard the living room door shut. He jumped back, and we both straightened our clothes.
Matt walked in, and I pretended that we’d just come in to get another drink and got chatting. Matt said he was going to bed, and he guided George towards the front door. I wanted to offer to show him out, I was desperate for one more goodnight kiss, or maybe to ask him where it had come from, but there was no opportunity and before I knew it he had gone. I didn’t see him again for three months after that, until Matt came home at Christmas.
By that point I had got over him, and developed a crush on a boy in my psychology class, but it all changed when George got me under the mistletoe. Matt had got lucky at the club and gone home with a pretty blonde girl. When he’d asked George to make sure I got home safely, I don’t think Matt realised what he was doing.