by Hannah Pearl
‘We got married six months ago,’ Jem told me, as I took a huge mouthful of whiskey and promptly ended up coughing half of it back over myself. I didn’t speak for a few moments and Jem continued. ‘We met at opening night of one of my plays and it was love at first sight. See, I’m married and I still feel like I’m figuring it out one day at a time sometimes.’
He scooted closer to me and put his arm around me, I rested my head on his shoulder.
‘He’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘I’m glad you’re happy. Besides, if I wanted to learn about men and relationships, it turns out I came to the right place.’
‘Just wondering how I punched above my weight when I met him?’ Jem asked, gesturing at the picture again. I grinned, and Jem stood up and held a hand out to help me up. ‘Speaking of which, he’ll be expecting me home soon.’ I took his hand and tried to stand up, at which point I found myself clasping on to him.
‘I swear I’m not trying to hit on you either,’ I said. ‘But would you mind very much holding me up until the room stops spinning?’
Chapter Nineteen
Daylight flooded the room and I sat up, trying to work out where I was. Sadly, the answer was in a world of pain. My head throbbed, and my mouth felt like a cat’s litter tray, and not a clean one. I reached for the duvet and pulled it back over my head, ignoring the sense of queasiness in my stomach. I gave up and lay back down again. Clearly I wasn’t ready yet to tackle whatever today held.
When I came round again some time later, I no longer felt quite as sick, and the aching in my head had eased a little. I smelt coffee, and emerging from the duvet was handed a mug by the most striking man I’ve ever seen, and I wasn’t just thinking that because he also handed me some painkillers.
‘I hear my husband got you drunk last night,’ he said. I was about to sit up and try to explain when he laughed, and I swear even that sounded like music, regardless of how delicate my hearing felt.
I took a few mouthfuls of coffee and set it down. Reaching up I found my hair had escaped from my scrunchy overnight and was now sticking up in all directions. I pulled it back into a bun, hoped that I didn’t smell like a brewery, and sat back to look at him. Even on my best day I couldn’t hold a candle to him, let alone this morning when I was desperately hung-over.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I don’t usually go round to people’s houses and pass out on them.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I’ve been talking to Jem about cutting back on his drinking. I think seeing you get wasted on what he considered a small winding down drink might have helped persuade him that I’m right.’
‘Do you have the time please?’ I asked as I realised all at the same time that it was both the final day of school before the holiday, and that I was in no fit state to be teaching.
‘It’s seven o’clock,’ Derek told me. ‘Jem is in the shower. He said you had left your car near his school and took a cab home? I’ll make you some breakfast and you can have the next shower. If you feel halfway decent after that I’ll drop you both in on my way to work.’
Miraculously a shower and some food later and I did feel nearly human. Jem found me a new toothbrush and gave me another of his black T-shirts to wear. As we pulled up next to my car he got out and gave me a hug.
‘Thank you,’ I told him.
‘For getting you so drunk you passed out on my couch?’ he joked.
‘For making me laugh and remember how much fun I used to have with you. Hell, even breaking up with you was the most fun I ever had dumping someone.’
‘I’m glad I was helpful,’ he said and handed me a piece of paper. ‘Here’s my number and email address. It was fun seeing you again. If you ever fancy catching up, maybe going to watch a play for old time’s sake, do get in touch.’
I kissed his cheek and he pulled me in for a hug. He whispered softly into my ear. ‘It’s okay to let it go, whatever it is that hurt you.’ I pulled back but he continued to talk to me. ‘I don’t know what you’re looking for by going back over the past, but you’re obviously still the same crazy fun girl I used to know. Whatever it was, don’t make it bigger than it needs to be. You’re doing okay.’
I turned to unlock my Mini so that he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. ‘I’ll call you,’ I shouted, as I switched on the engine and drove away. I paused at a corner to wait for a bus to pass, and in my mirror I watched behind me as Jem walked round to Derek’s window, reached in and gave him a proper goodbye kiss, and then I drove away too, mulling over his parting words. The peace and contentment that Jem shared with his husband felt contagious. Maybe I should relax and let myself have fun again.
Even though the worst of my hangover had passed, the day still dragged. I set my year sevens to do some silent reading as I hunched over a piece of paper and tried to note down some of the thoughts that were buzzing around in my scattered brain. It wasn’t until the second paper aeroplane hit me that I realised that they were as restless and ready for the break as I was. I told them to turn to the person sitting next to them and talk about what they’d just read. We all knew that it was an excuse for them to chat, but they had earned it.
For my year eights, we invented a game where they ran around the playground and when they caught another friend, they had to make up a short story or a poem about something they had seen. Again, as far as I could see they were mostly running talking about EastEnders and football, but the gentle breeze was blowing away the last of my headache so it felt like a useful exercise to me.
By the time the final bell rang I felt fully human, but I begged off going to the pub with the other teachers. I planned not to drink again any time soon, and I really wanted to go and visit Jake and see how he was feeling. Jem’s pearls of wisdom as we’d said goodbye this morning had left me with butterflies in my stomach. I always enjoyed seeing Jake, he made me feel safe and happy, but as I walked around the corner to knock on his door, I found my mind drifting back to how I’d felt when I had kissed him.
He opened the door wearing denim shorts, an unbuttoned shirt and bare feet. I saw the scattering of blonde curly hair on his chest and completely forgot what I’d meant to say. I hated when guys talked to my chest. Thankfully I rarely had to put up with it, Charmaine on the other hand now owned a T-shirt with an arrow pointing up and the slogan, ‘I’m up here’ printed on it. Regardless, this time it was me doing the perving. As much as I meant to, I could hardly maintain eye contact.
Jake coughed and drew the edges of his shirt together. ‘I gave up on buttons, and given how warm it is today I thought I could get away with it. Perhaps not.’
‘Don’t cover up on my account,’ I spluttered, and even though he’d turned his back to show me into the house I could guess that he was grinning. ‘How are you feeling?’ I asked as he led me into the kitchen.
‘I’m not too bad,’ he replied. ‘Dad goes home tomorrow, and then I’ll be busy looking after Alice again. I think she’s enjoyed having Grandpa here this week.’
‘Where are they?’ I asked, finally noticing how quiet the house seemed.
‘Yesterday Alice was pretending to be a T-Rex, so today they’re at the Natural History Museum.’
It was one of my favourite places, and normally I’d be able to picture myself walking through the hallowed halls looking at the skeletons and fossils too. Today though I gulped, aware that it was just myself and Jake in the house. The kettle boiled and I jumped out of my seat to make us some tea.
‘I can do that,’ Jake offered but I shook my head. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t gone out drinking with all your colleagues,’ he said. ‘I’d have thought every pub in the country would be full of teachers celebrating tonight.’
‘I’m not drinking for a while,’ I told him, handing him a mug and running my hand across my forehead, remembering that morning’s headache.
He grinned and sat at the table. ‘I’m assuming this will be a story worth listening to.’
I paced around the kitchen trying to think where to s
tart. Luckily, before I could, the front door opened and Alice ran in. She threw herself at Jake and began roaring at him. ‘I’m a Tyrannosaurus,’ she said as she stomped around the room.
Jake’s dad sat heavily in a chair and breathed a sigh of relief at being home. Jake crossed to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of lager and handed it to him. Pete twisted the cap off and took a deep drink. ‘Now I remember why people have kids when they’re your age and not mine,’ he told us, looking from me to Jake and back again.
Alice climbed up onto the chair next to her granddad and rested her elbows on the table. ‘Dinosaur hungry,’ she said, and I assumed this was her hinting that it was time for someone to make her dinner.
‘I’m afraid we’re all out of triceratops burgers,’ Jake said, peering into the freezer. ‘But I can offer you some archaeopteryx nuggets and chips, if you like?’
She nodded and he grabbed several packages out of the drawer. Attempting to loosen the clips on the bags, I noticed him wince when he put any pressure on his sore wrist. I got up and walked over to him, taking the bag from his hands and opening it. I saw a flicker of frustration pass across his face, so I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. ‘You can cook for me once you’re all healed,’ I assured him.
‘I will,’ he replied, giving me a squeeze back and a lingering gaze. His dad coughed gently behind us, and it broke the magnetic force that had held us in place.
‘My little T-Rex and I will be next door watching CBeebies if you need us,’ he said, taking Alice’s hand and leading her into the living room.
I raided their fridge again and threw together a quick pasta dish while the nuggets cooked. I didn’t want Bea to get home from work hungry and then have to start cooking.
When Jake went back next door to call them in, his dad was snoring whilst Alice still stalked up and down the room, hunting her prey.
Chapter Twenty
I wanted to find a way to have some time alone with Jake but at the same time my chat with Jem was weighing on my mind. In deciding to try and not be deterred by the past, I became conscious that if I spent time alone with Jake, I wasn’t sure what I’d say or do. I shouldn’t have worried though. By the time we’d eaten and Alice demanded that Jake read her stories, my day and drunken night were catching up with me and I yawned so loudly than no one questioned me when I said I needed to head home.
My plans to sleep until lunchtime on my first day of holiday were derailed by a ringing sound at nine a.m. I swore loudly and whacked my alarm clock three times before I realised that the noise was actually my doorbell. Throwing on a robe, I went to the door to find Alice and Jake smiling at me.
‘We thought we’d give you a lie in,’ Jake said as I let them in. He made some coffee while I showered. I found myself taking the time to wash my hair and shave my legs. Partly to point out that I couldn’t easily be hurried first thing in the morning, and partly because I found myself wanting to look my best.
I found a loose floaty dress in my wardrobe, feeling quietly pleased with myself that I really was throwing off my jeans and T-shirt habit. I think Jake liked it because I noticed him watching me throughout the day. Alice wanted to go to the park so I spent time pushing her on the swings as Jake’s injured wrist wasn’t up to the job. We took a picnic and tried to persuade Alice to eat some, even though it was more fun to throw food to the ducks. Afterwards, Jake bought us ice creams and we sat side by side on the edge of the paddling pool, with our feet in the water as we ate.
Alice was tired after her seven hundredth trip down the slide, and insisted that Uncle Jake carry her home. He scooped her up in his good arm and set off down the road. At first he marched off at a good pace, but I could see the effort start to tell. By the time we were safely back in the house with Alice parked in front of Frozen on the big TV, and Jake and I sat in the back garden with a glass of lemonade, I could see him grimace and rub his shoulder.
‘Cramp,’ he muttered through gritted teeth. ‘She’s getting heavier than I realised.’
I set my glass down and stepped behind him. I started to massage his tender joint, and he sighed as the pain eased. I spread my hands so that they were one on each side of his neck and continued to work his tired muscles. I could feel the strength under my fingers, and even when the last of the tightness appeared to have eased I found myself still touching him.
Eventually he turned and reached for my hands. Guiding me till I was standing in front of him, he placed them flat against his chest and held them in place. I could feel his heart beat under my palm. I felt like I was caught in his gravitational pull, the desire to kiss him was so strong I had to hold myself back. It was clear that he wanted me, and the knowledge gave me a thrill, though I was still held in place by the uncertainty, until his thumb brushed the back of my hand and I came undone. I sat on his knee, trying to avoid bumping into his sore arm, and brushed a soft kiss across his lips.
I kept it light, waiting to see how he would react to me, and he did so by returning my kiss with another, deeper kiss of his own. He gently pulled the scrunchy from my hair and ran his fingers through its auburn length. He nuzzled against my neck and I pressed myself more firmly against his chest. I kissed him again, this time parting my lips and felt his tongue touch mine. I felt a delicious tingle zip down my spine and settle deep within my core.
His hand dropped from my neck to my waist, slowly curving around until it was holding me at the small of my back, pressing me tight against him. The next kiss was so passionate I found myself running my fingertips over his T-shirt, wishing I could remove it and run my hands over his bare chest.
I think Jake felt the same as his fingers ran over the straps of my dress. They slipped down my shoulders and he kissed where they had been. When his hand brushed against my breasts we broke the spell and pulled back, looking into each other’s eyes. If Alice hadn’t been just metres away I’d have dragged him up to his room there and then.
She was though, and it was just enough to keep me from losing control. I climbed off Jake’s lap and he rearranged his shorts as subtly as he could. ‘I’d better go,’ I said, though I didn’t really want to.
‘We’ll see you tomorrow?’ he asked. I nodded and let myself out.
At home I treated myself to a long hot soak in the bath. I didn’t sleep well for thinking about how badly I wanted Jake now that I’d allowed myself to think about being with him. Tossing and turning, my bed suddenly felt empty, and I finally fell asleep, imagining how it would have felt to be here in Jake’s arms. All too soon my doorbell was ringing again.
Alice greeted me with a bunch of brightly coloured flowers. I kissed the top of her head, and she ran inside my flat. I stepped back so that Jake could enter, then reached behind him to shut the front door. As I did he took me into his arms and kissed me again. I melted against his chest, staying pressed against him until we heard a little voice.
‘Yucky kisses,’ Alice said, wrinkling her nose at us.
I smiled at her, and saw Jake smile at me. ‘What’s the plan for today, kiddo?’ I asked her.
‘Wanna go swimming,’ she said.
I looked at the plaster cast on Jake’s wrist and told her I’d grab my costume. In my bedroom I found myself trying to decide between the simple black costume that I wore when I swam by myself, and the smaller, brighter bikini which I’d bought for my holiday with Charmaine five years earlier and not worn since.
It was worth rediscovering my bikini line and daring to wear the skimpy outfit, to see Jake’s mouth drop open when I led Alice to the pool a little while later. He was sat in the block of spectator seats, high up overlooking the pool and stood up as we walked to the poolside. I turned my back to him as I blew up Alice’s armbands and helped her put them on. When I turned back he was still standing. He noticed what he was doing and gave an awkward wave as he sat down. I laughed and blew him a kiss.
Alice and I stayed in the water until our toes were wrinkly, then met Jake in the changing room. He took Alice to get dressed and I went
for a shower. I felt his eyes linger on me as I walked away and found myself putting an extra sway in my step for his benefit. Afterwards we went to a café for lunch, but Alice could barely stop yawning.
‘I’d better get her home before she falls asleep,’ Jake said. ‘Bea will kill me if she naps this late because she’ll be up until all hours tonight.’
I meant to go back to my flat and get started on the pile of novels I’d been saving up for months to read during the holidays, but instead when Alice asked me to come inside and watch a film with her, I took no persuading. She climbed on to my knee and Jake had to settle for sitting next to me with his arm around me as we watched endless programmes on the CBeebies channel.
‘I’m going to start the dinner,’ Jake said. ‘Do you want to stay?’
‘I’d love to,’ I told him, ‘but Charmaine is stopping by later. I haven’t caught up with her for a while.’
‘She’s welcome too,’ Jake said so I sent her a text, and curled up with Alice for another show.
Later that evening we were sat round the table, empty plates in front of us, feeling sated and satisfied. For food, at any rate. Alice came in and stood in front us trying to choose who she wanted to read her bedtime stories that night. She looked carefully from her mum, to me and back to Jake. Finally she pointed at him and said, ‘Stories, Uncle Jake, but no yucky kisses like you give Evie.’
I felt all the eyes in the house turn to me and I dropped my own eyes to the floor. ‘No yucky kisses, I promise,’ said Jake, getting up and laughing. He tucked Alice under his arm and disappeared upstairs with her.
‘Stories, please, young lady,’ Bea called after Alice, before she turned back to face me with a questioning look on her face. Bea poured us each a glass of wine. ‘It’s time that you told us some stories too it seems. How goes the mission? Anything else you want to tell us?’