With luck, anywhere except Vermont.
Taking three quick steps backwards, she added, ‘Right now, I need to fix lunch.’
‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No, thanks. It’s only chicken salad. You go and see the children. Join in their game.’
Gray suggested a trip to Central Park after lunch. He always felt more at ease entertaining his children in wide open spaces with grass and trees and blue sky overhead, instead of pavement and department stores and hurrying crowds.
This time, Holly came with them.
Initially Gray hadn’t invited her. He’d assumed she’d be keen to grab a few hours of freedom to paint her toenails, or go shopping, or whatever city girls liked to do when they had time to themselves.
Just as the children and he were about to leave the apartment, however, Holly had handed him a pamphlet.
‘This shows you everything that’s going on in Central Park,’ she’d said.
Gray had dismissed this with a quick, ‘We’ll be fine.’
Even though he was only familiar with a tiny section of Central Park, he could find the zoo, and the carousel. Anna and Josh had never complained. ‘We’ll play it by ear, won’t we, kids?’
Holly looked surprised and she tapped a brightly coloured centre page. ‘But this pamphlet lists all the children’s activities. And there’s a puppet theatre.’
‘Puppets!’ Anna and Josh both squealed in chorus. ‘We want to see the puppets. Please, Daddy, please!’
Holly was still pointing to the printed page and Gray felt the first squeeze of panic. The words on the pamphlet danced and jumbled before his eyes and his chest tightened as frustration and inadequacy—two foes he’d been fighting all his life—surfaced.
‘Why don’t you come along with us?’ he asked her then. ‘And bring your pamphlet.’
Her cheeks turned pink—a very pretty pink, a perfect foil for her dark eyes and her shiny dark hair. The blush surprised Gray. Perhaps she was shyer than he’d realised.
‘Yes, Holly, come with us,’ Anna was pleading and grabbing her hand. ‘Please, come. Please!’
Holly shook her head. ‘But this is your special time to be with your daddy.’
However, she didn’t need much convincing.
‘Would you like me to try for last minute tickets for the puppets?’ she said next and already she was pulling her cellphone from her pocket.
They were in luck. There were four tickets available for the last performance that afternoon and when they set off for Central Park Gray noticed that Holly’s shyness was quickly evaporating.
It was soon clear that she genuinely liked to spend time outdoors with his children. She laughed a lot and her eyes shone, and she looked somehow just right in slim blue jeans and a simple grey T-shirt, with her dark hair tied back in a ponytail and her face free of make-up.
He thought, uneasily, that his children were really going to miss Holly when it was time to leave. He couldn’t help noticing how totally relaxed they were with her. Affectionate, too. Josh was perfectly happy to hold her hand when they crossed the busy streets, and Anna, all excited after a super-fast slippery slide, exchanged ecstatic high fives with Holly. The gesture was so automatic and natural Gray knew they’d done this many times.
And Holly’s pamphlet proved to be a great asset. It showed where the really cool playgrounds were, like the Ancient Playground based on the Egyptian Temple of Dendor, with model pyramids for climbing. And after the children had climbed and run and explored the zoo and thrown Frisbees and eaten ice creams, they all headed off to the puppet theatre in an old Swedish cottage.
The show turned out to be lively and hilarious, full of drama and excitement and silly pranks that were impossible not to enjoy.
All the children in the audience were encouraged to call out advice and warnings, so they practically lifted the roof off the ancient cottage. So very different from the serious, respectful hush of the audiences at the ballets Chelsea had dragged him to.
At one point, Gray glanced over Anna and Josh’s heads and caught Holly watching him. Her dark eyes sparkled with amusement and he realised he’d been laughing out loud.
Strewth. When was the last time that had happened?
They emerged from the theatre in the late afternoon, and together they strolled through the park in the softening light of the late spring evening. The children skipped ahead, wide smiles on their faces as they imitated the Big Bad Wolf, playing hide-and-seek behind tree trunks.
His kids were okay. They were happy. And Gray discovered that he was completely and totally relaxed. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d been, but now, for the first time since he’d received the shocking news about Chelsea, he was conscious of having truly unwound.
‘You shouldn’t have to cook again tonight,’ he told Holly. ‘Why don’t we eat out? My shout.’
She laughed. ‘I was going to suggest grabbing a meal on the way home. We have a tradition of eating out at our favourite diner on Saturday nights.’
A tradition? Gray wondered uneasily if Anna and Josh would miss these traditions. Would they be willing to help him create new traditions? He couldn’t take them to a diner near his Outback home. The nearest café was a hundred kilometres from Jabiru Creek. Could a campfire on a riverbank be a reasonable substitute?
As they pushed through the swing doors of the diner on 81st Street they were greeted by laughter and happy chatter and the appetizing smells of frying bacon and coffee. The waiters recognised Holly and the children and welcomed them warmly.
Gray was introduced.
‘My dad from Australia,’ Josh said proudly.
They slipped into a booth with Gray and Anna on one side, Holly and Josh on the other. The waiter handed out menus.
Gray barely looked at his. ‘I’ll have a hamburger.’
Holly shot him a surprised glance. ‘What kind of hamburger? There are at least six varieties.’
He shrugged, cracked a careless smile. ‘I’ve worked up an appetite. Whatever’s the biggest.’
‘That would be the Mighty Mo,’ the waiter told him with a grin.
‘Thanks. Sounds perfect.’ Gray turned to his daughter. ‘What about you, princess? What would you like?’
He watched Anna study the menu, following down the lists with her finger.
‘A grilled American cheese sandwich,’ she decided.
‘And I wanna hot dog,’ said Josh.
‘I’d like a hot dog, please, Daddy,’ Holly reminded him.
‘I’d like a hot dog, please, Dad.’ His son sent him a cheeky grin.
‘You’re both excellent readers,’ Gray said.
His children smiled politely, as if they were thinking— Of course. It’s only a simple old menu.
He asked quickly, ‘What are you having, Holly? Let me guess. A Greek salad?’ This had always been Chelsea’s choice and, judging by Holly’s slim build, Gray assumed she was equally diet-conscious.
‘Actually,’ she replied with a raised-eyebrow smile, ‘I rather fancy nachos with cheese, guacamole and sour cream.’
It was hours later, close to midnight, when Holly woke to the sound of high-pitched screaming. Her heart pounded as she leapt out of bed. Anna was having another nightmare.
She hurried through the apartment, not bothering to turn on a light. She was so familiar with the route from her bedroom to the children’s room that she could easily dodge furniture and find her way in the dark.
But tonight, halfway down the hall, she ran into a solid object. Six feet three inches of near-naked male. Gray’s warm bare chest and arms. His shoulders, bulky and smooth. His sculpted, cow-wrangling muscles. And he was only wearing boxer shorts.
‘Gray.’ She was suddenly breathless and flushed and—
‘What’s the matter with Anna?’ he demanded, stepping past her.
Holly came rapidly to her senses. ‘She’s having a nightmare.’
As they hurried into the children’s room, she gave herself
a mental slap. Okay, so having a close encounter with this man’s partly naked body was likely to send almost any female into a tizzy, but what had happened to her priorities? What about poor Anna?
In the children’s bedroom she switched on a lamp and the room was illuminated by a soft pink glow. Anna was huddled in a tight ball in the middle of her bed, sobbing, ‘Mommy! Mommy!’
Gray looked appalled and helpless, but Holly was sadly used to this scene. Kneeling on the bed, she drew the little girl into her arms. ‘There, there. It’s okay.’ She stroked Anna’s silky hair. ‘It’s okay, honey. You can wake up. You’re all right.’
She felt the mattress dip beneath an extra weight. Gray was sitting on the other side of the bed, his eyes fierce and filled with concern. Lifting a shaking hand, he touched his daughter’s tear-stained cheek.
‘Anna,’ he whispered. ‘Anna, baby.’
‘Daddy!’ The little girl lifted her head from Holly’s shoulder, then turned and hurled herself into her father’s arms. Within minutes her shuddering sobs calmed and she buried her face into his chest.
Holly couldn’t blame her. What little girl wouldn’t want to be held safe in those big, strong, manly arms?
Just the same, she couldn’t help feeling rejected. After weeks of comforting Anna during these middle of the night crises, Holly had suddenly become redundant.
She looked across to Josh’s bed. In the early weeks he’d been the first to jump up, trying to calm his sister. Lately, he’d been more inclined to lie quietly, wide awake, knowing that Holly would come, that Holly knew what to do and that the storm would eventually pass.
‘Hey there, champ,’ Holly whispered.
‘Hey,’ the boy returned softly and then he yawned.
‘You go back to sleep.’ She leaned over to drop a kiss on his warm, still baby-soft cheek. He really was the greatest little guy. She adored him.
Adored them both.
When she turned back to see how Anna was now, she found Gray watching her, and it was then, in the warmth of his gaze, that she remembered that he wasn’t the only adult in this room who was half undressed. She was in her thin cotton nightie—little more than a long, baggy T-shirt with a trail of dog’s paw-prints stamped across her chest.
She tried to shrug off the intimacy of this situation, of being here with Gray, both in their pyjamas, tending to his children in the middle of the night. But the intimacy seemed even greater now after their afternoon in the park and their shared meal. Almost as if the four of them were a little family.
Good grief, what am I thinking?
How could she betray Chelsea with such thoughts? Very soon she would be waving goodbye to this father and his kids. In the fall, she would embark on an exciting new career.
Enough already.
Determined to be sensible, Holly said softly, ‘I think Anna will be okay now.’
In the early weeks, she’d taken the little girl back to sleep in her bed, but lately she’d been weaning Anna out of that habit.
‘Perhaps she’d like a drink of water.’ Holly handed Gray a glass from the nightstand and watched as Anna took a few sips. ‘We can leave the lamp on for five minutes,’ she said.
‘Okay, princess?’ Gray gently eased his daughter back into bed.
Holly pulled up the covers and tucked her in. ‘Night, night.’
The little girl looked peaceful again, curled on her side, eyes closed, golden curls gleaming softly in the lamplight as she clutched her favourite fluffy koala.
Gray gave his daughter a kiss and his son a gentle shoulder thump.
‘’Night, Dad.’
When Gray and Holly were safely down the hallway once more, Gray let out his breath with a whoosh.
‘My God,’ he said quietly. ‘That scared the living daylights out of me. I’d rather hear a crocodile growling at my elbow than my own daughter screaming.’
‘Anna’s screams are heart-rending,’ Holly agreed.
‘Has this been happening all along? Ever since Chelsea—?’
Holly nodded. ‘It was worse at first. She’s getting better. This is the first nightmare in a while.’
‘Maybe she’s had too much excitement for one day.’
‘Perhaps that’s it.’
Gray let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’m sure I’m not going to be able to get back to sleep.’ He ran stiff fingers through his thick dark hair. ‘It’s two o’clock in the afternoon where I come from. Would I disturb you too much if I made a cuppa?’
‘No, not at all. Go right ahead.’
‘If I make tea, would you like a cup?’
‘Tea?’ She laughed. ‘English tea?’
He shrugged. ‘English, American…I’m not fussy.’
‘I’m afraid I only have green tea or camomile.’
He pulled a face. ‘How about wine, then? I bought a couple of Australian reds in the duty-free.’
No, thank you.
Holly was sure she should get straight back to her room. Right now. She should not sit around in the middle of the night in her jammies having cosy chats and glasses of vino with her charges’ scarily handsome father.
‘I…I’d love a glass. I’ll…um…just grab a wrap.’
Okay, I’m a bird-brain, but I do have a good excuse, Holly consoled herself as she hurried away. Gray needed to talk about his children. He needed to debrief after the scare he’d had with Anna.
By the time she came back into the kitchen, safely covered by a tightly knotted kimono that ended well below her knees, Gray had, mercifully, pulled on jeans and a T-shirt and he was freeing the cork from a bottle.
CHAPTER FOUR
GRAY was extremely grateful that Holly was prepared to sit and have a drink with him at midnight.
His daughter’s screams had shocked him and, even though Anna had calmed quite quickly in his arms, the experience had left him feeling shaken. Anxious.
Now, more than ever, he was aware of his lack of skills. There was so much he didn’t know, didn’t understand about his children. He wouldn’t be able to read the experts’ books on psychology and grief and yet, very soon, Anna and Josh would be completely in his care.
Suddenly, his excitement over having them back in his life was mixed with terror. All his failures came back to haunt him—all the problems stemming from his childhood that had tainted his marriage.
Hell. How could he be a good single father? How could he be a role model for his kids? He’d let his parents down, let his wife down. Would he let his children down, too?
Worries chased each other, snapping like dogs at the heels of his thoughts as he and Holly sat on the corner sofas next to plate glass windows with views of the city.
They left the lamps turned low and the curtains open so they could see the black towers of the skyscrapers dotted with squares of lemon light. From below came the non-stop honk and roar of traffic. New York, the city that never sleeps.
It was a wonder anyone could ever sleep here with that constant racket, Gray thought wryly.
Holly was now wrapped in an elegant dressing gown of jade-green silk with a pattern of graceful white cranes. She sat with her bare feet tucked to one side, slim fingers curled around her glass of wine.
‘It’s a Margaret River red,’ he said. ‘Should be good. Cheers.’
She smiled faintly as she raised her glass. ‘Cheers.’
They sipped the wine and shared satisfied smiles. The wine was very good.
At first they talked about practical things, about the kinds of clothes the children would need immediately in Australia, and what could be boxed for posting. There were toys to be sorted, too—favourites to go with the children now, some to be sent to charities, others to be shipped.
‘How will Anna and Josh feel about leaving their friends behind?’ Gray asked.
‘Their school friends?’ Holly shrugged. ‘I don’t think that will be a problem. Little kids move on. Friends come and go.’ She smiled. ‘Don’t look so worried, Gray. Josh is cracking his neck to get to y
our ranch.’
Somewhat reassured, Gray had to ask the question that really bothered him. ‘About Anna’s nightmares—’
‘Yes?’
‘Do you know why she has them? Could it be because she was with Chelsea when it…when the aneurism…happened?’
‘There’s a good chance.’ Holly dropped her gaze to her glass. ‘Chelsea collapsed when she was in the middle of making Anna a peanut butter sandwich.’
It was almost too awful to imagine. Poor Anna. Poor Chelsea. For a moment he couldn’t think past the horror of it. How helpless and terrified Anna must have felt and, quite possibly, even guilty.
He sighed heavily. ‘Does Josh have nightmares, too?’
Holly’s dark hair rippled as she shook her head. ‘I think Josh is naturally more resilient than Anna. But he rang for the ambulance, so he knows he did everything he could. I’m sure that’s helped him, even if it’s only at some subconscious level.’
It made sense, and the reminder of his son’s quick thinking caused a small glow of pride. But poor Anna shouldn’t feel guilty. ‘There must be so much I need to understand. Is there anything else you should warn me about?’
Frowning, Holly took another sip of wine before she answered. ‘I actually wish Josh showed more signs of grief. He’s been bottling it in and I’m sure a good cry would do him good.’
‘He probably thinks crying is for girls.’
‘Probably. My brothers would agree.’ Holly sighed. ‘He probably needs to be encouraged to talk about it.’ Gray grimaced. Talking about feelings? Sharing emotions with others? That was so not his scene. Weren’t women supposed to be so much better at it than guys? All his life, he’d been a man of action, not words.
Watching him, Holly said, ‘I guess you must be very busy running your ranch. I assume you’ve hired a nanny to help with the children.’
‘Ah…’ Gray drew a sharp breath. ‘So far, I’ve organised a team to look after the mustering, so that frees me up quite a bit. My plan was to wait till I saw Anna and Josh—and saw how they were. I thought I’d take them home, help them to settle in first, then look around for someone suitable.’
Rancher's Twins: Mom Needed Page 3