The Surprise
Oliver resumed rowing backwards with the oars now they were in home waters, and before they knew it he was expertly docking the boat at the jetty. The three of them, one after the other, slowly climbed out. They were all suddenly feeling very tired and were making dramatic huffing sounds with each movement.
Colin knelt down onto his knees and kissed the ground.
‘Wonder what time it is?’ Oliver said.
‘Thank you, both of you,’ Colin said soberly. ‘If it wasn’t for you two, I would have spent the rest of my day’s moon-walking.’
Lois gave Colin a hug.
‘Well,’ said Colin wearily, ‘I have a family to track down. I have two kids, you know!’ Colin said, smiling.
Oliver couldn’t get his head around that. Colin was around his age.
‘Well, bye,’ Colin said. ‘Once I am settled, I’ll bring the wife and kids over to say hello.’
‘Wait!’ Lois said, fishing around in her pocket. She pulled a few pound coins out and handed them to Colin. ‘My pocket money. You’ll need to catch a bus somewhere. I was going to buy my brother a birthday present with it, but...’ Lois looked to Oliver with thin lips and eyes narrowed.
‘By all means,’ Oliver said. ‘Take it, Colin, and good luck!’
‘Cheers,’ Colin said, saluting them and walking away, towards the main road.
Then something amazing happened. As Colin walked away, he started to grow. His hair turned from brown to grey; he was now at least six foot tall. He also grew a pot belly! Oliver did some quick calculating, and realised Colin was now around forty-six.
The sequined suit he wore now looked like it had been shrunk in a washing machine. He was a bizarre image, but Colin didn’t notice, or care. He kept walking away, like someone who had just been hit, without turning back.
‘So once you come back, the time away catches up?’ Lois asked.
‘Think so,’ Oliver said bewildered. ‘Let’s go home.’
Lois could not agree more.
The Cake
Oliver and Lois didn’t quite know what to expect when they let themselves into their house from the backdoor. Did their parent’s know they’d gone out in the boat without permission? How long had they been away?
‘Mum? Dad?’ Oliver yelled out.
‘It’s about 9 a.m. We set off about 10 a.m., right?’ Lois whispered, pointing to the large clock on the kitchen wall.
Oliver scratched his head. ‘Mum? Dad?’
‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ It was Oliver and Lois’s parents. Their mum was holding a big chocolate birthday cake.
The relief Oliver felt was like a cool drink on a hot day.
‘Wow, birthday cake for breakfast!’ Oliver trilled nervously.
His mum frowned. ‘It’s lunchtime, silly,’ she cooed, placing the cake on the kitchen work-top.
Oliver looked back to the kitchen clock. It now read 12:35 p.m. Lois and Oliver looked to each other, confused.
‘What’s that?’ their mum said to Lois.
‘What?’
‘That!’ Their mum plucked a hair from Lois’s head. It was grey!
‘How odd,’ said their dad. ‘A young girl with a grey hair!’
Lois looked utterly terrified and tearfully ran for the bathroom.
‘It’s just a few hairs,’ yelled their mum after her. ‘You’re still a red-head. I’ll take you to the hairdresser. They’ll know what it’s all about.’
Lois did not respond.
‘Oliver, there’s something sticking out of your ear,’ said their dad. He pulled out a half eaten button and looked at it incredulously.
‘Are you two playing a trick?’ asked their mother suspiciously.
‘No! I mean... I - I can’t explain it,’ Oliver stammered.
Their mum sighed. ‘Well, as it’s your birthday, I guess you two are allowed to be silly.’ She smiled and began to slice up birthday cake.
Oliver sat down, feeling exhausted. He rested his chin on his hand and realised something with a warm sense of satisfaction. He couldn’t - and obviously didn’t - do everything backwards. He felt confident of this, because the people of Opposite Island hadn’t had a blimmen clue about anything he’d said, did or expected. So who was normal? Oliver laughed out loud at the memory of PC Macaroni’s outburst about normality. ‘I agree mate,’ Oliver whispered to no-one.
Oliver then noticed something odd: the clock in the kitchen was making a tock-tick, tock-tick sound. Oliver closed his eyes and held his breath. No, no, no! His parents wouldn’t cope with this.
He opened his eyes, and listened to the clock again. Tick-tock, tick-tock. He almost wept with relief.
Lois emerged from the bathroom looking pale, her hair all awry. She had obviously given her hair a thorough inspection and was not pleased.
‘Come here,’ she hissed to Oliver.
Oliver obeyed without question and walked over to his extremely agitated-looking sister.
‘Look what I found!’ she said, holding up one of her jam jars in a trembling hand.
‘What?’ said Oliver, losing patience and peering into the jam jar. ‘Do you think showing off your latest bug find is appropriate right now?! AUUUGH!’ Oliver had just seen what was in the jar and jumped back in disgust. It was hideous, whatever it was. It was an insect, but it had black, mouldy-looking wings, which it was beating furiously, and the body of a wiggling dark yellow maggot. It seemed to notice Oliver and sat at the bottom of the jam jar, glowering at him. Then it spat something unspeakable against the jar.
‘It’s a butterfly!’ said Lois with a mad glint in her eyes.
‘Wha - ? Ho!’ he wailed when he noticed the ugly butterfly had fangs. He slapped his hand over his own mouth. ‘Ah. Wh-what?’ he stammered behind his hand, void of sense.
Lois took in a sharp, impatient breath. ‘Olli. It. Is. A. Lovely. Sweet. Vicious. Little. Butterfly,’ said Lois with a scary insane smile etched on her face. ‘Found it in my hair, didn’t I!?’ she shrilled, still smiling like someone from a horror film. ‘It is from THERE! Opposite blimmen Island! That’s why OUR time is going crazy. What are we going to doooooo?’
‘OK, ready to sing happy birthday?’ asked their dad, lighting the candles on the cake.
‘Keep cool,’ Lois hissed whilst slipping the jam jar into her coat pocket.
Oliver walked slowly to the counter, plopped himself on a breakfast stool and nodded. He watched his dad, blinking and counting under his breath, as each candle was lit. ‘...seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven!’
What? How could his own parents forget his age? Then he noticed in horror his cake said, ‘Happy 11th Birthday.’
Lois looked to Oliver with wild eyes, then to the jam jar. Oliver nodded. She stared at him again, but this time with wide eyes full of meaning, like she was trying to hint at something. Oliver nodded again.
‘It’s amazing,’ trilled their mum. ‘It seems like only yesterday, you were ten!’
‘It does, doesn’t it!?’ Oliver laughed, near hysteria.
‘Oh, and what a year it has been, Olli. So full of confidence at school now that your grades have sky-rocketed, AND winning the “Let’s Actually Encourage Kids to be Creative Award” about Sharp Shooting Babies. Well done, honey.’
He shrugged and blew out his candles. He looked up to his beaming parents. His dad took a photo of him. Oliver blinked from the flash.
‘Ha. Thanks, Dad... Err; can I take my boat out please?’
‘That was last year’s present,’ said his mum, frowning. ‘You don’t like your new bike?’
(A bike!? Oh, how Oliver itched to see it!) Lois gave a meaningful cough.
‘Oh, yes. Love the bike,’ said Oliver in a small voice. ‘But Lois and I have something we need to take back. Err, I me
an, do. The way we all live depends on it and it is in my hands...’ Oliver nodded showing his mother his hands.
‘Bless his heart,’ said his mum, darting her eyes to dad. ‘Off you go then. Go and make up another story. You too. Lois.’ She spoke in a baby voice whilst she poked the tip of Lois’s nose gently with her finger. ‘Miss “Award Winning Scientific Analysis of Exotic Insecta,” at aged just nine. Go have some fun, little Mischief Muffins! Have an adventure.’
Oliver smiled sagely and rubbed his mums arm affectionately. ‘We will mum. Oh where we are going, a little adventure is how it will probably pan out. But oh, please let it be a big one.’
Lois with a look of foreboding etched on her face gasped a ‘Ha!’
Oliver grabbed his pirate hat and firmly placed it on his head. ‘Lois,’ he declared, ‘not to the boat, and make sure you forget the jam jar.’
Lois patted her coat pocket, that contained the jar with the “beast” in it. She then stood to attention and saluted Oliver. ‘Aye-Bye Not Captain.’
THE END BUT NOT THE END!
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Opposite Island Page 5