“I think it will be really sad if you and Chris don't get married one day,” she commented as she put their cups in the dishwasher. “You're turning thirty-five in September. If you want kids, you shouldn't drag your ass forever. Besides, he may get tired of waiting. You don't even live together. I'm surprised he doesn't put the heat on you. He's not getting any younger either.”
“He's only thirty-six. And he does put the heat on me at times. I just tell him I'm not ready. I'm not. I don't know if I'll ever be. I like things the way they are now, and we spend the night together three or four times a week. I like having time off, to myself. I work a lot at night.”
“You're spoiled,” Tammy commented.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Sabrina admitted.
“Let me tell you, if I found a guy like him, I'd nail him to the floor. What if you lose him because you won't get married?” Tammy had wondered about that before. She thought Chris was incredibly patient with her sister, and she knew he wanted kids. Sabrina wasn't sure about that either. She didn't want to lose her children half time to joint custody if she ever got divorced. She had been deeply affected by her work, and the ugly problems she handled for her clients every day.
“I don't know. I guess I'll worry about that when it happens, if it ever does. For now, it works.”
Tammy shook her head in disgust. “Here I am, telling myself I'll go to a sperm bank when I'm your age, if I haven't found the right guy, which I probably won't, and you have the greatest guy on the planet, who wants to get married and have children, and you want to live alone and be single forever. Shit. Life just isn't fair.”
“No, it's not. And don't you dare go to a sperm bank yet, you twit. The right guy will come along.”
“Not in my business. And not in L.A. That's almost a sure thing. You don't know how crazy those guys are. I can't even be bothered dating anymore. If I hear one more bullshit story from some guy who just hasn't met the right woman in the twenty years he's been divorced, while he's cheating on me and dating twenty-year-old starlets, is a vegan, and has to have a high colonic twice a week to keep his head straight, whose politics are to the left of Lenin's, and by the way can I get him a major part in the show …I will throw up, and have. I'd rather TiVo my favorite shows and stay home with Juanita, checking scripts, after I leave the office at ten-thirty, which is what I do most of the time. It's just not worth putting on makeup and high heels for those guys. I really think I will wind up alone. It's better than what's out there.” At twenty-nine, she had almost given up. “I tried computer dating a couple of times last year. They were even worse. One guy took me to dinner, and didn't have enough money to add a tip, and he asked me if he could borrow gas money to get home. The other one admitted he'd been gay all his life, and made a bet with his boyfriend that he could date a woman, just once. I was it. I've had it with the Freaks of the World Club. I'm their oldest member, and I'm way in the lead for number of dates with hopeless geeks.” Sabrina had to laugh at what she said, but knew it was true, for Tammy anyway. She was in a tough spot to meet men. She was successful, powerful in her industry, in a world of narcissists and operators who all wanted something from her and gave nothing back. And yet she was beautiful, smart, successful, and young. It was hard to believe she couldn't meet a decent man, but she hadn't yet. She worked too hard, had almost no spare time, and didn't even try anymore. She spent weekends working, or at home with her dog. “Besides,” she added, “it would be too traumatic for Juanie if I got involved with a guy. She hates men.”
“She loves Chris,” Sabrina added with a smile.
“Everybody loves Chris. Except you,” she scolded, and Sabrina denied it hotly.
“That's not true. I love him, enough to not want to screw up what we've got.”
“Don't be such a chickenshit,” Tammy told her. “He's worth the risk. You'll never find a better guy. Trust me, I've seen the worst. I've dated them all. Chris is a hottie, in every sense of the word. You've landed the big one. Don't ever throw him back. Or I'll beat you up.” Sabrina laughed in response.
“Why don't you move to New York, if the guys out there are so awful?” Sabrina had thought of it before. She knew how lonely her sister's life was in L.A., and she worried about her. She knew their mother had too, for all the same reasons. She used to say that Tammy would never get married if she stayed in L.A., and it was a high priority to her. Their mother thought marriage and family were the best things since sliced bread. But look who she was married to. Their dad.
“I can't move to meet a guy,” Tammy said, looking disgusted. “That's crazy. Besides, I'd starve to death. I can't give up my career, I've been at it for too long and put too much into it to just walk away. I love what I do. I can't give that up. Besides, maybe I wouldn't meet anyone here either. Maybe it's me.”
“It's not you, it's them,” Sabrina assured her. “Your business is full of weird guys.”
“I seem to find them everywhere. I used to meet nuts when I went on vacation too. They're just drawn to me like moths or cockroaches or something. If there is a nutcase in the area, I'll find him, believe me. Or he'll find me.”
“What are we talking about?” Chris asked as he stuck his head in the kitchen door. He and Jim had just gotten back after a long run to the hardware store. Chris had promised to fix some things around the house. They were looking for distractions to keep busy, and as long as he was going to be there for three more days, he thought he might as well help out. He enjoyed that kind of thing.
“We're talking about my nonexistent dating life. I'm the head of the Date-a-Freak Club. The main chapter is in L.A., but I've opened branches in other cities too. It's a very successful thing, huge membership, low dues, lifetime opportunities. You'd be amazed.” All three of them laughed at what she was saying, but her sister knew it was all too true, and so did she. Chris said he always found it hard to believe that Tammy hadn't found a guy. She was gorgeous, smart, and made a hell of a good living. She'd be a plum for any guy. He said they were all fools.
“You'll meet the right one, one of these days,” he assured her.
“I'm not sure I still care,” Tammy said, and shrugged. “What time are we going to see Annie?” she asked, changing the subject.
“After lunch, when Candy gets back from the gym. If she ever does. She exercises too much.”
“I know,” Tammy said with a worried look. They all commented on her weight constantly. At least she ate somewhat more decently when she was at home, but not much. She kept track of her weight, and insisted that her livelihood depended on it. Her sisters reminded her that her health did too. Tammy had warned her that she'd wind up sterile from starving for so many years. It wasn't a high priority for Candy yet. She was much more interested in staying on top in her field, and she certainly had the right look. Being superthin was essential to her.
The three of them went out to the pool then and went for a swim. Afterward their father joined them, and sat chatting with Chris, while the two women talked about Annie, and the adjustment she'd have to make. Sabrina was still excited about her apartment idea, and hoped she'd hear from the realtor soon. It was going to make a big difference to Annie if she could live with them for a year.
“I wish I could do it too,” Tammy said again. “I feel so guilty not moving home for her. But I just can't.”
“I know,” Sabrina said, lying in the sun, glancing over at Chris and her dad. They got along well, and it was nice for her father to have a man around. He had been outnumbered by women for years. Chris was like the son he'd never had. “You can fly in and spend weekends with us when you have time.” Tammy tried to remember the last time she'd spent a weekend when she hadn't worked, and there hadn't been a crisis on the show. It had been at least six months, maybe more. And maybe a year before that.
“I'll try,” she promised, as they both lay in the sun and dozed. They were both thinking the same thing, that if they closed their eyes, in a minute their mother would stand in the kitchen door and call
them in for lunch. Maybe she had just disappeared for a few days, or had gone to the city, and would be back soon. It wasn't possible that she was gone. Those things just didn't happen. She was out. Or resting in her room, or visiting a friend. She wasn't gone. Not forever. And Annie wasn't blind. It just couldn't be.
Chapter 10
The girls spent Thursday afternoon and Friday morning at the hospital with Annie. She was getting restless and her head still hurt, which was hardly surprising. A physical therapist came to work with her, and she broke down and cried several times about their mother. She still couldn't believe what had happened, and neither could they. But they were focusing their worries on her now. Within days, she would know that she was blind. The bandages were due to be taken off on Saturday. And all three of her sisters felt sick, thinking about the impact it would have on her. Reality was coming toward her with lightning speed.
Their father went to see her on Thursday night, and dropped by again while the girls were there on Friday morning. She thanked him for her mom's jewelry, she hadn't seen it yet, but she remembered the pieces that the girls described, and she liked them all. She was happy with the choices they had made on her behalf, and she had always loved her mother's fox coat. She said it would be fun to wear in Florence, because the winters were so cold, and Italian women wore a lot of fur. No one seemed to get upset about it there. She said she would have been nervous wearing it in the States.
She was anxious to know too when she could go back to Italy, and worried that she hadn't heard from Charlie. She had asked her sisters several times to put a call through for her. She had called him on his cell phone, and it always went straight to voice mail. She assumed he was in Pompeii with his friends, and maybe the reception was bad there. She didn't want to leave a message that her mother had died and she'd been in an accident, and worry him, but it was upsetting not being able to get hold of him for so long. It had only been a week. So much had happened since then. More than she could even imagine, since she didn't know yet about her sight. Sabrina never mentioned having spoken to him, of course, and her sisters were silent when she talked of him in glowing terms. It was all Sabrina could do not to snarl. But they said nothing to her.
Annie spent the whole day surrounded by her sisters. Candy's agency had called about a shoot in Paris, but she turned it down. She was staying home for now. She was in no mood to work, and neither were the others. Sabrina still had another week off the following week, having changed her vacation, and Tammy was going back to L.A. on Monday. She hated to leave, but had no choice. Fires were burning at her office, and they still had to find a replacement for their star, and alter the scripts once they did. It was going to be a knotty problem to work out, and she was in no mood to think about it now. All she could think about were her mother and Annie. It was going to be very hard being so far away, and leaving it all on Candy and Sabrina's shoulders. And she wanted to be there for Annie, and her father. Annie already knew that she was going to have to spend a couple of weeks at her father's home, convalescing. The doctors had told her that she needed to stick around till the end of the month, if all went well. They thought she could leave the hospital in another week. But she had no idea that when she did, she would be blind. She kept saying that she couldn't wait until they took the bandages off her eyes, and every time she said it, her sisters silently cried. When the bandages came off, Annie's world would still be dark, forevermore. It was a tragedy beyond words.
When they left the hospital late Friday afternoon, all three of her sisters looked tired. They had all agreed to be there the next day when the ophthalmologist came. When the bandages came off, Annie was going to feel that her entire life had come to an end. The others were all dreading it for her. And they talked about it with their father that night. They had agreed amongst themselves that he shouldn't be there. It was going to be too emotional for him. He had enough on his plate, adjusting to the loss of his wife.
When Sabrina walked into the kitchen of her parents' house, she saw two messages from the realtor she had called, and thought it was a hopeful sign. She called her back, and caught her just before she left her office for a weekend in the Hamptons.
“I've been trying to get hold of you all day,” she complained.
“I know. I'm sorry. It's a crazy time. My cell phone was turned off. I was visiting my sister in the hospital, and they don't let you keep it on. Did you find anything?” It seemed too soon, but at least they had gotten a start.
“I have two very interesting options for you. I think they're both excellent choices, depending on what you want. I wasn't sure. We didn't talk a lot about neighborhood, and sometimes people have very different ideas. I wasn't sure what you have in mind. All you said was East Side. How do you feel about downtown?”
“How far downtown?” Sabrina's office was in the fifties, on Park Avenue, and she and Chris lived within blocks of each other uptown, by design. Downtown would make it hard for him to just drop by, which he did often, even on the nights they weren't staying together. And when she worked late, he came over to walk the dog.
“I have a fabulous apartment in the old meatpacking district. It's a co-op, but the people aren't ready to move in yet. They want to sell their house first, so they're willing to rent it for six months or a year. It's in fabulous condition, since everything's brand-new. State-of-the-art equipment. It's a penthouse, and there's a pool and a health club in the building.”
“It sounds expensive,” Sabrina said practically, and the realtor didn't deny it.
“It is. But it's worth every penny.” She told Sabrina the price, and she whistled.
“Wow, that's way out of our range.” It worried her that the price was so high. Even with their father helping them, she couldn't come close to that, although maybe Candy could. But it was way beyond Sabrina's means. “I was hoping we could find something a lot more reasonable than that.”
“It's a very unusual place,” the realtor said, sounding miffed. But she wasn't easily daunted. “And they won't take dogs, by the way. They have white carpeting and brand-new floors.” Sabrina smiled.
“Now, I feel better. We have dogs. Small ones, of course,” she said, so as not to alarm her. They'd have to hide Beulah under a bush somewhere. She was short-legged, but certainly not small. “But I guess that rules us out of the meatpacking district apartment, whatever the price.”
“Absolutely. They're not flexible on that. The place is just too new. I have something else though. It's kind of the opposite end of the spectrum, and a whole different mood. The one downtown is very white and airy, and everything is fabulous and new. The one uptown has a lot of charm.” Uh-oh, Sabrina thought to herself, and not so fabulous and falling apart? But maybe a more reasonable price. They couldn't go totally out on a limb. She made a decent living, but she couldn't afford what her baby sister could, not by any means.
“What's it like?” Sabrina asked cautiously. If not light and airy, then dark and gloomy? But if so, maybe they could have dogs.
“It's a brownstone on East Eighty-fourth Street, and it's pretty far east. But that puts it near Gracie Mansion. It's a nice old neighborhood. It's not as trendy as downtown, of course. But it's a good house. It belongs to a doctor who just lost his wife. He's taking a sabbatical year off. I think he's a shrink. He says he's going to London and Vienna. He's writing a book about Sigmund Freud, and he has a dog, so he probably won't object to yours. It's a very pretty little house, not state of the art, but it has a lot of charm. His wife was a decorator, so she made the most of it. He wants to rent it for a year, and if the tenant is willing, he'd like to leave some of his furniture in it. If not, he said it can be stored.”
“How many floors?” She was thinking about Annie. An apartment on one level would probably be easier for her than a house, and there was no security if they lived in a brownstone. If she needed help, there was no one she could call.
“Four. The top floor is kind of a family room. The house has a garden, nothing special, but
it's nice. The bedrooms are small, you know how brownstones are. But there are four of them. You said you only need three, but you could use the fourth one as a home office. And the kitchen and dining room are in the basement, so it's a hike from the fridge to the bedrooms, but there's a fridge and a microwave in the family room upstairs. You have to be creative about brownstones in New York. There's a living room and den on the main floor, two bedrooms on each floor above it, which gives you four, and each bedroom has a bathroom, which is rare, they're small but very nicely done. His wife had a lot of style. And then the family room upstairs.
“It sounds like it has all the rooms you need, if you don't mind having the kitchen and dining room in the basement, which is fairly cozy. The garden leads off of that, so it's pretty light and faces south. It's all north-south exposure. Washing machine and dryer, the house is fully air-conditioned, and the price is right, but you can't extend it beyond a year. He wants his house back after a year. He sees patients in the house. He's a fairly well-known guy in his profession. He's written several books.” None of which meant that they would love his house. Sabrina was thinking that they could put Annie on the second floor, with Candy maybe, and she could take one of the bedrooms on the next flight up, so she and Chris could have some privacy, and they could all hang out upstairs. With luck and a little planning, it might work, if Annie could get around.
“How much?” That was an important factor for her. The realtor told her, and Sabrina wanted to whistle again, but this time because it was so cheap. It was less expensive than her current apartment, and she could easily have paid half the rent or all of it, and she only had to pay a quarter, since her father had agreed to pay half of their rent for Annie, to help them out. “Why so cheap?”
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