“Come on,” Chris said to her then. “I'm putting you to bed. You're wiped out. You can finish packing tomorrow.”
“I can't. The movers are coming to take the stuff to storage, and I have to be back at my dad's tomorrow night.”
“Then I'll do it. That's it. Bedtime. No discussion,” he said, taking her by the hand, pulling her off the couch, and leading her into the bedroom. He undressed her as she smiled at him. He was truly the best man in the world. She was feeling a little giddy from the beer on an empty stomach.
“I love you,” she said, climbing into bed in her thong and nothing else. Candy had given it to her as a gift. She never bought herself things like that. And Chris loved it.
“I love you too. And I love that too,” he said, touching the black lace thong. “As soon as you move, I'm taking you away for the weekend. We're turning into a couple of old farts. Your sisters are just going to have to manage without us for two days.” She knew that she needed to spend time with him too. It was only fair. They hadn't had a minute alone since her mother died, and by the time she fell into bed at night, she was too tired to even think about making love, and too sad. She was still in deep mourning for her mother, and so was everyone else. Chris understood that, but he missed the life they had led before it happened. He knew things would get better eventually, but it was hard to say when, particularly given the magnitude of Annie's problem.
And he wasn't at all sure what it would be like staying with Sabrina once she and two of her sisters were living together. It had the possibility of turning into some real high drama and chaos, or like sleeping in the dorm of a sorority. He wanted time alone with her and was afraid that he might not get any for the next year. It was a scary thought, but he didn't want to upset her by voicing his own fears or complaining. She had enough on her plate as it was, and he didn't want to add to it. But like Sabrina, he was getting short shrift too.
He lay down next to her on the bed, stroked her hair, and rubbed her back, and within five minutes she was sound asleep, as he lay next to her, wondering if they'd ever get married. Having the full responsibility of her entire family now wasn't likely to help his cause. He was going to give her a few months to calm down, and then talk to her about it. He wanted to get married and have a family. And one of these days he wanted her to bite the bullet and take the leap. He didn't want her to miss out on having kids because she was scared and had seen too many bad divorces and bitter custody battles through her work. That was no excuse to shortchange them. Not anymore, after three years together. In normal times, they had a wonderful relationship, and Chris wanted more. His worst fear was that normal would never come their way again, and her sisters would become her life.
When Sabrina woke up in the morning, he was gone. He'd had an early breakfast meeting with the associate counsel on his case, to bring him up to speed. He had left her a note, telling her to take it easy. She smiled when she read it. He said he'd see her in Connecticut on Friday night. And then he was coming back into the city with her on Saturday to help her move. It was going to be a wild weekend. Candy was coming into the city to help. And their father would be babysitting Annie, or the reverse. Sabrina just hoped that everyone kept it together and no major disasters happened. She no longer had the same faith in life—that things would turn out okay—that she'd had a month before. Her mother's death had shown her that everything could change in the fraction of an instant. Life could end. And look what had happened to Annie.
Chapter 14
Candy, Chris, and Sabrina left Connecticut at six in the morning on Saturday. Chris drove, Sabrina checked her endless list, and Candy filed her nails. She said she had booked a massage at her health club that afternoon.
“How can you book a massage?” Sabrina asked with a look of panic. “We're moving!”
“This is very stressful for me,” she said calmly. “I don't transition well to new places. My old therapist said it had something to do with Mom being older when she had me. Moving is a very traumatic thing for me. I never sleep well in hotels either.”
“So you need a massage?” Sabrina looked at her blankly. She hated that kind of voodoo bullshit—karma, aromatherapy, incense, experiences recreated from the womb. She was a far too practical person to listen to all that stuff and not want to say something rude about it. Chris smiled to himself as he saw her face. He knew her well, and so did Candy.
“I know you think it's bullshit, but it helps me. I need to stay centered. I have a manicure and pedicure scheduled after.”
“Do pedicures help you stay centered?” Sabrina was starting to steam, and it was only six-thirty in the morning, which was part of it. She had been up till two in the morning, helping Annie pack, and finishing some work she'd brought home from the office. Sabrina's work was never done. And now she was extremely tired, and they hadn't even started. The movers were coming at eight, to deliver everything they had picked up the day before. Everything Candy was bringing was in a stack of Louis Vuitton bags and two trunks that they had picked up at her penthouse apartment. She was only bringing clothes. The decor was being provided by Sabrina and their landlord.
“They massage my feet when I get a pedicure,” Candy said primly. “Do you know that all your nerve centers are in your feet? You can heal almost anything with foot massage. I read a great article about it in Vogue.”
“Candy, I love you, but if you don't shut up, I may have to kill you. I handled four new cases this week, my secretary quit, Annie had fourteen tantrums, and Dad hasn't stopped crying in a month. I packed up my apartment, Beulah and Zoe had diarrhea all over the house and I cleaned it up—you didn't, I might add—I have a hell of a goddamn headache, and today we're moving. Please don't talk to me about pedicures and get on my nerves.”
“You're being very hostile and really mean,” Candy said with tears in her eyes, “and that just makes me miss Mom more.” She was sitting in the backseat of Chris's Range Rover, and Sabrina turned to look at her with a sigh.
“I'm sorry. I'm just tired. I miss Mom too. I'm worried about all of you. You're losing weight, Dad's depressed, Mom's gone, and Annie's blind. And we're moving. That's about all I can handle.”
“Do you want me to book you a massage too?” Candy offered, making an effort to bridge the gap. But the thirteen years and personality difference between them made it challenging, particularly at that hour of the morning, with very little sleep. Sabrina felt like she was on a merry-go-round at breakneck speed and was about to fly off into oblivion in a million shattered pieces. There was just more going on than she could handle, but in spite of that, she had to. There was just no other choice. She was it. And Candy wasn't—she was a baby. And so was their father. And now Annie was too, in spite of herself, by force majeure. All of them were the babies, and she was suddenly The Mom. And she had never wanted the job.
“I'd rather stay and get the house organized,” Sabrina answered honestly. She wasn't used to being pampered, or even pampering herself. For Candy, it was part of her job, and had been for the last four years. “I'd rather get the place ready for all of you, so we can move in and stay there tomorrow.”
“Do you think Dad's going to be okay without us?” Candy asked, looking worried.
“He has to be. There's no other choice. Other people survive it. He can't move in with us.” That would have been just too much. “You and Annie can stay out there with him on and off this month. You're not going back to work till September, and she starts school then too. You can go back and forth. I have to work. He's going to be on his own in September though. He has to get used to it pretty soon.” Candy nodded. They both knew it was true.
They were at the house on East Eighty-fourth Street at five minutes to eight o'clock, after stopping at Starbucks. Sabrina felt better with a cappuccino under her belt, and so did Chris. Candy had a grande iced black coffee, which should have kept her nerves raw for a week, but she claimed she loved it. She drank four of them every day when she was working in the city. No wonder sh
e didn't eat. She was high on caffeine all the time, and smoked, which cut down her appetite too.
The movers were already there when they arrived, and got started quickly. By one o'clock they had unloaded the truck, and spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking the boxes and crates. By six o'clock, there were things everywhere, dishes, books, paintings, clothes. The place was a total mess, and Sabrina was trying to put her belongings away where she wanted them, with Chris's help. Candy had left two hours before for her massage, manicure, and pedicure, and said she'd be back by seven. Sabrina called her father and told him they were going to spend the night in the city, at the new house, to deal with the mess. He said he and Annie were fine. He said he was cooking dinner for her, which meant frozen egg rolls and instant soup. Sabrina smiled. He sounded better than he had all week. And he said Annie was helping. She had set the table. They were all children again. For now, it was the best any of them could do.
Chris was carrying a huge box of games upstairs to the top floor playroom, when she crossed him on the stairs, as she was coming down. He blew her a kiss and said the place was looking great. It would, she knew, but it wasn't yet. They still had a long way to go, and days of work. And they were supposed to move in officially the following night. She was thinking of asking Candy and Annie to wait a week to move in, so she and Chris could finish the job. Annie couldn't manage, with boxes all over the place and everything a mess. She couldn't have threaded her way through the obstacles. When she arrived, everything would have to be neat and in its place, so she could learn their locations. That much was obvious to Sabrina.
Candy called at seven-thirty and said she had run into a friend at her health club. She wanted to know if Sabrina would mind if she went out to dinner with him. She said she hadn't seen him in six months, since he moved back from Paris. Or did Sabrina and Chris want her to bring back something to eat for dinner?
Sabrina said they'd be fine, and she could order a pizza. She told Candy that she wasn't going back to Connecticut that night, and if Candy wanted, she could sleep at the house in the city, if she could find the sheets she'd brought in her suitcase, which Sabrina knew were Pratesi. Hers were from a white sale at Macy's, but they were fine with her. Candy said she'd be back later. They were going to Cipriani downtown, and probably clubbing, Sabrina guessed. Candy hadn't been out with friends in a while, and it had been a tough few weeks. She didn't begrudge her the relief, and she wasn't much help anyway. It was easier not having her underfoot.
“Why didn't you make her come back here to help us?” Chris asked, looking startled. He thought Sabrina was way too easy on her sisters, and too often they took advantage of her because she was forgiving and willing to do it all herself.
“Do you really think she'd be a lot of help? She'd mess up her manicure, and spend two hours on the phone. I'd rather get it done myself.”
“That's why she doesn't learn,” he scolded. “You give her too much slack.”
“That's why I'm not a mom,” Sabrina said simply, “and don't want to be. I'd be lousy at it.”
“No, you wouldn't. You'd be great. And you're great with her. I just think you need to be a little tougher and more demanding. They are with you. Why should you do all the grunt work? Who made her the fairy princess and you Cinderella, scrubbing the castle floor? You have just as much right to be a fairy princess as she does. Let her do a little scrubbing for a change.”
“I love you,” Sabrina said, smiling at him, and then kissed him. “I'd rather be alone with you anyway.” The movers were finally gone, and they were working on their own. And they had peace. They took a break half an hour later, went upstairs and put the sheets on her bed, and wound up making love, and lying there in each other's arms for an hour afterward. It was perfect, just as it always was. She dozed in his arms, until they finally got up and went back to unpacking and putting things away. It was the first time in a month that Chris felt he had her full attention, and that for an hour at least she belonged to him again. It was sheer heaven and gave him hope that their life might return to normal again one day. He couldn't help but wonder when.
In Connecticut, her father had made Annie dinner. She didn't want to complain, but the frozen spring rolls had been awful, although the soup was halfway decent. He apologized for his shaky cooking skills, and Annie laughed with him.
“It must be genetic, Dad. I'm not such a great cook either.” He handed her a Dove bar afterward, after asking her if she wanted chocolate or vanilla, and dark chocolate or milk. She chose vanilla ice cream with a dark chocolate shell and was savoring it when she heard the doorbell. Her father went to answer it, while Annie waited in the kitchen. She could hear a woman's voice talking to her father and the words “What a surprise,” from her father, but she didn't pay any attention to it, until she finished her Dove bar, and followed the voices to see what he was doing and who it was. By then, he was standing outside on the front lawn, talking to a woman whose voice she didn't recognize. All she could tell was that she sounded young.
“You remember Annie, don't you?” he said to the unknown woman as Annie approached. “She's all grown up now.”
“And blind,” Annie added for shock value. She had been saying things like that for weeks. It was her way of expressing her anger. Sabrina had pointed out several times, as gently as she could, that being rude to people wouldn't bring her sight back. It was unlike Annie to act that way. Or had been, until then.
“Yes.” Her father's voice grew instantly somber. “She was in the accident with her mother.” Annie still had no idea who he was talking to.
“Who is it, Dad?” she asked as she reached where they stood. She could smell an unfamiliar perfume that was made of lilies of the valley.
“Do you remember Leslie Thompson? Her brother went to school with Tammy.”
“No, I don't,” Annie said honestly, as the young woman addressed her.
“Hi. My brother Jack went to school with Tammy. I'm his big sister. Sabrina and I were friends.” Yeah, for about five minutes, Annie thought to herself. She remembered her now. She was older than Tammy and younger than Sabrina. They had been horrible social climbers, and her mother didn't like them. She remembered the girl being a pretty blonde who Sabrina said was a slut, when she made a pass at Sabrina's boyfriend. Sabrina was seventeen then and a senior in high school. Leslie had been fifteen and what their mother had referred to as “fast.” Sabrina never let her come over again. “I just moved back from California, and I heard about your mom. I came over to tell you both how sorry I am.” Annie could hear something else in her voice, but she wasn't sure what. Her voice had changed when she spoke to Annie. Before that, speaking to her father, it had had a warmer lilting sound, and now she sounded annoyed, as though it bothered her that Annie was there. It was a curse to be so aware now. Annie was suddenly hearing nuances she never had before. It was like listening to people's minds and felt odd.
“She brought us an apple pie,” her father said warmly. “Homemade. We were just about to have dessert. Would you like to come in and join us?” Annie frowned as she listened to them. Why was her father lying? They had had Dove bars. She figured he was just trying to be polite.
“No. That's fine. I've got to get back. I just wanted to say hi, and tell you how sorry I am. Jack said to say he was sorry too.”
“When are you going back to California?” Annie asked, for no particular reason. But she made it sound as though she hoped it would be soon.
“I'm not, actually. I'm staying with my parents, while I look for an apartment in the city. I was living in Palm Springs and I just got divorced. I was out there for ten years and got pretty sick of it. So now I'm back,” she said, with a lilt in her voice again, as Annie nodded, processing the information.
“I'm moving to the city too,” Annie supplied, although Leslie hadn't asked her. “We're moving in tomorrow. Candy, Sabrina, and I.”
“That's too bad,” Leslie said, as Annie got another whiff of her perfume and decided it was too
sweet. “I'll bet your dad will be lonely when you're gone.”
“Yes, I will,” he answered quickly, and then Leslie said she had to leave after saying goodbye to both of them. “Don't be a stranger, Leslie. Come by anytime,” her father called after her, and then Annie heard a car door slam, and she drove away.
“Why did you say that?” Annie asked, frowning at him, even though she couldn't see him. She had to take his arm to get back into the house. She had gotten slightly turned around. “The thing about ‘don't be a stranger’?”
“What am I supposed to say? She brought us an apple pie,” which he was balancing in the other hand. “I didn't want to be rude, Annie.”
“So how come she came by? We haven't seen her since Sabrina was a senior in high school.” She thought about it for a minute as they walked into the house, and she let go of his arm. She could get around the house without assistance. “I smell a rat here.” Actually, what she had smelled was lily of the valley, and a hell of a lot of it.
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