by Sarah Peis
But there was no time to dwell, and just like Oma always said to me, das Leben ist kein Ponyhof, which literally translated to life is no pony stable. So put on your big girl boots and get back on that horse. Or something like that. It always sounded better when she said it in German. It also made a lot more sense.
So I put on my big girl Louboutins and got in my car and drove to the meeting.
When I got to the restaurant, Rhett was already waiting inside. I stared through the massive windows, drinking in the sight of him. He looked even better than when I saw him last. He had always been built, but the way he filled out his suit made me take a step back. This was a bad idea, one that just wouldn’t work. I couldn’t do this. I wasn’t ready. What if he didn’t recognize me? Or what if he did and remembered the last time he saw me? I couldn’t decide which option was worse.
But giving up now would be stupid. And a waste of gas. I had just driven two hours to get here. And I owed it to Cassie to get in there and sell the shit out of her company. Because she was a genius and deserved every bit of success. I believed in her and I knew she needed to get a few more big clients before she could expand. And Rhett could be one of them. She would do anything for me, and I would do the same for her. Seeing Rhett again was going to be fine. I could do this one thing for my best friend. I could do this.
Mind made up, I pushed my chest out, made sure my hair was somewhat tamed, double-checked that my ass wasn’t hanging out of my skirt and went inside.
I followed the hostess to the table, nervous and more than a little scared. My hands were starting to sweat, and I wiped them on my skirt. Nothing worse than a sweaty handshake. Wait, would he want to shake hands if he recognized me? Or would he hug me? Should I kiss him on the cheek?
“Emmi?” his deep voice asked, the timbre thrumming through my body. My gaze met his and my mouth opened and closed, unable to form words. I guess that answers the question of whether he would recognize me. He looked shell-shocked, his gaze fixed on me. His beautiful face was drawn tight, his hands clenched at his side. I nearly sighed at the sight of him, like a teenager with a crush. How did I manage to become even more attracted to him? His dark hair was a bit shorter than he used to wear it but still long enough to run a hand through. His eyes were as green as ever, following me through the room as I approached.
“Rhett,” I said, my voice barely audible among the restaurant noise.
“Holy shit, it really is you.” I had barely made it to him when I found myself pressed to his chest. Yup, just as firm and comfortable as it looked. I took a whiff of his cologne while I was there, never one to waste an opportunity. He held me for longer than was considered a normal nice to see you hug but then again I wasn’t complaining. His hug felt like coming home.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, pulling back but still holding on to my arms, his eyes scanning me from head to toe. And boy did I still like it when he looked at me.
“I’m here for your meeting. Cassie…Cassandra couldn’t make it. I kind of double-booked her. Sorry.”
“You work with Cassandra? I thought you were going to study nursing? Did you change your mind?” And there he went with his big brain that remembered everything. I should have known. Which also meant he’d remember our last encounter. I could feel my cheeks heat at the thought.
“I was studying nursing but something came up. So now I’m working with Cassandra. It’s a great job. Fantastic company. You’ll love what Cassandra has come up with for you.”
He let go of my shoulders only to take one of my hands in his. “Sorry, where are my manners. Here, sit down. Let’s catch up.”
I did not want to catch up. I just wanted to get done and get out. I couldn’t stand looking at him and wondering what if. I had asked myself a million times what would happen if we met again. And here were. It felt anticlimactic. The least I was expecting was tears, from me, and a cool brush off, from him. I wasn’t ready for a Rhett with manners, a Rhett that seemed to be excited to see me. Maybe I would cry after all. He never liked it when I cried. It might get a reaction from him. Too bad I was too stunned to do anything else but take in his face. A face that I had missed terribly for so long.
“How have you been?” He pierced me with his beautiful eyes. I also missed looking at them. But then again, I missed everything about him. I guess even after all these years, I was still a sucker for all things Rhett.
Time to dust off my game face and get this over with. My nerves were frayed, and it wasn’t due to the fact that I had to convince him to use Cassandra’s services. I knew they were kick ass.
“I’m good, how are you?” I asked lamely and wanted to slap myself in the face for it.
“Great now that I’ve run into you.” He seemed genuinely happy to see me, even though I hadn’t heard anything from him in the last eight years. Not a word. Not to me and not to my big brother. They were friends too and I knew Nate was as confused by his sudden disappearance as I was. He just didn’t lose his shit because of it, unlike me.
The waiter appeared, breaking the awkward tension that had engulfed our table. Before I had a chance to say anything, like ask for the menu, Rhett had already ordered for us.
“Two Frontman IPAs and two steaks, medium, and bring out one of each side dish.”
The waiter disappeared again as quickly as he appeared.
“What if I hate beer and decided to become a vegan?”
Rhett’s attention was, unfortunately, back on me. “Did you decide you didn’t like beer anymore and become a vegan?”
“No, of course not. But –”
“Great, then let’s talk instead of arguing. I haven’t seen you in eight years. And you’ll love the beer. It’s from a small craft brewery based in Denver, and they do the best steak here.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted, not dignifying the situation with a response. I hated when he knew exactly what I liked. It was annoying. It made me predictable. No wonder he just left without a backward glance. I was boring.
“Why do you look like I just told you that your shoes don’t match your outfit? I thought you wanted this meeting.”
I did come here for a reason and that reason wasn’t to rehash the past. It was to gain him as a client.
“We’ll keep this professional then. Did you get the information I sent to Lexie?”
“I did and it was a waste of my time reading it.”
Don’t yell at him. Don’t yell at him. Don’t yell at him. “Right. So what information would have been better to include?” I didn’t yell at him but my voice sounded off.
“There was a lot of crap about your company that I didn’t need to know about. I need numbers and a plan on how you are going to execute rolling out the new software. If I’m going to trust your boss to upgrade our computer system, then I need to know how it’s going to improve my workflows. Will it save me so much time that I’ll be able to cut back on employees? What about updates? Are they included?”
I hated it when he had a point. But we usually only brought all the boring data to the actual meeting. Which was usually conducted in a meeting room, not a restaurant. The initial bit of information was just supposed to give prospective clients an overview of our company. Luckily I came prepared and pulled out a folder that had taken me hours to put together. We brought one of those bad boys to every meeting and since I was the assistant, I had the pleasure of putting them together. Therefore, I knew exactly what each and every sheet was about. And there was nothing on workflows. We had a few numbers in there but the bottom line was the nitty gritty stuff that wasn’t usually discussed until later.
But I wasn’t going to admit that so I put the folder in front of him. “There is more information in here. And I can answer any questions about the program that you have.”
He didn’t look impressed. Neither would I, to be honest. I was not acing this presentation. Cassie was the brains behind the operation, I was only her assistant. This was not going well.
“Are
n’t you supposed to be selling this to me? I was told that Reico is one of the best products on the market. I work with at least two companies that upgraded and they couldn’t be happier. Why don’t you start with some customer testimonials? A case study maybe?”
And that’s when my brain said goodbye. This wasn’t going to work. Who was I kidding, trying to have a normal conversation with Rhett when I was still so hurt over his disappearance?
I stood up, this time evading his hands that shot out to stop me. “I can’t do this.” I backed away from the table, shaking my head. “It’s all in the folder. If you have any questions just contact Cassandra. She left her card in there.” With one last look, I turned and walked out of the restaurant, past a surprised waiter who was holding what looked like our beers and a bored looking hostess who didn’t even notice my hasty exit.
I was nearly to my car when I heard footsteps behind me and increased my speed. Running would just be undignified at this point so I power walked it out of there. And I was not wearing the right footwear to do more than a fast walk anyway. I wanted to get away from him, but not if it meant sacrificing my shoes to do it.
With keys in hand, ready to unlock my door, I was sure I’d make it. Unfortunately, Rhett was fast and had no problem running which ended in him catching me around the waist and lifting me up. “Not happening, Emmi,” he growled in my ear. “I let you slip out of my fingers once, not going to happen again.”
He made it sound like he didn’t want to let me go. When I knew that wasn’t true.
“You had no problem letting me go last time,” I said, my voice quiet. He also seemed to have supersonic hearing on top of freakishly fast reflexes because he heard me.
“Don’t talk about things you have no idea about.”
Well now that just made me mad. If there was anyone who had an idea about what happened last time, it would be me. I was the one left standing in the rain—literally—after all. And it wasn’t like they made it look in the movies. I was left cold, heartbroken and with ruined shoes.
“I think I have a pretty good idea what happened last time. Now I would very much appreciate it if you let me go so I can drive home.”
He made no move to let me go, but he did put my feet back on the ground. The arm around my middle gave me a squeeze when I tried to pull away. “Stop it. You are acting like a child.”
“Well, as you so aptly described me last time I saw you, I’m a naive, inexperienced child. Looks like nothing has changed. So this child is going to return to the backwards town she came from and will continue living her life that doesn’t include you.”
I went limp in his arms, the memory taking all the fight out of me. His head drooped and I felt his lips on the side of my neck. Tingles shot down my spine despite my best efforts to appear unaffected. “I see you still haven’t forgiven me.”
“Appears like I haven’t. Now let me go so I can start forgetting this day ever happened. Cassie will be in touch. She’ll also do a much better job explaining Reico to you.”
“You are still as stubborn as ever. The only one you would ever change your mind for was Nate.”
At the mention of my brother I nearly burst into tears. Not wanting him to notice, I turned my head down, hoping to be able to hold back the tears long enough until I was back in the safety of my car. He was still holding me from behind which worked to my advantage. One look at the tears brimming in my eyes and he’d know something was wrong. Why did I come to this meeting?
Rhett must have noticed my body tensing because he asked, “Emmi, what’s wrong? What did I say?”
When I didn’t answer he released me and stepped back. “Talk to me.” When I didn’t turn around he caught my arm and gently moved me so I was facing him.
I still avoided his eyes, hoping he would just let it go “It’s fine. You didn’t do anything. I have to go.”
His hand lifted my chin until I was forced to look at him. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what I did. Now.” He studied my face and stepped closer. “You can’t be that offended that I called you stubborn.”
“I’m not. I’m sorry, I’m so emotional. It only happened six months ago.”
“What do you mean? What happened?”
He couldn’t be serious right now. He had to know. I’d left a message with his office.
“I’m talking about Nate.”
“What about him?”
My mouth dropped open, and I searched for words. “You mean you don’t know?” My voice was raspy, sounding as broken up as I felt.
“Know what?”
“Nate’s gone. He died in a plane crash six months ago.” Better to get it all out and do it quickly, so I added, “Claire was with him. They both died instantly.”
Rhett made no move. His face was a mask of granite, his eyes unblinking. He stared at me, not saying a word.
We stood like that for what felt like hours, his jaw clenched and his body frozen, our eyes locked. I had no words. When I called his office and they didn’t put me through to him, I thought he didn’t want to talk to me. Not such a farfetched reality after his disappearance. There was also the fact I was suddenly responsible for another human. I had no idea how to take care of a baby, had never even met her before she came to live with me. Between grieving Nate and taking care of all the funeral arrangements, I was overwhelmed. Mom was no help, Oma did as much as she could. So chasing up Rhett was the last thing on my mind.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Rhett’s voice was quiet, strained and didn’t sound like him at all. “I could have been there for you. Helped you. Didn’t you think I would want to know that my friend had died?”
“When I called your office they refused to put me through. I don’t have you cell number. We haven’t talked in eight years. And I wasn’t going to show up if you didn’t want to talk to me.”
How did he act like I had done him wrong when it was him who didn’t return my call? Judging by his expression, he didn’t think he was in the wrong. He looked livid. I was hurt when he didn’t call back and furious when his secretary refused to put my call through.
“I did try to let you know, but you didn’t seem to want to hear from me. I’m sorry. I thought you must have found out some other way.”
“Didn’t you think I would have shown up to his funeral if I’d known?”
“No offense, but I did try and let you know. And you hadn’t spoken to Nate in a while. I just figured you guys weren’t speaking at the time.”
His mouth tightened, and I could detect a tick in his jaw. That was never a good sign and it usually meant get the hell out of there before he unleashed his fury. But I refused to back down. Because I’d done nothing wrong.
When he finally spoke, I blew out a relieved breath. “No offense,” he said, imitating me “but nobody gave me a message. And I would never tell Lexie to block your calls.”
“Well somebody did and I definitely left a message with the girl who answered your phone. Not my fault you’ve got incompetent people working for you.”
“Nobody else answers my phone but Lexie. And I’d remember if she gave me a message that there was a missed call from you.”
“Somebody did answer it, and Lexie doesn’t always answer your phone. But fine. Whatever. I don’t care. It’s done, nothing either one of us can do about it.”
He totally thought I was lying. And that hurt more than him thinking I hadn’t called when Nate died. I was just the stupid idiot who’d thought about him every day for the last eight years. Silly me, should have just moved on. He clearly had.
“I’m sorry I had to tell you like this.” And I really was. He deserved better. If his face was anything to go by, he was in shock. But I couldn’t stand there any longer. I had to get out. “I have to go.”
And before he had a chance to react, I had locked myself in my car and drove off, leaving a motionless Rhett standing in the parking lot. There was no way I was going to stop the tears from escaping, and I cried for what I’d lost
eight years ago but also for the pain I saw in Rhett. A pain that I knew all too well, the pain that had been my constant companion since Nate died.
The drive home was depressing, and my mind was whirling with images of Rhett. He was eighteen the last time I saw him. He was planning to go to college, something local so we could still see each other. Of course all that changed when he disappeared. Last I heard he went to Berkeley.
When he came home, we would sit out by the lake and he would tell me how he was going to be different to his family; he wasn’t going to chase profit, he wanted to build something for the future. He was excited, happy to do his own thing, not interested in the money he could earn by going into the family business. A company he now worked for, and from the looks of it, very successfully. I couldn’t think of anything that would have happened to make him change his mind. Why was he working for the very thing he so despised eight years ago?
It was nearing midnight when I pulled into the small driveway of my Oma’s cottage. It was a small house, two bedrooms, a cozy living area and a big open kitchen where we spent most of our time. Oma was usually cooking and, since all of us liked to be close to her, we usually sat around the kitchen on the mismatched bar stools, eating food and chatting. My sister, Frederica, was always glued to her phone as any respectable fifteen year old would be and our little Josie would sit in her high chair, happy to put anything in her mouth she could get her chubby little hands on. It was home and I loved it.
The light in the living room was still on, and I knew Oma would still be awake. She worried about us girls, especially since there was always the chance that mom would show up again. We technically didn’t have custody of Freddie, something we all liked to ignore. But mom didn’t really care where her children were as long as they left her alone. So the arrangement had worked without a problem for the past thirteen years.
I unlocked the front door and took off my shoes to quietly sneak inside. Josie was a heavy sleeper, but I didn’t want to risk waking her up. As much as she was an easy going child, she was a little demon when woken up.