by Karen Kirst
Instead of wrapping his arm about her as he yearned to do, he said, “What’s the matter? Did you and Sadie have a disagreement?”
Her pretty mouth pursed. Glancing at the storefronts on their left and the dusty street bustling with wagon traffic on their right, she slowed her pace. “Walter Kerr has discovered your true identity.”
His fingers tightened almost imperceptibly on her sleeve. Driving emotion from his face, he kept his gaze on Liam and Lily walking ahead of them. “How?”
“He took your photograph during the war.” There was a note of grief in her voice. Whatever image she’d seen of him had troubled her. “He made a habit of writing the names of his subjects on the back of photographs.”
“I see.”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“It’s not a positive development.” They came to First Street. He waited until a group of cowboys on horseback moved on before guiding her across. “I’ll have to speak with him.”
Deborah instructed the kids to wait on the bench outside Hagermann’s Mercantile. They had no objections to the delay. They weren’t looking forward to today’s task—issuing appeals for forgiveness to all the affected shop owners.
Deborah pulled Adam out of the flow of foot traffic and against the building.
“What are you planning on telling him?” she asked.
“The same thing I told you.”
“The bare minimum, you mean.” She arched a brow in challenge, but there was no hiding the hurt in her eyes.
“Deborah, I’d tell you everything if I could.”
His prodding conscience mirrored her obvious disbelief. Would he truly reveal everything? Because he was certain she wouldn’t appreciate the fact that he’d intruded upon her privacy, rifled through her belongings and hidden in her wardrobe cabinet—spying on her when she thought she was alone. Not that he’d had a choice about that last bit.
He could never, ever reveal the fact that he’d suspected her of helping an unscrupulous man take advantage of hardworking citizens and in some cases, attempt to forever silence them.
She’d be heartbroken.
“Your family knows the details, correct?”
He couldn’t explain without revealing that this case was special. Personal. “They do.”
“You trust them to keep your secrets.” Her throat convulsed. “You and I have grown close these past weeks. Why don’t you trust me? I wouldn’t dream of sharing private information.”
A battle waged inside him, his training against his need to prove he cared. He pinched the bridge of his nose and silently begged God for direction.
“I didn’t tell Sadie anything,” she continued. “Even when she called your character into question, I didn’t waver.”
“I appreciate that, but—”
A booming voice cut off his words. Mr. Hagermann had exited his shop and approached the bench where Liam and Lily waited. Adam took in the elderly man’s posture, his twisted features and fisted hands.
“We may have a problem,” he muttered.
Deborah turned her head and covered her mouth with one hand, muffling her exclamation.
Together, they went to investigate. Others had stopped to listen to the man’s tirade, as well.
“I don’t want the likes of you anywhere near my place of business,” he bellowed at the children. “Do you hear me?”
Liam’s face was milk-white. “Yes, sir.”
Lily clutched her doll to her chest. She looked frail and small and terrified.
Mr. Hagermann waved his finger above the girl’s nose. “I didn’t hear you, little girl.”
She shrunk away. “Y-yes, sir.”
Adam’s ire flared. “Mr. Hagermann, Miss Frazier and I brought Liam and Lily here to apologize. Might I suggest we take this inside?”
He stiffened to his full height. “Inside? Where they can filch more of my goods?” His hand sliced the air. “No, thank you!”
Deborah bristled. “Are you saying you won’t listen to their explanation or offer a chance to make amends?”
“Why should I? If I let them off with a pat on the head, every thief and ragamuffin will view my store as prime pickings.”
“They are not hardened thieves, Mr. Hagermann.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “They are orphans in need of compassion. They are sorry for what they did and willing to work off what they owe. Did you conveniently forget that portion of the Holy Scriptures?”
Belatedly noticing the gathering onlookers, he flushed a dull red. “Don’t place the blame at my door, Miss Frazier. I’m an honest businessman who was taken advantage of.”
Adam had had enough. “Have you ever been hungry?”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a simple question. Have you ever been so hungry you couldn’t think straight? I’m not talking about skipping a single meal. I’m referring to going days, even weeks, with very little to fill your stomach. The need to eat becomes a constant worry. It edges out everything you’ve learned about right and wrong.”
“Well, I—I—” Mr. Hagermann floundered for a response.
“I have.” Adam said. “And I can tell you that it’s one of the worst feelings in the world, the constant gnawing in your gut, the weakness that invades your body. It makes a man do desperate things. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone a helpless child.”
Deborah’s hand folded over his, her palm warm and soft, her fingers slender yet strong.
Some of the bystanders nodded in understanding. Anyone who’d served during the war had likely experienced what he’d just described. A few appeared uncertain, as if they weren’t sure whom to support.
One man in a business suit spoke up. “I heard they ran away from their relatives’ home. They put themselves in that situation.”
“You heard right,” Adam told him. “But did you ask yourself what might’ve spurred them to that decision?”
That silenced the man. Lily started crying, however. Deborah went and sat beside her on the bench.
Mr. Hagermann made a dismissive motion. “I don’t know why you’d bother with a pair of runaways. The right place for them is the orphan asylum.”
As Deborah held Lily in the haven of her arms, a fierceness entered her eyes. “I’m surprised at you, Mr. Hagermann, a pillar of this town and faithful church member condemning these children without a second thought. You don’t know them. You’ve no idea what they’ve endured. If you withhold your forgiveness from them, how can you expect God to forgive you?”
The older man glared at her. She didn’t flinch. Like a lioness protecting her cubs, she was courageous and fierce. Adam couldn’t help but be impressed.
Clapping broke out among the women in the crowd, irking Mr. Hagermann, who stomped into his store and slammed the door behind him.
When the others dispersed, Adam pulled her aside. “I’m proud of you. Legal documents or not, you’re their guardian.”
“I’d rather have your trust.” Her sad smile knocked him back.
There was a chasm between them, put there by his personal vendetta against Zane Ogden. He thought of the newspaperman. Sam had said he only shared his private thoughts with his wife, Marlys. If this were any other case, he would confide in Deborah. But it wasn’t. This involved his beloved father. Adam owed it to him to restore his reputation and find the evidence needed to prove Ogden had not only swindled Gilbert Halloway, but murdered him.
“Please, believe me.” He seized her hand. “I do trust you.”
“Apparently not enough.”
Withdrawing, she turned and guided the children farther down the street, increasing the distance between them in more ways than one.
Chapter Nineteen
“What’s all this?” Adam prodded the sack of sugar that Deborah had out, among the other baking supplies on the counter of
the boardinghouse. “I thought we agreed to take the kids to Seth’s this afternoon.”
Deborah scooped another cupful of flour and dumped it into her bowl. “I won’t be able to join you, after all. I have to make two dozen miniature shortcakes for a private party tonight.”
This event would serve twin purposes—she would earn wages and avoid spending time with Adam and his family. She’d come to the conclusion that being around him was detrimental to her future happiness. The more time in his company, the deeper she fell for him and the more ensnared her heart became. Already the process of disentanglement was causing her pain.
She’d found reasons to avoid being alone with him these past few days. It made her miserable, of course. But it couldn’t be helped.
“What party?” he said, obviously disappointed. “Why didn’t you mention it sooner? We would’ve adjusted our plans to include you.”
His handsome face begged for her caress, his mouth evoked sweet, sweet memories and the promise of bliss unlike she’d ever known. But his eyes shattered any illusions she might entertain about them as a couple. Deborah hadn’t recognized it until recently...the impenetrable guard he’d set in place that kept the world at bay. That he wouldn’t lower it for her proved he didn’t love her.
Hurt and angry, she charged, “Are you nervous about taking the children yourself?”
His features shuttered closed. “You know I’m not. Why are you shutting me out?” He took a step toward her, his intention to come around to where she stood causing a flare of panic. Lily’s arrival saved her.
“Adam said I could ride Cinnamon,” she enthused. “Are you going to ride, too?”
Deborah was grateful the little girl hadn’t noticed the new tension between the adults. Liam was older and more aware of nuances, but he hadn’t questioned either of them.
Pasting on a smile, she gripped the wooden spoon until her fingers protested. “I’m sorry, Lily. I won’t be able to come this time. I have an event to prepare for.”
Her crestfallen expression further dulled Deborah’s spirits. She’d channeled her energy into putting up a brave front for the kids. They had enough to worry about without adding her and Adam’s relationship issues to the mix.
“What event is it?” Adam said quietly.
Her pulse leaped. He wasn’t going to like her answer.
“Preston’s hosting a small gathering. Today is his birthday.”
His throat worked. “Lily, would you go outside and wait for me on the porch? I think your brother is already out there.”
With a sigh and a nod, she trudged into the hallway. The sound of the door closing echoed through the deserted first floor. Aunt Mae was running errands. Gus and Old Horace were stationed outside Booker & Son’s, and she wasn’t sure where the other boarders had gone.
“I understand you’re upset with me,” he said. “But I don’t think getting involved with Preston Wells is a wise idea.”
“I’m not getting involved with him. This is a business deal, nothing more. If I plan to support Liam and Lily, I have to start saving as much as I can.”
“You don’t have to shoulder that burden alone,” he said, thrusting his fingers through his hair. “I’ll gladly pitch in for their needs.”
“I appreciate that, Adam. I do. But I have to learn to depend on myself.” She dipped her head, and the blossom behind her ear dropped into the bowl. She fished out the wilting flower, rubbing her finger over the velvety petals. “You’re not going to be around forever.”
His breathing changed rhythm. Before he could ply her with excuses, she said, “Besides, Preston’s courting Hildie.”
“He may be courting her, but he wants you.”
“When we spoke before the church service yesterday, he was friendly and upbeat. There was no evidence of his previous forcefulness.”
“Some people are skilled actors.”
“Are you talking about yourself or Preston?”
He flinched. “I suppose I deserve that.” Shaking his head, he said, “I’ve encountered men like him in my work. I’m not convinced he’s given up on his pursuit of you.”
She measured out more flour, wishing he’d hurry up and leave. Her desire to accompany them to the White Rock Ranch was difficult to deny. Russell and Anna were supposed to be there. She enjoyed watching Adam interact with his mother and brothers. The Halloway men shared a special bond that trials, time and distance hadn’t managed to sever. And he was affectionate with Evelyn, often placing his arm around her shorter frame and hugging her to his side. The woman adored each of her sons, but she seemed to especially thrill in the return of her youngest.
Then there were the children. Tate, Harper and Little John were rambunctious, mischievous and adorable. Violet was still reserved, but she wouldn’t be for long if those boys had anything to say about it.
Liam and Lily needed friends like them. Would they still be welcome once Adam left Cowboy Creek? Would she?
“It’s one party.” Gesturing to the window, she said, “Lily’s chomping at the bit to get on that horse. Shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
“I wish you’d reconsider. My family will be sad to miss out on your company.” He paused. “I will, too.”
She almost untied her apron. Almost.
“I’ve spent too long being an outsider to want to do it again with your family.”
He looked startled. “Deborah—”
“I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.”
Bracing her hands on the counter, she lowered her gaze to the floor.
“I’ll leave you to it, then.” The whisper of his fading footsteps felt like fists against her heart.
* * *
His conversation with Deborah had not gone well. If it had, she’d be here beneath the trees watching Liam and Lily ride in circles and having the time of their lives. Violet was out there, as well, with Seth overseeing the whole production.
Adam kicked at the water barrel, his scowl etched in place.
She’d accused him of being an actor, of all things.
Well, he hadn’t been acting when he’d kissed her. Hadn’t been acting since pretty much the day they met. Not with her.
This thing with Deborah had shaken his rock-solid view of the Pinkertons and their methods. He’d always told himself that he did what he did for the sake of justice. He’d disregarded the effects of his actions because he was on the right side of the law.
He’d liked, even loved, his work until coming here.
“What’s going on with you and the beautiful baker?”
Adam whipped his head up as the fence bowed beneath his brother Seth’s sudden weight.
“You’re supposed to be supervising the kids.”
Seth rubbed at the faded scar above his brow. His back against the fence so that he faced the paddock, he squinted against the bright sun. “Do they look like they’re in jeopardy?” He’d chosen the mildest horses for their first ride. “If they moved any slower they’d be standing still.” He twisted in Adam’s direction. “Are you two quarreling?”
Adam gritted his teeth. “Something like that.”
“You’ve deprived me of the chance to dispense wise advice for quite a while. You can’t clam up now.”
“I’m accustomed to figuring things out on my own.”
“You don’t have to anymore. I’m not an expert on women, but I do have more experience than you. I am married.”
Adam tugged his Stetson lower to cover his eyes and kicked at the barrel again.
“She’s distancing herself from me,” he murmured, his heart heavy. “And I can’t seem to do anything to change it.”
Seth mulled that over. “In her mind, your friendship has been based on a lie.”
“I may have a different name and occupation, but I’m still the same man. She says she trusts me. Her actions p
rove otherwise.”
He couldn’t believe she’d accepted Preston’s invitation. The thought of her in that man’s home made his blood run cold. Why couldn’t she see he was playing a game with Hildie and hadn’t completely given up hope of having her for himself?
“Maybe she trusts your character but not your feelings for her.”
Thanks to her father, Deborah had confidence issues. Being in Cowboy Creek, making friends and finding success with her desserts had helped mend her broken view of herself. In the short weeks he’d known Deborah, Adam had seen a change in her, a shift in her attitude. He hated to think his agenda—or according to his brothers, his obsession with Ogden—had impaired her progress. He didn’t want her questioning herself again because of anything he’d done.
Seth spoke again. “The problem here is you think like a Pinkerton agent. You haven’t lived a normal life since you were eighteen.”
He bristled. “I do what most others can’t or won’t.”
“I’m not belittling your profession, little brother.” His eyes were serious. “I admire your dedication.”
“Then what’s your point?”
“You lived the life of a soldier for years, then traded it for the rolling stone existence of a detective. How are you supposed to relate to Deborah’s experiences? Understand how this impacts her?”
“I can see it on her face,” he burst out, thrusting his hands through his hair. “I hurt her, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
Seth frowned. “You should tell her about Ogden.”
“No.”
“You don’t still suspect her...”
“No.”
Seth released a heavy sigh. “If you care about her as much as I think you do, you should reconsider.”
He couldn’t tell her. He’d bungled this operation from the moment he’d stepped into the boardinghouse kitchen and spied her with that ridiculous blindfold.
No, he had to regain his professional footing and refocus on his reasons for coming here in the first place.
Deborah didn’t want him around, anyway.