Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright 2014 SUSAN M. BAGANZ
ENDORSEMENTS
DEDICATION
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
EPILOGUE
POSTSCRIPT
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
AUTHOR BIO
PESTO AND POTHOLES
Susan M. Baganz
Copyright 2014 SUSAN M. BAGANZ
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Editing by CAROLYN BOYLES
This book is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are the product of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE® Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org.
Published by Prism Book Group
ISBN-10: 1-943104-03-4
ISBN-13: 978-1-943104-03-1
First Edition, 2014
Published in the United States of America
Contact info: [email protected]
http://www.prismbookgroup.com
ENDORSEMENTS
“In this dynamic novel, talented author Susan Baganz takes readers on a roller-coaster of events and emotions to remind us that even when life seems off-track, God rides beside us and promises “Have faith, child; you are safe in my care.” Reserve space on your Keepers shelf for Pesto and Potholes!” Loree Lough, award-winning author of 104 books, including reader favorite Saving Alyssa (#3 in Harlequin Heartwarming’s “A Child to Love” series) and For Love of Eli, winner Reader’s Choice Best Short Contemporary award (Abingdon’s “Quilts of Love” series)
“Poignant romance of two lost souls learning about the things that go wrong, humanity’s fault lines and how to grow and love again despite the potholes that inevitably crop up. Baganz manages to throw some laughter and joy into desperate situations in this debut novel. Read Pesto and Potholes for a crazy adventure that makes Italian food with a side of Ninja warriors seem natural.” Lisa Lickel, author of The Last Detail
DEDICATION
To Dr. Robert G. Lane,
Professor Emeritus of Clinical Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh, for helping me see potholes as places of hope and healing.
PROLOGUE
August 2008
Renata placed the last candlestick on the table. The pastor had told her to submit. Be kind and cheerful for her husband. She hadn’t had time to change out of her work clothes, but had at least put on lipstick and combed her hair. She was bursting to tell Mick the news.
The click of the doorknob sent a shiver of fear up her spine. How can a doorknob…? Peace, Renata, God will not abandon you.
Mick strode in. She smiled at him. “I’m glad you’re home, Mick. I have something to tell you.”
He scowled at her, and she swallowed her fear. The cold look in his eyes chiseled away at her joy. “I went to the doctor today for an ultrasound. We’re having a girl!”
The force of the slap he delivered snapped her neck back. She should have anticipated it from the look in his eyes. She had prayed he would come around to being happy about being a father. She had hoped for a miracle for their marriage. “But Mick—” she cried.
He mimicked her in a high voice. “But Mick.” He slapped her again. “Don’t expect me to be happy. A girl? You thought I’d want a girl? Even if I wanted a kid, the last thing I’d want is a girl.”
“Please, Mick—” She was pleading now. She dared to look up at him. God, please, help me.
His hand came up, and she shrank back. Warm moisture flowed out of her nose as his fist withdrew. He grabbed her hair and jerked her head with such force she saw stars. She struggled to stay on her feet as he dragged her to the living room and tossed her like a rag doll to the floor.
She gasped for air as his steel-tipped boots ravaged her side, her stomach, her back. She lost track of any specific pain. Everything hurt. She tried to curl up. Please, please don’t hurt my baby. God, rescue me!
A final kick to the head was the last thing she remembered as she slid into darkness.
* * *
She awoke with no notion of how much time had elapsed. She feared moving in case Mick were nearby. She listened. The house was silent and bathed in moonlight from the open drapes in the living room. When she moved, pain radiated through her entire body. Was there any area he had not struck or kicked? Her hand came to rest on her abdomen. The baby didn’t move.
She crawled slowly to the landline phone near the kitchen. She braced herself on a chair to lift up and reach the handheld receiver. She dialed 911, slid back to the floor, and, once again, welcomed the darkness.
* * *
She awoke in the hospital in labor. No, it’s too soon for the baby to come.
But come she did.
Renata held the tiny infant in her arms and wept as her baby’s skin turned blue and grew cold. If only she had died with her daughter.
Lord, how am I to go on now?
CHAPTER ONE
September 2009
At last, Renata had the freedom to start life over. A clean slate. The past was dead and buried. She wiped sweaty palms on her skirt as she waited for the pastor’s message to end. He was talking about trusting God, even when times were hard.
She had lived that message, hadn’t she? Had someone forwarded her name and informed him she would be there?
Renata shook her head as she bent in prayer along with the rest of the large congregation.
Help me to trust You on this new journey, Lord.
Renata longed to slip out and go home, but her gregarious roomie, Stephanie, had driven and now held her hostage. Steph brought her a cup of coffee as Renata hid behind a plant in the crowded café where people mingled. Renata held the cup more as a prop. It gave her hands something to do as Stephanie introduced her to friends. She shifted her weight as people gathered close, bumping into each other.
Stephanie grinned at her, and Renata smiled halfheartedly as she took a deep breath. She had just met Gabby and Paul, and their ten-month-old son, Jacob, who was sleeping on his daddy’s shoulder. They were nice enough. Being that close to a baby was agony.
Just don’t look at him.
Some other young men had come to join them as well. Bryan, James, and John were the names she had been told. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck under her long hair as Bryan looked her over like a horse he considered for purchase. The hardness of his eyes reminded her of… No. Don’t go there. She was grateful nothing more was required of her other than “Hel
lo.”
Was it impolite to look at their shoes? She’d heard a person could learn a lot about someone by his shoes. Bryan wore dirty athletic shoes. High priced, but unimpressive indeed.
Dark brown dress shoes entered the circle, and Renata’s gaze came up as a tall man in crisp khakis, a button-down white shirt, and no tie arrested her attention. Stephanie drew him closer to her side with a wide grin.
Was everyone here Steph’s friend? Renata chuckled mentally. Her outgoing, blonde bombshell of a roommate hadn’t changed much since college. Ren took in the details of this man. Tall. Muscular. Hair the color of a dark roast coffee. Deep chocolate eyes. His glance was warm and sincere. He looked...safe.
Hmmm. Isn’t that something?
Her shoulders relaxed as she released a breath of air, and her heartrate slowed. She paid close attention, which was not an easy task in the noisy chaos of the café area of the church after the worship service had ended.
“Tony, I’m glad you are here. I wanted to introduce you to my roomie. Renata. This is Tony, my boss at De Luca’s Cucina and Gabby’s little brother”—she turned to Tony—“and this is Renata Blake, a dear friend of mine who moved here from Oshkosh.”
“Glad to meet you. What’d you do in Oshkosh?” asked Tony.
Renata flinched, sucked in a breath of air, and held it.
“Let’s not talk about the past. Renata is here for a new start in life.” Stephanie gave Renata’s arm a squeeze as she spoke.
Renata exhaled slowly and gave her friend a look of gratitude.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Tony’s voice was deep and resonant. He sounded sincere.
“Tony, the bonfire on Thursday night would be a great opportunity for Renata to get to know more people here at church.” Gabby jumped in to change the subject.
Blood pounded behind Renata’s eyes.
Other people planning her social life? This couldn’t be good.
She shook her head. She would rather sit at home and read a book. It was too soon.
Stephanie, however, disagreed. “What a great idea, Gabby. I can’t take her because I’m scheduled to work at De Luca’s. Renata, you should go. It’ll be fun. I’m sure Tony would pick you up.”
“Hey, what about me?” said Bryan as he thumped his chest. “Am I chopped liver or what? I’ll come get you, Renata.” His eyes lingered overly long on her body, and Tony cleared his throat.
James and John also chimed in with offers to escort her.
“No offense, but I have known you boys far too long.” Stephanie turned her gaze away from the trio. “It should be Tony. I can trust him to be a gentleman.”
Renata watched as Tony glanced at the men with a grimace at the rebuff they had received. He turned his attention back to her. “If you would like to go, I’d be pleased to give you a ride and help you get acquainted.” His eyebrows rose, daring her to turn him down.
A sliver of courage rose to the surface as Renata’s eyes darted to Stephanie and back to her friend’s handsome employer. “That would be fine. Thank you, Tony.” She wondered if he even heard her as her tentative words came out softly. Her gaze dropped to her hands clenched around the cup she held.
Brian snorted and stalked off. John and James faded out of the group to join him, mumbling their goodbyes. The tension left Renata’s shoulders at their departure.
Paul smiled as he switched his sleeping son to his other shoulder. “You can rely on Tony. I may be his brother-in-law, but there’s no one I would trust more than him. His parents set a high standard for any man to follow.” He turned to look into his wife’s eyes. “As I learned when I was courting his sister.” They smiled at each other.
Gabby and Paul turned to go. “It was nice meeting you, Renata. Bye, Steph. We’ll see you later at Mom’s, right, Tony?”
“Sure. And Paul? Watch out, I’m eager for a game of football.”
“You got it.” Paul gave Tony a fist bump to the shoulder as they left to visit with other people.
Tony turned back to Stephanie and Renata, since their group had shrunk to three. “What are your plans for this afternoon?” He sipped his coffee.
“I have some unpacking to do,” Renata answered.
Tony frowned. “Sounds like a less than relaxing way to spend the day. I will pick you up around six-thirty on Thursday. I work until six when my brother will come to fill in for me. I apologize in advance if I arrive smelling like garlic.” He winked.
“You are forgiven in advance.” Renata giggled. “Does that mean we won’t be bothered by vampires?” She glanced up at him.
Where did that come from? I can’t believe I said that! A cute guy looks at me, and I become mush? Oh, I am in trouble. Haven’t I learned anything from the past?
Tony laughed, nodded and lifted his Styrofoam coffee cup in salute. “Till then.”
Stephanie led Renata away. She resisted the urge to look back at Tony.
What had she gotten herself into?
* * *
Renata sat cross-legged on the floor as she broke down the last of the boxes. She dragged her aching body up, stiff and sore from unpacking, and bent to grab the cardboard to put in the basement. Coming back up the stairs, weariness settled into her bones.
She slid her favorite round wicker, cushioned Papasan chair out to the patio, relaxed into the chair, and popped open a can of cola. Two other plastic chairs and a small table were on the makeshift deck. She had originally feared living in a first floor apartment in Milwaukee, but this neighborhood had been safe so far. Kids played Frisbee down the block. Her neighbors represented many different nationalities, and they had welcomed her and smiled as they would walk by, ride bikes, or meet in the hallway.
The Singh family, from India, lived kitty-corner upstairs. Sarai had dark skin, shimmering long hair, and the most winsome smile, and their two adorable children often had grins a mile wide when they said “hi!” to her. Her husband owned the C-Store down the road. Alphonso, from Cuba, lived next to them on the second floor. He was a single man who worked an irregular schedule as a firefighter for the City of Milwaukee.
Edith Montell lived above her. She was an older lady who had a helper come several times a week. Renata suspected Edith was in her seventies, but she had a spry attitude. There was a Hispanic single mom, Christine, next door, and a young African-American couple across the hall whom she had yet to meet. All in all, it was a colorful neighborhood made up of hard-working people. It was quite different from her “white bread” upbringing further north in Wisconsin. She had fallen into a rainbow of fruit-flavored candy.
Stephanie pulled her rear-wheel-drive convertible up in front of the apartment complex. Renata thought her friend’s car was silly for anyone to drive if they lived in Wisconsin. She suspected it wouldn’t handle snow well. Renata rose out of her chair and walked out to help bring in the Chinese food.
She spooned beef with peppers onto a plate for herself and chicken chow mein onto another plate for Stephanie. Rice, fortune cookies, and crab rangoon rounded out their feast. They settled on the porch to enjoy dinner outside.
“Are you sure about me going Thursday night? I won’t know anyone. I’m intimidated by the prospect. You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
“You will be fine. You did have a choice, you know. I wouldn’t have forced you. I’m not Mick.” Stephanie paused. “Everyone who meets you loves you. Be yourself. You’ll be safe with Tony. He’s well-liked and will make sure you are connected to more people. He’ll watch out for you.”
Renata fought the pain Mick’s name conjured. She swallowed hard. “How do you know Tony? I mean, I know you work for him, but your knowledge of him goes beyond employer and employee.”
“I met him at church when I moved here a few years ago. I’ve always considered Tony as a big brother.” She paused. “He had a girlfriend a while back and was on the verge of getting married, but something happened. He never speaks about it, and it’s generally understood he doesn’t want to
be asked. Working for him, I have seen his Italian temper flare in the kitchen when things get crazy, but he always apologizes. He’s a fair boss. He defends his waitresses if a client gets out of line. He works hard. If he has a fault, it would be that he is overly responsible. Gotta say, though, the woman who snags that hunk will be fortunate.”
“Okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll be in good hands with Tony, and I committed myself to going. Don’t be surprised if I need reassurances this week. I’m terrified. There are too many new things hitting me all at once.”
“I understand. You’ve been through pain and loss and have hidden inside yourself for years. You needn’t fear. What happened in your marriage was not your fault. None of it. Stop blaming yourself and believing you are flawed and incapable of a man loving you. My job is to keep reminding you that you are a princess in Christ...precious and delightful to Him. He will watch over you. If you can trust Him, you can walk through this week, and Thursday night, in confidence.”
“I needed that, Steph. I hoped the move would help me live above the shame. Instead, it’s a shadow dodging every step I take. Guess it’s going to take time. I could not ask for a better friend to help me through.”
“Aw, I love you to bits and always have. You know the challenges I’ve had as well. Maybe together we can face the future. Kind of like Laverne and Shirley. ‘We’re going to make it—’” Stephanie started singing off-key, and they both broke into laughter.
“I’m not going to be the one wearing a big letter on my chest,” giggled Renata. “Does that mean I get the Fonz or Richie? Please don’t let us have a Lenny and Squiggy living nearby.”
“Okay, Ren, enough stalling, what’s your fortune cookie say?” Stephanie was cracking hers open, but Renata had just pulled hers out.
“It says, ‘An unexpected relationship will become permanent.’ Ha! There is no way I’m trusting a man again...much less marrying one.”
“Whoa. I can’t blame you. I haven’t found one worth marrying yet. I’m probably a little more cautious after watching what you went through. Wanna hear mine?”
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