“I am so sorry,” Miriam said, wishing she had not brought it up.
Lantz managed a small smile. “You did not know. And I truly am grateful for the opportunity to borrow your son for the afternoon, since my many nieces and nephews are far away. The enthusiasm of children is a refreshing reminder to look for the joy in what the Lord has given us.”
Miriam smiled warmly. “You are welcome to Ezra. You are certainly as good for him as he seems to be for you. Your nieces and nephews must love you.”
“Perhaps for all the wrong reasons,” he said with a laugh, relaxing once more. “My sisters and sisters-in-law all claim I spoil them dreadfully, so I try to control myself.”
“Well, Ezra needs some spoiling these days, so I am grateful to you, Herr Lantz.”
Lantz hesitated just a moment. “Since I am in the process of becoming Seth’s friend and partner, I hope you will consider calling me ‘Daniel.’”
Miriam hesitated in return then smiled shyly. “Since the plan is for you so stay here with us until work on the farm is completed, it would make things much simpler if you would call me Miriam, too.”
Their eyes met for a long moment, and Miriam felt something shift inside her. She’d spent so many hours grieving for Jacob that she’d scarcely thought about anything but the loss she and her children had to face. The arrival of this stranger on her porch had somehow loosened the grip of grief on her household and let her see that life would go on. Inevitably, just as the life of a child grew inside her, life and business would go on, even in the face of grief.
Miriam was frankly surprised at her fascination with Daniel, surprised that she could find herself enjoying the company – even for a single meal – of a man other than her husband. He is not Jacob! she reminded herself. No, he is not, but there is something about him that helps me to forget for a brief moment that I am alone.
Ezra returned to the kitchen, breaking the spell, the quiet connection that Miriam and Daniel shared.
“Are you ready, Herr Lantz?” he asked, oblivious to the charged silence between the two adults.
Daniel smiled. “I am ready.
He stood with Miriam and reached for his hat.
“Good afternoon to you, Miriam,” he said warmly. “And thank you for the meal.”
“You are most welcome, Daniel,” she returned. “We will expect you and Seth at supper.”
“We will be here. I promise.”
As Daniel and Ezra left by the side door, Miriam followed, watching them through the screen door as they descended the porch steps, and Ezra reached up to take Daniel’s hand. She signed deeply. No, Daniel was not Jacob, but he was so good for her son. Perhaps it was not too soon to hope that he might be good for all of them.
Miriam wondered how her daughters, Ruthie and Rebecca, would react to Daniel when he joined them for dinner in the evening. She sighed as she laid her hand on her flat belly and realized that nothing was likely to be simple. Her husband gone for only a few weeks, and a new baby on the way. How could she even begin to wonder if God’s plan for her included this kind stranger who showed up and offered comfort to Ezra. How would a man like Daniel react to her carrying another man’s child? If his behavior toward her son was any indication, Miriam suspected that he might just take the news in stride, but had she really seen in his eyes what she thought she had? Miriam could not be certain, nor could she even be certain of her own feelings. Miriam had to admit to herself that she was attracted to Daniel, though it seemed like a shocking and inappropriate admission. She felt a muddled confusion of attraction, guilt, and hope, and she would need a little time to sort through her complicated feelings. With Jacob only four weeks gone, she was a long way from being ready to give herself to another man.
Still, the baby she was carrying deserved a father—as did her other three children—and she could not afford to allow her own grief and insecurities to get in the way of providing for her children’s future. Sighing once more Miriam turned back to the kitchen. Tonight could be an important beginning for their future, whatever it might be, and there was also a great deal to prepare for tomorrow’s barn-raising. The men who would come to help would work hard, and they would need plenty of good food to sustain them. Miriam resolved to turn her problems over to the Lord and watch for His guidance.
Thankful her morning sickness had passed, Miriam began to pull ingredients from the shelves in preparation for the dishes she would make for tomorrow, thankful,in passing that her father-in-law, like Miriam’s own father, believed that a refrigerator was a useful and thrifty addition to a household. Miriam was glad that she could begin her preparations in the afternoon, rather than in the morning, for she expected that she was certain to feel queasy again for several mornings to come. Miriam rolled up her sleeves and got to work, losing herself in the familiar work of preparing food for a crowd.
Chapter Three
“And then Aenti Ruth brought Dawdy Ezra and Uncle Seth and Uncle Daniel these great big, cold mugs of cider,” Ezra said, completing his narration of their busy afternoon at the Miller farm.
“And we deserved every swallow of it,” Seth added with a laugh.
“So, you are all ready for the morrow, then?” Shem asked his son.
“All ready, Papa,” Seth confirmed. “The floor is ready, and the framing of the walls is all complete. We will have a barn by sundown.”
“Well, we will have the shell of a barn,” Daniel said. “Much goes into the interior of a barn being used to stable horses: box stalls, foaling stalls, a stallion box; windows will need to be cut for both ventilation and light; proper feed storage; a well-lit tack room; feed stations; and much more.”
“We will do it,” Seth said. “Once the shell is up, we will be able to work in any kind of weather, and Naomi and Miriam’s brother, Isaac, has promised to help with the interior details.”
“You are right. I am impressed with the floor you and Ezra—Grandpa Ezra—prepared. It should work very well for many years.”
“I read that book you loaned me very carefully, my friend, and followed the instructions to the letter.”
“And tomorrow we protect that floor with walls and a roof.” Daniel raised his glass of water in a toast to Seth.
“That we will,” Seth agreed.
“Tonight you sound even more excited about the new barn than you do about your wedding to Naomi, Seth,” Rachel teased.
“If I do, Mama, it is only because when it is built, I will know my marriage is not just a dream, that I am one step closer, to making Naomi my wife,” he sighed.
“Good save, Seth,” Daniel teased, and everyone laughed.
“But it is true,” Seth protested.
Miriam leaned over to kiss his cheek lightly.
“Of course it is,” she said.
Eleven-year-old Ruthie sighed dramatically. “It is all so romantic.”
“Eww,” Ezra said, bringing more laughter.
“Just you wait, young Ezra,” Shem said in his most patriarchal tone of voice. “Someday, you, too, will be pining for a pretty young woman like your aunt.”
“And then we will all laugh at you!” little four-year-old Rebecca said with a giggle.
Miriam sat back with a sigh and smiled. My children. My family. Thank you, Heavenly Father for this precious gift. It had been a celebratory meal, with almost as much laughter as food. The Fisher family had not enjoyed such a gathering in all too long, and when her eyes met Rachel’s, she knew the older woman was just as pleased.
Then Miriam glanced across the table and her eyes met Daniel’s. He smiled and lifted his glass to her. She felt her face flush with unexpected pleasure and anticipation. Jacob, can you hear me? she thought. Did you ask God to send this man to us? To me? Would it be so wrong? Am I rushing things, and would you be disappointed in me? Or did you send this man to give me hope?
Glad when Ezra distracted Daniel from his scrutiny, she turned to help her young Rebecca wipe her face and get down from the table. Miriam watched her
daughters, cheerfully helping to clear the dishes from the table without having to be asked, and she and the girls washed and dried everything while the men talked about horses and barns and tomorrow’s barn-raising. Once the kitchen was straightened, she herded the children up to bed. It was not late, but tomorrow would be a very busy day, and they would need a good night’s sleep in preparation for it.
Praying for sleep for herself, Miriam kissed her children goodnight, tucked them in, and returned to her own room to get ready for bed.
***
A half hour later, Miriam had brushed out her hair and was sitting at the window in her nightgown watching the orange glow of the full moon rising. She and Jacob had watched it rise together last month and she could almost feel his arms around her on this night. There had been a full moon on the night he had asked her to marry him, too, when she had been so certain the future would bring nothing but joy. Miriam hugged herself tightly and prayed for strength and wisdom, not even noticing the silent tears coursing down her cheeks.
A light tap on the door brought her around.
“Miriam?”
It was Rachel, and Miriam hurried to brush away her tears.
“Come in.”
Rachel entered and closed the door softly behind her. She did not speak but only crossed the room and took Miriam into her arms in comfort. The two grieving women held one another in silence, rocking gently.
“How far along are you, do you know?” Rachel asked after a long time.
Miriam pulled back and stared at her mother-in-law in surprise. “How did you know?”
Rachel smiled warmly and brushed the wavy hair back from Miriam’s face with a gentle caress.
“Have I not borne seven sons? Have I not watched you carry and deliver three of my grandchildren?”
Miriam let out a huff of breath. “I have been so out of sorts, I did not even suspect until this morning.”
Rachel kissed Miriam’s brow softly. “I have only suspected for a couple of days. You have been pale since Jacob died, but the last two mornings, you have looked like a ghost.”
“I realized this morning that there had to be more to my tears than just missing Jacob, more to my nausea than just not eating. And I was dizzy, which I never am except when I’m…”
“When you are with child.”
Miriam looked up to meet the older woman’s understanding eyes, and her own filled once more.
“I have wanted another child so badly, but now I wonder how I will go on.”
“You will go on because you must, and your family will be here to see you through it.”
“Oh, Rachel.”
Miriam fell into her arms once more, sobbing quietly. Rachel held her close, rubbing her back in a gentle caress and speaking softly.
“You are the daughter of my heart, Miriam, and your children are my joy. There will always be a place for you here. I could not bear to have you leave, now.”
Miriam pulled away, shaking her head firmly. “I would never think of leaving you and Shem,” she said. “This is our home. You are our family, and Jacob’s death does not change that.”
“ Gut ,” Rachel said. “Then we are in agreement.”
“Of course!” Miriam wiped at her tears, and Rachel handed her a clean handkerchief.
“You see?” Miriam said. “How could I do without you?”
Rachel chuckled and pulled a second hanky out to wipe her own tears away. After a moment, both women took a deep breath and their eyes met once more.
“If the baby is a boy,” Rachel began, hesitating.
Miriam took her mother-in-law’s hand and laid it on her own still-flat belly.
“If it is a boy, then we will call him Jacob.”
Rachel smiled in gratitude. “And if it is a girl, you must call her Leah, for your mother.”
Miriam shook her head. “My brother, Abram, already has the next Leah in the family in his first-born. If this baby is a girl, she will be called Rachel, for the mother of my heart.”
Rachel’s smile widened, her eyes sparkling with tears. “That would make me very happy.”
She took a deep breath and patted Miriam’s hand.
“Now. You need to sleep. Tomorrow will be a very long day.”
In spite of Miriam’s protests, Rachel insisted on tucking her into bed as though she were a little girl.
“May I tell Shem about the baby tonight?” Rachel asked softly. While expected babies generally were not discussed with men, Miriam knew how special this one would be to the grandfather who had lost his first-born son.
She reached for Rachel’s hand and nodded. “Yes, of course.”
“Thank you. He will be so pleased.
She gave Miriam’s hand a final squeeze and rose.
“Sleep now, my daughter,” Rachel said softly then bent to kiss her lightly on the brow before reaching out to turn down the lamp.
“Good night, Rachel.”
Rachel paused at the door then looked back.
“Daniel Lantz is a good man, I think,” she said carefully. “I know it has only been four weeks since Jacob died, but I think you should not be afraid of what you are already feeling for this man.”
Miriam felt herself blush and was thankful for the darkness. “He is Seth’s new partner, Rachel, and promises to be a good friend to this family. That is all.”
Rachel shook her head. “That is not ‘all’ I saw pass between you at supper tonight, my daughter, and I want you to know that what I saw made me glad.”
Miriam heard the smile in the older woman’s voice and was stunned. She barely managed a reply to Rachel’s murmured “goodnight” as she left and closed the door softly behind her.
Chapter Four
Miriam woke early the next day, both surprised and pleased that she had actually slept quite soundly. She shook her head as she dressed and thought about her discussion with her mother-in-law the night before. Rachel had genuinely surprised her. Knowing her own uncertainties where Daniel was concerned, the Rachel’s show of support somehow made it easier to contemplate being ready at some point to move on and begin a relationship with a man other than her beloved Jacob. Miriam knew that she would miss and love Jacob for the rest of her days, but that didn’t mean that she had to live alone. God wanted His children to be fruitful and multiply, and Miriam knew that the Lord wouldn’t have sent her Daniel if He expected her to live alone forever..
Miriam reached out to the bed post to steady herself as she began to feel light-headed. The vertigo and nausea seemed to be a little less this morning than yesterday, though she couldn’t be sure if she genuinely felt better, or if she simply didn’t mind as much now that the knew the reason for her nausea. A new baby! Miriam took her time brushing out her waist-length hair. In spite of her queasy stomach, she did feel remarkably better today. Miriam had always wanted a whole household of children, but Jacob had been too aware of her own mother’s early death following childbirth, which explained the years between their three—now four—children. She had tried to explain to him that she took after her father’s side of the family, that she was strong enough to hear a houseful of children, but Jacob hadn’t listened to her, refusing to even consider fewer than four years between pregnancies. Miriam sighed. And now I have my fourth child and no husband. The irony was nearly enough to make her cry all over again, but she simply refused to do so this morning. This morning was about new beginnings, and Mirima smiled as she thought of everything this barn meant for her sister. Naomi and Seth’s future was being raised that morning. .
Dressed and tidy, Miriam left her room to go to her children. It was a bit earlier than usual, but they needed to get everything gathered up and over to her family’s farm before anyone else arrived. It was a very big day for Daniel and Seth—and for Naomi, too, Miriam was so pleased to think about her younger sister, paired up at last with a man who appreciated and valued her. Both families knew just how important Naomi’s investment in the budding horse business was, a fact that Seth never
failed to mention. Though he knew he should be more humble, Seth’s eyes always shone with pride when he talked about his wife-to-be and her good business sense..
Miriam heard her daughters’ soft voices as she tapped lightly on their door.
“Good morning, Mama!” little Rebecca called out when Miriam opened the door. Ruthie had already lit the small lamp between their beds.
“Good morning, girls! Are you ready for our busy day?”
“Oh, yes, Mama,” Ruthie said, climbing out of bed.
“Good. Can you help Rebecca dress? I need to wake Ezra.”
“Yes. Ezra will need more help than we do.”
Both girls were giggling when Miriam left them to peek in next door to find Ezra still sound asleep.
“Ezra, love,” she said softly. “Time to get up. We have the barn-raising today!”
She lit the lamp, turning it up brightly to help her son shake off his sleep.
Ezra yawned and stretched. “Is it really morning?”
Miriam sat on the edge of his bed and ruffled his hair. “Yes, it is morning, and you need to get dressed. We will need to eat breakfast quickly, so we can arrive at the farm early.”
“Mmmmhh.” Ezra wasn’t quite verbal yet, still half-asleep.
Miriam smiled at his lack of enthusiasm for this most important day. Her son had always been slow to awaken, and sometimes it took a little prodding.
“Daisy and Dutch will need to be fed before we go, Ezra,” she reminded him.
“Before we go…Go!” He struggled out of his blankets and sat up. “The barn-raising is today!”
Miriam laughed and reached out to brush the hair from his eyes.
“Yes, it is, Ezra, and if you do not hurry, we will be late.”
“I will hurry, Mama” he promised, jumping out of bed and reaching for his pants.
“All right, then. I will go check on your sisters. Come next door when you are ready.”
Miriam and her children shared the top floor of the original house, a two-story rectangle. Her room was the largest of what had been four bedrooms, the smallest of which Shem had converted into an indoor bath as a wedding present for Rachel. Shem’s father had added the large “L” leg off the kitchen some fifty years ago, when his own family had gotten too large for the existing house. A second story loft over the kitchen, which was heated by the kitchen fires, had been made into a giant sleeping room for the many Fisher sons. Just before she and Jacob were married, Shem, Jacob, and Caleb had built a small “toe” off the kitchen, giving Shem and Rachel a secluded room on the first floor and Jacob and Miriam the big bedroom in the old part of the house. Miriam loved the home she occupied, as its structure evoked all of the connections and love shared by the big family she’d married into and made her own.
Miriam's Story: Part 2 Romance in Amish Country Page 2