Changed.
I’d never forget that look.
But like Esmeralda Lucian said, what was done was done. I was Josephine’s guardian now – whether by choice or by fate – and there was no turning back. Even though I knew she’d never see me as anything but this thing I’d now become.
My heart ached inside my frozen chest, but beat with new determination. No matter how painful this new life was, I would find a way to protect Josephine Romany.
Why?
Because it was my duty.
Swirling gray mist…
Night winds piercing…
Shrieks in the dark…
The woman runs frantically, trying to escape, eyes wide with fear. She flees into a meadow filled with Gypsy wagons. As she passes, they burst into flames.
A terrifying shriek fills the air.
The woman trips, falls to the ground. She rolls, gasping, searching the trees. A growl rumbles in the night. Something steps from the shadows.
Horns spiral from its forehead. Eyes brim with molten silver. Dark lips curl back from threatening teeth as leathery wings beat the air. Clawed hands reach out as the darkness retreats. A face comes into view; gray and terrifying.
It’s my face.
The Gypsy girl screams.
I jerked up, gasping for air. I couldn’t see. Everything was dark. I thrashed wildly. Heavy hands shoved me down. I tried to speak, but no words came. Snarls rang in my ears. The hands held me down. Pain pricked my neck. I went cold. I fought, but the hands were too strong. Or I was too weak. My head swirled. I was tired.
So tired.
I wanted to sleep. That’s all that mattered.
Just sleep.
My body went limp. A thick haze closed over me, and everything faded into nothing.
‘What are we supposed to do with him, Hugo?’
The harsh whisper cut through my slumber. I tried to stir, but my body was still unresponsive. Other voices whispered around me, blending together.
‘It’s been two days.’
‘How long are we going to keep him like this?’
‘What does the book say?’
‘The book is useless,’ snapped a voice closer to me than the others. I recognized it as Hugo’s. ‘We’ll have to find another way.’
‘And what if there isn’t one?’
‘Maybe Zindelo was wrong.’
‘No!’ Hugo yelled. The other voices went silent. ‘I refuse to believe that. Nothing’s changed, do you hear me? We’ll figure this out.’
‘And the Romanys?’
‘We’ll break the seal before it comes to that,’ said Hugo, his tone low and final.
My chest heaved in panic. I didn’t care what they did to me, but I wouldn’t let them break this seal. It was my promise to Josephine. I couldn’t lose it, not after everything I’d already lost.
I wrestled my drug-heavy body for control. Muscles bulged along my back, followed by a loud flapping.
‘Strap them down!’ commanded Hugo. ‘Or he’ll tear up the room!’
I was forced onto my stomach. My shoulder blades popped. I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t scream. My muscles cramped and strained.
Please, stop!
My neck stung, and all went cold and dark.
A light.
There was a light somewhere. My eyelids fluttered open. Everything was blurry at first, and then – for the first time in what felt like an eternity – my vision cleared.
I was in my room, the blinds and curtains tightly closed. My desk lamp cast dull images against the walls. It was the only light in the room, but even that small glow hurt. I blinked my still sensitive eyes. My body felt like stone, heavy and cold. But I could move, at least, a little. I wiggled my fingers tentatively. My throat was dry. My tongue tasted like gravel. Everything was sore.
‘You need to eat.’
A strong arm looped around my shoulders, hoisting me up. The aroma of food wafted across my nostrils. I squinted at the figure hovering over me. It was Hugo. He held a plate in his other hand, and my mouth watered as I saw the heaping pile of chicken and mashed potatoes. I coughed and attempted to form words, but Hugo set the plate on my lap.
‘Don’t try to talk, Sebastian. Just eat.’
My stomach cramped violently with hunger. I greedily scooped up a handful of potatoes and shoved them into my mouth, but when I chewed, something felt wrong. It wasn’t until I ripped into the chicken like a starving dog that I realized it was my teeth. They sank with unnerving ease into the meat, slicing through it like knives. But I was so hungry I didn’t care. As soon as my plate was empty, Hugo removed it and lowered me back down. I groaned at the pain in my shoulders. Every muscle ached. I blinked up at my brother. He seemed a little fuzzy. I was suddenly exhausted.
‘Get some sleep,’ he said.
Hugo clasped my shoulder then turned his face away from me. He stood and walked across the room. I followed him with my eyes. The effort made me lightheaded. His large form was completely out of focus. Dimly, I wondered if they’d drugged the food. I worked my jaw, determined to communicate.
‘Why…are you…doing this…to me?’
He studied me a moment, his hand on the door. ‘To keep you from doing anything stupid, Sebastian,’ he replied. I thought I saw something like regret pass over his face, but everything was blurry. ‘Now, sleep,’ he ordered softly.
And I did.
I was propped upright against the pillows when I woke again. I was still a bit stiff, but I felt better than I had the last time I’d been conscious. The haziness was gone. But my back was killing me. I shifted, trying to alleviate the cramped muscles.
I was strapped to the headboard. Metal cords ran under my arms, crisscrossing my chest and digging into my ribcage. They were locked into place at each bedpost. There was enough slack to sit up, but there was no way I could reach the locks.
The blinds were open and the curtains pulled back. Outside it was twilight, and the sky was faded violet. My body was tucked under the covers from the waist down. I shifted my legs, testing my muscles. Everything seemed to be working again. The blankets were hot, and I kicked them off.
There was a knock at the door. Hugo stood in the frame with Vincent behind him.
‘Stay away from me,’ I snarled. It was difficult to talk around my new mouthful of sharp teeth. A tear escaped the corner of my eye and trickled down my cheek. I didn’t bother to wipe it away.
‘How are you feeling?’ Hugo asked.
I almost laughed. He was actually asking me that after keeping me drugged in my room for who knows how long? I glanced sideways at him, checking for more syringes or plates of tainted food.
‘I’m perfect, thank you,’ I muttered. ‘Now leave me alone.’
‘Very well,’ he replied.
The way he looked at me sent a surge of anger up my spine. I clenched my hands into fists, feeling claws cut into flesh. A fresh tear forged a trail along the edge of my nose.
‘So you’ve always known about me. You’ve always known I was a freak.’
Hugo shook his head. ‘You’re not a freak, Sebastian. You’re a gargoyle.’
‘Same thing.’
‘No,’ he answered evenly. ‘It’s not.’
‘Where’s Josephine?’
‘You know where she is, Sebastian.’
‘I need to be with her, Hugo. Why can’t you see that?’
My brother opened his mouth as if to answer, then shook his head. A quick nod at Vincent, and the door pulled closed again.
No one came to visit me after that.
I drifted in and out of sleep. When I was awake, I thought about Josephine. I replayed every conversation we’d had so I could hear her voice. I traced the curves of her face in my mind. I imagined myself kissing her lips and daydreamed about how they would be against mine. I could smell her hair; I could feel it against my cheek as she leaned into my chest.
I imagined her voice calling to me; the voice from the call-board that had
changed the course of my life. In my dream, she wanted me to come to her.
To be hers. To love her.
Forever.
‘Sebastian, wake up.’
The voice was so soft that I thought I was still dreaming.
‘Mmmm,’ I murmured groggily.
‘It’s Esmeralda,’ said the voice.
My body jolted awake. Ms Lucian was sitting on the edge of my desk, her hands folded in her lap. I tried in vain to push myself up.
‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ Ms Lucian admonished. ‘They’ve got your wings pretty well strapped. There’s no sense in hurting yourself.’
My wings.
I pressed a hand to my forehead as nightmares and horrible images taunted my mind. But this wasn’t a dream. This was real. I was lying restrained in my bed with a monstrous set of leathery wings pinned to my back
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Homework,’ she replied simply. She patted a pile of books sitting next to her on the desk.
‘Homework,’ I repeated, dumbfounded.
‘Of course, Sebastian. After all, you’ve been out of school for several days now, not to mention you have some unexcused absences from last week. Since you won’t be returning to your classes, I thought it best to come up with some story before Social Services decided to investigate.’
I frowned, confused. ‘A story?’
‘Yes,’ Ms Lucian replied. ‘You were in an accident after the Circe de Romany performance and totaled your van. It’s a wonder you survived.’ She picked up a book, glancing at it casually. ‘Your recovery will be a long one, so the school has appointed me your homebound studies teacher for the remainder of the school year.’
‘Nice.’
‘Well, I am the drama teacher, you know.’
My back muscles were cramping. I rolled my shoulders, but I refused to touch the hideous things behind me. It was easier to pretend they weren’t actually there, so I ignored the pain and rubbed my wrist. Touching the dandelion made me feel better. And worse.
‘She’s safe, Sebastian.’
My hand jerked. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ve been keeping an eye on her.’
I took a deep breath. ‘You’re a gargoyle.’
It was still hard to say the word. Give me a league of costumed superheroes or a coven of blood-sucking vampires, those, I could deal with. But this was just too much.
A hint of a smile played along the corner of her mouth, and her fingers traced the cover of the top book. ‘You need to keep up with your studies,’ she went on. ‘You’re far too close to graduating to let a few complications get in the way.’
Complications?
‘You can’t be serious.’
‘Totally serious,’ she replied, smiling coolly. ‘So you can’t attend school, and you may not be able to walk with your class for graduation, but there’s no reason you can’t complete all your credits and get your diploma anyway.’
I scowled. ‘Yeah, like school really matters now.’
Ms Lucian’s smile faded. Her gaze moved to my back. After a moment’s hesitation, I looked over my shoulder. The massive abominations were strapped down with the same cords that confined me to my bed. They ran across my bare chest, back under my arms, and were tied off someplace I couldn’t see. No wonder I’d hardly been able to move.
‘I did have another reason for visiting,’ Ms Lucian continued softly. She leaned forward. ‘I came to warn you.’
‘If it’s about staying away from Josephine…’
‘No,’ Ms Lucian said. ‘You’re sealed to Josephine Romany, and it’s natural for a guardian to want to be by his charge’s side.’
‘Then, what’s the warning?’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘You’re in love with her.’
There was no use denying it. ‘Yes.’
‘Sebastian, I realize you don’t understand the depth of your sealed fate. But you have a duty to Josephine Romany now, and it’s something you can’t break.’
‘I understand that.’
‘No, I’m afraid you don’t.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked suspiciously.
Ms Lucian slid from the desk and moved to the window. ‘Gargoyles were created to protect Gypsies. The Roma designed us with that innate compulsion. When we are asleep, we dream about our charges. When we are awake, we are compelled to be near them. Being guardians has been both our calling and our curse for centuries.’ She glanced back at me, and she seemed suddenly ancient. ‘But we weren’t created with the capacity to love, Sebastian. It’s against our nature.’
I didn’t care how many people told me that. It wouldn’t change how I felt. ‘So what about you?’ I asked, pointedly ignoring Ms Lucian’s comment. ‘If you’re a gargoyle, why don’t you look like…’ I didn’t need to finish the sentence. My appearance was statement enough.
‘It’s a long story,’ she said. I could hear the strain in her voice. ‘And it’s not important right now.’
‘How can you say that?’ I demanded. ‘If there’s some way that I can reverse this, a way to be normal…’
‘There’s not.’ Ms Lucian looked suddenly commanding, more than she ever had as my teacher. ‘Sebastian, there are reasons I’m like this, reasons I can’t get into now. But believe me when I say that you can’t change what’s happened to you.’ Her eyes hardened. ‘But you need to listen to my warning. Love between a guardian and a charge is dangerous and forbidden.’
‘But you said that guardians weren’t capable of love.’
‘Yes.’ She looked out the window again. ‘The Roma were very careful to ensure that it would never happen.’
‘Then why would it have to be forbidden?’
For a moment, Ms Lucian was silent, her posture rigid. When she finally turned to me, she looked pained. ‘Because of me,’ she answered. ‘His name was Markus. And I…I failed.’
Ms Lucian swept aside her red-tinted hair. On the side of her neck was a tattoo so faded I couldn’t make out the design.
She’d been branded.
‘What happened?’ I asked, stunned by her confession.
Ms Lucian allowed her hair fall back into place. ‘No more questions. This isn’t about me. I’m only saying this much because I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did.’ I caught a glint of silver in her eyes as she spoke. ‘You’ve got to control your feelings, Sebastian. You must protect Josephine, yes. But you can’t love her.’
‘It doesn’t matter if I do or not,’ I replied. ‘Josephine doesn’t love me in return.’
‘It does matter, fledgling,’ Ms Lucian snapped. ‘Your love will keep you from doing your duty.’
‘I can’t accept that.’
Esmeralda Lucian sighed. ‘I can’t force you not to love her, Sebastian. But let me ask you this. If Josephine Romany doesn’t return your love, then why do you torture yourself this way?’
‘Because my heart will never belong to anyone else.’
I looked down, feeling so raw that I ached. Then, suddenly, Ms Lucian was at my side. She placed her finger under my chin and lifted my head. I met her gaze, and in that moment, I saw my pain reflected in her eyes. And I knew it was something we both understood.
‘Then I wish you well, Sebastian Grey,’ Ms Lucian said softly. ‘If she never returns your love, I pray you find peace in that. And if one day, God forbid, she does…then I pity you both.’
Her fingers left my chin. She walked silently out of the room, closing the door behind her.
25. Reluctance and Surrender
‘Sebastian.’
I pulled my gaze from the window, where I’d been observing a mass of fat clouds drifting across the evening sky. James was standing in the doorway, holding the customary plate of food in his hand. I scowled and looked away. They’d had me at their mercy for days. I didn’t want their drugged food, but I couldn’t go without the nourishment either.
It was a sucky conundrum.
‘Dinner,’ he said.
‘Since when are you not hungry, Sebastian?’
‘Since the neighbor’s dog started looking tasty.’
My gaze flicked back to James. He was studying me as if he wasn’t sure whether I was joking. And the truth was, I wasn’t sure either.
After a moment of careful consideration, James entered and set the plate on the nightstand. The scent of cubed steak was pure torture, but I clenched my jaw, trying to resist as long as possible. While the lethargy brought on by the food was preferable to stone-cold paralysis, I still wasn’t anxious to experience it again. Soon enough, though, the horrible ache in the pit of my stomach would win.
I expected James to leave me to my meal, as he’d been doing the last several times, but instead, the burly Gypsy remained where he was. I wiped my mouth and glared suspiciously at him from the corner of my eye.
‘What?’
James produced a small key and inserted it into the padlock that was hanging from the bedposts. I heard a small click, and the metal cords loosened. My wings were still bound, but I was no longer attached to the bed. I shifted my surprised gaze back to James as he pocketed the key.
‘Go ahead and eat, Sebastian. There’s nothing in the food today.’
‘Did you run out?’ I asked, sarcastically, trying to ignore the hunger nausea. ‘Or is this some reward for my good behavior?’
‘Neither,’ James replied, smiling grimly.
My hand reached for the plate against my will. The scent was irresistible. My stomach lurched, a mixture of starvation and disgust at how easily I gave in. I snatched a piece of meat with my clawed hands, unconcerned with the fork.
‘Then what’s the reason?’ I asked.
I took a huge bite and whimpered. It was amazing. I chewed greedily and swallowed, juices running down my chin. James watched me take several more mouthfuls before answering.
‘It’ll be easier to walk if you’re not so groggy.’
I paused in mid-bite. ‘You’re letting me out?’
He shrugged. ‘If you don’t go trying to escape.’
I could see James taking in my new, monstrous appearance, and I huffed. ‘Doubtful.’
Of course, escaping was exactly what I intended to do. A plan began forming in my head, even as I polished off the steak and moved on to the heaping pile of rice. Regardless of the feelings I had – or was told I didn’t have – towards Josephine Romany, I was supposed to protect her. And I was going to find a way back to her, even if it killed me.
Grey (The Romany Outcasts Series, Book 1) Page 26