“Would you mind if I brought my keyboard? Sometimes, when I’m upset, playing helps relax me.”
“Want me to rent a piano? I could probably have one here this afternoon.”
“No. That really would be too much. My electric one will be fine. It’s the motion of playing that’s soothing, not the sound. Sometimes, I don’t even turn the sound on. Or I switch it to one of the spacey settings and see how bizarre I can make it.”
“I’d be honored if you let me listen. Bring anything you want. For now, this is your home. Rearrange the furniture if it makes you more comfortable. Want me to find some colored light bulbs? A fishnet for the wall? Some seashells? I could get you some paints if you feel so inclined.”
Andie was laughing. “Stop. My creativity lies in music, not art. The furniture is fine where it is. I’m not taking over here. I’m just borrowing a room to hide in for a few days.”
“Stay as long as you need to. I’m serious. If you leave and I hear about you crying, I’m going to kidnap you and bring you back.”
“I’m afraid I’ll be crying for quite some time. But I understand what you mean. I’ll stay until I get it under control enough to function normally, until I can manage to pick the time and place to let myself cry. How’s that?”
“Exactly what I was trying for. And you can come back any time you need a break.”
“Thank you, Jesse. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m so fortunate that you decided to become my friend. I hope Brett knows how lucky we are to have you.”
“Well, I’ve never cuddled him in my lap but I think he knows.”
“Gee, maybe you should. Like the next time Tish is due to show up.”
Jesse hugged her tightly against him. “You’re priceless. I’m going to like having you around.”
“Yeah, you say that now. Just wait until I’m slobbering all over you again.”
“I didn’t mind that a bit. Think how big and strong and manly it made me feel to hold you when you were crying. Use me. Any time.”
“You’re shameless and I absolutely adore you,” she said softly before she framed his face with her hands and kissed him. “Jesse,” she sighed as she sought to deepen it.
Jesse indulged her for a moment before easing away. “Andie, you don’t really want to do this. Not with me. And I can’t let you do something I know you’ll regret later. You know I was only teasing with that comment.”
“Just a little more. Please? One kiss like you would give a woman you wanted and I promise not to ask again,” Andie pleaded.
“Don’t do this to us. I’m not the right guy for you. We both know that.”
“There is no right guy for me. He’s gone. Forever. My heart is broken without him ever knowing it belonged to him. Don’t even try giving me that ‘time heals all wounds’ line because I already know it won’t. There will never be a man for me to share my life with. I will never know how wonderful it is to make love with the one guy who is everything to me. I won’t even have sex again because if I can’t have the one I want, I don’t want anyone at all. There is no one who will ever love me like I need him to, like I want to love him. I am truly alone forever now and I will learn to live with it in time. But right now I’m empty inside. If I can’t find some sort of affection to help guide me through today and make me know that I’m still alive I’m terrified that I’ll die. You’re the only person in the world I can ask to help me. I need you. There’s no one else I trust to keep me from pushing for more than a kiss. Anyone else would let me continue until I had us both naked and sweaty. I know how much of a mistake that would be. I really would let myself die then. I know I’m asking too much of you, especially since you’re so generous already,” Andie spoke steadily, holding his gaze with hers. “Help me, my friend. Please? I need you.”
“Andie.” He groaned as he caressed her cheek. “I know its lame but don’t give up hope. How many times have you heard of someone whose spouse died finding happiness a second time? It happens. There could very well be another perfect guy out there for you.”
“But he’s not showing up any time soon. Even if he did, I wouldn’t give him a chance. Right now I’d swear that I’ll never be ready to open my heart to another man. Even though my brain knows Brett didn’t exactly reject me, my heart and soul feel like he did. Please don’t be the only other man I care deeply for who rejects me the second time on the same day.”
“You make it very difficult for me to say no.”
“Don’t. Be my friend. Kiss me until I believe that I’m not completely unlovable and undesirable. Show me that it’s still worth living.”
Jesse watched as Andie’s eyes grew larger. He could see the pleading of her voice reflected in them. Part of him understood why she was asking for this and felt honored that she trusted him enough to be the one she asked. Another part of him feared that his giving in would only make her feel worse. Still a third part cursed both Brett and Tish for putting her in the position to need him in the first place.
“Please,” she repeated as her bottom lip began to quiver.
“Aw, Andie,” Jesse whispered against her mouth. “How can I deny you?” He brushed her lips softly. “Promise you won’t be embarrassed and awkward with me later.” Another fleeting kiss. “No hiding from me afterward.” One more kiss. “And no resentment toward me for doing what you asked me.” Again, a kiss. “We never have to acknowledge that we shared this but I won’t do it unless you promise still be my friend when it’s over.” A lighter kiss. “I’ll let you control it as long as you stick to just a kiss.” A kiss like butterfly wings. “You have to let me know when you’ve had enough, whether it lasts ten seconds or ten minutes.” A touch to her lips that was barely there. “Promise me, Andie. Promise me or I can’t help with this. Promise me and take what you need or we’re leaving right now to get your things. I’m in your hands. All I ask for is your promise.” She looked deeply into his eyes and nodded. “I have to hear you say it. If this is what you honestly want, you have to say the words.”
“I promise, Jesse. I promise everything you just said,” Andie declared so softly that he could barely hear her but it was enough.
Very slowly, giving her every opportunity to change her mind, Jesse pulled her body more firmly against his. She’d asked for a kiss that he would give a woman he wanted. No problem. She was a woman he wanted even though he’d never act on it. His heart knew they weren’t meant to share everything she’d said she’d do without in her life. Starting with several more of the soft kisses he had been pressing on her mouth, Jesse made sure he touched every bit of her lips. Only then did he use his tongue to trace them. When he nibbled on her bottom lip, Andie gasped, opening her lips to him. Teasingly, Jesse let his tongue dart partway into her mouth. When he shifted to caress her face with kisses, he heard her sigh his name. He returned to her mouth, finally covering her lips fully with his. She moved, seeking more contact. This time, Andie parted her lips in invitation, without any urging from him. Jesse slid his tongue in, tasting every bit of her mouth. Soon, he felt her tongue begin a tentative exploration. He couldn’t resist sucking it completely into his mouth. As the kiss gained intensity, Jesse felt Andie shift slightly so her breasts were pressed against his chest. He could feel the peaks of her nipples and wasn’t able to stifle a groan.
She was trying to kill him. He’d told her he could give her this much but it was rapidly becoming so much harder than he anticipated. And speaking of hard, surely she could feel what she was doing to him. Knowing there was absolutely nothing he could do to prevent his penis from reacting to the moment, he made himself stop thinking about it. He was the one who said no embarrassment and this definitely qualified under that heading. If Andie didn’t stop devouring his mouth soon, Jesse was afraid he’d have to hide in the bathroom and jerk off before he could go out in public. How could she ever question her ability to inspire desire?
Damn Brett Hudson. Jesse was positive he was having a much more satisfying and fulfilli
ng few minutes than the ones that had landed Brett in this whole mess. What the hell was wrong with that guy if he couldn’t sense the passion in this woman? Jesse was getting singed and he wasn’t the one who filled her heart. Just thinking how much hotter she’d be with Brett evoked another groan.
She moaned and he felt it in his balls. Thank God she was pulling away. Jesse had passed the point where he feared he would need to jerk off and began to worry that he would come in his pants. When Andie slid her tongue back into her own mouth, he traced her lips again. Finally, he returned to the butterfly kisses they had started out with. After she lowered her head to his chest, he held her without speaking. Apparently, her thoughts were as scattered as his were.
Andie took a few moments to collect herself. Once she was calmer, she lifted her head to peer at him. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.” He smiled broadly.
“I think this backfired. I’m going to die anyway.”
“At least you won’t go alone.”
“I know I asked you to pretend you wanted me but wow.”
“How can there possibly be any doubt left in your mind that you are an extremely desirable woman? Of course, I want you. So much you have me in pain.”
“I want you too.” She giggled.
“Sit still.” He grimaced.
“Oh.” She blushed as she realized the reason for his request. “Sorry.”
“Damn, you’re cute,” he teased. “Get a guy all worked up, bounce around like you’re trying to break him, and blush when he reminds you of the power you hold.”
“Thank you,” she said seriously.
“You’re welcome.”
“What, no any time on the end of that one?”
“I don’t think I’ll survive if we attempt that again. You said one would be enough.”
“It is. It was exactly what I needed. I know I’m only going into hiding now. I may hide forever but I’m not dead inside.”
“You’ll let yourself consider the possibility of finding someone eventually?”
“Only if he kisses even better than you do.”
“Did I mention how good you are for my ego? Seriously, we’re going back to friendly cuddles from now on, right?”
“Yes. It would be so easy to give in to what we both want at the moment but that would destroy our friendship. I bet you’d make me feel incredible physically but I couldn’t live with the emotional impact of letting desire overrule knowing what we would be temporary. Hot but still temporary. I don’t want to lose you like that. You’re too important to me to be so careless.”
“If Brett were here right now and asked me to shoot him, I think I would do it.”
“Jesse!”
“I mean it, Andie. Why can’t the fool see that he should throw everything into getting away from that woman and fighting for you? How can he be so stupid! If you didn’t love him so much, I’d try my damnedest to convince you that he didn’t deserve you.”
“You said he made his choice. I’m sure he thinks it’s the right one. I can’t even make myself hate him although I probably will generate a whole bunch of anger soon. You’re the best.”
“So are you. Hop up. I think I’m decent again.”
Andie stood and pointedly looked at him. “Close enough.” She giggled.
“Hey. Knock it off. Just the gaze of a sexy woman can have an effect on a guy.”
“Oops, sorry.”
“Oops, she says. Sorry, she says. Tries to kill me and thinks a little oops, sorry will fix it all. You’re right, Andie. You’ll make it through this. You can still laugh so I know you’ll survive.”
“Thanks to you. I’m not done crying yet.”
“I’d be very worried if you thought you were.” He opened the car door for her. “And don’t ever try to hold back when you’re around me. I promise not to morph into one of those guys who puts a girl down for needing a good cry. I’m sure you’ll go through plenty of emotions in the next whatever it takes. You know, if you ever need another female to talk to you can always call Holly. She’s always been very good with emotional things and I know she’d do anything she could to help.”
“I may just do that.” She sniffed.
“Stop thinking about Sadie. You pack. I talk. That was the plan and we’re sticking to it.”
“I didn’t know mind reading was on your list of abilities.”
“Sure it is. You must have missed it because it’s right below the ability to kiss senseless line.”
“That explains it. I stopped reading when I saw that one.” She paused. “I’m never going to be able to thank you for this.”
“I’m not doing it for the thanks, as you already know. This is for a friend who needs me. And later, I’m likely going to end up drinking straight gin again with my other friend who needs me.”
“Are you sure you want to look after both of us? I’ll understand if you change your mind. I’m sure Brett truly needs you more than I do.”
“I can manage as long as you don’t mind the time I plan on giving him. From his own actions, I seem to be all he has right now. I might not be around all that much for the next few days.”
“That’s perfect. I really do need a place to hide and regroup more than anything, now that you’ve shown me I’m still alive. I’ll call Holly if I need someone and you’re not home. Or I know I can always turn to Sadie. I need some space but she’ll help if I ask. I’m not entirely alone, even if it does feel like that.”
“You can call me too. I may have to give cryptic answers but I’m available.”
“I won’t interrupt when you’re with Brett.”
Jesse saw her chewing on her bottom lip. “What is it?”
“If Brett needs me… I mean, I know he won’t but if he does…”
“I’ll get you together instantly. I haven’t lost all hope on you two yet. There must be something we’re missing. I’ll do everything I can to find it.”
“Oh, Jesse, don’t say that. Don’t even think it. I can’t lose him again and if I let myself believe it, I will. Once in a lifetime is enough pain for anyone to have to live through.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again. Ready for Sadie?”
“No but let’s go in anyway. The sooner you take me back the sooner you can check on Brett.”
“Don’t worry about him. I’m sure he’s still sleeping. I left out how I put him to bed last night. He was too drunk to make it up the stairs by himself.”
“You will try to find a way to make him stop doing that to himself if you can?”
“Definitely. Even if I have to sneak into his house and replace all the alcohol with colored water. If I get desperate I’ll fight dirty and point out that he’ll end up killing himself if he keeps it up and how that would hurt his friends even though he is shutting them out at the moment. It worked when he asked me to shoot him last night. It’ll work again. Hey, don’t look at me like that. I won’t use it unless there is no other way to make him see what he’s doing. I really don’t want to hurt him more now. He’s already hurting too much.”
Andie couldn’t contain the tears that reformed. Wordlessly, Jesse held her and let her cry. When she was ready, he escorted her into the house and faced Sadie while Andie packed. A short time later, he had her at the store selecting comfort food. He extracted a promise that she would eat, whether he was home or not, by guaranteeing that he would ensure that Brett did too. Once he was sure that she was settled, he headed to Brett’s. He didn’t tell Andie how afraid he was of what he might find when he got there.
Chapter Ten
“I can’t believe this,” Holly exclaimed after Andie told her all Jesse had said. “If you don’t mind me saying so, this whole situation sucks! Really, there’s just no other word for it.”
“You don’t have to convince me,” Andie agreed. “I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement since we met.”
“Hold on, Andie. That sounds suspiciously like a brush off. Don’t you think for one minute that I’
m giving up on our friendship just because the ending wasn’t what we’d all hoped for. Jesse isn’t likely to let you walk away from him either, in case you’re considering it.”
“That’s not what I meant at all,” Andie replied quickly. “I was just putting the lid on the subject of Brett, not anything else. For now, I’ve said all I can. If we keep talking about him, I’ll cry again and I really want to spend the next hour or so without tears.”
“Fine.” Holly nodded. “One last comment and I’ll be done too. I’m sure it’ll take quite some time for the pain even to begin to fade. All I want to say is that I’m available for listening, crying, yelling, voodoo doll construction, or anything else you can come up with.”
Andie managed a grin. “You’re as good for me as Jesse is.”
“Thanks. I consider that a true compliment since I know how incredible my cousin is. I’m glad he introduced us.”
“Me too. I don’t have many friends in the city yet and I kind of feel like I just lost a big chunk of them.”
“You don’t honestly think that any of the McKades are going to retract their friendship because another friend married the wrong woman?”
“Oh no, not at all. It’s me not them. I don’t want to become one of those desperate women who pump mutual friends for information. Until I learn to be comfortable around Brett and his, um, wife, I’m afraid I’ll probably need to avoid the rest of them too.”
“I’d tell you not to but I see your point. I haven’t met them, but Jesse is clearly fond of the whole group and that says a lot to me. How about if I give you an open invitation to join Dwayne and me whenever the urge to socialize strikes? We have some interesting friends and you’d be welcome any time. And don’t think you need to wait for Jesse to be available. I’ll have you over for dinner soon, so you can meet Dwayne.”
“Holly, I know you mean well, but…”
“But right now, I’m already more than you can deal with? I won’t push. I won’t let you hide forever either. I give my word that I will never attempt to set you up but you need human contact. We’ll start slow, you, me, Jesse, and Dwayne, and go from there.”
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