If It Ain't Broke

by Brenda Barrett

  He had been so preoccupied with work and taking care of his sick wife that he hadn't even called back Kelly. He had already told Geraldine to tell them that he had changed his mind.

  He hadn't seen a reason to call Kelly. He recited her number in his head. He could call her now; maybe he could get a sliver of information about Mark. He was drumming his finger on the desk and then he took up his cell phone.

  The phone rang three times and then she came on the line. Her sweet voice wrapped around him, evoking memories he thought he had buried.

  "Hi Kelly."

  "Chris!" Kelly exclaimed, she had waddled to the phone from the living room; she was supposed to give birth to Luke any day now. They had done an ultra sound and found out the sex of the baby. Theo's head popped up from the magazine he was reading at her exclamation. He was on vacation for four weeks and was at home with her.

  "I am just returning your call from a few months ago." Chris cleared his throat.

  "I understand," Kelly said sitting down inelegantly on the side of the bed. "I heard that Pinky was not doing so well. How is she now?"

  "She is being monitored," Chris said uncomfortably. Talking to Kelly after all this time made him feel vulnerable and weird.

  "It's Mark's fourth birthday, time really flies." He cleared his throat. "I guess it would be inappropriate to tell him happy birthday."

  Kelly was silent for a long while and then she heaved a sigh. "That's why I called you so many months ago. Theo and I decided that Mark should get to know your side of the family."

  "Are you serious?" Chris exclaimed excitedly. "I can get to know my son?"

  "Yes," Kelly said, "you can. Theo thinks it would be morally unfair to deny you the right to get to know him."

  "Oh, thank you," Chris said relieved. "Thank you, guys." He got up from his chair suddenly energized.

  "Theo thought that since the family will be coming out in December that you could be introduced to him, and maybe spend a day or so together. After that you can get some time with him in summer when the children come to Jamaica in the summer. Sorry, that's the best we can do."

  "That's a lot!" Chris said humbled. "I never expected this."

  Kelly shrugged and realized that he couldn't see her. "I hear how happy you are, I must apologize for being a pain over this. I wanted to cut you out altogether, you know, let you suffer for our mistake."

  Chris sighed. "You know Kelly, you were my first love. I had never felt that way before and..."

  He heard a thud outside and he went to the door. It was Pinky sitting on the floor with a look of fear in her eyes.

  "I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she said painfully. "I was honestly going to knock and come inside when I heard you shouting for joy."

  Chris spoke into the phone. "Kelly, I'll call you back."

  "You can call back in the evening,” Kelly said softly. “I'll tell Mark that a special friend wants to wish him happy birthday."

  "Thanks," Chris said hanging up the phone hurriedly.

  Pinky was looking shell-shocked. "So you are going to get access to your son and you are professing your love for Kelly."

  Chris opened his mouth in shock and then snapped it shut. "It's not like that."

  "Then what is it like?" Pinky asked, tears in the corner of her eyes. "I guess you don't want this baby or me neither. Kelly crooked her little finger and you are off declaring your love and planning happy families with her."

  Her breathing was shallow and Chris was watching her cautiously. If it was one thing he knew about a hysterical female was that telling them to keep calm didn't work and approaching them usually elicited a violent reaction.

  "I am not going to play happy family with Kelly," he said calmly. "She's due to give birth any day now, with a child for her husband."

  Pinky looked at him with tear washed eyes. "I’m ugly aren't I? I can hardly move and I am sick." She curved her arms around her belly. "I bet Kelly is blooming with her pregnancy."

  Chris advanced to her rapidly. "Pinky you are beautiful, you've always been."

  "I am going to take my baby and leave," She said hysterically,

  The nurse had heard the commotion and came down the stairs swiftly.

  "Mrs. Donahue, you shouldn't be upsetting yourself like this, you'll go into premature labor."

  "Tell that to my husband," Pinky panted when the nurse helped her up. "He wants me to die so that he can be free to marry his first love," she sneered.

  Chris rolled his eyes when the nurse looked at him swiftly. "Isn't today the day we are supposed to be going for the ultrasound?"

  Pinky sobbed. "You don't love me, you only want me as a brood mare."

  Chris chuckled. "I can't want you as a brood mare and want to get rid of you at the same time."

  Pinky leaned on the nurse. "All I want is to be loved for me," she hiccupped.

  Chris held out his hand to touch her but she almost stumbled to get away from him. "Don't touch me, Christopher Donahue. Me and my baby are only second best."

  Chapter Eighteen

  All through the ultrasound, when they had discovered that they were going to have a girl; all through the eight months of her pregnancy he tiptoed around her because he didn't want to stress her.

  He wanted her to have a safe delivery, so he didn’t say much, but their conversations were bordering on the ridiculous. Pinky only spoke to him when she absolutely had to. She had him in a slight panic about whether she was going to run off when she had the baby.

  When he had suggested decorating the nursery in pink, Pinky looked at him balefully and said, "I don't think we'll be here."

  He counted to ten in his mind, gave her one of his patient smiles, and tucked the sheet around her legs, "Pinky, you can't just run off with my baby."

  "But Kelly did it," Pinky said petulantly, "and you still love her, don't you?"

  Chris inhaled and exhaled rapidly. He was on the verge of losing control. He bit his lips and then got up from the bed and started to pace. He refused to shout at her but she had descended into a spoilt brat.

  He looked at her hostilely. "If you want me to love you, this is not the way to go about it. You are acting like a...a...excuse me." He slammed out of the room.

  Pinky sobbed for the rest of the day. She had pushed him too far; she could see the hatred in his eyes just now. She had wanted some type of reaction from him, and now she had gotten it. She wished she hadn't pushed so hard. Now he didn't even seem as if he liked her.

  She looked in the mirror; she looked a mess and even her nose was swollen. At least her hair was longer than she had seen it in years. So there was some advantage to being pregnant—she had about six inches of hair growth. She had clipped her hair ends and her natural hair was lush and lovely.

  As soon as she had the baby she would relax it and dye it purple. She changed her mind almost immediately—maybe red, or burnt orange, or leave it natural and rock the same kind of natural hairstyle that Kelly had. Maybe she could copy Kelly's hairstyle and see if that would work for her.

  She went searching for Chris to tell him sorry and found him in the room next to hers. He had removed all the furniture and was looking over a paint chart. Her heart clenched fiercely when she saw him. He was so handsome and manly with his rolled up denim shirtsleeves and his worn jeans.

  "I think Brea would love yellow," she said from the doorway.

  Chris' head snapped up and he looked at her wearily. "I was thinking light pink."

  "That's so girly girl."

  "Oh, so we aren’t thinking of having a girly girl and we are naming her Brea?"

  Pinky nodded. "Brea Christina Donahue."

  Then she said hesitantly, "Sorry, Chris, for my outburst earlier."

  "And last month and the month before that?" Chris said looking down at the charts.

  Pinky sighed. "It gets to me to know that I am...never mind."

  Chris looked up at her. "You're what?"

  "I am a shrew..." Pinky finished weakly, she wan
ted to say not loved but how pathetic can one girl get? She kept harping on about it the further he retreated from her.

  Chris smiled, his hazel eyes lighting up. "I have argued that all of this is due to hormones and I have reasoned that maybe this is God's way of making me more patient. So you have actually done me a favor."

  Pinky smirked. "Okay."

  He looked at her, a serious look in his eye. "We need to talk."

  "About what?" Pinky fiddled with the end of her gown.

  "About Mark."

  Pinky sighed. "What about him?"

  "Theo and Kelly have agreed that he can spend summers with us. I guess his time would be divided among his two sets of grandparents and here, and with Erica and Caleb."

  "Congrats," Pinky said painfully.

  "This concerns you too, Pinky."

  "I don't see why," Pinky said faintly, "it's not as if I will be here for much longer. Nor did I have a say in this cozy arrangement."

  Chris exhaled and then looked back at the paint samples.

  "Your reason for marrying me is no longer valid. I guess I'll just have to go back to my parents place, find a job and move on with my life."

  Chris looked up at her threateningly. "You are not leaving this place with my child. I am not losing another child. Do you understand me?" He clenched his teeth. "I am sick and tired of your threats. I thought you came to apologize."

  Pinky swung away frightened. She had never seen Chris look so angry, almost murderous. He looked like a man that had reached the end of his tether. Then a pain hit her from the bottom of her belly, a pain so sharp she gasped out loud with it.

  "Pinky, are you all right?" Chris asked, concern lacing his voice.

  "I think I am having the baby," Pinky said fearfully.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When Brea Christina Donahue came into the world, Chris was right there with Pinky. There were three doctors attending. Dr. Ogilvie was fearful that Pinky would have complications but Brea was fine. She weighed 3 kg. She was on the small side but everybody breathed a sigh of relief when she was born, especially Chris, who had panicked when Pinky had gone into labor.

  He was staring at her now, his little pink bundle, and he bent close to her face to check that she was breathing. His heart swelled with love when he looked at her. It was pure love. He had only felt this way once before, when Mark was born, but that situation had been rife with uncertainty and guilt.

  This feeling was perfect. He looked at Pinky who was sleeping, her face was blotchy and swollen and it occurred to him that he had never seen her more beautiful. She was crazy if she thought she was going to leave him. His life was just beginning to make sense.

  He moved away from her bedside and paced the room a bit. He suddenly wished he hadn't been so dark and moody when he met Pinky. He wished she hadn't known about Kelly because in her head she couldn't measure up to her and he wasn't sure that she needed to. Pinky was her own unique self. Though she had been exasperating these past few months and testing at times, he wouldn't have had it any other way.

  She opened her eyes suddenly and looked down at the baby.

  "I can't believe she is really here," Pinky grinned, "and looking like a Donahue."

  Chris came over to her bedside. "We have strong genes, don't we?"

  Pinky gazed at him, tears suddenly springing to her eyes. "I am sorry."

  "For what?" Chris asked.

  "For being such a pain," Pinky said, "I need to be more careful of my feelings."

  "No." Chris squeezed her hands and she pulled it away.

  "Yes, I do or else I will be severely unhappy."

  Chris sighed. "Pinky what exactly do you want from me?"

  Pinky closed her eyes. "I am feeling weary."

  Chris accepted her excuse and sighed loudly. He gazed down at his daughter again and touched her soft downy skin.

  *****

  Pinky was slowly learning the ropes of motherhood. Her mother had come to stay for a week and Hyacinth Donahue was constantly at the house, sometimes staying overnight. She had made a 180 degree change in attitude toward Pinky and it amazed her how a child could change the attitude of a family member.

  Truth be told, Hyacinth had started to thaw toward her from her pregnancy, but now she was unreservedly a part of the family in Hyacinth's eyes.

  She had a hard time to get Brea to breast-feed, and the baby was not the most peaceful child on the planet. But when she first opened her eyes Pinky stared into them and she knew why women who were reluctant to give birth suddenly turned into mushy caricatures of themselves.

  Pinky found herself brooding and lonely, even when friends came by and there was an outpouring of support from both sides of the family.

  Her friends from school and her regular beach crew were constantly calling and she had gotten the all clear from the doctor to go to the beach again, to have sex again and to take up her regular activities. She hadn't gained much weight during her pregnancy and in two months she was at her pre-pregnancy size.

  She was so lonely though she could taste it. She was yearning for something that she had not had in the first place and that was giving her intense mental anguish. Chris had become withdrawn from her and she really couldn't blame him. Everything he said she snapped at him. It was as if she couldn't help herself.

  It was nearing December and just yesterday, Chris had informed her that Mark would be at some special dinner the Donahues were throwing so that he could meet that side of the family.

  Kelly and Theo were going to have him at their house for the Christmas, the day after that the Donahues would have him. It was a day with his son, and the news had him so excited that he had been floating on cloud nine ever since.

  Pinky felt mean about resenting Mark. She had no rhyme or reason to do so, but she did. So there, she admitted it to herself.

  That's the reason she was feeling like a rotten apple for the last few weeks. Mark was the embodiment of all that was wrong with her life. His mother was the beloved Kelly.

  She was the standby who had the stupid nerve to get pregnant with his second best child. Now she would never know if Chris really loved her for her. She would never be the woman who was paramount in his life because even if there was just Kelly to consider, there was now Brea; the tiny bundle of joy that had Chris wrapped around her little finger.

  She was going to be forever the odd woman out in his affections. She briefly considered running away with the baby then once more felt burdened down about her thoughts.

  She closed the nursery door and leaned on it, a gigantic sigh escaping her.

  Chris was in the opposite doorway that led to the master suite and he folded his arms and looked at her inquiringly.

  "I am afraid to ask, but why the sigh?"

  "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired." Pinky slouched even further into the door.

  "Can we talk?" Chris asked her seriously, "without the hysterics and the snapping?"

  "Are you implying," Pinky snarled, "that I am hysterical and snapping?"

  Chris nodded contemplatively. "Yes."

  "Well, I’m not," Pinky said knowing she was acting exactly how he described, "I am just lonely and unloved. There, I said it!" She moved away from the door. "I know I shouldn't be going on and on about this, but I am human, I can't help it."

  Chris sighed. "I don't know what to say to you when you get into this mood."

  "Argh." Pinky bared her teeth and then stomped away. "I am not coming to your little Donahue get together next week either. I know all your sisters and your precious son will be there, but I think I want to spend Christmas with my family this year. Brea is my parents' grandchild as well."

  Chris felt his anger rising and tried unsuccessfully to temper it. "Pinky, stop trying to use Brea as a pawn. I will not be controlled through my daughter no matter how unloved or lonely you feel."

  "She is my child," Pinky flung back at him, "I suffered eight months and two weeks through that pregnancy, you didn't do a thing.
Mine, all mine."

  Chris contemplated following her but then he heard her sobbing down the hallway. If he went to her now she would accuse him of several more crimes, real and imagined.

  What had gotten into Pinky? He had even asked her doctor about it. Her doctor said she was going through an intense hormonal upheaval. But surely this constant snarling and crying was not normal behavior?

  He had never seen one woman so emotional. She went from normal to depressed in less than a minute and all he had to do was open his mouth to trigger it.

  He was so concerned about it that he had started to pray about the matter. He had re-started his devotional life, since that day when he had asked the Lord to save both Pinky and Brea's lives. He realized that God had been too merciful to him for him to forget His mercies and go his own way.

  He was drawing closer and closer to God. He went into the room and knelt at his bedside. These days he wasn’t taking anything for granted, he felt as if his marriage was on the verge of unraveling all together.

  This was something that he had no intention of allowing to happen, so he was going to place his marriage in God's hands and ask him for mercy once more.

  Chapter Twenty

  Pinky reluctantly went to the Post-Christmas party that the Donahues had planned. Hyacinth had not stopped talking about it for days and a part of her felt as if she was being petty for taking away the baby when the family had all gathered together, even though they were celebrating Mark as if he was the only child in the universe.

  Chris had gone to Caleb and Erica's house two days before to be officially introduced to Mark. Apparently Theo and Kelly had also been there. He hadn't spent long but he had a big old Cheshire grin on his face when he got back.

  She had wanted to question him, but the old resentment had almost choked the questions in her. She didn't know if she could have sat by and calmly asked him what happened when he met his other child, especially, since his Great Love had been there as well. Chris had wanted Pinky to come, but she had told him point blank that she wasn't going to play happy family with him and the child of his affair.