I don’t know if they ever thought too much about the other speculation that was in the news.
On the other hand, Alex and I had heard plenty of stories about your family. I think we even met one of you. On this last trip, Alex reminded me about this kid who played tennis with us and our coach when we were maybe twelve. He was very quiet and polite and an eerily good tennis player for his age. I remember my parents discussed him a lot and speculated about where he came from. He was only there for a month and then he disappeared. Alex said, looking back, he thought that kid was probably a member of your family. I bet you anything he was one of your friends.
This is all to say that Alex was prepped. And he’d spent some time around you. Maybe he’d seen you do something accidentally. So I think he was already living in this grey area of knowing and not knowing for sure about you.
I made the mistake of asking my dad about my grandmother in front of Alex. Then Alex wouldn’t let it go. He reminded me about things we’d grown up hearing about my grandmother—that she was never wrong at guessing a baby’s sex in utero and she’d correctly predicted the outcome of every presidential election since Kennedy. There were legendary family stories about my grandmother knowing exactly where my dad and his friends were hanging out and what they were up to.
Then this thing happened with Spirit when we went home for a few days. I took him for a hike on the Greenbelt with Alex, and Spirit came back sad and limping. When we got home, I sat with him on the couch and took a closer look. I rubbed one finger over a nail that had split down the middle and coaxed it to repair itself. I didn’t realize Alex was standing behind me until I turned and saw him leaving the room.
He’s so weird. He’s always been an open book except when it came to outright discussing this stuff. And then he decided to talk to you instead of me…
Early AUGUST
Chapter Twenty
We were closing in on three weeks at the beach. We felt lucky we hadn’t been asked to leave. I hadn’t lost touch with the outside world entirely but I was only checking messages to see that all was status quo with John. He and I were in a waiting place. It was like we’d both tacitly agreed that speaking on the phone only made the separation harder.
“I’ve never seen you smile this much,” Angus said. His longish hair that framed his patrician profile was becoming even more sun-streaked by the California sun.
“Same with you.” I sat across from him on a straw mat on the floor of the dining area.
Angus toyed with his papaya, which was shipped in cases every week from Hawaii.
“Who were you talking to earlier? When you went out in the kayak?” I asked idly.
“That guy in the boat? He was just fishing.”
Nothing much happened at the cove and that was fine by me. “If you’re not going to eat that, I will,” I said, leaning forward.
Angus picked it up with his hands and held it out of my reach. I leaned forward to easily grab it just as Elizabeth made a surprise appearance.
“I’m starving,” I said to her in explanation, suddenly excited.
She stood in a pool of light shining through the open window. She nodded to us and gave a half smile before moving on to the next “guest.” As soon as she left, it was like the most exciting celebrity in the world had left.
I wondered if it was intentional, if she withheld her presence to make everyone eager for it. I didn’t think so. Emmanuel had told me she preferred the quiet of her bungalow and spent hours of her day in meditation. This operation funded that lifestyle.
Angus let his powers flow, not entirely in private. I found I could use the rigor of the hours of quiet sitting and the subsequent bliss as a substitute for using my abilities. It wasn’t lost on me that maybe I’d found an answer to the cravings, that this lifestyle was like methadone.
Very quickly, I realized I wouldn’t be having any more private conversations with my mother. Elizabeth/Maya didn’t treat me any differently than any of the others. The fact that she was letting me stay said something. Other than that, I believed her that she stayed firmly in the present and didn’t feel emotional attachment. I kept telling myself that I had seen her look terrified when she first saw me. But now that seemed almost impossible to remember or believe.
“It’s better closer to our house,” the trophy wife said, standing at the very edge of her picket fence.
“Excuse me?” I thought I’d heard what she said but wanted to make sure she was indeed being friendly. All this time she’d watched me try, and sometimes succeed in, making calls.
“Stand on my porch, you’ll get reception right here.” When I hesitated, she added, “When Bruce isn’t home, I sometimes let the meditation tourists come up to our porch and use their phones.”
“Oh,” I said, walking out of the sand and succulent overgrowth, across the narrow street. “I thought they weren’t supposed to.”
“They aren’t. But they do.” She held out her hand. “Carrie.”
“Julia,” I said, offering my hand. She pressed her palm to mine for just a bare moment. Her handshake was surprisingly limp for someone whose badge of honor had to be how in shape she was. Today she was dressed in spandex again and a tight waffle-knit long-sleeve that showed off her curves.
I followed her down the flagstone path to her front door. Immediately, my phone pulsed to life, and messages started rolling in. One from Donna. Two from Rafa, which made me mad since I’d asked Kathryn Caspar to handle Agent Kelly. I understood it was his job to stay in constant contact but every time I did speak with him, he didn’t have any new information and neither did I. Since I’d checked two days ago, there weren’t any texts from John. Curiously, there was a message from Alex.
“Do you mind if I make a phone call from up here?” I asked Carrie.
“Go right ahead. I’ll be inside.” Carrie opened the front door and I saw an older woman in a uniform tending to the little boy.
“Alex!” I said when he picked up, sounding more enthusiastic to speak to him than I ever had in my life.
“Hey,” he said in a voice that took effort to be hostile.
“What’s going on? Where are you guys?”
“Los Angeles. What about you?”
I was in the same state as John. “Well, it’s funny, I—”
Someone interrupted him, and Alex said, “In a minute.” Then, to me, he said, “Something’s wrong with my brother.”
“What? What’s going on? Is he okay?”
“I’m just going to come out and say it, okay? All last year, I was worried when he met you, but he was happy. Then I liked you. So I think I pretended not to see some stuff.”
“What stuff?” I asked, suddenly cautious.
“It’s like he’s changed from being around you. I don’t know. It’s hard to put into words.”
I settled gently onto the porch swing and began to rock. I shouldn’t have been surprised. They’d been roommates for weeks now.
“He seems unstoppable when playing. He reminds me of you somehow.”
“What are you talking about?” I said dismissively.
“He was sort of—like I said, it’s hard to put into words. He just becomes kind of perfect.”
That had my attention.
“Since you left, he’s been moody, kind of lethargic.
Basically a total asshole. Which pisses us all off. Then he plays incredible tennis that’s far better than I’ve ever seen him play. He’ll suddenly seem temporarily better—happier, less tired. And then, not to offend you, but girls, actually all kinds of people, start coming up to him, like they want a piece of him. Then he withdraws and doesn’t talk to anyone.”
“I don’t know, Alex, you know him, he becomes a head case about tennis. If he wins, he worries about how he’s going to keep winning.”
Alex ignored me. “I don’t know what your deal is. I never th
ought the rumors were true—that you were unusual. A different kind of person. Now I’m guessing that maybe that is true. John must know, but he won’t tell me anything. And now it’s like he’s different too. What is it?”
“Alex—” I started.
“Just tell me. Because he won’t.”
“I think what you’re seeing is that I didn’t grow up like you guys. I wasn’t allowed to socialize outside my family. So that’s why I’m different. It’s not him. He’s probably just spent a lot of time with me and become more secretive.”
“That’s not it.”
“All I can say is, he’s fine. I promise.”
“What happened with my knee?”
“I don’t—”
“It happened again. A few days ago, we went back home. Just John and I were at the house and Spirit got hurt. He was limping and John just held his paw in this really focused way. He didn’t know I was watching. All of a sudden Spirit gets up, wags his tail, and trots away.”
“What are you saying?” I indented one fingernail hard into my leg. I looked out at the horizon, at the guardrails across the street protecting cars from the steep drop.
“I think John healed Spirit. And I know he healed me. You can call me crazy, but like I said, I know him. Even better than you do.”
“Hey!” I heard John’s voice in the background.
“Your girlfriend’s looking for you,” Alex said.
I was already clamoring for John, and said, “Hand him the phone.”
Then he was on the line. “Julia?”
“Hi!” The last several times we’d spoken, the cell reception had cut in and out. On Carrie’s porch, it was perfect. I looked behind me at the house, but Carrie was nowhere to be seen.
“Why are you calling my brother?” He was annoyed.
“He wanted to talk. Alex said you’re on a winning streak.”
“It’s fine,” John said brusquely. From John’s voice, I could tell Alex was still hovering, wanting his phone back.
“Is it?”
“Yes. It’s all good.”
“John—”
“Trust me.” Then, he changed the subject. “How’s your mother?”
“Elizabeth,” I automatically corrected. “I barely see her.”
“How many weeks has it been?” he said, implying that he thought it was strange I still hadn’t confronted her.
“I think it’s enough to see she had a life after Novak.”
“But why didn’t they stay together?”
“She’s not going to give me answers.” For the first time, I thought about John needing answers from Elizabeth too. She was his only example of someone like him who had presumably been living her life and then a Puri came in and swept through, like a tornado.
I walked away from the house a bit, worried about privacy. As I stared at some ferns newly planted in dark soil at the border of the picket fence, the line began to cut out.
“John?” I walked toward the house again.
“I’m here.”
“Alex knows something is different. He called me.”
He let out a frustrated noise. “Alex is all over me. In fact, he’s standing right here.”
“This will pass. I promise you. And then you’ll be at Stanford. You can’t let your guard down.”
“Your interview is coming up,” he said, blowing me off. From the clapping in the background, it sounded like he was at another set of tennis courts.
“What if I stayed here while you went to Stanford?” I tried to sound casual. The beginnings of a new plan had been in my mind, and I couldn’t help but float the idea. I didn’t know if Elizabeth would let me stay, but a little bit of hope had started to form. It would certainly be less drastic than dropping off the grid, trying to make it somewhere out in the wilderness.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, incredulous. Then I heard him whisper to Alex. I could tell they had to go.
“You should see this place, John. It’s close to where you’ll be. I’d feel safe here. It’s hard to explain, but it suits me much better than a place like Stanford. The consequences if things go wrong…it would be safer for you.”
“So you’re proposing that we live two separate lives. Like we’ve always done.”
“Julia! Come on. Now,” Angus called to me from the top of the stairs, making a “cut it off” motion. I waved him away, and he put his hands on his hips for a moment before going back down the stairs.
“Who is that?” John asked.
“Someone from the community. I’m breaking the rules. I told you we’re not supposed to use phones.” There was silence. “John?” I said, unsure if he was still there.
“Yes?” His voice had hardened.
“I’m just trying to figure things out. We only have a matter of weeks now and then you should be safe. But I don’t know about me—”
“I gotta go.”
The line went dead.
“Ugh!” I said out loud, wanting to throw the phone.
As if on cue, the front door of the house opened. “Hey! Want a drink?” Carrie carefully juggled two highball glasses as she shut the front door behind her.
The fact that she had made me a cocktail showed how lonely she was. I took the drink from her, and she very carefully sat on the porch swing next to me, balancing her drink in front of her.
“Boy problems?”
“Yep.”
“I remember those,” she said.
We didn’t swing as much as sway, sitting in a surprisingly companionable silence. The cocktail was sweet and strong.
“What’s it like down there?” Carrie asked.
I thought for a moment, not sure if I was allowed to talk about it. “Perfect,” I said.
“Why do you think people pay so much to go down there?”
“Well, they’re looking for something, right?” I said.
“What is it? What is that thing?” she asked like she knew but couldn’t put a name to it.
I looked out at the ocean. “Peace.”
Late AUGUST
JOHN
No. What you said about staying with Elizabeth instead of going to school? That wasn’t okay.
Right after I hung up the phone, as I was walking onto a tennis court, I had my third vision. They’ve all been fast but immersive, like I’m temporarily missing from my real life and in a new place altogether.
When I closed my eyes, I was floating over the ocean and came to the cove, rising up over the structures and the cliffs to the hillside and town above. I saw in such detail that, later, I easily found the location on the map…
Early AUGUST
Chapter Twenty-One
Angus was singing some song under his breath. It was after midnight. We’d just come in from a late-night walk on the beach and were winding down, getting ready to turn off the two small lamps that cast a yellow light over the center of the room, not quite reaching the edges. It was time for Angus to put his blanket and pillow on the floor since I’d kicked him out of the bed after the first night. I was gearing up to hear his usual complaints and make the offer I always made to switch places.
Suddenly Angus flew across the room and back out the bungalow. By the time I reached the door, he was gone. But in the darkness I could just make out two figures coming down the beach. The V-shaped light of a flashlight beamed before them.
“This is where she’s staying,” I heard Emmanuel say when they crossed in front of our bungalow. The other person was male and a few inches taller than Emmanuel. As they started up the stairs, I felt what Angus had.
I waited, heat radiating off my back, knowing exactly who it was and feeling all control completely leave my hands.
Walking farther out onto the deck, I stood near the top of the stairs to greet them. Emmanuel appeared first.
“I’ll leave you two,” Emmanuel said as John and I silently exchanged looks.
“I…”
I couldn’t see his face clearly. He was still cast in shadows.
“I have to be back in LA by dawn,” he said.
“You just drove here from LA?” I asked, sounding like I couldn’t catch my breath.
“I did.”
“Do your parents know?”
“No. Just Alex. I’ll be back before they know I ever left.”
“But we agreed…” Never mind my fear about him finding out about Angus, John was not supposed to be here. He was not supposed to be anywhere near me.
“One hour isn’t going to hurt me.” He walked closer, and neither of us said a word.
It was beginning to register that John Ford was actually standing in front of me. Now, seeing him in person, all reason left my head, and for the moment, it seemed as simple as just being together.
John wore a T-shirt, jeans, and Converse sneakers. He was also wearing his glasses. He usually wore contacts around me, but his exhausted eyes showed why he’d needed to take them out. His expression was carefully devoid of any emotion. It was as if I’d been the one to surprise him at midnight at his hotel room. The only sign he was nervous was that his hands were shoved in his pockets.
I felt like a part of myself had just been handed back to me.
“Come into the light,” I said, stepping closer to him and grabbing his hand from his pocket. Electricity traveled up my arm.
I led him into the bungalow, grateful that the room had just been cleaned—showing no obvious signs of Angus. Playing with fire, I pushed Angus and thoughts of how I was cheating—on our plan to stay apart for John’s safety—to the dark recesses of my mind. On this beach, in the middle of the night, after weeks of not seeing each other, I couldn’t resist him.
“You are so beautiful,” I said. I felt I could now see him with a clarity I hadn’t had before.
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