by L. P. Maxa
He wrinkled his brow. “What do you mean, sometimes it’s not?”
“Well, sometimes a body just doesn’t get it. They could take me off the meds and I could carry her another few weeks. Or they could take me off and I could go right back into labor. There isn’t really any way of knowing. Except to try.”
“You said her.”
Crap. I winced, taking his large hands in mine. “I peeked. I’m sorry, I know we said we wanted to be surprised, but I came across the sonogram machine and I just couldn’t help it.” I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction.
“You came across the sonogram machine that was up in the closet at the studio? On the top shelf? The shelf you would have had to use a ladder to reach?”
Double crap. “Please don’t be mad.”
He chuckled. “Cher, I couldn’t be mad at you even if I tried. But I am pissed that you put yourself in danger lugging that huge machine around. Promise me you won’t do that again.”
I threw my hands up, gesturing to the room. “I can’t even get out of this bed for another couple of weeks, babe. I promise I won’t put myself in any danger.”
He put his hands on my stomach. “Hang in there, little girl, okay? Just hang in there for a little while longer. For your père.” He smiled up at me. “I knew it was a girl. I didn’t need a sonogram to tell me that, cher.”
I ran my fingers through his hair. “We need to start thinking of names. This little girl could be here in a matter of weeks. We have less time to get everything ready than we thought.”
Smith laid his head on my bed, but kept his hands on my belly. I kept playing with his hair and eventually he fell asleep.
Smith wasn’t fragile, I wasn’t afraid that he would break or that he’d start using again. But I worried about his stress level, especially when it came to me, and our baby. I knew he worried about us. I knew there were nights when he’d wake up in a cold sweat. I wished that I could tell him that everything would be all right and that everything would be perfect in the end.
But I couldn’t. Because that wasn’t life.
Chapter Nine
Dash
We were back home, lying in our bed with Halen sleeping between us. After the scare Dylan and Smith had, Lex and I both wanted Halen close. I rubbed her little back and smiled when she let out a small snore in her sleep. “She snores like you.”
Lexi flicked my hand. “I don’t snore.”
“Okay, Kitten, whatever you say.” Lexi did snore, not loudly or anything. I thought it was cute.
“I’m so glad that Dill and the baby are okay. That was scary.”
I nodded, taking her hand in mine and scooting a bit closer to her and Halen. “What is it with you chicks? Always some sort of pregnancy drama. Halen came early and now Smith’s kiddo wants to do the same?”
Lexi grinned like the cat that ate the canary. “Smith’s daughter.”
“Shut. Up. How do you know it’s a girl?”
“Dill peeked.” Lexi laughed quietly. “Maybe it’s because our family is just so awesome, maybe these little girls just can’t wait to join in on all the fun.”
I fell asleep listening to both my girls’ sweet snores, and thanking God that they were healthy and safe next to me.
***
“You want some pancakes, baby?”
“I’d love some, thank you.” Lexi shook her head at me, laughing. “Oh were you talking to Halen?” I winked. “Are you planning on heading up the hospital after breakfast?”
“Yeah, Dilly sent me a list of things she needs since she’s going to be there for a couple weeks.” Lexi bit her lower lip, telling me she was about to say something that was making her nervous. “I was thinking we may need to postpone the wedding. Just until we know what’s happening with Dilly and the baby?”
I took a deep breath, trying really hard not to let everything I wanted to say fly across the room. “Do you really think that Dill and Smith would want us to move our wedding? Don’t you think that would upset her? To know that we postponed because of them?” I shook my head. I couldn’t help it. It just came out of my mouth. “This is just the excuse you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it?”
Lexi closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she fixed her gaze on me. “Is that what you think? That I’ve been looking for a way to not marry you? Are you insane?”
I shrugged, annoyed as hell. “I don’t know, you tell me, Lexi. You want nothing to do with planning this wedding. You aren’t involved, physically or emotionally. You don’t want another baby. You’re drowning yourself in work and you’re avoiding me at all costs. What else should I think?”
“Maybe you should think about me. Think about your fiancée and the mother of your child.” She threw her hands in the air. “I’ve been busting my ass around here, trying to earn this amazing job that was handed to me on a silver platter. I work sixty-hour weeks with a baby on my hip. I’m so sorry that I don’t have hours to sit and ohh and ahh over groomsman ties.
“Why is it all my responsibility? It’s your wedding too. And I’m sorry if my best friend lying in a hospital bed relieved that her baby is still alive and healthy is such an inconvenience to you.”
She was on a tear. I’d never seen her like this before.
“As far as us having another one? How selfish can you be? Huh? Are you the one whose life gets turned upside down? Are you the one who throws up and feels exhausted for months only to give birth and be exhausted all over again? Have your nipples ever bled? We have a one-year-old little girl, and you want another one? I just now feel like myself again, I just now feel like me. And you want me to start all the way over? Screw you, Dash.” She tossed a pancake at my head and then grabbed her purse off the counter. “You finish feeding Halen. I’m going to hospital, alone.” She slammed the front door on her way out.
I looked over at Halen; she smashed her breakfast in between her fingers and smiled at me, showing her four teeth. “Mommy is super pissed at Daddy, baby girl.” I got up and started to feed her the rest of her pears.
Was Lexi right? Was I being selfish? I was content to stew in my righteousness for an hour or so before I really examined things.
A minute later I heard the front door open and close. Had Lexi come back?
“Hey, man. Everything okay over here? Lex just blew past me on the way to her car and told me not to fudging talk to her.” Luke came in and grabbed a rag from the counter, automatically cleaning up the mess from Halen’s breakfast.
“I think Lexi and I just had our first real fight. Like real, pissed off, mad at each other fight.” We got annoyed, and we got irritated. But it never lasted long, and no one ever left angry. That wasn’t how we worked. Until now.
Luke wiped off Halen’s hands then picked her up. “Was it about the wedding and the baby stuff?”
“Yep.” I took the high chair tray to the sink, scrubbing it clean. “Lexi said we should postpone the wedding until Dilly is out of the hospital and I kind of went off on her.”
Luke winced. “She’s just thinking of the family, bro.”
“I know, I know.” I put the tray back and scooted the chair into a corner out of the way. “I think I’ve just been keeping all this anger and disappointment inside and I picked the wrong time to let it out. She basically told me to go fudge myself.”
Luke set Halen down next to her little basket of blocks in the living room. “Was she wrong?”
I put my hands on my hips, letting my head hang. Looked like Luke was going to make me own up to things. “No. I’m the one who’s in the wrong. I have all these expectations and images of the way things should be in my head. And I guess I just stopped thinking of everything involved with what I wanted. Lexi’s right, she’s the one who has to carry the baby. Halen is barely a year old, it’s selfish of me to ask for another one before she’s ready. And as far as this wedding? Maybe it’s just bad timing.”
“Lexi’s life has been in a constant state of change since she met you, man. She was always
a free spirit, floating from one adventure to the next.” He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “She joined the tour, started working for us, got pregnant, got engaged, had a baby, built this house, and now she has a new job. A new job that she loves. Planning a wedding, working, taking care of Halen. Her plate is full. She never complains, and she gets shit done.” He tossed me my car keys off the counter. “Go apologize to our girl, make this right.”
I sent him a weak smile. “You got Halen?”
“You know I do.”
Luke’s words played on repeat in my mind as I drove over to the hospital. He was right, Lexi was right. And I was an asshole.
All I could think about was our wedding, our family. I wanted it all and I wanted it all right now. I’d waited my whole life for Lexi, and having Halen was the best thing I’d ever done. I just wanted more, I wanted to fill our home with kids and memories. And for some stupid reason, I was making the wedding the start of it all.
But this was our life. We were already living it. We were surrounded by our family, making memories every day. My sister was in the hospital, on medication to make sure my tiny baby niece’s heart rate stayed even. Lexi had been right to storm out.
When I got to the hospital, I had every intention of finding Lex and making things right between us. I hated that she was mad, and I hated that I’d given her a good reason to be. But Smith was pacing the hallway, running his hands through his hair and looking like roadkill.
“Hey, man, you okay?”
He jerked his head up, like he was surprised to see me. He looked fucking deranged. “No, man. I’m not okay. I’m losing it.” He walked toward me, a creepy look in his eyes. I took an involuntary step backward. “My girlfriend, my whole world, is in there on an IV drip to keep my daughter in her belly.” He threw his hands in the air. “My kid could literally decide to come out at any second. And I need to ask her mom to marry me. I need to get the perfect ring and construct the perfect proposal. I’m about to be a dad and a husband and I am freaking the fuck out, man. And hospitals? You know I hate hospitals. But I’m going to be spending at least the next two weeks locked in this one.” He put his hands on his thighs, bending at the waist and taking deep breaths.
I knew my eyes had gone wide. I glanced side-to-side making sure no one else had just heard his epic meltdown. Nondisclosures and patient confidentiality aside, that would have been paparazzi gold. Slowly, I put my hand on his back, and when he didn’t detonate, I guided him cautiously to a nearby chair.
“Okay. Here’s what we are going to do. We are going to take this all one issue at a time.” Discreetly, I pulled out my phone, sending an SOS text to both Luke and Jacks. “Constructing the perfect proposal isn’t really an option right this second, nor is it feasible. Because like you said, Dill is in the hospital. As far as the perfect ring, do you know what she would want? Because we can easily get that taken care of.”
He leaned his head back against the wall behind us. “I was thinking I could find my mom’s ring. It was her grandmother’s and it’s really beautiful. She hid it before she passed away, said she was afraid my old man would find it and pawn it.”
“Hid it where? At your dad’s place in Louisiana?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Well. That sucked. Smith hadn’t been back to the house he grew up in in well over a decade. He’d only visited the state of Louisiana once recently, and that hadn’t gone well at all.
I looked at Dylan’s closed door. I could just make out the sound of her and Lex laughing. An idea started to form in my head. The chicks might be pissed, but it was what Smith needed. It was what we all needed.
“What if we go get it? Your mom’s ring.”
Smith turned and looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “I’m not leaving Dylan. And I’m sure as hell not leaving her to go back to that hellhole.” He shook his head. “I’ll just get another ring made.”
“Smith, I’ve know you for a long time. If that ring is what you want for Dill, if it means something to you, then nothing else is going to feel right. I know leaving her seems like the wrong thing to do. But. She has all the girls here. And if you are constantly on edge, then you aren’t good for her right now anyway. We’ll take a road trip, and if she needs you, we’ll call the company jet and have you here in less than an hour.”
He didn’t immediately tell me no. He did let out a sad little laugh. “I don’t want to see my old man. I don’t want to see the spot my mom died. I don’t want to remember that house, those memories…”
“I know you don’t. But maybe you need to. Maybe confronting all that stuff, seeing it, conquering it… Maybe it’ll give you some closure. We’ll go, be right by your side. We’ll get the last piece of your mom, and get it out of there.” I wouldn’t want to leave Lexi if the roles were reversed. But I would hope that the guys would do what I was doing. Rally behind me, and help me do what I needed to do. What was best for my sanity.
He took a deep breath. “You think the guys would be down for that? Everyone has so much going on. Landry and Halen, Riffraff. Your wedding. Things are crazy right now.”
“We’re the Devil’s Share, things are always crazy.” I grinned as I clapped him on the back. “And Lexi decided to postpone the wedding, until her best friend and mine could be standing next to us. It wouldn’t be the same without you two.”
When he met my gaze, he had tears in his eyes. “Thanks, man.”
I nodded. “Let’s go tell the girls we’re going on a road trip.”
Chapter Ten
Lexi
“Hey, Kitten? Can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?”
I looked to the door, shocked to see Dash standing there. I thought he’d still be at home, pissed at me and positive that he was right and I was wrong. I got up and took his outstretched hand, letting him lead me out of the room. I stayed silent, not sure what to say.
“The guys and I are leaving for a few days, we have some stuff we need to take care of. We need to get away for a bit.”
I jerked back. “What? You’re leaving? Is this because I wanted to postpone? Are you that mad at me? I left so now it’s your turn?” I was suddenly panicked. Had I fucked things up that bad? Was I that terrible?
He took both my hands in his, kissing my palms. “No, baby, not at all.” He sighed. “As soon as you slammed that door, I realized how wrong I’d been. You’re right, I was selfish.”
I’d felt guilty as soon as I drove out of the compound. I’d never left like that before, never left in anger. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t something I’d ever do again. “Why are you leaving? Where are you going?”
He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me and putting his chin on my shoulder. “Smith needs his mom’s ring. And his mom hid that ring somewhere at his dad’s house.”
“In Louisiana? Are you insane?” Smith hated even getting too close to the state line. I doubted he’d be game for going back to the house he grew up in. Not to mention he didn’t like to leave Dilly to go to the grocery store, let alone leave her in the hospital on bed rest. “What are you planning on doing? Hog-tying Smith and throwing him in the trunk?”
“He wants to go.” Dash kissed my neck. “He needs to do this, Kitten. And you know it.”
He wasn’t wrong. Smith ran from his demons, and that’s why they still had a hold on him. Why he was still in therapy. Why he clung to Dylan like a security blanket.
“What about Dilly?”
“Smith gets the shakes when he has to hang in a hospital. You girls will be better company for her anyway.” He turned me so we could see each other’s faces. “What do you say? Will you stay with Dill? Maybe let the nanny hang with Halen a few hours during the day? You could all take turns, take different shifts so she doesn’t have to be alone.”
I grinned, wide. “Or. We could go all Dash Conner on their asses.”
He laughed. “What does that mean?”
“We offer to pay an ungodly amount of mo
ney to get her hospital room moved to her bedroom at the compound.”
***
It worked. Three hours later we were all camped out at Dylan and Smith’s house. Everything wouldn’t fit in their bedroom, so we had the living room furniture moved so all the hospital equipment, Dilly’s bed and monitors were right where they needed to be. There was a doctor we were paying to come out twice a day and a nurse who would be by in between for a couple of hours at a time. They showed us what to look for and we promised that Dylan would never be alone. It helped that she was a PA, and that she knew what everything was and how it all worked, not to mention when she’d need help.
“Okay. If there is anything you guys need, please call us.” Dash was hugging Halen to his chest, kissing her chubby little cheeks over and over again. “And make sure the security system is activated at all times. And I want all four of you working from home until we get back.” He pointed directly at me. “That means you, Kitten.”
I smiled, holding my arms out wide, encompassing the large living room. “We all packed bags. It is slumber party at Dilly’s nonstop. We aren’t leaving her alone and we won’t leave the compound. And if we need anything, we’ll call you guys.”
Luke had Harlow sitting in his lap on the couch, his arms around her tight. “I called Chase and let him know we’d be out of town for a few days. He can always come out here, he’s just twenty minutes down the road.”
Chase was the head of the Devil’s Share security when they were on tour, and he’d bought a house in Austin after the final leg of the last tour was over. He’d decided to start his own personal security company, and they were slowly becoming the most sought after people in the business. They were the only ones Riffraff used.
I took Halen from Dash and kissed him deeply, not caring who was watching. “You guys be careful too.” I gave him a serious look. “Watch out for each other.”
He smiled, clearly catching my drift. “Of course, Kitten.” He grabbed the back of my head and kissed my temple. “All right, boys, let’s load up.”