He wasn't being intense, but there was intention behind his gaze. He was wearing a light-hearted half-smile, and there was definitely some kind of emotion in the way he looked at me. He was curious about me—intrigued. He seemed like he was almost in wonder or impressed. It honestly made me want to melt. I wished I could have somebody stare at me like that forever.
I knew it was highly unlikely that I would end up with Noah (or even a guy like him) after what happened to me. Not only did I have trust issues, but I also had a young child—one who had been fathered by another man. That complicated things—especially when searching for a young, single, suitable companion. As much as I would like to believe that my situation wasn't complicated, it was. I almost assumed that whoever I ended up with would need to have a past as complicated as mine.
I did, however, relish the brief moment of anticipation and butterflies. Noah's smile was so sweet and sincere, and I was attracted to him in a way that awakened feelings of physical desire. It was a welcome sensation—one that I wasn't sure I would ever feel again after what I had gone through.
I actually thought of leaning over and kissing him right then and there. I wanted to do it, but diving into his arms and forgetting the rest of the world didn't really feel like an option, so I grinned at him like I hadn't really noticed he was checking me out. I put my car in gear and pulled onto the street.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"A place called Big Pot. It's a hot pot place. Asian food. They put a big pot of soup on the table and everybody just scoops out of it. There's meat and veggies and stuff."
He nodded. "I've been there," he said. "I like that place."
"It's my sister's favorite."
"Which sister?"
"Violet. She's pregnant, so she got to pick."
"I remember you telling me she was having a baby. How far along is she?"
"About five months. She's due in October. They're not finding out what the baby is, so we have no idea."
"I think I saw your sisters at the piano bar," he said. "I'm pretty sure I did."
"How'd you know it was them?" I asked. I glanced at him from over the console, and he smiled.
"You all look alike," he said. "Not exactly, but enough that I could tell. Plus, I Googled you, and a picture of the three of you came up."
"You Googled me?" I asked. I quickly glanced at him again and I had to chuckle at the fact that he was grinning and nodding like he wasn't even afraid to admit it.
"I did it earlier today to find out if you were a singer. Nothing came up—it just had information about you being Alec Stone's daughter. One thing that came up listed you as still being married."
I let out a humorless huff of a laugh. "Well, they're a little off," I said. "It's been final for a year-and-a-half."
We rode for a couple seconds, but I was suddenly curious. I needed to know where he got the idea that I was a singer. "Why did you Google me to see if I can sing?"
"Because I got an email," he said. "Saying that you were playing at Angelo's tonight. That's how I knew to go there."
I was completely stunned.
I could've imagined him saying a lot of things, but none of them were that.
I stuttered. "Uh, uh, wh-who? You what? Who sent that?"
"I assumed you did," he said. He sounded a little taken aback.
"Me? No. Was it from my email address?"
"No, but it was some kind of nickname—something with the word queen and some numbers after it."
"That's not my email," I said. I shook my head absentmindedly as I put the pieces together.
My lovely mother had a few email addresses, and I was almost certain she had one with queen in the name.
I felt a rush of embarrassment.
My mother was the only one in my family who knew I had a handsome substitute teacher. I talked to my sisters about school, but my mom was the only one I had specifically told about Noah. I had tried to keep any attraction I felt toward him to myself, but I saw Mom so much that it was impossible for me to keep from mentioning it.
"Wh-what did it say exactly? It's crazy that you would get that because no one really knows I do this. Definitely nobody at school."
"Why not? You're amazing, Indie. I don’t understand why you don't tell them."
My mind was racing. I was remembering all the conversations I had with Mom about Noah. I tried to remember what I had told her.
"Thank you, but what did the email say? I just can't believe somebody sent you that."
"It just said that Indie Stone will be performing at Angelo's Piano Bar at 8:30 on Friday night. That's when I Googled you to see if it was the same Indie Stone I knew, but nothing came up about you being a singer. I called Angelo's and they said the 8:30 act was a woman named Fiona White—with a band called… something about a rabbit." He shrugged. "Basically, I decided not to go after that. I thought it was just a fake email or whatever. I kept thinking about it, though, and then I was driving home, and something happened that made me just feel like I needed to… anyway, I thought I'd like to try to just in case it was really you. I had plans to hang out with my friend Zack, so I asked him if he'd be willing to stop by. I'm glad we did. I can't believe it was really you up there."
"What happened when you were driving home?" I asked.
"What?"
"You said that something happened when you were driving. Something that made you feel like you needed come."
He let out a little laugh. "Nothing," he said. "It was just a whole chain of thoughts I had."
"What were they? I mean, if it's not personal. If you can share. I was just wondering." (Really, I was thankful for whatever it was that made him want to come.)
"I'm fine sharing, I guess. You already know I'm a big weird-o anyway, so I might as well."
I almost said the words, "I think you're pretty great," but I realized how very cheesy that was, and instead I said, "I don't think that."
"It was a funeral home," he said after considering it for a few long seconds. "It's on a corner I pass on a regular basis, but seeing it just hit me differently today. I was on my way home, thinking about that email and my plans for the evening. I wondered if you sang, and whether or not I was curious enough to go to the place even though it was probably a dead-end. Then I passed this funeral home. There were enough cars that I knew something was going on. It was late afternoon, so I figured it must be someone's visitation. I looked toward the building, and I got this flash, a vision, an X-ray image of what was going on inside. Like a jolt, I felt a split-second burst of what all those people were experiencing in that room. And in that instant, it hit me how fleeting this life was. Even if we live a really long life, it's still just a vapor in the grand scheme of things, you know." Noah paused and sighed, reaching out to touch my arm. "I didn't mean to get all deep or anything. I'm sorry if that was depressing. But the point of the story was that I glanced at a funeral home on my way home, and I went from being reluctant about going out to knowing that I had to make the most of this night—even if all I found was some woman named Fiona. I never dreamed she would be you."
"Well, I never dreamed I'd see you there," I said. "I just kept looking at you from the stage, thinking how in the world did he end up here?"
He let out a little laugh. "Oh, my gosh, that's so funny because I thought the whole time that you had invited me. I was sitting out there thinking you wanted me to see you. I thought I was really cool."
He was sincerely amused at himself. I could hear the smile in his voice. I loved his outlook—his demeanor, his sense of humor and willingness to laugh at himself. Again, I glanced over the console. I smirked at him just a little.
"Maybe I did want you to see me," I said. "Just because I didn't send that email doesn't mean I wasn't glad you were there."
"Well, it would make me happy if you were glad. I'm thankful to whoever told me about it. I'm happy I saw that show. It was seriously amazing. Would you have ever even told me you were a singer?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I wasn't trying to hide it from you, necessarily, I just… I don't know. No one at school knows, so I don't really mention it over there."
"Why not, Indie? They should all have been there to see how brilliant you were."
"Don't tell me that," I said.
"Why not?"
"Because then, I'll wonder what I did so right—I'll start doubting that I can ever do it again."
Noah didn't say anything right away. I could feel him staring at me, so I quickly glanced that way again.
"Don't be silly," he said.
"It's true. It's crazy, but I'd almost rather no one see me. Tonight was our biggest crowd."
"And wasn't it great?" he asked.
I smiled, thinking about how it felt to stare at all the faces who were looking back at me like they were transfixed by my singing. "It was fun," I admitted.
"See? You can't take either of them too seriously—praise or criticism. You can't take what people say so to-heart that it makes you question how you move forward. Just be you and do what you do."
I smiled. "Or in this case, I can just be Fiona and do what she does."
Noah laughed at that. He put his face in his hand and rubbed his eyebrows like he was trying to think of something—or forget something. He sighed. "I really love what Fiona does." He spoke as if it almost pained him to say it, and it made me smile. "Has your dad ever seen you?"
"Yeah, he has. I don't like him to come, but he couldn’t stand it. He's surprised me a couple of times. He and Mom will switch up watching Leo so the other one can come."
"Were either of them there tonight?" he asked.
"No, they're both at home with Leo. I think my mom's having some sinus stuff, so they stayed home together."
That made us start talking about my parents which led to talking about his parents and sister. She and her husband had three children, and we began comparing and telling stories about all the funny things kids did.
The trip to the restaurant only took about fifteen minutes, so our conversation felt like it was cut way short when we arrived. I left my bag in the car and only took in my keys and my phone case, which was a small wallet with a wrist loop.
Noah opened the door to the restaurant, and I walked in ahead of him. His hand barely touched my lower back as he ushered me inside, and I felt a warm, gushing sensation on account of it. It was just a fleeting touch, for goodness sake, but I was giddy and undeniably weak in the knees. I was relieved that Noah took over and spoke to the hostess.
"We're meeting some others here," he said. "Two other couples."
She knew right where we needed to go, and she showed us to the table where my sisters and their husbands were already sitting. We received unanimous looks of surprise from my family when they noticed I had someone new by my side. They had only been expecting me, so they instantly began shifting to make a spot for Noah at the table.
I was almost certain, based on Blue's reaction, that my mom had mentioned something about my handsome teacher to her, but everyone else acted genuinely surprised to see him and seemed not to know who he was.
I sat right next to Noah with Violet on my left. Her husband, Drake, was right next to her, and Blue and Taylor were on the opposite side of the table with Blue sitting next to Noah. All four of them inspected Noah with great interest as he settled in next to me. They tried not to be obvious about it, but I could tell they were extremely curious.
I made introductions and told Noah a little about what everyone did. I had already told him some about my family in previous conversations, but he caught on that they didn't know anything about him, so he acted like he was hearing things for the first time.
Taylor told him about their hotel, and Drake told him about his family's carpentry business. They all had questions for Noah about working as a jeweler. They mentioned surfing, and Noah told them that he used to be pretty serious about it. He ended up searching for a video of a competition he had done, and we passed the phone around the table so that everyone could watch. He surfed some of the biggest waves I had ever seen. I couldn’t believe the guy in the wetsuit was actually Noah. He was going up and down on the waves, cutting angles like a pro, and I blinked at the screen as I watched.
I was continually impressed by him.
I liked him so much it almost hurt.
Chapter 10
Our conversation began as an introduction, but it lasted all through dinner. The server came to our table a few times, and we each paused some to take bites of food, but mostly, the conversation continued without stopping the whole time we ate.
At one point, Noah explained that he had learned about my gig from an anonymous tip. Blue made a facial expression at me when Noah wasn't looking, asking me if I had been the "anonymous tipper", but I shook my head, wearing a serious expression that assured her I wasn't. Vi saw the whole exchange, and we all shrugged at each other. Of course, I didn't mention the fact that I thought it was Mom. Noah didn't mention the name on the email address—a fact for which I was thankful.
We had been there for about an hour and we were just finishing up when my sister, Violet, performed the ultimate jealousy test. I was sure she could tell I liked him and therefore did it on purpose, but that was just speculation. As far as everyone at the table knew, Noah was just my teacher who had come to my gig and was now having dinner with us, so there wasn't any reason for Violet to keep from mentioning another man.
Noah had been saying something to Taylor, and his attention was focused on that side of the table when Violet leaned over to speak to me. She spoke quietly as if it were her intention for Noah not to overhear.
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you," she said discreetly to me. "I don't know how close you are to being ready to start dating or whatever, but there's somebody I can set you up with. His name's Jake Young. He was in that Kevin Anderson movie with me, remember? He's super nice, and he's a good actor. Do you know who I'm talking about?"
"Did he play the writer in that movie?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," she said, whispering with smiling eyes. "That's him. He's handsome, huh? I could introduce you. I was thinking about it when we were watching you perform tonight. He always used to sing on set. He's got a good voice. I know he'd be cool about Leo, too. He's got a little boy of his own."
Noah had been in a conversation with Blue and Taylor, but there were times when he wasn't speaking, and I was almost sure he heard some of what my sister was saying. I wasn't looking at him, but I thought I could feel him listening to us—like the tension in the air on my left side had gotten thicker. I felt Noah shift in his seat when she spoke about Jake's singing voice.
Taylor said something else to Noah, so I took the opportunity, while he was distracted to say, "I don't know." I spoke hesitantly as if I was reluctant about being introduced to Jake. "I'm not sure that I—"
"Are you seeing someone else?" she asked under her breath. She glanced at Noah, wanting me to indicate whether or not I was into him.
"No, I mean… no, not really. I'm not."
"Do you like someone else?" Again, she glanced at Noah, wanting me to come out and say it—or at least smile or wink at her. She was speaking so quietly that she sincerely thought Noah couldn't hear her.
I knew he could, though, because I could feel him getting restless next to me. He shifted in his seat and I heard him sigh. "We'll talk about it later," I said, leaning over to whisper to my sister.
Just as I said it, I felt Noah's fingers brush the back of my hand under the table. The touch was tentative, but I was almost sure it wasn't accidental.
My heart began racing.
I leaned over to tell my sister one more thing. "I don't think I really want to be set up with anyone," I said.
I felt Noah's hand cover mine gingerly. He was less tentative now. His fingers covered mine lightly but with enough intention that it was obvious he meant to touch my hand. Excitement and adrenaline rushed through my body at the secret connection. I wanted to giggle like
a twelve-year-old. I wanted to squeal with delight.
"Are you sure you don't want to at least think about it. He's really nice, and—"
"No thanks," I said. "I'm interested in someone already."
I said the last part so quietly that I honestly didn't intend for Noah to hear. He must have surely heard it, though, because as I was leaning to my right to speak to my sister, my left hand began to encounter all sorts of heavenly situations. My insides turned warm as I felt Noah take my hand in his. The finger-touching could have possibly passed as an accident, but this was now much more than that. I felt a literal electrical zapping sensation at the place where our hands touched. Gently, Noah moved his hand over mine, letting his fingers wrap around it. He held me firmly enough that I knew it was no accident, and I gave him a tiny, shaky squeeze in return, shifting my hand beneath his just a little to make our grasp more comfortable.
I felt desperate to glace at him, but my heart was beating out-of-control. I could hardly breathe.
I swallowed hard and realized my mouth was suddenly dry, so I reached out with my other hand and grabbed my glass of water, taking a sip of it before casually glancing at Noah. He had been in a conversation with Taylor, and he was laughing at something Taylor said, but he glanced my way when I looked at him. We held eye contact for several seconds and gave each other small, knowing smiles.
Noah.
I stared into his amber eyes, unable to fathom how I had managed to end up holding his hand in secret under that table.
I honestly felt like I was dreaming.
I instinctually squeezed his hand—just a quick twitch-of-a-squeeze to make sure I wasn't imagining the whole thing. His grin widened just a little and I felt his thumb move along the back of my hand.
I coughed.
I couldn't help it.
I choked on the last drops of my water as it was going down, and I turned away from Noah and let out three or four closed-mouth coughs, trying to clear my airway. My throat tickled, and I brought the bend of my arm to my mouth, and let out one big cough. Unfortunately, I had to let go of Noah's hand in the process.
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