"Did I pull you from your meeting?"
"No. I've already been in there for a half-hour."
"I'm glad I saw you," I said. "I was feeling a little bad for being so quiet this morning. I was gonna mention it to you when we got back from lunch, but you were gone."
"So, you regret treating me like I was carrying a disease?" His expression was entirely serious, but I knew he was kidding around.
I smiled. "I regret it a little bit," I said hesitantly.
"All right, well, I guess that's better than no apology at all." He sighed. "So, if that's all you wanted to say, then I guess I'll be going back to…" Noah, leaned forward, poised to walk away without another word. He was obviously kidding around, but his sudden movement caused me to reach out and grab his arm.
"No. Don't go."
Somehow, Noah smoothly transitioned from me touching his arm, to us holding hands. It was a swift movement where he pulled his arm back and my hand landed in his. I glanced into the hallway, feeling nervous and scared, but no one was there. I absolutely loved feeling his skin on mine. My fingers felt better for touching his. He adjusted his grip, lacing his fingers between mine but still touching me gently, tentatively. I wanted to throw myself into his arms with reckless abandon. I would have given just about anything to kiss him right then.
His easy smile was breathtaking.
"What are you doing out of class?" he asked, looking way calmer than I felt.
"I had to get something out of my car," I said. "My headphones. We were supposed to watch a video, but we're all going at our own pace because some of us need to keep rewinding." I patted my shirt-pocket to indicate that I had already been outside to get the headphones in question. "I went out through the doors at the back of the quad, but I came in this way because I prefer to use the restrooms in the…" I trailed off, smiling, when I realized I was giving him too much information. "Sorry," I said, slowing down and taking a deep breath. "I went out to get my headphones."
He grinned at me and shook his head a little like he thought I was cute. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, actually. But it was something positive. He stared at me like he liked me. I loved the way he looked, but the admiration in his expression was the best part. It added to it that he still hadn't let go of my hand. It was as if he didn't even care if we got caught.
"I have the necklace with me," he said. "It's in the office. I rushed out here, or I would have brought it with me. I can go get it, if you want."
"No, no, no," I said instantly. "Don't get me wrong. I want it. I really want it, but you can't go back in there and get it. What would you tell them? And I couldn't go back to class with that thing, anyway. With the way everybody's freaking out about it, I could start a riot."
Noah shook his head at me. He was wearing a little smile like maybe he was entertained by the fact that I didn't want us to get caught. He didn't say as much, but I thought that's what he was thinking. I was considering all of this when we heard footsteps coming down the hall. I let go of his hand, and I instantly turned and began drinking water out of the fountain.
"I think you should try it on an eighteen-inch chain," he said to me. He spoke in his teacher voice for the benefit of whoever was walking by.
"I bet you're right," I said, nodding and standing up casually. "I thought about that, but I ended up going with the shorter one."
It was another teacher who had been walking by, and she kept going without paying us any attention.
"Good job," I whispered once she was out of earshot.
Noah scrunched his face at me, which made me let out a laugh.
"I want that necklace," I said.
"You wouldn't let me go get it."
"Because I don't want you to get it now. I want you to give it to me soon."
He smiled. "When's soon?"
"Friday."
"That's a long time," he said.
"It's my last day of school."
"I know," he said. "It's mine too."
"We only have to be here till noon," I said.
"I know that too," he said, still grinning at me.
"So, I was thinking, wondering, whatever, hoping, maybe you could or would come by my house afterward… for lunch or something."
He made a regretful expression. "Dan is buying us lunch to thank us for stepping in. But I will make up some kind of crazy excuse if that's the only time you can hang out."
"No, don't do that. I didn't know you had plans."
He reached out for my hand again, and I smiled at him as our fingers touched, shaking my head at the level of anticipation I felt from the simple contact.
"When, then?" he asked, bringing my hand to his chest.
"What about after your lunch?" I asked. "Mom and Dad are taking Leo over to Ventura to see my grandparents. They won't be back till later that evening. I'll be done with school, so I was just hoping to hang out and do nothing all afternoon. You could come by after you guys eat lunch, if you want."
"I do want," he said.
"Good. I want you to," I said, giving him a look of challenge that made him smile.
"I guess we're stuck acting like we don't know each other until then," he said, even as he gripped my hand.
"Yep," I agreed. Then I remembered something from earlier. "Your dad said you don't talk for hours on the phone," I said.
"I don't," Noah said in a matter-of-fact tone.
I stared straight into his amber eyes. He knew good and well that we had just about talked all night, but he stood there and held a straight face. I narrowed my eyes at him just slightly, and the corners of his mouth turned upward in a slow hint of a grin.
I reluctantly peeked into the hallway. "I have to go."
"Okay, go," he said.
I gave his hand a squeeze as I took a step into the hallway. "Friday," I said. "You're coming over."
Chapter 15
"What time is Collin coming over?" Blue asked.
It was Thursday afternoon, and she had stopped by while she was out doing errands. I had practice with Collin scheduled for later in the evening, but for now, Leo and I were just hanging out at home.
"We're supposed to start at seven," I said. "He'll probably come over early and try to raid my fridge."
"He probably won't eat too much," she said.
I laughed. Collin was lanky, so he didn't look like he could eat much, but he could. I had shared enough meals with him in the time we'd been working together to know that looks could be deceiving.
"Did you hear back from that casting director?" she asked.
I shook my head. "Not yet, but I just responded to her an hour ago."
"Are you going to do it?" she asked.
I gave her a little shrug. "Probably. If it all works out," I said. "Vi said she's worked with the director before and he's cool. It'd be fun to check out. I've never worked on a movie set before."
"And it's for a Netflix movie?"
I nodded. "But we would only be in that one scene."
"Tell me how it happened again."
"Collin works in that diner, and there's another cook who, even though he hasn't seen us perform in person, is a big fan of what we're doing." I smiled absentmindedly, thinking of Phil. "He's a character. He's one of those old-geezer-type guys who just speaks his mind no matter who's around—cantankerous, I guess. Anyway, he took a liking to me, so he's always asking Collin about our band. Collin had his friend shoot a little video of our last gig for Phil, and the next thing you know, this director is sitting in the diner, at the bar, talking about how he needed a lounge singer for a speak-easy scene in this movie he's directing. Phil had the video on his phone and he showed it to him. He talked us up."
"And they called you?"
I nodded. "I think it's kind of a they already know they want us type of thing. I mean, I think as long as I say we're willing to do it, they're trying to hire us."
"Who? You and Collin?"
I nodded.
"How much are they paying you?" she asked. "W
here are they shooting?"
"I know they're shooting here in L.A., but I don't know about money. I haven't gotten that far with them yet."
"That's so cool," Blue said. "Now I'm gonna have two famous, movie star sisters."
"Being in the background of a Netflix movie might not quite qualify me, but thank you. I'm excited about it."
"You should be. Fiona White is making her big debut."
I laughed at that.
"You seem happy," she said.
"I am happy. I'm excited about it."
"Yeah, but not just that," she said. "You seem happy in general—generally happy. It makes my heart feel good to see you smiling and back to your old self, finally. You must be feeling closure with Kai."
I shook my head. "I mean, yeah, I guess I do on my end, but I don't think he does. He still tries to contact me."
"You're kidding. For what? With stuff about Leo?"
I shook my head. "The opposite. He tries to call me, just to talk, when Chloe's not around. But when she's there, and I try to contact them about visitation, he's like a different person. She doesn’t want anything to do with Leo. They had to cancel their last three visitation appointments. Leo hasn't seen his dad in a couple of months."
"But he still calls you?"
"Yeah, but only to bad-mouth his wife or talk about trying to get back together with me."
"Uhhh," Blue let out a frustrated huff. "You shouldn't pick up."
"I only do it because of Leo. I hate to have him not know his dad at all."
"That makes me so frustrated," she said. "I knew he had written you a while back, but I didn't know he was still trying to contact you."
"He's really a trip. He's like a different person from the one I used to be with. I don't know how he manages to do it, but he blames me for everything. He said if I had tried to be a little more understanding about his infidelity, then we could have gotten back together and none of this would have happened. He blamed me for his infidelity in the first place," I added.
"I remember that," Blue said. "He said you talked him into getting married when y'all were too young."
I nodded. "He said I rushed him." I felt hot tears rise to my eyes. They stung, and I blinked, trying to hold them back.
"I can't believe you're talking to him again," she said, having no idea that I was struggling.
"I'm not talking to him," I defended. "The only reason I answer my phone is because I hope it'll be something about Leo. Once I figure out that he's not sincere about making things right with his son, the conversation just turns into a really short argument, and then we hang up."
I felt Blue's hand touch my back. "Are you crying? Are you okay? Is there something you're not telling me?"
I had been trying my best to hold back the tears, but Blue asking if I was crying, caused a drop to overflow my eyes and roll down my cheek. I wiped it away with the back of my hand, sniffing, and begging myself to stop.
"I'm just mad and embarrassed. It's hard to understand how things ended up like this. And then, I meet a nice guy, a good guy, who I'm actually interested in, and all I can do is think about how I don't want to bring him into this drama."
"Everybody's got drama," she said, rubbing my back. "Even if it's not an ex they're dealing with, everybody's got baggage, pain, hurt. Taylor and I have our own stuff."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well, for one, we've been trying for almost a year to get pregnant. That's not the easiest thing to be patient for. Also, Taylor gave his brother a job at the hotel, and we caught him stealing from one of the rooms. It wasn't the first time, either. Taylor ended up having to fire him. We think he's addicted to pain meds."
"I didn’t know you were trying to have a baby."
"You didn't know because I haven't told you—because it's not working."
I was quiet for a second, looking at my sister. "I'm sorry," I said.
She smiled. "Don't be. I didn't say all that to make you feel sorry. I'm just telling you that no one's perfect. No one's drama-free. That's where faith comes in. That's when we have to trust that God's plan is better than ours." She paused, blinking and making an expression like she wanted to add something else. "I've struggled some lately with all that stuff I was just mentioning, so I've been trying to go to the Bible and see what it says. Anyway, something I read yesterday made me realize that not only does God have a plan, but He also hurts with us when we're in the middle of struggling. It made me feel better."
"What was it? What'd you read?"
"It was the story of Lazarus, this guy who got brought back from the dead. His sisters had called for Jesus when Lazarus was sick, but Jesus didn't go to them right away. Their brother had been dead for four days when Jesus finally got there."
I stared at Blue, wondering where this could possibly be going.
"Jesus knew He was going to raise him from the dead. He knew the plan, He knew what was going to happen, yet, multiple times in that passage, it says He wept, or He groaned, or He was distressed. I had learned one time when I was a kid that the shortest verse in the Bible was just two words, Jesus wept. But I didn't know where it was until I read that yesterday. It happened when He saw how torn up Lazarus's sisters were. He cried about it. The thing was, He wasn't worried about the outcome, He knew what was going to happen. He was just moved by their pain. That's why he cried. It made me know that He cares about my feelings, that He cares about my pain. So even if it's not in the plan for God to deliver us from something right then and there when we want Him to, He's there, and He cares—He feels deeply for us." She sighed and shook her head. "I know that's kind of deep or whatever. I'm not saying that your situation with Kai is something so desperate, I just…"
"No, it helps me," I said. I took a deep breath, thinking about everything she had just said. "I hate to say it like this, but it also helps me to know that you've been going through stuff too. I hate it for you, obviously. I love you, and I don't want to see you go through anything, but I just felt so frustrated, like I was the only one who—"
"You're definitely not the only one," she said. "Everyone's got stuff they're dealing with, no matter how put-together they seem on the outside. If they're not dealing with something right now, they will be later. That's just life. You're a single mother, and you have an annoying ex. That doesn’t mean you can't fall in love again."
That statement made me think about Noah, which made me smile.
She saw my change in expression, and she poked me teasingly. "You like him," she said.
"I really do."
"What's everybody at school say about it?"
"They have no idea. We act like there's nothing going on." I smiled at the thoughts that began crossing my mind. "We touch each other's hands when no one's looking."
Blue squealed, which made me laugh. "You hold hands in secret?"
I nodded and bit my lip. "I like him so much. We talk on the phone every night after Leo goes to bed, and then I see him the next day at school, and it's hard to pretend there's nothing going on."
"I bet. How do you do it?"
I shrugged. "There's only one day left, anyway. He's coming over to my house afterward."
"Tomorrow?"
I nodded.
"For what?"
"Just to hang out—to celebrate the term being over."
"And he's done for good over there, too, right?"
"Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they'll try to hire him again if they ever need a sub, but he's done. He was just filling in because our teacher's wife had a baby."
She smiled and shook her head absentmindedly. "You talk on the phone at night and you do secret handholds during the day? That's so fun. It's like high school."
"I feel like I'm in high school," I said.
I thought of what happened earlier that same day.
I had written Noah a note that said:
I like you, do you like me?
Check yes or no.
It was (mostly) meant to be a joke because of how secre
tive we had been at school.
He had answered me by coming over to my work station a little while later. He leaned over me as if checking on the progress I was making on my final project.
"I found a note on my desk," he whispered. "Was it from you?"
I nodded.
"I'm not going to answer it yet," he said.
"Why not?" I asked, whispering so that no one else could hear.
"I'm just going to show you the answer when I go to your house."
"That's not till tomorrow," I said. "It's not nice to keep a lady waiting."
He stared at me with a look of challenge. "I'll just show you right here, then. We're both grown adults. It's a free country. I'm not worried about what these people think."
I had no idea what he was talking about doing, but I was relatively sure he was bluffing. I was too scared to call his bluff, however, so I had just looked at him and smiled.
"Tomorrow will have to do, I guess," I whispered professionally before pointing out something on the bracelet I was working on.
I had been spacing out, remembering that whole scene when my sister snapped her fingers, drawing me from my trance.
"Did you hear me?" she asked once she had my attention.
"When you said it was like high school?"
She laughed. "No. You're funny. I said this whole long thing after that. I asked about your gig next weekend. I was wondering what you would wear."
"Oh, I don't know. I haven't even thought about it."
"Violet's got that black dress with the high-neck. The one she wore that time to the premier of Big City Blues."
"I think I know which one you're talking about," I said. "That is a cool dress."
"I was just thinking it would look really good with that necklace Noah made. You said he's giving it to you, right?"
"Yeah."
She touched her chest to indicate where it would hang. "It would look great with that dress."
I smiled at her, knowing she was right. It would be simple, and elegant, and perfect for Fiona. "You're awesome," I said. "I'm gonna ask Vi if she still has it."
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