by Jordi Mand
But you get older… you change and your relationship isn’t the way it used to be… and you’re not the way you used to be. You don’t mean for it to happen. It just does.
Beat.
And then you have a child… a family… and everything just…
Beat.
I know we’ve grown distant. I can feel it. I’ve felt it for a long time now. But I don’t… I don’t know how to reach him… I don’t know how to reach across the table… or the bed even to let him know that I’m still here… that I’m still…
MARION looks at TERESA.
How did you do it?
TERESA
What?
MARION
You found a way to get close to him. What did you do?
TERESA
I didn’t do anything.
MARION
You did. You connected to him. How?
TERESA
I don’t know. I listened to him.
MARION
And?
TERESA
And what?
MARION
What else?
TERESA
Nothing.
MARION
No. You figured something out.
TERESA
I didn’t figure anything out.
MARION
You did.
MARION looks at her.
MARION
Give me a way to connect to him. Give me a way to…
MARION goes to the binder.
This… is this what he likes?
TERESA
What?
MARION
Please. This is my marriage. You’ve only known each other a couple of months. We’ve been together for twenty-four years.
TERESA
I—
MARION
I was there when he got his first job. I was there when his mother died… when our son was born. We have shared an entire lifetime together. I know him in a way that no one else will. Please! Give me a way to—
TERESA
Stop! What you’re asking me… I don’t understand. How can you not know how to connect to your own husband? If you’ve had so much time together… why has it taken you so long to…
She looks at MARION.
No… it is not my fault that you needed something like this to happen in order for you to see how lucky you are… how lucky you are to have the life that you have.
Curtis has been so good to me. You have no idea what that means.
MARION
You care about each other.
TERESA
No. You have no idea what my life has been like. For the past few years… I couldn’t be touched. I couldn’t let anyone get close to me. I had difficulty leaving my house, I didn’t socialize, I had to take a break from teaching. Everything about my life changed.
Having such a huge part of me… just taken out. Like somebody came along and just scooped everything out. I have this giant hole inside me. I can feel it. When I lie down… when I bend over… there is this huge part of me that is missing.
He is the first person that I have been able to stand being around. The first person I let into my life… that I can actually talk to about it without—
MARION
Is there no one else you can—
TERESA
Trust me. I’ve tried to talk to them. I have. But I see that look in their eyes… that glazed look they get if I start talking about it. No one wants to hear about it. No one wants you to talk about it. Everyone wants you to just move on but… I can’t. It’s all I think about. It consumes me.
I see women… ordinary women walking down the street… women with their children and I just… I lose it. I break down on the sidewalk. Just seeing a baby carriage, I…
TERESA buries her head in her hands.
MARION
(quietly) I understand.
TERESA
How can you possibly understand?
MARION
I can imagine.
TERESA
You’ve had a child. I will never be able to…
They kept telling me… they did… at the hospital. They tried to prepare me for it. They told me what they were doing… what they were taking out. That there would be no way for me to…
Beat.
I’m going through menopause. Menopause! It’s…
MARION
Can’t they give you something?
TERESA
I’ve tried everything. Nothing works. I’m just so sick of it. The wearing hundreds of layers all the time because I never know when I’m going to be hot or cold… the feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin… the exhaustion… the emptiness. I’m sick of—
A phone rings.
MARION and TERESA are both caught off guard.
MARION rushes to her purse. She pulls out her cellphone and answers it.
MARION
(into the phone) Hello?
MARION moves to the far corner of the room.
TERESA moves to her desk, pretending to occupy herself.
(into the phone) Did you… no, no he won’t wear those… he doesn’t like the way they… the blue ones, in the bottom drawer… I know, I can hear him… no, I’m still at the office… I know… I’m on my way home… no… no, don’t put him on the phone, tell him… tell him I’m coming… it’s okay, tell him it’s… okay, bye.
MARION hangs up.
TERESA
Is everything all right?
Beat.
MARION
It’s Alex.
TERESA
Is he—
MARION
I have to get home.
MARION goes to collect her things. She puts her coat on.
TERESA watches her.
TERESA
It was never about you… you know that, don’t you?
MARION looks at her.
MARION
And yet… here we are.
TERESA
I know.
Beat.
They look at one another for a long moment.
MARION heads for the door.
She stops.
MARION
I…
Beat.
(quietly) I wasn’t thinking clearly.
TERESA
What?
MARION
What I did.
TERESA
What you did?
Beat.
MARION
I sent them.
TERESA
Sent what?
MARION
What you wrote… the exchanges… the emails.
TERESA
I don’t understand.
MARION
The emails you wrote each other… I sent them to Mr. Williams. I didn’t think it through.
TERESA
You… what?
MARION
He’s not the only one.
TERESA
What do you mean he’s not the only one?
MARION
I sent them to the parents’ board.
TERESA
The board?
MARION
The chair… Barbara… she’s a family friend.
TERESA
Oh my god.
MARION
I told them to fire you. I told them I’d pull Alex out of the school. I said I would make a scene if they didn’t get rid of you.
TERESA
When did you—
MARION
This morning. I sent them this morning.
TERESA
(quietly) No.
MARION
I didn’t think it through.
TERESA
You have to fix this.
MARION
How?
TERESA
I don’t know. You have to contact them. You have to write to them or call them. You have to tell them it isn’t—
MARION
What… that it isn’t true? It is true.
TERESA
But you… you should have come to me first. Why didn’t you come to me first? You could have at least given me a chance to—
MARION
To what?
TERESA
I don’t know… to…
She looks at MARION.
This is my job… my income.
MARION
You’ll be okay.
TERESA
Okay? You think someone else is going hire me after—
MARION
You’re a good teacher.
TERESA
Tell them that! Tell them what you just said to me.
MARION
I don’t know what difference it will make.
TERESA
It…
Beat.
I’ll go to them myself if I have to. I’ll tell them everything… I’ll tell them the entire situation. I’ll tell them about Curtis… about you coming to see…
TERESA looks at her.
You knew… this entire time. When you first walked in here… you let me… I told you… why would you do something so…
Beat.
Why?
Beat.
MARION
(quietly) Because…
Beat.
I didn’t want to be the only one in pain.
TERESA
So this… this makes you feel better?
Beat.
MARION
(quietly) No.
TERESA looks at her.
TERESA
You know… I have always tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. You…
TERESA turns away.
Get out.
MARION
I didn’t mean to—
TERESA
Yes. You did. You did mean to.
MARION
I didn’t know what I was doing.
TERESA
You knew exactly what you were doing.
MARION
I didn’t—
TERESA
Get out.
Beat.
MARION
Teresa.
TERESA
Out!
Beat.
TERESA turns away.
MARION looks at her. She opens the door and leaves.
TERESA looks around the room. She walks to her desk and begins to reorganize things.
She breathes heavily, trying to contain herself.
She sees the binder still open on her desk. She takes a moment and then violently pushes it to the floor.
End of play.
Acknowledgements
They say it takes a village to raise a child. The same is true for a play. There are so many people who helped contribute to the life of this piece and to my growth as a writer throughout the process.
I am forever grateful to the following people:
To Anna Chatterton, Audrey Dwyer, Natasha Greenblatt, Aisha Sasha John, Kaitlyn Riordan, and Meghan Swaby. I had the great fortune of developing the first draft of this play over the course of a year with these tremendous women as part of the Write From the Hip Program. Their questions and insights were instrumental in the early stages of development.
To Philip Akin, Daniel Barbosa, Harmony Cohen, Sascha Cole, Mitchell Cushman, Erin Fleck, Daryl Fridenberg, Mel Hague, Sandra Henderson, Rachel Jamin, Rob Kempson, Camellia Koo, Andrew Kushnir, Jason Mandlowitz, Zachary Mandlowitz, Andy McKim, Emma Mackenzie Hillier, Hannah Moscovitch, Brian Quirt, Sabryn Rock, Anusree Roy, Michael Rubenfeld, Mark Sadowski, Kelly Straughan, Julie Tepperman, Ari Weinberg, Gina Wilkinson, and Aaron Willis. These are the friends, family members, and artists who read drafts of the script, who offered their input, who held my heart when I needed it most, and whose generosity of spirit helped me to write this play.
To Ian Arnold, my literary partner in crime.
To Annie Gibson, Blake Sproule, Mandy Bayrami, and Leah Renihan for the incredible opportunity to have this play live on in print.
To the women at Nightwood Theatre, Denyse Karn, Rebecca Peirson, Laura Pomeroy, and Michelle Alexander, whose work behind the scenes made the initial reading, workshop production, and main stage premiere a success.
To Bonnie Beecher, Richard Feren, and Kelly Wolf, the talented design team who helped to bring the world of this play to life. To Ashley Westlake for keeping us on track and to Rachel Steinberg for her constant care.
To Susan Coyne and Christine Horne, whose bravery, talent, and wisdom were invaluable in the creation of these two characters. Marion and Teresa would not be who they are if not for you.
To Erica Kopyto, who helped me see the light at the end of every tunnel and whose warmth and guidance were a constant inspiration.
To Kelly Thornton, who was the engine that drove this piece to the main stage. Kelly, without your belief in this play and your belief in me… none of this would have been possible.
And to Marcus… for being there every step of the way.
To all of you who helped me tell this story… thank you.
Jordi Mand is a Canadian playwright. Her first full-length play, Between the Sheets, premiered in 2012 as part of Nightwood Theatre’s ’12/’13 season in Toronto and has since been produced both nationally and internationally. Ms. Mand is a resident artist of Theatre Passe Muraille and a past member of Tarragon Theatre’s Playwrights Unit. Upcoming projects include new plays with Nightswimming Theatre, Theatre Yes, and UnSpun Theatre. Ms. Mand is a graduate of the National Theatre School of Canada.