by Reed, N. C.
“I told him later, what else was we supposed to do? Take the blame for you?” Titus was laughing now, his head bobbing. “And he said ‘that’s what real friends would do, yeah!’ I laughed right in his face for saying that!”
Across the way, a similar discussion was taking place among the others.
“Man, ain’t this some shit?” Shane shook his head. “Survive being in the shit all over the world and be done in by a redneck with a deer rifle right here at home?”
“Yep,” Mitchell Nolan nodded.
“Life is rather like that, is it not?” Xavier mused. “I shall miss Edge very much. A good man to be sure.”
“Remember in…what was the name of that town? Hisvasta…no, Hivasta, or something. Anyway, remember he stole that chicken and the old woman who owned it saw him and chased him down the road with a broom?” Tandi was laughing by the time he got to the end of his tale.
“Boss made him go back and pay for it,” Nate chuckled. “Had to work for the old woman for three days.”
“Chicken wasn’t bad, though,” Kevin reminded them.
“No. No it wasn’t,” Jose smiled at nothing, somewhere out in the dark.
And so it went for a while. Stories, memories, good times and bad. Finally, far sooner than it seemed like it should have been, Clay stood before them all. Silence fell across the group as they settled in. It was time to say goodbye.
“Here we are again,” Clay said gently. “Seems just when we think things are settled and calm, we end up here again. A warning, perhaps, not to become too comfortable, lest we become weak. Complacent.”
“Two brothers lay before us tonight, lost to us in combat, in defense of home and family. Two good men who gave selflessly of themselves when others hid. Time and again these two have been there for us when we were in need. Going forward, we will have to be there for them, because tonight, they leave us behind.”
“Tonight, we say goodbye as our brothers shake off the mortal coil and step beyond, step forward into whatever awaits us all. These shells, these husks are all that remain, entrusted to us in order that we might bid our brothers farewell.” He took a knife from his side and cut his palm without so much as a grimace before handing it to Jose Juarez.
Jose repeated the gesture and then passed the blade to Mitchell Nolan, who in turn passed it to Shane Golden. The blade slowly made the rounds until all stood in the dark with blood pooling in their palms.
One behind another they trooped by their fallen brothers and left a handprint of blood somewhere on the body. No one spoke, the silence like a blanket in the wintry night. Clay was last on both sides of the pyre. Finished, he stepped back, blood dripping from his hand.
“Your battles here are done,” he said gently. “May the peace denied you in this life, be waiting for you in the next. We will see you again.”
Finished, he nodded to Jose and Gordy before taking his place among the rest. There were no more words to say.
Jose and Gordy each took a torch, a wood and tarlike construct that would not have looked out of place a thousand years before and walked to the pyres. Without a word between them, the two chose a side and walked down the pyre, dragging the torch behind them to light the wood beneath. That done, the torches joined the pyre as the two returned to their comrades.
The entire group would wait in silence until the pyres and their contents were nothing more than embers and memories.
-
“What the hell is on fire back there?” Flores asked, alarm clear in her voice.
“Nothing you need worry over, Chica,” Martina Sanchez said quietly. “Just brothers saying farewell.”
Flores looked like she wanted to pursue the matter, but suddenly changed her mind.
“So long as you’re sure it’s not something for us to be concerned over,” she nodded, sitting down again.
“It’s not.”
-
Kim Powers had long since abandoned any form of stealth as she watched the funeral pyres light the night sky. She had watched the entire ‘service’, feeling as if Petra was right and that they were intruders. Interlopers who had no business being there. No business seeing what they did.
“What are you two up to?” a quiet voice asked from behind them. Both young women whirled to find Lainie Harper watching them curiously.
“Uh, we uh…we were just, ah….” Kim stammered while Petra remained quiet.
“You really shouldn’t be here, girls,” Lainie said simply. There was no judgement in her voice, no sense of scolding, just a cautioning tone.
“We figured that out,” Kim admitted. “Petra had said it all along,” she added, covering for the friend she had drug along. “She mostly came along so I’d not be alone.”
“You’re a good friend,” Lainie told Petra, smiling tiredly. “C’mon you two,” she motioned. “There’s some hot tea around front. And you really shouldn’t be here.”
The two followed her, looking back only once.
“So why do that?” Petra asked as they neared the front of T1.
“It’s just their way,” Lainie shrugged. “The men with Clay are all commandoes, but you know that, I’m sure. The boys, they were trained to be like them, and they are. This is the second time for each group that they’ve lost someone.”
“And they just…burn them?” Petra pressed, trying to understand.
“It’s their way,” Lainie shrugged again. “To them, it’s an honor that was earned on the battlefield. Not something to be shared. They mourn by celebrating the lives of their friends. It’s a ritual as old as war, I suppose. Something we aren’t really meant to see or to understand.”
“You’ve seen it before,” Kim suddenly realized. “You’ve seen this before tonight.”
“Two times too many,” Lainie nodded. “We’ll all likely see it again. I’d love to hope, to think, that all the rest will die of old age after tonight, but I realize that they are the ones who leave the farm to go and do what needs to be done for us. That means the odds are long against it.” She paused, looking at Kim meaningfully.
“If you’re serious about Zach, then you need to know what you’re getting into, sugar. You have to be prepared to see him lying on one of those pyres one day. Okay?”
“I…I-I don’t…” Kim was suddenly unable to get her words to work for her as the weight of what Lainie had said settled upon her.
“Just a friendly warning, sweetie,” Lainie smiled softly.
“I, thank you,” Kim finally managed, deep in thought.
“You’re welcome.”
-
There were six other funerals on the farm for the fallen. Soldiers mourning their dead with honors, friends mourning friends with eulogies and not a few tears. All six laid to rest in the small but growing family cemetery on the Sanders’ farm.
The next week was a quiet and solemn time as the living worked to recover from their losses as well as repair the damage to the farm and their own psyches. For many, it had been their first taste of combat. Losses to random violence, illness and other predations that had haunted the land since the Storm did not quite measure up to the violence of engaging in actual combat and seeing someone next to you killed or maimed, while you remained uninjured.
The worst damage done was not in seeing the violence, but in realizing that it could just as easily have been their own light snuffed out. No rhyme, no reason, just the luck of the battle and a bullet with your name on it.
Not every psyche was strong enough to accept that risk.
-
“You’ve never been deployed, have you Private Abramson?”
“No, ma’am,” Abramson replied softly, shaking his head. “We…we joined up after the deployment to Iraq. Would have gone for the next deployment if there had been one.”
“So, this was your first time under fire, then?” Beverly asked gently.
“Yes, ma’am,” he gave a nod this time.
“When you say ‘we’, you mean Corporal Parris and yourself, right?
” she clarified.
“Yes, ma’am,” Abramson nodded again. “We been together since boot. He was my friend.”
“This has hit you particularly hard, then, hasn’t it?” Beverly asked sympathetically. “He wasn’t just a fellow soldier, but a friend as well.”
“Yeah,” he replied, then straightened. “I mean, yes, ma’am,” he sharpened his reply into military correct politeness.
“That isn’t necessary, Private,” Beverly told him. “I’m not in your chain of command, nor am I in the service at all. I’m just a civilian trying to help.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
Beverly fought off a sigh at the response. It wouldn’t help, and it might be harmful. There was no doubt that this was going to be a long road. Still, it was her profession, and she was grateful that she could make a meaningful contribution to the farm and the people who defended it.
It wouldn’t make this go any easier, however.
“So, tell me about you and Corporal Parris, then,” she turned her attention back to the soldier before her. The sooner she made inroads into the problems, the sooner she could begin finding possible solutions.
“Tell me about your first meeting.”
-
“Hey, kiddo,” Clay said gently, walking up to Gordy. The younger man was staring south, across the empty fields and pastures. It was an empty, unfocused stare, the kind someone lost in thought might have.
“Unc,” Gordy turned his way, nodding. “Finally get a break?”
“Yeah,” Clay sighed. “Won’t last long, but maybe I’m caught up enough to get a nap or something. Eat a real meal.”
“Good luck with that,” Gordy snorted, turning back to his examination of the southern horizon.
“You can’t keep this up, Gordy,” Clay said flatly, opting for directness over the beat-around-the-bush approach.
“What do you need me to do?” Gordy asked at once, giving Clay his full attention.
“Nothing at the moment, and that’s not what I’m talking about,” Clay raised an eyebrow.
“I know what you’re talking about,” Gordy nodded, once more turning his gaze away.
“Then you know it has to stop,” Clay replied plainly. “You can’t keep this up. Nothing that happened was your fault. Not Corey, not Heath. The fault lies completely with the people who attacked us. And Corey and Heath defended this farm in the face of overwhelming odds, along with Kurtis.”
“You four were out there specifically to watch over those kids and make sure nothing happened to them. That was your job, Gordy. One you did very well in addition to defending this place. Leaving aside that it gave us time to prepare to defend the farm that we’d have not had if you hadn’t been there.”
“I know,” Gordy sighed, looking down at the ground. “But I…I was in charge. I left them there, and now Corey is dead and Heath…I hope Heath recovers. For Leanne as much as his sake. They deserve better.”
“We all deserve better, Gordy,” Clay rested a hand on the taller teen’s shoulder. “We all do. If we’re lucky, we get it. We’re not always lucky. But we’re a hell of a lot more fortunate than probably ninety-five percent of the entire world right now. That may be all the luck we get.”
“Thought of that, too,” Gordy agreed. “But I can’t help but feel responsible, because I was supposed to be in charge.” Clay studied his nephew for maybe half-a-minute before coming to a decision.
“Listen, kid,” he said flatly. “Being in charge, being responsible, feeling responsible all go together. They’re a matched set. You’re going to have to get used to that, because one day you’ll probably be running this place. Hopefully not for a while, since that would mean I was gone, but still. And when you are, you’re going to have to make tough calls. Calls like leaving your friends to engage a superior force because they’re the best for the job. Better than you, because you need to do something else. Because you’re in charge.”
“That is never going to change, Gordy. That feeling of responsibility, that feeling of guilt, even. It will stay with you always, and it will make you second-guess everything you do, for fear you will make a mistake and cost someone their life. That will never change.”
“How do you deal with it, then?” Gordy didn’t quite demand.
“I stay busy,” Clay shrugged. “I accept that since I’m in command, I will always be called upon to make hard decisions that no one else will make. That I can’t pass the buck any higher because it literally stops with me. Why do you think I was so glad to see Adcock roll in here?” he chuckled. “For a little while I was able to pass along those hard calls to someone else, at least when it wasn’t something directly farm related. Now, it’s back down to me. It is what it is, Gordy. For me now, and one day for you. You can’t let it eat at you, either. And Corey nor Heath either one would want it.”
“I know,” Gordy agreed. “It’s just a lot, that’s all,” he finally added.
“It is, and no one your age should have to deal with it,” Clay said at once. “In the army, you’d be at least nineteen and probably closer to twenty-one. Even with OCS after Boot or AIT, you’d still be much older, and you would have had at least some training with people like Beverly, and with NCOs who knew what combat was like, in dealing with things like this. You’ve got none of that. And that’s my fault,” Clay added finally, as if the winds had left his sails.
“Now who’s feeling guilty and responsible?” Gordy asked, a wry smile on his face.
“I told you it never goes away, kid,” Clay shrugged. “I’m sorry you have to learn all this at your age, Gordy. Hell, I’m sorry you need to learn it at all. You should be playing football and chasing girls and sneaking out of the dorm to party. But I can’t change what is. If I could, I would.”
“I know,” Gordy snorted slightly. “I promise I do. And I don’t blame you for any of this. I don’t really blame myself, I guess. If it were anyone else in my place, I’d likely be one of the first to tell them just what you’ve told me. I think…I think it’s because it was Corey, and Heath. That’s all. Because it was my friends. And I know that’s something you understand better than anyone here.”
“Too true,” Clay gave him a tired smile. “Are you going to be okay?”
“I will,” Gordy promised, looking brighter now. “I promise, I will. Thanks, Clay.”
“I’m always here if you need me, kid,” Clay slapped his back gently. “Now, I’d suggest you go and visit your girl up in Tower One. She’s filling in for Heath until he’s back to battery. Go see her. Relax. Take a picnic with you. Enjoy life, man. While it’s there.”
“Sounds like good advice,” Gordy smiled.
“Only kind I give!”
-
Clay decided to be slightly selfish and use his ATV to go home to eat. There were others on the farm, not to mention several ATCs and numerous golf carts. The carts didn’t do well in mud but the snow didn’t seem to trouble them too much.
He walked into his house to be met with warmth of the hearth and the smell of baking bread. As he shucked his wet boots and coveralls off at the door, Lainie came to meet him.
“Hello, my Cowboy,” she kissed his cheek as she helped him get his overshirt off. “How are you, my baby?”
“I’m tired, if I’m being honest,” he admitted. “How are you, sexy?” he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her ‘like he meant it’, as she often called it.
“Oh, my,” she almost purred. “I’m fine, now,” she giggled outright. “I hope you’re here for a little while?” she asked, studying him closely.
“I don’t honestly know,” he shrugged. “Still a lot to do, and that’s without trying to assimilate Flores’ bunch into the farm. We got a lotta hands missing from the work force, too.”
“I know, but you’ve been going almost non-stop for five days, now,” she countered. “You have to take some time off to rest or you’ll be right back in the same shape as before. Please don’t do that, Clay. Please. Last time was scary eno
ugh.”
She was referring to an incident where he had worked himself into exhaustion. All that had saved him from even worse problems was that he happened to be with Jaylyn Thatcher in the clinic and she noticed the danger he was in. Two days enforced rest had helped him a great deal, and Lainie had been careful to watch him since.
“I promise I won’t let it get like that again,” Clay assured her. “In fact, hold on just a minute,” he smiled at her before picking up the field phone and winding it.
“Operations, this is Deuce,” his nephew answered at once.
“Deuce, this is Bossman,” Clay said. “I’m taking the rest of the day off. Send someone to my house to get my ATV and bring it back down for you guys to use. Even if you don’t need it, I don’t want it sitting out in the weather. I’ll be available if I’m needed, but I hope you don’t need me. Okay?”
“Got it, Unc,” Leon replied at once. “I’ll send someone up there ASAP. Try to get some rest. I’ll leave a note not to bother you unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Thanks, kiddo.” With that he replaced the phone in its bag and faced Lainie with a grin.
“How’s that?”
“That’s excellent,” she beamed at him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Winter gradually gave way to spring. With no follow-up attack from the group that had attacked the farm during the snowstorm, the farm residents began losing the tension that had dogged them for weeks. Work progressed slowly during the remainder of the winter season due to both inclement weather and a lack of personnel who were able to perform some chores. Clay and the others were forced to prioritize some projects over others, not always to a good reception by the residents. Still, no one wanted to go through another attack like the one that had claimed so many of their friends and family.
By the time spring was upon them, five new towers formed a strong semi-circle around the farm, running from the western edge behind the Hill to the eastern edge along the highway to the north area beyond the road. Each was covered and lined with four to six inches of dirt between two strong log walls. The towers were not impervious to damage, but it would take a strong weapon to reach the personnel inside. The engineering vehicle and recovery vehicle brought from the abandoned headquarters had been a huge help in getting the towers up and finished, cutting days off the job.