I'm Still Here: A Novel

by Jon Mills

  “So then why did you give her the time of day?”

  He leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “She was a grieving mother. What was I supposed to do? Turn her away?”

  “And yet you allowed her to continue on down that path.”

  “Hold on a minute. We didn’t allow her to do anything. She had doubts about Kyle Harris. Any grieving parent whose child’s body hadn’t been found would, regardless of what the evidence showed.”

  “But you got her hopes up.”

  He leaned back in his chair unsure of how to respond. He was damned either way. If they had turned her away they would have been considered heartless, if they lent an ear, they were admitting in a roundabout way that perhaps they’d screwed up.

  “What do you want me to say?” he asked.

  Under any other circumstances he would have nipped this in the bud and told her that he was a very busy man and he didn’t have time for accusations but the fact was Anna’s concerns had sparked an interest in the old case, and made him consider the possibility that she was on to something.

  “Did you believe her?”

  He sucked air between his teeth and looked towards the two-way mirror. No one was behind it but it was a habit.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It did to her.”

  “Ms. Walker.”

  “Kara.” She corrected him.

  “Kara. You of all people know how abductions and missing cases work. Our focus here is on Clallam County. I don’t cover the four counties where those kids went missing. Even if those counties are up against ours, it’s outside of our jurisdiction.”

  “Then tell me this, has the investigative division of the Washington State Patrol linked the disappearance of the four together?”

  “You’d have to ask them. We haven’t had an abduction here on the scale of your brother’s in twenty-five years. How the other law enforcement agencies are handling those four cases is unknown to us.”

  “You never followed the cases?”

  “Did you?” he threw it back to her.

  “But they are similar.”

  “Only based on the day and years spread apart. I read your brother’s case. You were there that night when he was taken. In the other four cases, no one else was present. There was no suspect sketch created, or witnesses. Now I understand your mother was looking for some kind of link between them and Charlie’s abduction and I’m not saying it doesn’t exist but we deal with a lot of cases here every day, and our focus is Clallam County.”

  “My brother was taken in Clallam County.”

  “And like I told your mother, the case is closed. I did her the courtesy of passing on the tips to the sheriff’s office of each of the four counties but beyond that there wasn’t much else I could do with a closed case. Now had there been a recent abduction in Clallam, that might have changed things.”

  “When was the last time she spoke to you?”

  “A week ago. She came in saying that she believed whoever took Charlie was planning on taking another boy from Clallam. She also thought she was getting close.” He could tell where she was going with this and Noah was well aware of what Anna believed but his hands were tied until something of significance crossed his table.

  “And?” Kara probed deeper.

  “And she’d received a few phone calls in the night. I would have thought your father might have told you.”

  “No.” She dipped her head. “Did you check any of the numbers?”

  “Yes, the caller had used a VoIP number. However people make prank calls all the time. There were no threats made. You know how these things go. Besides…”

  “You thought my mother was just being paranoid?” There was a long pause. “You’re aware of how she died?”

  “I am and it was cleared as suicide.”

  “What about the toxicology report?”

  “Four to six weeks. Your father wanted to bury her. Unless the ME noticed anything that would have given cause for alarm, they are usually under pressure by family to release the body to loved ones. Besides, your father said your mother was taking medication for anxiety.” He glanced at the band on her wrist. She noticed and covered it with her sleeve.

  “So they assume grief got the better of her,” Kara said.

  He nodded.

  “Do you believe that?” she asked.

  Noah ran a hand over his tired face. He’d only gotten five hours’ sleep the night before and was badly in need of a vacation.

  “Kara, I believe your mother loved your brother. I go by the facts of a case. I’m not paid to speculate.”

  She nodded a few times.

  “Is that everything?” he asked. She didn’t respond. “Look, I have a lot of paperwork to wade through. You know how it is. It never ends.” He was trying not to sound rude but it was bound to come across that way.

  “Sure, I’ll let you get back to it.”

  As she rose from the table he noticed she didn’t have a ring on her finger.

  “Your mother said you were married.”

  “Was.”

  She didn’t expand on it and he didn’t wish to pry. Outside in the hallway she turned to him and opened her mouth as if she was about to ask a question.

  “Off the record. After going through my brother’s case, do you think Kyle Harris was responsible?”

  He looked towards the main office and ran a hand around the back of his neck before he added, “Or did they bungle the case?”

  She nodded.

  He shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know. However,” he tapped the air with his finger, “I think they did the best job they could under the circumstances. Like the Swanson case.” He turned it back on her to put things in perspective. “At the end of the day, that’s all we can do, right?”

  Her brow pinched and Noah got a sense that perhaps he’d touched a sore point. Now he wished he hadn’t said anything. They did the best job they could? What was he thinking? Again it was a force of habit to protect the reputation of the investigators involved. He’d followed the Swanson case with interest. It was hard not to, being it was such a high-profile case. Talk shows and the media had eaten it up, made their accusations and turned it into a circus.

  Chapter 12

  Stonewalled. That’s what her mother would have said but that wasn’t the case. Kara had already researched the Clallam County Sheriff Department. They operated in a remote area with limited resources. While the county and city departments handled most investigations themselves, special circumstances, such as the abduction of a child under the age of 13, would have required assistance from outside agencies. That’s why the state bureau of investigation and FBI were called in when Charlie was abducted. They pooled resources together and while that had its advantages it could lead to problems. Some of which got worse if homicides occurred across county or state lines. It made it harder to connect them, and even more so back in 1991.

  As Kara drove away she had this nagging feeling in her gut that told her to leave it be. Too much time had passed, and with all the negative attention she’d got from the Swanson case, it would only make things complicated. Still, call it what you would; survivor’s guilt, an investigative mind or simply grief from losing her mother, she couldn’t let it go, at least not without speaking to Kyle Harris.

  It wasn’t a decision she made lightly. This was the man accused and sentenced for taking her brother. Beyond the appearance he made in the courtroom on the day of his sentencing, she hadn’t seen him. It wasn’t like she was expecting him to confess, or tell her the whereabouts of her brother’s body, but she couldn’t reject the thought that out of all the people her mother hassled, he wouldn’t have been one of them. Harris would have been at the top of her list. Maybe he’d shared something with her that made her question the evidence presented to the jury?

  Kara returned home to find her father still working away in the garage. She spent a few minutes making him a cup of coffee and a sandwich before placing the call.
To say she was nervous would have been an understatement. She’d dealt with the most abhorrent criminals and being in their presence didn’t make her feel close to how she felt now. She glanced out the window making sure her father had returned to working on the car before she ventured into the basement and made the call to Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla.

  Would he even take the call? What would he say? What would she say?

  After being placed on hold for a few minutes while they checked to see if he wanted to speak to her, she glossed over the map in front of her, and the five counties: Clallam, Jefferson, Grays Harbor, Mason and Thurston. Her mother had stuck red pins in the locations where the boys were last seen, then tied them together with red thread. She looked down at the list of names and their ages. All of them were under the age of thirteen. Although Charlie’s case was considered closed, the other four were still classed as open investigations as no one had been arrested or charged.

  Kara took a sip of her coffee and swallowed hard when she heard him come on the line.

  “Hello?” he said.

  Kara’s voice caught in her throat. That was the thing about the trial. Several people had asked her if he sounded like the masked man in the woods but it was hard to tell. Some part of her thought she would recognize it instantly but she realized that was just wishful thinking. The reality was the man who took Charlie probably didn’t sound anything like the way he did that night. People’s voices changed when they spoke through gritted teeth, or a voice scrambler. And paying attention to his voice that night was the last thing on her mind.

  “Hello?” Kyle said again.

  “Mr. Harris. My name is Kara Walker.” She let the name hang out there to see how he’d react.

  “Anna Walker’s daughter?”

  “That’s right.”

  There was a pause. “Is Anna okay?”

  “Um.” She was at a loss for words for a few seconds. “She’s dead.”

  She gripped the phone a little tighter.

  “Oh my God.” She heard him sigh. “What happened?”

  “Mr. Harris.”

  “Kyle. Call me Kyle please.”

  “Kyle. First, thank you for taking the call. Did my mother ever speak to you after the trial?”

  She got straight down to it. She wasn’t comfortable speaking with him and if she didn’t stay on track she wasn’t sure what she’d say. She heard him inhale deeply. “She visited on two occasions, spoke to me once by way of video and called several times by phone.”

  “Why?”

  It seemed like an obvious question but she wanted to hear it from him.

  “She wanted answers about her son. At first it was a confession. She thought I was holding back and she pleaded for me to tell her where Charlie was but like I told her, I couldn’t. I wasn’t responsible.”

  Silence stretched between them before he continued. “What happened to her?”

  Kara wasn’t sure if she should tell him but it didn’t seem to matter now. “Suicide.”

  He sighed deeply. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for your loss.” It sounded genuine then in the next breath he said, “He got to her, didn’t he?”

  His answer really threw her off-kilter. She frowned. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “The first time your mother visited, she wanted answers. I couldn’t give her any but I told her to look into the case. Speak to the original sheriff that was assigned, and the kid that accused me prior to your brother’s disappearance. I suggested if she wanted answers she could find them by speaking with those involved in the original case. Hang on a sec.” He sounded like he lit a cigarette. The snap of a lighter brought back a memory of that night. As he continued to speak she listened to his voice, trying to place the nuances against those that she’d heard from the masked abductor on that night. “Sorry about that. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she called me back a few months later and said that while she wasn’t convinced that I was telling the truth, there were a few discrepancies about the case and she was going to look into it. That was two years after I’d been sentenced. I’ve been in here nineteen years.”

  She listened carefully as he continued.

  “Ten years after your brother’s abduction, there had been two more, one in Jefferson and another in Grays Harbor. The next time I heard from her she believed they were connected and that perhaps I wasn’t lying. I told her to watch herself. You know, to be careful and speak to the police. I put her in touch with my attorney who’s been handling my appeals with federal and state courts, you know, just in case she came across any evidence that might be useful.” He sighed, obviously realizing that whatever hope he’d placed in her mother, it was now gone. A question swirled in her head and she knew she was taking a risk asking it in light of what he’d just told her, but she had to hear it from him.

  “Were you in any way involved in the abduction or cover-up?”

  Without missing a beat he replied, “No. I want whoever did this just as much as your mother did. Ms. Walker, I’ve been sitting behind bars for something I never did and for the longest time no one has believed me barring my attorney until your mother.”

  “Then how did Charlie’s jeans and one of his shoes end up on your property?”

  “I don’t know. I already told them that. Anyone could have planted those. It wasn’t like I was a stranger to the community. My name and photo had been plastered across the newspaper.”

  “Did you have any enemies?”

  He scoffed. “Before or after the accusation?”

  In the background she could hear doors clanging.

  “When did you last speak with her?”

  “What day is it?”

  “Wednesday.”

  It was easy for them to lose track of time inside. Days blurred into nights, the same routine made it easy to forget.

  “Two weeks ago. She phoned, said that she was on to something. It was a hunch but she would update me as soon as she found out.”

  “What was it?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  “Had she ruled out suspects from the original case?”

  “Some, but she still had three people on her radar.”

  “Do you recall who they were?”

  She heard him blow out smoke. “I don’t remember the names.”

  “I would have thought if you were banking on my mother finding whoever was behind this, you would have jotted them down. You know, for your attorney and all.”

  “Ms. Walker. Do you know how many people she was looking at? Or how many were considered suspects at the time of Charlie’s abduction?” he shot back.

  Something about the way he said her brother’s name got a reaction out of her. It might have seemed strange but Kara wanted to tell him to not use his name. Even though her mother might have been convinced that he had nothing to do with it, she wasn’t there, at least not yet.

  “So you don’t know?”

  “Like I said, I’m sorry, but I didn’t take notes when I was talking with her. If she found anything of significance she passed it on to my attorney and law enforcement. She said she’d built up quite a rapport with a detective in Clallam County.”

  Her thoughts drifted to the tall detective. She’d got a sense that he was holding back, probably not wanting to get sidetracked from his duties, and possibly even relieved that her mother was gone so he’d no longer have to deal with her. She made a mental note to go through the files after the call. She’d barely scratched the surface.

  Upstairs she heard the rear door open.

  “Kara!”

  A shot of fear went through her, the likes of which she hadn’t felt since she was sixteen. She’d had a guy over while her parents were out and they’d returned home early. Wiggling out of that one had been tough.

  “Look, I have to go. I appreciate you taking the call.”

  “Again, I’m sorry about your mother. If you have any other questions…’

  He didn’t finish what he was saying but s
he knew what he meant.

  “Thank you.”

  She hung up just as her father reached the bottom of the stairs.

  “Ah, there you are. I heard you talking. Who was that?”

  “Oh just someone from work. What’s up?” She tried to act all nonchalant, an act she liked to think she’d mastered over the years.

  “I got you booked in with Lloyd Benson tomorrow at one.”

  Kara’s brow pinched. “What?”

  “You said you were struggling.”

  She sighed placing a hand on her head. “Dad, I appreciate the concern but you really shouldn’t have done that. Can you call back and cancel?”

  “I can but he offered the slot pro bono. I don’t want to look ungrateful. Besides, he’s been helpful to us over the years. It’s only thirty minutes.”

  She sighed again and waved him off. “Alright.”

  “Oh and I thought we might order in Chinese tonight.”

  “But your ulcer?”

  “Ah screw my ulcer.”

  The last thing she needed was to get into an argument with him. He remained there for a minute or two looking over the walls. “You are going to take this down today, right?”

  “Yes, Dad, just leave it with me.”

  “Okay, because I don’t want this here anymore.”

  “I understand.”

  He trudged back upstairs and she went back to fishing through the files looking for those her mother had considered suspects.

  Later that evening after clocking out, Noah tossed his house keys down on the counter in his empty apartment. His kicked off his shoes and headed straight for the fridge to get a bottle of Budweiser. He yanked at his tie as he gazed inside. For the most part it was empty. The fridge had spaghetti leftovers from two nights ago, and some dishes that were starting to grow something funky on the top. He rarely shopped big. There was only one mouth to feed now. He grabbed up the dishes and scooped the gunk into the trash. Twisting the cap off the bottle he glanced at the photo of Amanda before taking a seat in his La-Z-Boy recliner.