Unsafe.
Perilous, even.
So bad, it had caused problems with my family when I'd more than lost it after leaving Dare so long ago. My acting out, my constant crying and then eventual silence had my poor parents shuffling me from doctor to doctor.
Having me tested for drugs.
Being informed of the warning signs for teen-aged suicide.
I remembered the huge fight my folks'd had when my mom insisted on getting me professional help of the head-shrink variety.
"She's fuckin' wasting away, Gus! They can't find a damn thing wrong with her physically but we're losing our baby girl. Rye needs help! With or without your approval, I'm getting her some." My mom very rarely stood up to my pops but on that issue she held steadfast. And while dad never said okay, he didn't put up any more protests.
That is, until Dr. Dawson had brought them into one of our sessions and had, in her own kind of psych-speak way, spelled it out for them. Had told them that I was exhibiting all the signs of grief in losing Dare but that I was working through it with her help.
My pops had gone ballistic, absolutely non-linear, at the news. "This is over a fuckin' boy? A little do-nothing, pencil-necked, orphaned piece of shit that she met on a fuckin' run?" he'd yelled. "Oh hell, no! No fuckin' way!"
I remembered glancing at Dr. Dawson and saw her nod at me, giving me the go ahead to speak. "I can't help who I love, Pops. And for me, its Dare. Just Dare."
"It's a good fuckin' thing you're grieving then because you ain't ever gonna see his ass again, that's for damn sure. Not if you act like the world's fuckin' comin' to an end after knowing him for only one goddamn week!" God, how his shouts had filled Dawson's tiny office, echoing off the walls with all her fancy art prints and framed degrees. "She's only fuckin' fifteen for Christ's sake! She's too young to be talking about love! This is bullshit!"
Dr. Dawson had tried talking to my angry, livid father but he wasn't going for anything my shrink had to say. And I could tell that his reaction was making her nervous, causing her to stumble over her words.
In the end, though, pops never stopped me from seeing her and seemed to take heart as I reconnected with my life. But our relationship, the specialness between a girl and her dad, had been broken. Gone were the soft looks and words and in came the pit bull, hell bent on me staying in my right fucking mind, as he called it.
And throughout the years, especially after my mom died, it had only gotten worse—keeping me in his sights at all times and hand-picking the men I was 'allowed' to date or be with. It was time to cut the apron strings, though. Especially if what Dare and I had brewing between us was going to have a chance.
Just as the water had started to take on a hint of cold, the warmth of it only covering my lower half, I'd decided 'prune' was not a natural state for a human and had gotten out.
Wrapping myself in the warm, sweet smelling robe hanging on the back of the door, I put the room to rights before grabbing my cell, another glass of wine and sitting down at Lulu's table.
I needed a plan of attack when taking on my dad. Without one, the war over me and my freedom would probably be long and loud, possibly inflicting pain on both sides.
Something I wanted to avoid on every level.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dare took his time going back into the clubhouse, filing away the info Leif had let fly as he took both Trey's and Bishop's words to heart. What was he gonna fuckin' do about Ryley and the goddamn vise his nuts were in?
Almost without a thought, he reached into the Hive's kitchen and pulled off a room key before heading behind the bar to grab his personal bottle and a glass. There was no way he wasn't getting as fucked up as possible after the day he'd had. And knew he'd be in no shape to ride by the amount of alcohol he was prepared to consume in order to put it all behind him.
Better to get a room in advance rather than be disappointed later.
Going to a table, choosing a chair with its back to Gus and his minions seemed to help calm some of the shit in his head. Just as it did when his other single council brothers pulled out chairs to join him. It didn't take long though and their Honeys moved into the group, wanting to share in the fun.
"Has anyone ever seen you with your hair down, Bish?" Little Carmi asked from her perch on the arm of Bishop's chair as she played with his braid. "I mean, I've never seen it down and I've seen a lot of you, baby."
Both Dare and Si cracked up at the familiar complaint. Everyone in the club, both Hellion and Honey alike, gave the man grief about having waist length hair he never allowed to wave free.
"He has to take it down to wash it, right?" she continued, her eyes sweeping around the table on an owlish blink causing Dare to throw back his head as Silo bent his own towards the table in their mirth. As soon as things subsided to chuckles, Dare saw Tight coming towards their group along with one of the new girls.
"Hey guys," Tight greeted and pulled the younger woman towards the table. "This is Livvy." As the tall brunette introduced the much younger strawberry blonde to the Hellions, Dare poured himself another drink. Just the week before he would've been all over the new girl with her fresh-faced, innocent sexiness and lack of brittle edges a lot of the other Honeys seemed to hold. His eyes roamed over her burgeoning curves, noting the girl's long legs showcased by a pair of low-slung cut offs. But his mind was on a different sort of clean—one of brown and aqua, that could shoot smart-ass comments off quicker than shit and who could make a man forget his own name with her fuckin' kisses.
That wasn't the way to play it, though. Not with Gus in the ever-filling room.
"Plant that pretty ass right here," Dare offered, pushing back his chair and motioning to his lap. "Livvy, is it? That's a pretty name."
Both Bishop and Silo were looking his way as if he'd gone crazy. "For show, dig?" he mumbled, raising his glass to his lips and canting an eyebrow to his brothers while the new Honey gingerly rested her butt on one of his legs. Dare snaked an arm around her waist before looking back to the table.
"Uhm," Silo began and slid his eyes to the clubhouse door.
"Gotta know your audience, asshole," Bishop advised and pointed his glass to where Silo was staring.
Aw, fuck.
Ryley!
She'd entered but hadn't moved away from the door, her whole body still as she stared at him. He caught the emotion in her gaze, one that combined both confusion and disbelief before sliding into one of pain. The same sort of fuckin' hit that was filling his chest at what she was avidly watching.
Ryley dragged her eyes away and began stiffly walking to the back of the room to where her dad was holding court. It was evident she avoided Dare and his table as she moved.
"Oh, fuck," he groaned, not realizing he'd even allowed it to come out of his mouth.
"Livvy, why don't you come sit with me since Dare's got a royal stick up his ass tonight," Silo offered, glancing at his brother before patting his own thigh. The girl twisted to look at Dare, but his gaze was steadily on Ryley, his cheeks echoing the hue in the Spokane princess's face. He didn't even take note when the girl moved from his lap to Si's.
Dare turned back to the table but his mind was whirling as he tried to anticipate the damage he'd caused in his bit to convince Gus that he and Ryley weren't anything special. But he should've known his lie would backfire.
"I said not fucking now, Ryley!" came the roar from the back of the room and at the sound everyone within the clubhouse fell silent, every eye trained on the back table.
"Finally, the bitch get hers," Dare heard Wanton whisper from the next table over and turned to see the black-haired woman wearing a catty smile. "It's about fucking time!"
He never heard if Ryley responded because his heart began booming too loud in its fury to hear anything. No one, not even her old man had the right to talk to Ryley like that!
He heard the clacking of her boots as his girl quickly made her way across the floor, and he tried to see her expression as she passed but her head was down a
nd hidden by her beautiful hair. As she closed in on the door, Bishop leaned over and offered, "you're up, amigo. Thinking you need to work some damage control."
In a flash, Dare was on his feet, avoiding both people and chairs as he rushed to get to her and found Ryley halfway across the forecourt by the time he'd finally made his way outside.
"Ryley! Wait!" He yelled but she ignored him using her long legs to increase the distance between them. "Stop, sugar!"
She gave him the bird but kept moving until they both heard Leif's shout from behind. "I fucking told you to stay away from her!"
Her brother's words halted her in her tracks before she turned to face the men behind her.
"Go away," she demanded, her voice like acid in the gentle night air. Dare didn't know which one of them she meant and didn't care as he closed the space between them and snagged her by her waist.
"Ryley, I…" he started, bending his head towards her.
"Get your fuckin' hands off her!" Leif bellowed. "Haven't you already done enough damage, you shit? First, you almost destroy her then you want the fucking chance to do it all over again? I'll see you in hell first!"
"Oh shut the fuck up, Leif," Ryley bitched as she struggled to get out from Dare's hold. "God! The fucking drama of it all! Jay-sus!"
Both men stopped all movement. Dare had expected her to be crying or some such shit but she only sounded…annoyed. So much so, Dare dropped one of the arms he had been using to try and contain her. In a move much like Gus had used on Dare, she pointed a finger at her brother.
"You don't need to fight my battles for me, Leif. This is between me and Dare," she said, using her forefinger to punctuate her words. "And its private, so drag your fuzzy ass back inside."
"But, Rye…" the other man started but at her low growl and extended arm which pointed in the direction she wanted him to go, Leif shut his mouth before shooting her a glare and turning around.
"As for you, cowboy," she announced, skewering Dare with a scowl so deep, he felt it in his guts. "One thing you may not know about me since we really don't know each other very well is that I don't play fucking games. And I don't share. So you can go back to playing with the Honeys because we're done."
He allowed her words to float in the air around them and just gazed into her beautiful face, her cheeks still flushed with emotion.
"No," he said after a bit.
"What'd you mean, 'no'?" He was guessing from the shocked tone her voice held that it wasn't a word she heard often from anyone but her father.
"No, I'm not going back inside. No, I don't want to share you either, sugar. And no, Ryley, we most definitely are not fuckin' done," he said gently but firmly and watched her blink slow and deep. He was beginning to think that blinking was one of her 'tells', signifying she was processing whatever new info she was given.
And while she was still thinking on it, he used the arm he still had around her to shuffle her to the back of the clubhouse, never taking his eyes off her face. If he remembered right, he had the key for room three in his back pocket.
"But…" she mumbled, her eyes showing confusion.
"That's it, gorgeous. Work it out," he urged quietly even as he steered them to the door of the room. He pulled out the key and fumbled to remove the padlock with one hand uncertain if he released her she wouldn't try to leave. He pushed her into the dark room before closing the door, turning on the lights and shooting the lock.
"But…" she repeated, blinking in the now lit room even though he wasn't sure if she was seeing anything other than whatever was in her head. "We're not done?"
Pulling her against him with both arms, he dropped his forehead to hers. "Christ, Ryley. Will we ever be?"
Dare may not have won the war but he knew he'd won the battle when her arms went up and around his shoulders, one hand sliding into his hair as her lips reached for his.
"I hope not, cowboy," she breathed against his mouth. "I so fucking hope not."
He just let his lips and tongue show his agreement.
*.*.*.*.*
Dare kissed me so long and sweet and deep that I couldn't think of anything beyond his mouth. So much so, I was surprised to find he'd moved us to the bed with me straddling his lap.
"Okay, sugar," he said firmly when we came up for air. "Time to work this shit out."
"Out?"
"Fuck, yeah. Right the fuck out." The cheeky one-sided grin he wore took some of the sting out of his demand. "I ain't gonna let go of you and get the fuckin' impression you're feeling the same. So we fuckin' need to work out how we're gonna play it."
"Meaning…that we get some time together while I'm here?" My eyes searched his to try and figure out exactly what Dare was asking for.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Christ! For someone so smart, you're fuckin' slow as molasses on the uptake."
"I beg your fucking pardon!" I made a move to get off his lap, but he stilled my action with a hand on each cheek of my denim covered ass and a light chuckle. His forehead came to mine and I found my attitude changing, melting at the warm heat of his eyes.
"What I should've fuckin' said was that I don't want us to lose this, Ryley. Not while you're still here or when you go back to Spokane," he rumbled. "And we need to figure out how to make 'us' work."
"My pops won't have it, cowboy." What part didn't Dare understand when it came to how far my dad would go to keep us apart? "He wants your cut…"
"What do you want, sugar?"
I blinked into his eyes as I thought. I wasn't sure I was ready to confess everything that was percolating in my heart. But all that changed when he went a different direction.
"After you left last time, I was a fuckin' mess, Ryley," he said quietly and he must have seen the question in my face because he explained further. "Yep. Started fuckin' acting out, got all mouthy and shit. Always in fights with anyone and everyone. Got so bad that Trike asked to have me put on a crew who was working out of town. Pulled me out of goddamn school and everything, which was probably fuckin' best since I seemed to be heading towards being expelled anyway. Spent more time in the fuckin' principal's office than I did in class."
"Oh, Dare." I whispered around the lump in my throat.
I saw him swallow deeply. "I walked around with a hole in my heart and a fuckin' inch long fuse in my head. So strung out on a girl that I couldn't fuckin' breathe without setting off the ache inside." His voice died out but not the emotion he'd given voice to. "I was like that for ten solid months, Ryley. Ten long-assed, motherfuckin' months."
My heart broke at both his words and his rueful tone.
"Your brother said you went through some shit too," he whispered, his hands caressing my thighs. "I fuckin' need to hear about it from you, sugar. From how you saw it."
So I broke it down for him.
I told him of that time, that god-awful time after leaving him and watched his face soften as he listened. He didn't interrupt but just used his touch on my back, my arms and legs to encourage me to continue when I stumbled through the re-telling of the darkest year of my life.
And when I was done, my voice raw with unshed tears at the memory I'd fully exposed, he pulled me tightly against him holding me as close as we could possibly get.
"Since then, it's been like nothing I ever do is right and Pops doesn't trust me or my decisions," I mumbled into his chest finally admitting to both myself and Dare the cause of my father's need to control me.
"All because of me," he countered and I shifted on his chest. He glanced down at me, to where my eyes were trained on his face.
"No, Dare. Because of me. Of how I couldn't hold my shit together when I had to leave you."
"You were fuckin' fifteen years old, sugar. Fifteen year olds don't have to hold their shit together. It's something that a fuckin' person learns later." His arms tightened until I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Is that why you never fuckin' wrote or called me back? Was it because of your old man or was it that shrink who told you not to?"
I pushed myself back by using my hands on his chest, but never lost the connection with his eyes. "I wrote you! When I never received anything but the birthday card, I stopped." I knew my voice sounded funny, giving evidence that I was thinking while trying to talk. "You called? No one told me you called!"
His eyes narrowed and his full mouth, framed by his awesome mustache, went so tight, I saw a strip of white surrounding it.
Oh, shit. We were both putting two and two together and he, like me, was not happy with what we were coming up with.
Not at fucking all.
"Oh, god," I wailed softly, wondering if my face looked as stricken as his. "He kept us apart, didn't he?"
"That's what I'm getting, sugar. But you're fuckin' gonna have to ask him about that shit yourself. Because if I get near your old man in this fuckin' state and with this 4-1-1, I'll probably try to kill the fucker with my own two hands. Christ!"
This was crazy!
My dad? My own father had…
But Dare wasn't done. Not by a long shot. "What kind of fucker is he to make you, his own daughter, hurt so fucking bad? To fuckin' cut you so deep that his own flesh and blood had to get professional help?" God, Dare was so angry! "Loving then leaving me wasn't the fuckin' root of your problems, Ryley. It was the lack of contact, the loss of hope—and done by your dear ol' dad himself. I knew the man was an asshole of the first order but to pull that kind of fuckin' shit makes him seriously whacked!"
"Why would he do that?" I asked. "Why would he hurt me like that?"
"Us," he corrected me quickly. "He hurt both of us, Ryley."
I could only stare at Dare realizing that by him using that two letter word all my reasons for wanting to be the good daughter, to make my damn dad happy, slid away.
And with that knowledge, the truth of what pops had done, I couldn't control the sobs that had been building inside.
Chapter Twenty Three
Dare felt Ryley's body begin to shift just as his ears caught her first deep sob. A sound so deep and so heartbreaking, he didn't know what to do and watched as his girl spilled off his legs and onto the floor.
Taking a Dare - A Hellion MC Novel Page 17