Damn those pregnancy hormones!
The tears were back.
How could anyone who had been such a fearless reporter, a fearless woman, be reduced to this snivelling mess? When it came to being a woman in love, she was lost, Romy realised as Grace explained that the housekeeper had helped her to put everything in place. Romy was only too glad to be called back from the brink by practical matters as Grace went on to explain that she had also hired a night nurse, so that Romy could get some rest.
‘I hope you don’t mind me interfering?’
‘Of course not,’ Romy said quickly. ‘It isn’t interfering. It’s kindness. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.’
‘You’re crying?’ Grace asked her with surprise when she broke off.
Grace could hear everything in a voice, Romy remembered, knowing how Grace’s other senses had leapt in to compensate for her sight loss. ‘Everything makes me cry right now,’ she admitted. ‘Hormones,’ she added ruefully, conscious that Kruz was listening. ‘I’ve been an emotional train wreck since the birth.’
She seemed to have got away with it, Romy thought as Grace and the nurse took over. Or maybe Grace was just too savvy to probe deeper into her words, and the nurse was too polite. Kruz seemed unconcerned—though he did suggest she take a break. Remembering his words about Grace wanting to help, she was quick to agree.
‘Champagne?’ he suggested, leading the way into the kitchen. Her heart felt too big for her chest just watching him finding glasses, opening bottles, squeezing oranges.
‘What you’ve done for me—’ Knowing if she went on she’d start crying again, she steeled herself, because there were some things that had to be said. ‘What you’ve done for our baby—the way you helped me during the birth—’
‘It was a privilege,’ Kruz said quietly.
Her cheeks fired red as he stared at her. She didn’t know what he expected of her. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but he had turned away.
‘Drink your vitamins,’ he said, handing her the perfect Buck’s Fizz.
‘Thanks...’ She didn’t look at him. Was she supposed to act as if they were just friends? How was she supposed to act like a rational human being where Kruz was involved? How could she close her heart to this man? Having Kruz deliver their baby had brought them closer than ever.
‘You’re very thoughtful,’ he said as he topped up her glass with the freshly squeezed juice.
‘I was just thinking we almost had something...’ Her face took on a look of horror as she realised what she’d said. Her wistful thoughts had poured out in words.
‘And now it’s over?’ he said.
‘And now it can never be the same,’ she said, making a dismissive gesture with her hand, as if all those feelings inside her had been nothing more than a passing whim.
Kruz made no comment on this. Instead he said, ‘Shall we raise a glass to our daughter?’
Yes, that was something they could both do safely. And they should rejoice. This was a special day. ‘Our daughter, who really should have a name,’ she said.
‘Well, you’ve had a few months to think about it,’ Kruz pointed out. ‘What ideas have you had?’
‘I didn’t want to decide without—’ She stopped, and then settled for the truth. ‘I didn’t want to decide without consulting you, but I thought Elizabeth...after my mother.’
Kruz’s lips pressed down with approval. ‘Good idea. I’ve always liked the name Beth. But what about you, Romy?’ he said, coming to sit beside her.
‘What about me?’
She stared into her glass as if the secret of life was locked in there. There was only one place she wanted to be, and that was right here with this man. There was only one person she wanted to be, and that was Romy Winner—mother, photographer and one half of this team.
‘Come on,’ Kruz prompted her. ‘What do you want for the future? Or is it too early to ask?’
A horrible feeling swept over her—a suspicion, really, that Kruz was about to offer to fund whatever business venture she had in mind. ‘I can’t see further than now.’
‘That’s understandable,’ he agreed. ‘I just wondered if you had any ideas?’
She looked at him in bewilderment as he moved to take the glass out of her hand, and only then realised that she’d been twisting it and twisting it. She gave it up to him, and asked, ‘What about you? What do you want, Kruz?’
‘Me?’ He paused and gave a long sigh, rounded off with one of those careless half-smiles he was so good at when he wanted to hide his true feelings. ‘I have things to work through, Romy,’ he said, his eyes turning cold.
Was this Kruz’s way of saying goodbye? A chill ran through her at the thought that it might be.
For what seemed like an eternity neither of them spoke. She clung to the silence like a friend, because when he wasn’t speaking and they were still sitting together like this she could pretend that nothing would change and they would always be close.
‘I’ve seen a lot of things, Romy.’
She jerked alert as he spoke, wondering if maybe, just maybe, Kruz was going to give her the chance to help him break out of his self-imposed prison of silence. ‘When you were in the army?’ she guessed, prompting him.
‘Let’s just say I’m not the best of sleeping partners.’
He was already closing off. ‘Do you have nightmares?’ she pressed, feeling it was now or never if she was going to get through to him.
‘I have nightmares,’ Kruz confirmed.
They hadn’t done a lot of sleeping together, so she wouldn’t know about them, Romy realised, cursing her lust for him. She should have spent more time getting to know him. It was easy to be wise after the event, she thought as Kruz started to tell her something else—something that surprised her.
‘I’m going to move in downstairs,’ he said. ‘There’s an apartment going begging and I want to see my daughter every day.’
Part of her rejoiced at this, while another part of her felt cut out—cut off. To have Kruz living so close by—to see him every day and yet know they would never be together...
‘It’s better this way,’ he said, drawing her full attention again. ‘I’m hard to live with, Romy, and impossible to sleep with. And you need your rest, so this is the perfect solution.’
‘Yes,’ she said, struggling to convince herself. If Kruz was suffering she had to help him. ‘Maybe if you could confide in someone—’
‘You?’
She realised how ridiculous that must sound to him and her face flamed red. Romy Winner, hard-nosed photojournalist, reduced not just to a sappy, hormonal mess but to a woman who couldn’t even step up to the plate and say: Yes, me. I’m going to do it. ‘I’ll try, if you’ll give me the chance,’ she said instead.
Pressing his lips together, Kruz shook his head. ‘It’s not that easy, Romy.’
‘I didn’t expect it would be. I just think that when you’ve saved so many lives—’
‘Someone should save me?’ He gave a laugh without much humour in it. ‘It doesn’t work that way.’
‘Why not?’ she asked fiercely.
‘Because I’ve done things I’ll never be able to forget,’ he said quietly, and when he looked at her this time there was an expression in his eyes that said: Just drop it.
But she never could take good advice. ‘Healing is a long process.’
‘A lifetime?’
Kruz’s face had turned hard, but it changed just as suddenly and gentled, as if he was remembering that she had recently given birth. ‘You shouldn’t be thinking about any of this, Romy. Today is a happy day and I don’t want to spoil it for you.’
‘Nothing you could say would spoil it,’ she protested, wanting to add that she could never be truly happy until Kruz was too. But
that would put unfair pressure on him. She sipped her drink to keep her mouth busy, wondering how two such prickly, complicated people had ever found each other.
‘Believe me, you should be glad I’m keeping my distance,’ Kruz said as he freshened their drinks. ‘But if you need me I’m only downstairs.’
And that was a fact rather than an invitation, she thought—a thought borne out as Kruz stood up and moved towards the door. ‘I have to go now.’
‘Go?’ The shock in her voice was all too obvious.
‘I have business to attend to,’ he explained.
‘Of course.’ And Kruz’s business wasn’t her business. What had she imagined? That he was going to pull her into his arms and tell her that everything would be all right—that the past could be brushed aside, just like that?
He stopped with his hand on the door. ‘You believe in the absolution of time, Romy, but I’m still looking for answers.’
She couldn’t stop him leaving, and she knew that Kruz could only replace his nightmares when something that made him truly happy had taken their place.
‘It’s good that you’ll be living close by so you can see Beth,’ she said. Perhaps that would be the answer. She really hoped so.
Kruz didn’t answer. He didn’t turn to look at her. He didn’t say another word. He just opened the door and walked through it, shutting it quietly behind him, leaving her alone in the kitchen, wondering where life went from here. One step at a time, she thought, one step at a time.
* * *
She couldn’t fault him as a devoted father. Kruz spent every spare moment he had with Beth. But where Romy was concerned he was distant and enigmatic. This had been going on for weeks now, and she missed him. She missed his company. She missed his warm gaze on her face. She missed his solid presence and his little kindnesses that gave her an opening to reach in to his world and pay him back with some small, silly thing of her own.
Grace had returned to Argentina with Nacho—though they were expected back in London any day soon. This was a concern for Romy, as she knew Grace had hoped a relationship might develop between Romy and Kruz. It was going to be a little bit awkward, explaining why Romy’s new routine involved Beth, mother and baby groups, and learning to live life as a single mother, while the father of her baby lived downstairs.
Kruz had issues to work through, and she understood that, but she wished he’d let her help him. She had broached the subject on a few occasions, but he’d brushed her off and she’d drawn back, knowing there was nothing she could say if he wouldn’t open up.
The day after Nacho and Grace arrived back in London, Kruz dropped by with some flowers he’d picked up from the market. ‘I got up early and I felt like buying all you girls some flowers,’ he said, before breezing out again.
This was nice—this was good, Romy told herself firmly as she arranged the colourful spray in a glittering crystal vase. She felt good about herself, and about her life here in Acosta heaven. She was already taking photographs with thoughts of compiling a book. She treasured every moment she spent with her baby. And watching Kruz with Beth was the best.
Crossing to the window, she smiled as she watched him pace up and down the garden, apparently deep in conversation with their daughter. She longed to be part of it—part of them—part of a family that was three instead of two. But she had to stick to the unofficial rules she’d drawn up—rules that allowed Romy to get on with her life independently of Kruz. They both knew that at some point she would leave and move into rented accommodation, and when she did that Kruz had promised to set up an allowance for Beth, knowing very well that Romy would never take money for herself.
As if the money mattered. Her eyes welled up at the thought of parting from Kruz. What if she moved to the other side of London and never saw him again except when he came to collect Beth? When had such independence held any allure? She couldn’t remember when, or what that fierce determination to go it alone had felt like. Independence at all costs was no freedom at all.
This wasn’t nice—this wasn’t good. Sitting down, she buried her face in her hands, wishing her mother were still alive so they could talk things through as they’d used to before her father had damaged her mother’s mind beyond repair. Angry with herself, she sprang up again. She was a mother, and this was no time for self-indulgence. It was all about Beth now.
She was used to getting out there and looking after herself. No wonder she was frustrated, Romy reasoned. In fairness, Kruz had suggested that a babysitter should come in now and then, so Romy could gradually return to doing more of the work she loved. She had resigned from ROCK!, of course, but even Ronald, her picture editor, had said she shouldn’t waste her talent.
She started as the phone rang and went to answer it.
‘I’m bringing Beth up.’
‘Oh, okay.’ She sounded casual, but in her present mood she might just cling to him like an idiot when he arrived, and burst into tears.
No. She would reassure him by pulling herself together and carrying on alone with Beth as she had always planned to do; anything less than that would be an insult to her love for Kruz.
* * *
He bumped into Nacho and Grace on his way back into the house. They were staying in the garden apartment on the ground floor, to ensure they had some privacy. It was a good arrangement, this house in London. Big enough for the whole Acosta family, it had been designed so each of them had their own space.
Nacho asked him in for a drink. Grace declined to join them, saying she would rather play with Beth while she had the chance, but he got the feeling, as Grace took charge of the stroller, that his brother’s wife was giving them some time alone.
‘You’ve made a great marriage,’ he observed as Grace, her guide dog, Buddy, and baby Beth made their way along the hallway to the master suite.
‘Don’t I know it?’ his brother murmured, gazing after his bride.
As he followed Nacho’s stare he realised that for the first time in a long time he felt like a full member of the family again, rather than a ghost at the feast. It was great to see Nacho and to be able to share all his news about Romy and their daughter, and how being present at the birth of Beth had made him feel.
‘Like there’s hope for me,’ he said, when Nacho pressed him for more.
‘You’ve always been too hard on yourself,’ Nacho observed, leading the way into the drawing room. ‘And a lifetime of self-denial changes nothing, my brother.’
Coming from someone whose thoughts he respected, those straight-talking words from his brother hit home. It made him want to draw Romy and Beth together into a family—his family.
‘Have you told Romy how you feel about her?’ Nacho said.
‘How I...?’ Years of denying his feelings prompted him to deny it, but Nacho knew him too well, so he shrugged instead, admitting, ‘I bought her some flowers today.’
‘Instead of talking to her?’
‘I talk.’
Nacho looked up from the newspaper he’d been scanning on the table.
‘You talk?’ he said. ‘Hello? Goodbye?’
They exchanged a look.
‘I’m going to find my wife,’ Nacho told him, and on his way across the room he added, ‘Babies change quickly, Kruz.’
‘In five minutes, brother?’
‘You know what I mean. Romy will move out soon. We both know it. She’s not the type of woman to wait and see what’s going to happen next. She’ll make the move.’
‘She won’t take Beth away from me.’
‘You have to make sure of that.’
‘We live cheek by jowl already.’
‘What?’ Nacho scoffed, pausing by the door. ‘You live downstairs—she lives upstairs with the baby. Is that what you want out of life?’
‘It seems to be what Romy wants.’
<
br /> ‘Then if you love her change her mind. Or I’ll tell you what will happen in the future. You’ll pass Beth between you like a ping-pong ball because both of you stood on your pride. You’re not in the army now, Kruz. You’re not part of that tight world. You make the rules.’
Kruz was still reeling when Nacho left the room. His brother had made him face the truth. He had returned to civilian life afraid to love in case he jinxed that person. He had discarded his feelings in order to protect others as he had tried to protect his men. By the time Romy turned his world on its head he hadn’t even been in recovery. But she had started the process, he realised now, and there was no turning back.
The birth of Beth had accelerated everything. The nightmares had stopped. He looked forward to every day. Every moment of every day was precious and worthwhile now Romy and Beth were part of his life. That was what Romy had given him. She had given him love to a degree where not allowing himself to love her back was a bigger risk to his sanity than remembering everything in the past that had brought him to this point.
Nacho was right. He should tell Romy what she’d done for him and how he felt about her. Better still, he should show her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
WHEN KRUZ CALLED to explain to Romy that he and Beth were down with Grace and Nacho, so she didn’t worry about Beth, he added that he wanted to take her somewhere and show her something.
She fell apart. Not crying. She was over that. Her hormones seemed to have settled at last. It was at Kruz’s suggestion that Nacho and Grace should look after Beth while he took Romy out. Take her out without Beth as a buffer between them? She wasn’t ready for that.
She would never be ready for that.
Her heart started racing as she heard the strand of tension in his voice that said Kruz was fired up about something. Whatever this something was, it had to be big. There was only one thing she could think of that fired the Acosta boys outside the bedroom. And the bedroom was definitely off the agenda today. In fact the bedroom hadn’t been on the agenda for quite some time.
Taming the Last AcostaItalian Boss, Proud Miss Prim Page 16