A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  Yeah, he did. The kindest thing he could do would be to make her hate him. And, if he told her how much he wanted to make love to her all night long, she’d know how he felt about her.

  “I’m sorry. I forgot who I was with. That happens when a woman I respect comes on to me like a two-dollar hooker.”

  Sabrina’s perfect features twisted into a anguished facsimile of her beautiful face. His arms ached to hold and comfort her. But he couldn’t. If he apologized, it would undo everything he’d just accomplished. His only recourse was to plow full speed ahead into destroying her feelings for him.

  He slammed the rear hatch on the SUV and opened the passenger door for her. “I guess you forgot all about your fiancé and the yard full of guests who showed up to celebrate your birthday, huh?”

  “Oh, no.” Her head hung as she buried her face in her hands. “Annie will be so disappointed. She worked so hard, and Tyler and she spent so much—”

  “They’ll understand.” His bad cop persona slipped a little as his resolve to disillusion her momentarily weakened. He strode around the vehicle and slid behind the steering wheel. Swallowing hard, he glanced over at her downcast head and turned the key.

  Once the engine roared to life, he shoved the Navigator into drive. “You know, my conscience will force me to tell Ben what happened.”

  She turned and stared out the window, “Don’t bother. I have every intention of telling him myself.”

  “Good. Don’t forget to mention I made you cry.”

  With any luck, his friend would ease Luke’s guilt by giving him the ass-kicking he deserved.

  ~*~

  Ben studied Sabrina’s red-rimmed eyes and the tension in Luke’s jaw as they climbed out of Annie’s SUV.

  Oh, dear God, the little girl must have died.

  Ben hugged her and murmured into her hair, “She didn’t make it?”

  “Huh?” Sabrina stared up at him, confusion twisting her brow. “Ohhh, you mean Jillian.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I think she’ll be fine. She regained consciousness before we even left the subdivision.”

  “Good.” Ben heaved a relieved breath, knowing how tough it was for her to remain detached. The fact she was now good friends with several of her previous patients’ mothers testified to her difficulty maintaining her perspective as a nurse. He would never admit it to Sabrina, but her tendency to become too involved, was part of the reason, he’d asked her to quit her job and travel with him. “So, if Jillian is okay, why do you look as if you’re heading to a funeral?”

  “I’ll tell you later.” She patted his arm and a strained smile stretched her mouth. “We have a party to finish.”

  Ben’s stomach clenched. Something must have happened between her and Luke.

  A loud cheer swelled from the crowd as Ben escorted Sabrina to the table holding the huge sheet cake. Annie handed him a large knife and indicated they should make the first cut together. When Sabrina removed the piece and placed it on a plate, he cringed.

  Damn. Carrot cake. The party had turned into their engagement celebration, and he was stuck with Luke’s favorite dessert.

  “I suppose I’ll have to eat this whether I like it or not,” Ben muttered.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “Annie will feel terrible if you don’t. She didn’t know any better.”

  Tyler’s wife must have assumed Sabrina loved carrot cake, since she brought one every time they got together—for Luke. Of course, she usually made sure there was some other dessert available for Ben. Which was a good thing, since Luke could devour a whole cake by himself.

  “Someday, I’d appreciate it if you’d casually let it drop to Annie that I prefer chocolate cake with whipped cream icing.”

  “Oh, hush, it won’t kill you to eat a little.” She picked up a small piece and held it to Ben’s lips, posing for a dozen people’s cameras. “Take a bite and smile.”

  Once they finished the traditional cake feeding ceremony, Ben swept her into his arms and diluted the dessert’s flavor with Sabrina’s luscious mouth. As he drew back from a lingering kiss, his gaze landed on what looked like a strange mix of blatant envy and pain twisting Luke’s face. His tortured expression mirrored exactly what Ben felt every time Sabrina smiled at his buddy.

  Could the poor son-of-a-bitch actually be in love with her?

  When Ben had shamelessly tempted Sabrina to accept his ring by suggesting it might goad Luke into declaring he had feelings for her, he hadn’t really believed his friend felt anything more than deep affection. Even Tyler thought Luke pretended not to notice Sabrina’s obvious romantic signals to spare her feelings.

  Ben didn’t know how or when it had happened, but as sure as he had more money than he could spend in ten lifetimes, he was certain the agony in Luke’s eyes meant he’d fallen in love with the woman Ben was about to marry.

  So why the hell didn’t the ass do something about it? Did Luke think he owed something to him?

  Damn. Maybe Sabrina had made a valid point about his motives when she claimed he assisted people because he needed approval. That might be true on occasion, but whenever he helped his friends, it was because he cared. He ascribed to Francis Bacon’s Money is like manure school of finance—both are useless until they’re spread around.

  When he supported charities or bestowed endowments, he was genuinely trying to pay forward some of the blessings life had given him.

  Luke sauntered over to them, his mouth curved in a strained smile. “Hey, I hate to cut out on you so early, but I’m on duty again tonight. I have to get a couple of hours sleep.”

  “What about a piece of cake?” Sabrina held out a plate with a huge slab cut from the corner with extra cream cheese frosting.

  “Thanks, but I’ll take a rain check.” The distress in Luke’s voice suddenly made Ben feel as if he’d poached something precious when he’d proposed to Sabrina.

  He could claim ignorance. However, if he was truly honest, he’d have to admit he’d suspected Luke had feelings for her back in college. But that had been years ago, and Luke had never made a single move toward her.

  As Tyler strolled by, he stopped short. “You’re passing up carrot cake?” He held his hand to Luke’s forehead. “You feelin’ okay?”

  Luke shoved Tyler’s hand away. “I’m fine, damn it. I just need to get out of here.” He rushed off, as if he had demons chasing him, and called over his shoulder, “Thank Annie for everything for me.”

  Tyler’s puzzled gaze bored into their buddy’s back. “What the hell’s wrong with him?”

  “I’m not sure.” Ben turned to Sabrina and raised his eyebrows. “But I have a feeling your sister knows.” And if his suspicion was even remotely accurate, he doubted he’d be marrying her anytime soon.

  CHAPTER 3

  Sabrina smiled as Mopsy sniffed her way around the luxuriously large living room before passing out in the corner of the thick, silvery-white carpet. The puppy had exhausted herself playing with the children all evening. At least, if she shed, her light gray fur wouldn’t show on the rug.

  “Can I get either of you anything before I say goodnight?” asked Thomas, Ben’s silver-haired manservant.

  Ben waved him off. “No, we’ll take care of ourselves, Thomas. But, remember, I need to lift off by seven thirty tomorrow morning. I have a nine o’clock breakfast meeting at Tyler’s office in Princeton.”

  She frowned at the phrase lift off and then remembered the helicopter tethered to the roof over Ben’s ten-thousand square foot penthouse.

  “Will you need me to go along?” Thomas asked.

  “No, I’ll pilot the chopper myself. You can stay here and drive Sabrina crazy.”

  Which Thomas, no doubt, would. As much as she appreciated that the sixty-one-year-old butler cared enough to fuss over her, she wasn’t used to being waited on hand and foot.

  Once Thomas retired to his quarters, Sabrina ran her hand along the back of one of the three pale gray sofas arranged in a U in front of the windows. The lea
ther upholstery felt as soft as a pair of kid gloves. She wandered through the French doors to the terrace and rooftop garden that overlooked the East River. The lights from Roosevelt Island and the opposing borough of Queens shimmered on the water in an upside-down mirror image.

  Ben’s home on Park Avenue was elegant and prestigious, but she couldn’t envision raising a family among the beveled glass tables, marble and crystal sculptures, and the dozens of original masterpieces and tapestries hanging on the walls.

  “Gorgeous view,” Ben said crossing the terrace and stopping behind her.

  “Mmmm, it is.” She shivered as he kissed her bare shoulder and nibbled his way to her neck.

  “I was referring to the scenery right here.”

  “Thank you. I noticed your dad and Luke’s mom seemed pretty cozy at the party,” she said, changing the subject.”

  “I know. In the twenty years since my mother died, plenty of gorgeous women have tried to attract my dad’s attention, but this is the first time he’s ever noticed one.”

  “I can’t imagine a man not noticing a woman who looks like Teresa Marino. I hope I look that good in my fifties.”

  “You’ll look even better.” He whispered, into her neck. “Did I mention how much I like this sundress on you?”

  “Only half a dozen times.” She turned in his arms and lifted her gaze to his intense blue eyes. “Ben, you know I love your penthouse, but I was wondering....”

  “About?”

  “Since you have the helicopter to get back and forth to Manhattan, couldn’t we live away from the city?”

  “Where’d you have in mind?” he whispered, brushing her lips with his.

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I’ve always imagined raising a family in a big old house with lots of character and charm. Maybe someplace closer to my brother’s place.”

  “Uh-huh.” He drew back, the muscles in his jaw tightening. “Sort of like that haunted white elephant Luke’s renovating?

  “His house may be big and old, but there are absolutely no ghosts living there.”

  “Maybe not, but it’s still creepy looking.” He whistled the theme song from the Addams Family, snapping his fingers in time.

  Luke had purchased an enormous handyman special on the outskirts of Redemption. In the last two years, he’d spent most of his free time gutting the Second Empire Victorian and restoring its ancient interior to its former glory. In the process, he’d installed all new plumbing, wiring, and dual-zone central air conditioning along with every other modern amenity anyone could want.

  “Oh, stop it.” She smacked Ben’s forearm to stop his finger snapping. “You haven’t seen the place since he had it professionally landscaped. The shrubs and flowers he had planted along the wraparound porch have made it look very homey.”

  “I don’t care how many bushes he plants, the place will still remind me of a house straight out of a horror film.”

  Sabrina stared down at her feet. “I’m sorry you feel that way, because that’s more or less the kind of home I’d like. Not necessarily the same style.”

  “Good, because Thomas is much too short to impersonate Lurch.”

  “Ha-ha. It can’t be all your way, Ben. It’s not fair to ask me to give up a career I loved so I can travel with you and, in between trips, expect me to sit on my behind in this museum while Thomas waits on me. I want a home I can make my own.”

  “You’re right. As soon as we get back from our honeymoon, we can start looking for a house.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled, both surprised and relieved by the excitement she felt at the prospect of going away on a lavish vacation. With any luck, it would help bring them closer to each other. “By the way, where are we going?”

  “Unh-uh, it’s a surprise.” Ben tipped her chin up and stared down at her for several silent moments before he asked, “So what happened at the hospital today?”

  She rubbed her bare arms as a cool breeze raised goose bumps on them. “It’s a long story. Let’s go inside.”

  After they settled on one of the leather sofas, Ben listened quietly while she gave him a blow-by-blow account of what had transpired between her and Luke.

  “So today was the first time you’ve ever kissed?”

  “Other than a platonic peck.”

  He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. “Well, that explains why Luke’s been able to keep his feelings hidden so well until today. Now that he’s finally gotten a taste of what he’ll be missing, it’s probably eating him up inside.” Ben gently combed his fingers through her hair. “As much as it kills me to say it, sweetheart, I think he might actually be in love with you.”

  “Yeah, right.” She looked away, attempting to hide her pain. “That’s why he accused me of coming on to him like a cheap tramp.”

  Ben gathered her against his chest and pressed his lips to her forehead. “I doubt he meant that. It was probably just a smoke screen to cover how he feels.”

  She wiped the tears on her cheeks. “If that’s true, why wouldn’t he just admit it?”

  “I’m not sure. But I’m wondering if it’s because the doofus thinks he owes me or something.”

  “You mean because you paid his hospital bill back in college?”

  He closed his eyes and nodded. “Luke has always had an overdeveloped sense of loyalty. I think it’s why I resented your brother so much when we first met. I’d never had a buddy who watched my back the way Luke covered Ty’s. I wanted that kind of friendship so much I could taste it.” His mouth twisted for a moment as if he was undecided about something.

  “What’s the matter?”

  He heaved a deep breath. “I’m so tempted to say the hell with him and take you to bed right now. But, if I do, I’m afraid you’ll end up hating me. I think we ought to put our engagement on hold for a while.”

  “What do you mean put it on hold? I thought we were finally—”

  “I mean you should stay in the guest room again tonight.”

  “Great.” A little snort escaped her as she shoved Ben away. “Luke won’t kiss me, and you don’t want to sleep with me. You and your pal have a real talent for making a woman feel about as sexy as an eighty-year-old bag lady with warts.”

  “Whoa.” He raised his hands. “I just told you I want to take you to bed. I just think, for all of our sakes, you should try again with Luke before I do.”

  Sabrina gasped. “You want me to go to bed with him, instead?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Then, exactly what’re you suggesting?”

  Ben sucked in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. The idea makes me sick to my stomach, but maybe sleeping with Luke is exactly what you need to do.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “This is way too weird. How can you suggest something like that?”

  “Can you honestly tell me you don’t want to sleep with him?”

  Lifting her lashes, she stared silently up at Ben, unable to confess her deepest longing out loud. She couldn’t remember not dreaming about Luke making love to her.

  She’d only been with two men in her life. The first had been a guy in college. After drinking too much, she’d foolishly convinced herself that if she were no longer a virgin, Luke might see her differently.

  Big mistake.

  Her second lover was Adam Chase. She’d hoped to forget Luke in the gorgeous doctor’s arms. Instead, she simply imagined Luke was holding her. In the end, Adam guessed her heart wasn’t involved, which was why their relationship hadn’t worked out.

  Ben cupped her face between his hands. “Sweetheart, if he should miraculously propose to you, would you accept?”

  Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. How could she answer truthfully without hurting him?

  “You don’t have to say anything. I know the answer. I don’t want my friendship with him ruined by the fact I slept with his wife. That’s a lot for a guy to handle.”

  “But you can handle it because Saint Ben is a better man, right?
”

  The muscles in his throat visibly convulsed as he swallowed. “Hell, no. It’s not a competition.”

  “Everything is a pissing match between you guys.”

  “Not about this. It’s bad enough knowing you’re in love with him. I realize what it’ll cost you to commit to a marriage that will be, more or less, a legal friendship with benefits. But once you marry me, there’s no going back. How do you think I’m gonna feel if you’re thinking about him and what might’ve been every time we make love?”

  Heat flared in her cheeks at his astute prediction.

  “I want you so much I ache, Sabrina. But, frankly, I don’t want to know what I’ll be missing if Luke decides he wants you.”

  “Except, even if he does, it won’t last. He sabotages every one of his relationships after a couple of months.”

  “I know. And I’m ashamed to confess that’s what I’m hoping will happen.” He raked his fingers through his short golden hair. “Shit. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if sleeping with Luke will get him out of your system....” He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I’m hoping you won’t end up in his bed, and I don’t want to know if you do. But I think you need to try one more time to, at least, get him to admit his feelings. When you’re sure it’s hopeless with him, I’ll be waiting.”

  She understood exactly how Ben felt. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what she was missing, either. But even one night in Luke’s arms was better than never making love with him. And if there was the slightest possibility Ben was right about the way Luke felt, she had to try. If nothing else, at least maybe she could, as Ben put it, get Luke out of her system.

  “So how do you suggest I go about getting him to admit he loves me? I can’t simply knock on his door naked and tell him you sent me as your gift to the best man.”

  Ben’s mouth curled in a half-hearted smile. “No, definitely don’t do that. I don’t want him to have me committed to Bellevue. Although, I probably should be.” He brushed her lips with his. “Let me think about it. I’ll come up with something.”

  She pulled her engagement ring off and held it out. “I guess I’d better start cancelling the arrangements I started making for our wedding.”