Damn, women were confusing.
His golf cart was the last one in the Shore Thing parking lot, and he swung himself in and started the ignition, heading up to the other side of town. He had one more task to finish tonight. Another thing that would take some courage. And it was probably waiting for him in lounge clothes with a bunch of dogs locked in a separate room . . .
He was clearly not cut out for this.
After tonight, he was sticking to microbiology.
Natalie woke the next morning and stepped up to the plate in every way she could think of: She told Olivia everything that happened, called the insurance company, met the agent out at the hill to take pictures and show where the cart had gone over and where the bison had been. She came back to discuss a payment plan with Olivia, then took Lily and Paige out on a picnic on the beach so she could talk to her sister.
Elliott had called and left four messages, but she hadn’t returned any of them yet. She wasn’t quite ready to deal with him, or her changing feelings. But, while running away seemed easier, and the way she would normally have done things, she knew it wasn’t the right thing anymore. She finally texted that she was fine and would call him soon. She took a deep breath and told herself she could get through this.
“So how did the rest of the evening go?” Paige asked as they laid out their beach chairs and towels.
“Can I go down?” Lily asked, pointing at the water.
“Yes, but only to your waist.”
They watched Lily dancing through the shore break and set up their picnic lunch. Natalie told Paige the whole story, starting with Marie’s big reveal, Natalie’s surprise at seeing the Colonel at the hotel, and her bigger surprise at seeing Elliott at the table. By the time she got to the part about the bison, Paige gaped at her.
“No!”
“Yes, I don’t know where that bison came from.”
“So what happened next?”
Once Natalie described her fear and terror, she hoped the kiss would explain itself. But Paige was sharply shaking her head.
“I definitely won,” Paige said.
“Paige! No. I’m still on my mancation. I’m not dating him. He was heading down to Becky’s house for his real date—I’m sure he’s sleeping with her. The kiss meant nothing romantic. And that’s the last I saw of him.”
Paige looked at her skeptically. “How long did this kiss last?”
“How long?”
“That’s right.”
Natalie ran it back through her mind, embarrassed that it was on speed dial because she’d already run it back through her mind forty times. “Maybe three seconds?”
“Three?”
“Maybe four.”
“Wait, four?”
“Okay, maybe five . . .”
Paige sighed and stared out at the ocean. She ran her feet through the sand a few times. “Natalie, you can’t keep kissing this guy and telling me you’re still on a mancation. You say it’s for instruction or comfort or whatever, but the fact is, you’ve kissed him three times. And five seconds is a long time for a comfort kiss. Bets don’t work this way.”
Natalie couldn’t help but lower her eyes. Paige was right. Her feelings toward Elliott were suspect at best. Damn, did she really just fall so quickly for another man? What was wrong with her? And were her feelings true anyway? Or did she just do that because he was available and yet off-limits? She watched the waves roll into shore and wondered if she’d really become a woman so dependent on men she couldn’t even—
“Double or nothing,” Paige blurted.
“What?”
“Double or nothing. I think you’re slipping, but I have faith in you. I know you’re not weak. I know you can do this. I know you can last one season without a man to lean on. You can, right?”
“Of course,” Natalie snapped without thinking.
“Then double or nothing.”
“Seven hundred dollars?”
“Seven hundred.”
The ocean waves crashed in front of them, and Natalie thought that over. Surely she was strong enough to be without a boyfriend for two more friggin’ weeks, right? She definitely had feelings toward Elliott, but she could control them properly, couldn’t she? It would give her a chance anyway to explore what her feelings were exactly, and make sure she wasn’t just using him because he was one of the only twentysomethings on the island she enjoyed being around. She could cool her attraction and her obsession with his forearms and live independently for that short a time. Couldn’t she?
“Okay, you’re on.”
“Another kiss ends it, Natalie.”
“Fine. Another kiss ends it, no matter what.”
“And I need your whole three-month stay now.”
Natalie stared back at her. “The whole three months?” she asked weakly.
“That’s right.”
Natalie watched Lily leap through the sea foam as a family of seagulls squawked overhead. The whole three months? That would probably mean she’d never get to date Elliott at all. It’s not as if she could wait the mancation out and then go out with him only seconds before she returned to the mainland. That wouldn’t be right anyway. If she knew he was waiting on the other end of her mancation, it wasn’t much of a mancation, now was it? Paige was right. Either Paige had won right now, and Natalie had to admit she couldn’t live without a man, or Natalie should keep betting. If she couldn’t keep betting, Paige had every right to win.
“You’re a strong girl,” Paige said quietly. She sounded almost apologetic. “I want to see you stand on your own. I’m impressed with everything you’ve done here so far—the jobs you’ve taken on. You’re taking great care of Lily. You’re committing to a lot of impressive things with the seniors. But I want you to take this mancation seriously. Prove to yourself that you can be a whole person by yourself. No boyfriend. Three months.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious. Olivia and I are worried about you. We don’t want you to be forty someday and realize you have nothing—no serious job, no serious man, no savings, no home.”
Natalie looked away. She had to admit that she, too, had this worry sometimes, much more often as she neared thirty. She knew she had a lot of time, but she was shocked at how fast her twenties were going by—she might slide right into her thirties, playing these same runaway games, and be caught on the end of that decade with nothing to show. She certainly had nothing to show for her twenties.
She shook out her arms and took a deep breath, putting on her new mature, relaxed face. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m very determined.”
Paige reached out her hand. “Okay, then. Double or nothing. All three months.”
Natalie stared at her hand for a second, wondering again if this was the right thing to do, but then shook. It was. She needed to show her sisters the truth. The new Natalie. She was taking on responsibility, commitment, and making good decisions. She was independent. She’d be fine on her own.
“I need to talk to Elliott today, though—just warning you,” she said.
“I don’t mind if you talk to him—just no kissing and no sex. Can you do that?”
“Of course.”
Natalie decided not to analyze how close to a lie that was. After the last three toe-curling kisses and the sexy new way he looked at her from under his eyebrows, she knew it might very well be a problem. But she’d just have to lie to herself, stay out of his radius, and avoid falling any further to prove she was as independent as she kept saying she was.
“Then talk away.” Paige shrugged.
Natalie could hear the smile—or maybe the taunt—in Paige’s voice, and she simply ground her teeth in response.
“C’mon,” Paige said, lifting from her chair. “Let’s build Lily a sand castle before I have to catch the ferry home.”
By the t
ime Natalie ended the day, she felt like a real grown-up. She’d owned up to all her mistakes; arranged to pay for them as best she could; had been through several phone trees to talk to insurance agents; found a temporary replacement cart for Olivia; said her apologies; walked Paige and her luggage to the ferry; and even managed to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for Lily and play five excruciating rounds of Candy Land. If this wasn’t being an adult, she didn’t know what was.
One thing remained, though: she still needed to talk to Elliott. And she knew another apology was in order. It was rude of her to run away from him the way she had, especially when he’d become freaking Superman last night. It was time to face the music. She would call on her greatest maturity and refuse to fall for him any further. She could do this.
“Elliott? It’s me, Natalie,” she said into the phone, staring at the sun starting to set out the slider door. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Uh . . . yeah. Let’s talk in person. I’ll head down your way.”
She smoothed her hair back into its braid and went outside to wait for him.
He looked really good today. He had on beach shorts and a button-down shirt that was rolled up at the sleeves. His hair was a mess as usual, being blown about by the wind, but that was one of the things she was starting to love about him. He had on his glasses today, but he must have gotten transition lenses because they’d darkened into shades in front of the setting sun. She watched him coming up the dune with his hands in his pockets, silhouetted against the sherbet-orange sky, and wondered how she’d ever missed how hot Dr. Sherman was.
“Let’s go down,” he said, nodding back toward the ocean.
They wandered along the water’s edge, the ocean splashing their bare feet, as Natalie assured him everything was taken care of regarding the golf cart and that she didn’t need any help.
“But mostly I wanted to apologize,” she said in a whoosh.
A small wave overtook their calves. “Apologize?”
“For running away from you last night. I should have left the evening expressing my thanks that you got us through something that was so scary, but instead I ran away and said nothing.”
“Why were you running away?”
“I was just . . .”
It was hard for Natalie to admit this. She didn’t want to let her feelings out of Pandora’s box and let them fly all willy-nilly. She needed to keep them controlled, with names she could handle. It wasn’t just the bet money. It was because she didn’t know what these particular emotions were. She didn’t know what this fear was; she didn’t know what that relief was when she fell into Elliott’s arms last night; she didn’t know what drove her to kiss him when they weren’t even dating. She’d had rushes of lust toward many men, but this was something deeper and scarier. It was soft and soothing and vulnerable and raw all at the same time.
She took a deep breath. “It was just an emotional night, and my emotions were all over the place, and then I kissed you, but I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean it in a . . . you know, in an attracted kind of way. I meant it in an emotional kind of way. But then I worried that I was giving the completely wrong message. And I’m on a mancation, and I have to win this bet with Paige, so I can’t have feelings for you.”
He did a double take. “Feelings?”
“Yes, feelings.”
“You have feelings for me?”
“No. I can’t have feelings for you. That’s what I’m saying. We can be friends. But that’s it. And you should date Becky. You said you might want something long-term, and you’re a long-term kind of guy, and Becky’s probably right for that, and I might be a commitment-phobe, and . . . I’m just making a mess of all of this. I’m so sorry I kissed you like that, and I should apologize to her, too.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not dating.”
“What?”
“I went over last night and told her we probably shouldn’t go out anymore.”
Natalie stopped in the sand. The ocean roared behind her. “What? Why?”
The wind whipped his hair about his head as he glanced out into the water, then back at her. “Because maybe I’m having feelings for you, too.”
She sucked in her breath and backed away slightly. “No, Elliott. You can’t have feelings for me. I’m not—I’m on a mancation, and I have to win this bet. And if you have feelings for me, then . . . Please, you can’t call things off with her.”
She closed her eyes. This couldn’t be happening. This was not a mancation. This was falling right back into a relationship. She didn’t want to lose the bet money, of course, but mostly she needed to prove to herself that she was strong enough to be by herself for three friggin’ months out of her very long life. Elliott was handsome and sexy and smart—he fascinated her on an intellectual level and was starting to make her heart pound every time he looked at her. And he made her feel strong and worthwhile. But she needed to feel worthwhile on her own.
“I truly can’t see you, Elliott.”
“How about if we wait until the mancation ends—then I’ll ask you out?”
She told herself not to look at how cute his smile was when he asked that. Instead, she focused on the misery falling down through her stomach.
“I’m not sure that’s how mancations work. If I know you’re on the horizon, I’m not legitimately taking a break, now am I? And besides, Paige doubled down and extended it for my whole stay.”
He dropped his head. A long silence followed in which he probably realized what she was saying.
“Okay, I can take a hint. Or not so much a hint—a direct request. I’ll leave you alone.” He started to walk away.
“Wait! You don’t have to leave altogether. I mean, we can be friends, right?”
His smile turned wry. “I . . . I don’t really know if that’s possible, Natalie.”
“Let’s try. You’re such a nice guy. Really. And I like having you as a friend.”
“Nice?”
“Of course.”
Natalie felt as if she’d lost him. She joked with him the rest of the walk, and he laughed at all the right places, but he seemed distant, as though he’d already moved on, moved his heart out of playing range and into a safe place.
She didn’t blame him.
But she’d make this work.
Even if she had to lie to herself the whole time.
CHAPTER 19
On Monday morning, Natalie got up and began her workweek, excited about her more mature life and ready to keep turning over new leaves.
She, Lily, and Olivia fell into their morning routine over the next two weeks, and work at Casas del Sur kept her busy. The only thing she avoided at all costs was driving to the Friends of the Sea Lion center. Being only friends with Elliott—and keeping her heart from pounding like a giddy schoolgirl’s every time she saw him—was going to take some working up to. Being a strong, independent woman was harder than she thought.
“Why don’t you take us this week instead of John-O?” Doris asked over a bridge hand on the Casas del Sur poolside patio.
“John-O and I have a pretty good system set up,” Natalie said, looking at her new hand. “Besides, I like going on the harbor walks with all of you.”
Katherine, Marie, and Helen all bobbed their sun hats in understanding.
“Of course, dear, but we miss having you at the center,” Doris said. “No trump.”
Natalie noticed that Doris didn’t mention another certain someone who might miss having her at the center, so she remained silent on that matter.
“John-O and I have worked out a good system,” Natalie repeated. “Pass.”
“They’re going to need lots of volunteers,” Doris said. “They’re already seeing a crazy onslaught this week. Dr. Sherman seems distraught.”
“Distraug
ht?” Natalie snapped her head up.
“He’s been very stressed out.”
A pang of sadness shot through Natalie. She hated to think of Elliott getting more stressed out about his sea lions. “Are they surviving?” she asked hesitantly.
“The sea lions are doing surprisingly well, although they’re getting crowded now. They had their first few releases this week and were able to send fifteen back into the wild. But the numbers keep increasing, and some of the sea lions are getting sicker again. I think they’re getting close to a hundred now.”
“A hundred? All there at once?”
“They could really use your help, dear.” Doris swept up the hand she’d just won. “Of course, I told Dr. Sherman and Dr. Stout they need some downtime. They can’t keep working at that level of intensity and last all spring. Dr. Sherman said he runs in the mornings.”
Natalie stared at her cards. Yeah, she knew that. She’d been setting her alarm a half hour earlier so she could go out on the balcony in the peaceful beach silence and sit with her coffee to catch glimpses of Elliott running along the beach. She never in a million years thought she’d be the type of person to get up every morning at five thirty, of her own volition, but there she was, day after day, sitting on the patio, peering through the bougainvillea. When Paige came in on the weekends, Natalie skipped the ritual, but come Monday morning she was out there again. She told herself she didn’t need to. She told herself she just liked getting a jump-start on her day. Some days the fog rolled in and she could barely see him—just a rhythmic, lithe form, moving to the sound of the ocean waves roaring in and hissing out—and it gave her peace: the ocean, Elliott’s movement, knowing he was still out there, knowing they were the only two on the beach at that exact moment.
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