“What about bagged blood?” It seemed like a feasible theory; drinking bagged blood wouldn't hurt anyone.
Lucas shook his head immediately. “Unfortunately it isn't practical. The blood banks already have severe shortages of blood and the average human male has about eight pints of blood in his body, which we can deplete in one feeding. The practice is just not sustainable. Not without denying those who are seriously ill or injured and I couldn't contemplate that.”
His response made me somewhat calmer. Surely, it was testament to his character for him to be concerned about sick people? Then again, he'd just finished telling me how many people he'd murdered, so maybe my perception was somewhat skewed.
Lucas continued. “I began to consider other, more extreme measures to eliminate the need to kill. Whilst I require blood to exist, I questioned whether it must be human blood, if we could perhaps survive on animal blood.” He unclasped his left hand from mine and reached forward, touching my cheek gently. “I must have blood to survive, Charlotte,” he explained quietly, “but I found it was possible to hunt animals and live on their blood. I don't kill humans any longer.”
Relief crept over my body like a drug. I hadn't realized how tightly I'd been holding myself, like a wind-up toy that had been tightened to the point of the spring snapping. “Oh,” I managed faintly. He waited while I absorbed his explanation, allowing me to think in silence.
“So,” I remarked slowly, “do you get all the, uh, vitamins you need that way?” It was the first thought to cross my mind.
He stared at me with a bemused look, before bursting into laughter. When he managed to control his amusement, he shook his head. “Charlotte, I tell you I drink blood and you are worried about my vitamin intake. You really are a funny girl.” The silver embers in his eyes sparkled with life, drawing my attention to them.
“Your eyes – they're different to anything I've ever seen in a normal human.”
“They mark me as what I am, Charlotte.”
I glanced away and thought for a long moment. “When I met Ben, his eyes looked normal, but when he was helping me out in the woods, his eyes had golden streaks.”
“We can disguise what we are, Charlotte. It's a mind trick.”
“A mind trick?” I repeated blankly.
“My eyes as you see them are what they truly are. Some of us have silver streaks, others have gold, some bronze and as you've already discovered, my eyes are an unusually dark blue. We use a mind trick to make our eyes appear more normal when humans see us. I imagine Ben didn't think to hide it out in the forest, because we were so worried about saving you.”
“You never used a mind trick on me,” I pointed out. “I saw your eyes like this from the very beginning.”
Lucas's eyes twinkled, the silver sparks flaring like miniature fireworks. “I can't hide them from you. For some reason, you are not influenced by my mind tricks.”
“But Ben could do it?”
“Yes.”
“I wonder why,” I mused aloud.
“That is one question I can't answer.” Lucas squeezed my fingers and I noticed that the skin around his eyes had darkened, even during the short period we'd been talking. He looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks.
“Are you tired?” I queried.
Lucas shook his head. “Not tired, Charlotte.”
Like an epiphany, I realized what he was alluding to, putting the connection together in my head. “You're hungry.” The skin around his eyes had darkened like this before, when he'd been near me. At the hospital, I'd seen it happen and at his house, which was where I assumed I was now. Why hadn't I thought before now to ask where I was? It didn't matter, I decided, turning my attention and fears back to the matter at hand. “Why do the shadows around your eyes darken when you're with me?” I demanded. I knew the answer, but needed to hear it from him. I needed to confirm my suspicions of exactly what it meant, why he avoided contact with me, why he'd kept away from me in the past. I searched his eyes, waiting for the answer.
He stiffened visibly and frowned heavily as he considered the question. “I think you know why, Charlotte,” he responded huskily.
My voice was barely a whisper when I responded. “You want to kill me.”
His reaction was startling. “No!” he shouted furiously.
I snatched my hand from his, the swift movement setting off a round of painful throbbing throughout my broken body.
He was instantly contrite. “Charlotte.” When I didn't respond he uttered a string of expletives, then immediately apologized. “Please, forgive me. That was completely uncalled for.”
I watched him cautiously, frightened by his aggressive response. He stood up and walked a few steps away, turning his back to me before he spoke. “I don't want to kill you. I will do everything – everything within my power to keep that from happening. That's what I have been doing for the past few months, keeping away from you, trying to get my craving under control.” He turned to face me again, his eyes filled with sadness. “That day when I saw you at the Quikmart – I was stunned when I ran into you unexpectedly. You were so close and I could smell your wonderful scent. It immediately drove me wild and my baser instincts kicked in. I'm sorry I was so impolite – I had to get out, had to get away from you before I did something I would spend an eternity regretting. I care about you, far more than I rightly should given our circumstances. I don't want to hurt you, Charlotte. I thought by staying away, it was the best possible solution for both of us.” He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “But no matter what I do, you are in my mind constantly, day and night and I can't get your scent out of my memory. It's nearly driven me mad.”
“My scent?” I repeated blankly.
“I told you about our heightened senses. In my situation, where I do not drink human blood, I have become immune to the general scent of humans to a certain extent. I still smell human blood, of course, and have the underlying thirst for human blood, but it can be sated with animal blood. In this situation – with you – all the arrogant pride I had in my ability to abstain has proven to be nonsense. Since meeting you, I've discovered the allure of your scent completely overwhelms me. It makes me desire the taste of your blood, more than I have ever desired anything before.”
He paused for a moment and I stared at him vacantly. “I see you still don't fully understand. Let me think.” I waited while he paced the bedroom floor, his brow furrowed in concentration. He stopped pacing suddenly and looked back at me. “Imagine the finest wine in the world. It has the most delicate, beautiful perfume you have ever experienced. The bouquet is beyond description. You are that wine to me. The temptation is great to sip the wine, to savor the wine; to sate my thirst with what I know would be the sweetest drink in the world.” He stepped towards me, his expression solemn. “But I know if I were to drink that wine, I would never get the opportunity to smell that sweet bouquet again. So I must keep the wine safe, learn to live with cherishing the bouquet, to control my own actions.”
I contemplated the explanation, understanding so much more. Probably more than I wanted to. It didn't change a thing though, I still felt my heart sing when I looked into his eyes, still wanted to know more about him and spend time with him. From what he'd said, however, it seemed impossible. How could we spend time together, if it was such torture for him to be close to me? A wave of despair gripped me and the wretchedness was suddenly overwhelming.
The door crashed open and a tall woman flew through it, looking deeply perturbed. She stopped abruptly, glancing from me to Lucas and back again. “Everything okay?” she inquired cheerfully.
I nodded, stunned by her outlandish appearance. She was both eye-catching and extraordinary – wearing no make-up, her skin was translucent, her eyes the blue of a calm ocean on a summer day. Swirls of silver twinkled and shifted in her eyes as she smiled cheerfully, her lips pouty and full, though I doubted collagen was involved. Her lips were just perfectly formed and against the paleness of her skin, the color of crushed stra
wberries. Her hair was outrageous – gelled and styled into what I would probably describe as gothic punk – it was the darkest black imaginable with streaks of brilliant pink, which reminded me of vibrant flamingo feathers. She was wearing relatively normal black jeans, which skimmed her extra long legs, the denim artfully torn and ripped and she was barefoot, her nails painted the same shade of pink as her hair. Her shirt was tie-dyed, in iridescent blue, pink, and neon green. Somehow it all looked perfectly chic, if somewhat overpowering, to gaze at for any period.
“Cool. Okay. I'm Marianne, by the way. It's a pleasure to meet you.” She glanced back to Lucas and grimaced beneath the thunderous expression in his eyes. “Sorry for the interruption. I'll catch you both later. See ya!” She disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, slipping out the door with a happy grin.
“I wonder what that was about,” Lucas murmured. He took another few steps towards me and I reached out to him. He was at my side in an instant, clasping my hand in his. He continued to gaze at me for a minute, before realization crept into his eyes. “What were you thinking, just before Marianne arrived?”
I looked away, blushing furiously. He caught my chin with his fingers, drawing my face up to meet his. “Please, tell me Charlotte. I need to know.”
“I was thinking that… despite you wanting to bite me, I still want to be here with you.” I flushed a deeper red and he waited for me to continue. “I was thinking it was an impossible situation, I couldn't allow you to struggle with your… issue, not if it was going to hurt you so much to be near me.” I looked down at his hand intertwined with mine, his skin so white against my own, which had seemed quite pale until recently. It was difficult to speak about this, we barely knew one another, and yet I was drawn to him, as I had never been to another man. The very thought of admitting what I felt was enough to make me feel utterly pathetic. How needy was I?
“Go on, please Charlotte.”
The next words came out in a rush, and I cringed in embarrassment. “When I thought about not seeing you any more, I felt depressed and unhappy.” There. I'd said it. As pathetic as it was, I wanted to be with him. I felt certain he would laugh in my face and prepare to ship me off to the nearest hospital.
He nodded thoughtfully, instead. “That explains Marianne's panic. I assume that was the exact moment in which your future disappeared.” He managed a grim smile. “She probably thought I'd lost the battle and bitten you.”
I smiled weakly. “Is it so difficult? To be near me?”
Lucas's jaw clenched and the muscle was clearly visible beneath his skin. “More difficult than you can possibly imagine,” he admitted huskily, squeezing my fingers. “It's a battle I intend to win, however. I will get used to it, I promise you. There is no other solution, I have tried staying away from you and couldn't bear it. That was almost more painful.”
We sat wordlessly for a minute and I savored the words he'd spoken. Did they mean what I wanted them to? Did he care for me? Was it even possible, for a vampire and a human to like one another? I closed my eyes, thinking through everything we'd discussed and concentrated on his cool fingers rubbing the back of my hand, his thumb tracing circles against my skin.
There was another knock at the door and Ben entered the room. “My apologies for interrupting, but Marianne informs me Charlotte is in need of pain relief. Without it, she's going to endure a terrible night.”
I raised an eyebrow at Lucas. “I thought you said Marianne couldn't read humans.”
Lucas seemed intrigued. “Where you are concerned, she seems to be remarkably accurate. For what reason, I don't know.”
Ben began to prepare a syringe of fluid and I eyed it anxiously. “I'm really okay,” I muttered, but my face apparently gave me away. The pain had steadily increased while I talked with Lucas and I'd ignored it, wanting to continue our discussion. Now it hurt to take the smallest breath and aches were springing up all over my body.
Ben carefully inserted the needle into my arm, his technique so skillful that it was virtually painless. “Jerome will be furious if I don't follow his orders. I'm giving you some morphine, Charlotte. It will reduce the pain to a more tolerable level and allow you to rest.”
I nodded sleepily, my eyes beginning to close of their own accord as the morphine entered my bloodstream.
Lucas patted my hand. “I'll leave you to rest.”
“No, please stay here with me,” I mumbled. I clutched at his hand and he sat down in the chair beside me.
“Alright. I'll stay here with you, I promise. I will be here for you, as long as you want,” Lucas said huskily.
I smiled, then the morphine overwhelmed me and I slept.
Chapter 8: Visions
When I opened my eyes again, it was apparent that Lucas's promise to stay had cost him greatly. I didn't know how long I'd slept, but judging by the strain in his face, it had been a long time.
His handsome features were tense, the skin around his eyes tinged purple and bruised-looking. Despite how terrible he appeared, he was still carefully holding my hand in his and I began to comprehend just how much it must torture him to be in close proximity to me.
He was staring towards the window when I awoke, his entire body motionless. He looked like a carving, dressed in human clothes. I squeezed his fingers gently to let him know I was awake and he turned towards me, managing a tender smile.
“How do you feel?” he questioned softly.
“Better than you look,” I said huskily. “I'm so sorry, I didn't think. I shouldn't have asked you to stay.”
“I wanted to.” His voice was louder, clear and determined.
“Go… and do what you need to do,” I pressed. I couldn't bring myself to say the word 'hunt' – the thought of what he needed to do to survive troubled me.
“I'm okay,” he insisted.
“Please, Lucas, I'll be fine,” I pleaded.
He smiled and despite the torment he clearly suffered, he was incredibly attractive. He studied me for a second, his eyes becoming somber before he leaned over, moving closer until his scent overwhelmed me. I was only aware of him being right above me, his face inches from mine. My heartbeat accelerated and I was caught between desire and panic as I wondered what he would do. His cool breath wafted across my skin, his breathing shallow as he came closer still. I closed my eyes, a split second before the cool pressure of his lips brushed against mine. When I opened my eyes again, he had straightened up and was grinning broadly.
I grinned back, knowing it had been a monumental trial for him to be so close to me and delighted that he'd kissed me.
“I will be back soon,” he assured me with a wink, making my heart stumble over itself again. “I'll let Ben and Rowena know you are awake.”
Gazing after him as he left the room, my heart still fluttered wildly in my chest. It took a minute or two to compose myself and I glanced around the room with interest, seeing it in daylight for the first time. The curtains had been drawn back and the view was superb, the windows revealing a view of the river and beyond it, the forest. It was striking, the trees covered in snow and weak sunlight filtering through the clouds. The river swirled and eddied as it passed by the house, bordered by ancient trees with gnarled and primeval branches.
I cautiously attempted to ease into a sitting position, discovering hastily that the pain in my chest was excruciating. My arm and foot didn't throb nearly as much as before and I was grateful for the small mercy.
Rowena and Ben walked through the open door, offering me a warm greeting. Rowena carried another tray and I could smell cinnamon. My mouth watered instantly, my stomach rumbling with hunger.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Ben questioned.
“Better,” I agreed easily.
“That's excellent news. You've been sleeping for about twenty-eight hours. Jerome assures me sleep is the best treatment for recovery.”
“Now I understand why Lucas looked terrible.”
“He was determined to stay,” Rowena said.
“We offered to sit with you, but he was adamant he wouldn't leave.” She placed the tray on the table and smiled warmly, her expression friendly. “Cinnamon Rolls and coffee this morning. I convinced Jerome you would need something more substantial when you woke up next.”
Ben glanced at me, rolling his eyes and I stifled a giggle that threatened to erupt from my throat. He popped a thermometer into my mouth and both he and Rowena assisted in helping me to sit upright. Admittedly, it was easier this time, but still left me gasping with pain. I waited patiently until Ben removed the thermometer from my mouth, then snatched up a cinnamon roll and took a big bite.
“You see, Ben, I knew she'd be hungry,” Rowena scolded, but I could see the twinkle in her eye as their gazes connected. It was astounding to think they were vampires – to all intents and purposes; they looked like a happily married couple and certainly nothing like the movie versions of vampires I'd seen.
“Everything looks fine,” Ben assured me, completely ignoring his wife's chiding. “Your temperature is exactly what Jerome said it should be. I'm sure you'd like a shower by now, and a change of clothes. Why don't you finish your breakfast and Rowena and Marianne will help you? You won't be able to manage on your own.”
I agreed to the suggestion, knowing there was no realistic way of showering without some support. Between the ankle and the ribs, I doubted I would be able to stand for long. Ben kissed Rowena tenderly before he left the room and she sat beside me, crossing her legs gracefully at the ankle. This morning she was wearing a tailored shirt in pale lemon, teamed with white woolen slacks and she'd left her hair down, letting it fall down her back in loose waves.
“It is lovely having someone to look after,” Rowena admitted happily, watching me start on a second roll. “Having you stay here is quite delightful.”
“Thank you,” I responded shyly. I was really beginning to like this woman; she was so friendly and seemed genuinely caring. I hadn't had that in a very long time and it made me… happy. I marveled at the emotion, for happiness had eluded me for a few years now.
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