Feeling a bit shell shocked by Logan’s announcement that they were trying to have a baby, Shelby could do little more than nod mutely. She was glad the conversation shifted when Luc joined them and started talking about the new house he and Milana were having built because it gave her time to assimilate a few things. Like the fact Logan hadn’t used protection when they’d made love. Not that she expected him to take all the precautions, especially since she’d gotten on birth control pills right after her first night with Logan shortly before they were married.
But how could he know that she’d stopped taking them shortly after she’d left him, and more importantly, if he knew she wasn’t on the pill why hadn’t he used condoms? Was he hoping their relationship would be stronger if they had a child together or was it simply his way of binding her to him so she wouldn’t run away again? Of course she knew Logan wanted children eventually, but they’d agreed to put it off for a few years because the company consumed so much of his time.
An unhappy frown began to form on Shelby’s face. If he thought she was going to be content to stay home and raise a child on her own while he continued to spend all his time at the office or away on business trips, he’d better think again. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have his baby because she wanted it very badly, but she needed to be secure in her role as his wife first. She wasn’t ready to share what little time she had with Logan, which probably sounded incredibly selfish but it was the truth and there was no use lying to herself about it.
“Cara mia,” Logan said softly, “the party is moving to the dining room.”
Shelby blinked, suddenly aware that she and Logan were all alone in the salon. “I’m sorry, I guess my mind was wondering.”
He smiled indulgently and took her hand, intent on following the others, but she didn’t think she could make it through an entire meal with so many questions swirling around in her head.
“Wait,” Shelby tugged on his hand. “Logan, what you said to Milana…about having a baby.” His dark eyes were piercing and she struggled for the courage to say what was on her mind. “It’s just that…I’m not sure…I mean, we never talked about it and…” She turned her head away, irritated with herself for never being able to find the right words when she needed them.
Logan cupped her chin and gently forced her to look at him. “I know we have not discussed it, but there is a very good chance you may already be pregnant. I admit it would make me very happy if you were, but I did not plan it.”
“Then how did you know there was even a possibility I could be?”
“When you left me, I followed every conceivable trail that might lead me to you; charge cards, bank activity…prescription renewals.”
“Then…how can you say you didn’t plan it when you knew I wasn’t on the pill any longer?”
“Cara, that was months ago. I did not give it any thought until I was helping you pack up by cleaning out your things from the bathroom. That is when it occurred to me you had not bothered seeking out another physician to prescribe the pills.”
“So it doesn’t upset you that I stopped taking them or that I might have gotten pregnant even though we decided it would be better to wait a few years?”
Logan drew her into his arms. “That fact you did not get another prescription only reinforces that you had no desire to be with anyone else. As for waiting…” he dipped his head and kissed her lightly on the lips, “it seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I think of my child growing inside of you it fills me with such happiness I can barely breathe.”
All of her reasons for not wanting a baby right now seemed doubly selfish after hearing the longing in his voice and seeing the truly euphoric expression on his face. How could she take that away from him? Any concerns she had about him being there for her and the baby could be addressed later and they would work it out somehow. Shelby wound her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down onto hers. If Logan wanted a baby then she would give him one.
Logan lifted his head, studying her face for a moment before drawing in a stilted breath. “Tell me, mia moglie,” he said softly, “does this mean you are as happy as I am about having a baby?”
“I would be elated,” Shelby answered and meant it.
“How soon before you know?”
“I’m not sure,” she laughed, “I’ve never had any reason to ponder that question before. I could get one of those early pregnancy tests tomorrow if you like.”
“I would like that very much, though it will be very disappointing to discover you are not pregnant.”
Shelby smiled up at him, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “If it comes back negative then we will just have to double our efforts, won’t we?”
“Cara,” he whispered on a sigh as he pulled her up tight against his chest and crushed her lips with a heated kiss.
****
Shelby’s eyes wandered around the dinner table, happier than she could ever have imagined to see Logan’s family gathered in their home. No, she thought with a smile, this was her family too and she loved them with all her heart. She’d hurt them all when she’d left Logan, yet they’d welcomed her back as if she’d been a lost sheep that had finally found its way back into the fold.
Logan’s mother, Ravenna, was in her element as her children chatted back and forth and more than once she’d settled her gaze on Shelby, a warm smile lighting her beautiful face. It was hard to imagine there was a time when Shelby had been utterly petrified of the woman, but she was literally trembling the first time Logan took her to meet his parents. She’d seen pictures of Ravenna beforehand, but they hadn’t done her justice, and the regal air that had been so evident in the photos was even more intimidating in person
Logan had given her a reassuring smile as he led her across the elegant salon where Ravenna was waiting to meet her future daughter-in-law, and it took every ounce of courage she had to keep her feet moving in a forward motion. Shelby hadn’t even noticed Logan’s father was in the same room until he rose from beside his wife and held out his hand as if Ravenna was weak as a kitten and needed help getting up.
Her dark eyes had swept over Shelby before turning to her son, assessing Logan in a manner that should have been reserved for the woman he’d brought home for his mother to meet. Shelby’s stomach was churning when she tipped her head back, certain that she’d see remorse on Logan’s handsome face for believing she could ever measure up to his mother’s standards. But that’s not what she read in his eyes or the soft curve of his mouth when she gazed up at him.
Without speaking a word, he told her just how much she meant to him, that he adored her just as she adored him and that he meant to keep the promises he’d made about building a life together. His smile broadened as he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the fingers that curled around his. Color bloomed in her cheeks, the heated rush of knowing that soon she would be his wife warming her from the inside out, and for a moment she forgot they weren’t alone.
Just as a moth is drawn to an open flame, heedless of the fire waiting to consume it, Shelby was lured by the tender look in his eyes and leaned into him. She’d been jarred out of the dream like trance his hypnotizing gaze had enticed her into by Ravenna’s soft, melodious laughter and the amused chuckle from Logan that followed.
“Is she not everything I said she was, Madre? She has captivated me so that I cannot see anything but Shelby when we are together.”
His mother arched a dubious elegant brow. “Only when you are together?” Ravenna turned a radiant smile on Shelby. “My darling Shelby, Logan can speak of nothing else but what an extraordinary young woman you are.”
She’d blushed profusely; not because of the compliment but because she was embarrassed by the fact there was nothing extraordinary about her. Mundane would have been a more apt description as far as she was concerned but Logan could hardly tell his mother he’d gotten involved with a woman who didn’t have a tenth of the social grace Ravenna Vittorio had. That’s when Shelby had
been hit with such an enormous wave of insecurity she felt physically ill from it.
Ravenna had given her a warm smile. “I can see you do not hold yourself in the same high esteem my son does.” Her gaze shifted to Logan. “Be a darling and go tell Esme to serve lunch outside while I give Shelby a tour of my flower garden.”
Logan gave her hand a reassuring squeeze but it did little to quell the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. This was it, she thought with dread. Ravenna was sending her son off so she could tell Shelby just how unsuitable she was for Logan. And Shelby wouldn’t be able to refute anything his mother said, not when she had her own doubts about her ability to hold onto him. No matter how many times Logan told her she was beautiful or how deeply he cared about her, she paled in comparison to the type of woman he could have with little more than an encouraging smile.
Ravenna looped her arm through Shelby’s as they strolled through the fragrant gardens. “I think there are some things you should know about my son and I hope you understand the significance. I’m sure you realize Logan has had his fair share of female companionship; extremely sophisticated and beautiful young women who complimented his own good looks and social status.”
“Mrs. Vittorio, I…”
“Please, my dear, do not demean yourself by apologizing for any shortcomings you may believe you have. Sit with me,” she said when they came to a stone bench.
Shelby couldn’t help feeling despondent over the speech she was sure to follow. She knew how much Logan loved his mother and that he valued her opinion, so it was really only a matter of time before Ravenna convinced him Shelby was all wrong for him. Oh, he might hold out for a while but what man wants to marry a woman his mother disapproves of? She sat down and clasped her hands together, bracing herself as best she could against the humiliation of being told she wasn’t good enough for Logan.
“He never loved them,” Ravenna said, “not any of them. Each woman was merely a distraction until another one caught his eye, and his feelings for them never ran deeper than the flawless skin on their beautiful faces.”
Shelby drew in a sharp breath. Was Ravenna saying that Logan’s feelings for her were as shallow as what he’d felt for the countless other women before her? Her self esteem dropped another couple of notches. And yet in spite of the utter desolation ripping through her at that moment, the need to fight for the man who’d so completely stolen her heart sparked something rebellious inside her
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Vittorio, but I…I just have to say something. I know I couldn’t possibly compare to any of the women Logan has brought to meet you and I’m not even going to pretend to understand what he sees in me. All I know is that when he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful, fascinating woman in the world, he makes me believe I truly am.”
Tears misted her eyes and she made a valiant effort to blink them back. “I love him with all my heart, Mrs. Vittorio, and I just…I want to make him happy.”
“Oh you poor thing,” Ravenna exclaimed, “you really have no idea how much influence I have with my son, do you?”
Chapter 8
The color leeched from Shelby’s face. “I’m sure you have a tremendous amount of influence,” she said thinly.
Ravenna’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Quite the opposite, my dear girl. Logan is respectful enough to listen when I voice my opinion, but his mind is very much his own.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“That is because I have explained it so poorly. What I am trying to tell you is that Logan has never been interested in any woman enough to even mention her name to me let alone bring her home to meet me. It says a great deal that you are here. My son must care deeply for you, Shelby, and I am elated that he has finally found someone who loves him for the wonderful man he is and not for the power and wealth he possesses.”
Shelby’s eyes had widened in genuine astonishment. “How could they be impressed by those things when Logan is so kind and loving and just about everything a woman could ever dream of?”
Ravenna beamed at her. “I believe you have just given the best explanation possible as to why Logan finds you so different from any of those other woman. You love him simply for who he is inside, and despite your own misguided notion that you are not pretty or sophisticated enough, I think you will grace his arm as no woman ever could.”
“Thank you,” Shelby murmured because she didn’t know what else to say.
****
He will love only one woman in his lifetime. Shelby had found a great deal of comfort from those words and she’d been grateful to Ravenna for being so kind. As her gaze moved around the table from Logan’s parents to each of his siblings, she was overwhelmed by how warmly they’d all welcomed her back home. Even Simon, who knew she’d filed for a divorce, had given her a hug and told her how happy he was that she was back.
She should have been relieved at how easy they’d made it for her tonight, instead the shame she felt for what she’d put Logan and his family through only gnawed at her even more. She’d been so unfair to Logan, so distrusting of the man she’d promised to love and honor for the rest of her life. Tears stung her eyes as she shuffled food around on her plate, desperately trying to pull herself together.
Logan wasn’t oblivious to the shimmer of tears Shelby was trying to hide or the way she’d been studying each member of his family only moments before. Maybe he should have insisted that his mother hold the dinner party until tomorrow but at the time she suggested it, he’d been so happy that Shelby was coming home with him he’d wanted to share that with his family. He hadn’t considered how it would make her feel to face them all at once, especially now that she knew she’d been totally unjustified in her reasons for leaving him.
He’d known, of course, that none of them harbored any ill feelings toward her but Shelby didn’t know that. He should have told her that when she’d left him, he’d concocted a story for his family that placed the blame for her desertion totally on his own shoulders. At the time, Logan wasn’t quite sure why he’d done it but now he understood it was just his way of protecting her.
He couldn’t tolerate the idea anyone would think poorly of Shelby even when his own bitterness had been so venomous it threatened to consume him. He’d been hurt and angry when she’d run off with no explanation, but his love for her had overridden the harsher emotions and he’d told his family he’d lost his temper and said something cruel to her during an argument. Only Simon had seen through his story, or maybe the others had too and just hadn’t confronted him with it.
He glanced over at his mother whose own gaze shifted to Shelby for a moment before returning to him. As he’d hope, her usual perceptiveness alerted her to the emotional turmoil that Shelby was going through as well as Logan’s need to get his wife alone for a few minutes so he could comfort her. His mother nodded almost imperceptivity before coming to the rescue.
“It is such a beautiful night I think it would be nice to have dessert served outside. Logan, be a dear and take Shelby upstairs to freshen up then meet us out by the pool in a few minutes. I am sure she could use the respite after the drive home and it will give me time to prepare the little surprise I have for her.”
Shelby shot Ravenna a grateful smile and somehow managed to maintain her composure as everyone rose from the table and began migrating towards the French doors that led out to the pool area. Slipping her hand into Logan’s, she let him take her upstairs but once they reached the bedroom, the memories of all the passionate nights they’d spent together assaulted her already overwrought emotions and the puddle of tears spilled over in a salty stream.
“Mia bello, do not cry,” Logan whispered as he gathered her in his arms.
Shelby lifted her eyes to his, the ache in her heart so strong it wrenched a painful sob from her throat. “Oh Logan, how can you still look at me as if I mean the world to you when I’ve hurt you so badly?”
“Because you do mean the world to me, mia moglie.”
T
he tenderness in his voice only made her feel worse. “I don’t deserve you, Logan. I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your love or…”
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