by D. D. Chant
The door opened soundlessly to reveal Rem standing in the hallway. He was fully dressed and held a torch in one hand.
“Aya you must dress. There is somewhere I must take you.”
Astra stood motionless, and Rem fidgeted impatiently.
“You must hurry, Aya.”
Astra’s eyes cleared, losing the glassy expression they had worn. She opened the door a little wider for Rem to enter the bedroom. It occurred to her as she entered the adjoining en-suite that he hadn’t said where he was taking her, and she hadn’t been coherent enough to ask.
She shivered as she removed her nightgown. The bathroom was cold, the tiles seemed to drain the heat out through her feet leaving her even colder than before.
Where was he taking her?
She could think of no reason for this midnight jaunt. She fought her way through the voluminous folds of the dress she had hastily selected from the wardrobe. The fabric absorbed her warmth in passing, leaving her trembling.
She tugged the length of her hair free, hesitating as she looked into the mirror. To put it up would take time, but Rem had requested that she be speedy. She hastily ran a comb through its tangles and left it to flow free down her back.
Where was he taking her?
She wondered if she should ask him, or if her curiosity would anger him. Was it necessary to know beforehand? After all, she would see soon enough.
She was still undecided when she opened the connecting door, and stepped back into her bedroom. Rem rose from the dais where he had been waiting for her. The fire had died down long ago, and the room had become decidedly chilly.
“You are ready?”
Astra nodded, noticing again the suppressed excitement in his voice.
“Where are we going, Brother?”
For a moment the anticipation in his eyes dimmed, and he faltered.
“I have received a note from Kai. I am to take you to the Sen House, and you will be formally introduced to your Bonded husband.”
No!
The thought pierced her with its strength. She couldn’t meet with that man! She remembered back to the day of their trial, the intense inspection that had made her feel so cold inside.
Why?
What was it about him that scared her so much?
She felt powerless dread, a chaos of emotions only matched when confronted by Councillor Ladron. Yes there had been others who had tried to inspire fear within her, but in comparison to Ladron they had always seemed puny.
She recalled Kai’s face, and the distain and hauteur that had shown in his expression, the easy awareness of the power he commanded. His cool implacability was unnatural: even the fire of his hate ran cold. That made him dangerous, as dangerous as Councillor Ladron had been. All the while he possessed that cold detachment he would be a formidable opponent: manipulative, and cruel.
Rem led the way down the stairs, and opened the main door, pausing on the threshold to offer her his hand. Astra paused, looking at his hand uncertainly.
“It will be dark outside. If you let me lead you, then you won't get lost.”
Astra nodded, and obediently slipped her cold hand into his. Rem's grip closed warmly around her fingers, and she had the strangest sensation of being safe.
“Let's go.”
With a brief smile down at her, Rem stepped out into the darkness, closing the door behind them.
For a while they walked in silence along the empty streets. Houses loomed on either side of the broad road, but none of them showed a light. Everyone was asleep; tucked up in the warmth of their bed and dreaming.
The soft glow of the moon shone like a serene benediction upon them. Astra felt strangely at peace; safe, secure, and protected with Rem at her side and the gentle light of the stars twinkling at her from cloudless skies.
“What did you and Senior Shin speak of this afternoon?”
Rem halted, and looked down at her.
“What do you mean?”
“This afternoon, what did you and Senior Shin speak of that made you unhappy?”
Rem looked away, and began to walk again.
“Nothing. It was only that I was reminded of a troublesome circumstance that I have been trying to forget.”
Astra thought she heard a weary and hurt note in the timbre of his voice.
“Troublesome?” she asked softly.
Rem didn’t answer her, and after a moment she realised he had no intention of satisfying her curiosity. It had been an ill-advised question; he was already guarded with her, and her probing would not make him any easier.
For a moment there was silence between them, until she felt Rem relax again beside her.
“It occurs to me that you probably have many questions for me concerning my life with my Tula family.” She wished her words had sounded warmer, less formal. “We haven’t really talked about… things.” She finished awkwardly.
Rem turned to look down at her, and she thought her heart would break at the sight of his eagerness. It struck her suddenly that Rem was, in general, very adept at hiding his thoughts and feelings from others. It was only in times of great stress or happiness that his guard shifted and she could see what he was really thinking.
She frowned. Why would he have needed to cultivate such a shield? And who had taught him such rigid concealment? Before she had time to come to a conclusion, her musings were interrupted by Rem.
“I have wondered.”
Astra smiled.
“Then ask me whatever you wish; I will hide nothing from you.”
Something in Rem's face alerted her to the fact that she had moved him greatly, and he pulled her in to his arms.
“Thank you, Aya!” he choked.
Astra allowed herself to relax against his sudden onslaught, letting him gather her so tightly against him that she thought he might crack her ribs. She even returned his embrace gently after a while.
“For what do you thank me, Brother?” she asked bemused by his sudden show of affection.
“For not keeping secrets from me,” he returned, “for not hiding anything from me, but honouring me with your trust.”
Astra heard the grateful tremble to his voice and felt guilty. Suddenly she was very afraid. She had said she would tell him all, that she would keep no secrets from him, and for some reason that had touched him deeply.
She knew a sick fear that when he found out the truth he would hate her. Because she had not been honest with him: she was lying to him even now. And she would keep on lying to him because she could not tell him Ben's true identity. Even if she could trust him with such a secret, she could not trust Kai Uel Ne Sen, and she was more than certain that Rem would tell Kai the truth if he knew it.
Rem must have sensed her withdrawal, because he stepped back, releasing her awkwardly and murmuring something that could have been an apology. Astra smiled, trying to generate the easiness that had been before.
“Ask me something.”
Rem hesitated.
“You said that your Tula family adopted you?”
Astra nodded.
“Why?”
The question was bald, filled with confusion that anyone Tula would do anything for anyone Una.
Astra shrugged a shoulder.
“Because they loved me.”
Rem’s face held a bewildered disbelief.
“Rem, do you hate the Tula?”
He looked surprised by her question.
“I hate the way they try to impinge on my freedom.”
“Very well. Next door to me there lived a family called the Va Dic Bemots. Do you hate them?”
“I don't even know them, why would I hate them?”
“If their two children found themselves here, would you hate them?”
“No.”
“Why would my foster-family have felt any different about the Una child that found herself in their territories? There are Tula people who have shown me extraordinary kindness; not just my family but many others. And there are Una people
— my people, Rem — who have shown me extraordinary cruelty. You cannot judge a person by their race; it does not make them evil any more than it makes all those of your own race good. Good and evil know no such divide.”
Rem looked thoughtful for a moment.
“Were you happy with them?”
It was Astra’s turn to look uncertain.
“In some ways I was very happy with them.” She paused, and Rem noticed a faint shiver run through her. “In others, having them protect me as they did, terrified me.”
“Your turn.”
She jumped slightly, turning to him with a blank expression in her eyes.
“Your turn: ask me something,” urged Rem.
Astra paused trying to find an appropriate question.
“What happened to you after I was — gone?”
Rem smiled a little over her phrasing.
“Uncle Hyun Jae took me in.”
“Hyun Jae?”
“Hyun Jae Uel Ne Sen: Kai’s father.”
Astra nodded and then smiled faintly.
“Why?”
Rem chuckled.
“It was the Headmen’s decision. I suppose you could say that they forced Uncle Hyun Jae to take me.” His voice was light, but Astra thought she could detect a doubtful worry that he had been an unwanted burden.
“I thought that Kai was your guardian?”
“He is, but although Kai brought me up he is only Apprentice Headman, so it is Uncle Hyun Jae who has watched over us as the Head of the House of Sen.”
Astra had a fleeting memory of Kai’s face as he had ordered Rem to take her home, and shivered. What had poor Rem’s childhood been like?
“I’m glad that I was entrusted to him, Aya.”
Rem smiled as Astra started at his words and shook his head.
“I know what you were thinking, but Kai has been more than a brother to me; he has been a friend and a father as well.”
Astra thought once again of the man who had stood before her, but could not quite reconcile the words to the image of him that she remembered. She felt Rem’s hand on her arm and looked up.
“I know what you must be thinking, but you must keep in mind that you saw him at his worst. Even some of those who have known him his whole life only see the wall that he has surrounded himself with.”
“He was kind to you?”
“More than kind.” Rem looked faintly awkward for a moment. “He took care of me, protected me and he treated me as though I truly had been his brother.”
Astra nodded slowly, trying to make herself believe his words.
“He protected you too.”
Astra couldn’t hide her surprise.
“No one was permitted to slight you before him. Everyone knew that to do so would only end with Kai punishing them.”
“You mean…?”
“Kai has always fought for you.”
Astra thought over the words. It was not possible for Kai to have fought for her. He didn’t know her, and must have suffered much censure due to her interaction with the Tula.
He had fought out of loyalty, not to her as a person, but to her as his Bonded mate. She relaxed a little. Somehow she felt that she knew him a little better, and felt easier with the knowledge that her husband was no longer such an enigma. She now knew that he valued honour, and that above all things he would be loyal to her.
Rem’s voice broke in on her thoughts.
“You are thinking of the insult he gave you in sending you back to your family instead of welcoming you into his own home, are you not, Aya?”
Astra had not been thinking of any such thing, but Rem’s words brought it back to her now. At the time she had been unaware of the slight, but thinking it over she realised he’d tried to humiliate her before all those in the court chambers, before the whole of the Una people. It stung her pride, but she didn’t hold it against him. Anyone would have done the same thing in his place. The action did, however, jar against all the reassuring words Rem had spoken to her of Kai.
“He had planned to spare you that, Aya, but after you sided so publicly with your Tula foster-family it was no longer possible to let it pass. You offered him the ultimate insult. If he had not sent you home, his family’s standing would have been weakened. Believe me when I tell you that he would have saved you that shame if he could.”
“Why? Why save me? Why care at all?”
Rem hesitated, but his answer, when it came, was blunt and honest.
“Because shaming you means shame to me also.”
Astra nodded. She felt no anger over her treatment, only relief that her situation was becoming clearer.
She was beginning to feel that she knew where she stood, that she was no longer afloat in a strange world that she didn't understand. She felt anchored, as though she could discern some familiar landmarks that would help her to navigate and carry her safely through the shoals.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kai was sitting before the fire in his private chambers, a book was open on his knee but he wasn’t reading it. His fingers played absently with the pages as his eyes fixed on the flames, a stern and forbidding hardness in their depths.
He had sent for Rem, and he had told him to bring Aya to him.
Kai frowned, as much as he wanted to demonstrate to the other Head Families that his family was anything but weak, he knew that Elder Headman Amajit was right. They had been through too much, and fought too hard, to destroy everything now.
His continual rejection of Aya only made the future of the Head Families even more unstable than it already was. He must look beyond the pride of his House and see that there was more at stake.
He didn’t like it, but he knew he must accept her. He frowned, wishing he understood her better.
What was Aya trying to do?
What was her true purpose in coming here?
He remembered her standing before him in the justice chambers. The harsh early morning light had flooded her flower-soft face, highlighting pale skin and pink cheeks. She had looked so vulnerable, and every instinct that Elder Headman Amajit had instilled in him had told him to protect her.
However, whatever her appearance, she had been anything but helpless.
He remembered the calm coolness with which she had challenged the Headmen. She had been stubborn in her defence of her Tula keepers, and clung to them, declaring them the only family she recognised. In any other situation he might have found the conflicting image she presented intriguing, but when she was disgracing his family, and opening them up to censure, her actions could only breed anger in him.
She was not Una; he understood why she would not have that identity. She had been turned, tainted by her proximity to Councillor Ladron, and all that was Tula about her offended him. Yet he was being asked to take her into his home and his life. The very thing that he most despised, he must now accept.
The thought brought choking rebellion up into his throat, but he fought it. There was nothing to be done; best to resign himself to it just as Shin had said. He tried to regain the calm detachment that he had built up to contain his feelings, but somehow that coolness eluded him now.
He wasn’t sure why he felt such bitterness toward her, why she could elicit such a furious response from him. He had always been angry, but before his anger had been formless; a reality that he had to live with, like the need to eat and sleep. With Aya returned the feeling had crystallised, becoming more personal, and directed solely at her.
Maybe it was her defiance, her belief in her innocence and the rightness of her own actions. Or maybe it was the concern she had shown her Tula keepers. Perhaps it was just that she was so calm and unruffled. She had turned his life upside down, yet retained her own equilibrium.
Kai shook his head. He didn’t know, but after all the years he had spent erecting a wall of impenetrable coldness, he resented her power to cast his feelings into chaos.
How had it come to this?
How had this happened?
; How had all of this become his problem?
He rubbed his eyes tiredly; these were not worthy thoughts for a Headman. How many times had Elder Headman Amajit told him so? A Headman could have no sense of self, no personal feelings that would disrupt his duty. In return for the power and wealth that a Headman enjoyed, he had to give up all thought of himself and his own needs. He was no longer a man, but represented a people. Every decision and every action he made was on behalf of, and for the good of, the many who looked up to him as their Apprentice Headman.
Kai remembered as a boy that Elder Headman Amajit explained a Headman’s path to him. It was those lessons that had been the highlight of his youth. Kai smiled; they had probably been the highlight of many a boy’s youth: Shin, Yul, P’ter, Laren… all his peers.
The educational system split the Head Families’ sons into different classes with regard to age and position in the line of succession. Elder Headman Amajit had ignored the practise, and his classes had been notable for their variety. It was through these ‘lessons’ that Kai had befriended Shin, for as a second son and a firstborn, dictate had decreed that they be forever separated by their different stations.
Strangely enough, Kai could not actually remember doing any formal learning. What Elder Headman Amajit had taught them did not live in the pages of a schoolbook.
He had taken them for walks, on picnics, to fish or swim. As they had played he had talked to them: riddles, questions, debates… Elder Headman Amajit had engaged them in all. It had been fun, but now Kai could also see how much those afternoons had shaped him, not only as a person, but also as a Headman.
Through Elder Headman Amajit’s teaching they had all become aware of the underlying politics that governed their world. School had taught them the laws and political structure of their lands. Elder Headman Amajit had explained how those laws affected them and their people. How their decisions as Headmen would affect the people, and how their smallest mistakes could mean suffering and pain to many.
Kai was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the light tap on his door, and so after a moment Rem stepped into the room.