by Rie Warren
He jumped up to his feet, pacing with emotions too big to be contained. “Things went a little south then. Linc was always the star pupil; all I had were my skills.”
“And your father?”
His face shaded under his arms, he said, “He lost his love, along with any semblance of humanity. Adolescence sucked, man. There were the socials for meeting sponsored CO teens. Dates were monitored, graded for long-term compatibility. You had your equivalent traditions in Epsilon; you told me about it.”
Blondie’s eyes were far away. “Then there was the Proving Ceremony when we turned eighteen.”
Jesus fuck.
Hands up under his armpits, he rocked sideways. “This is what bein’ bred into Company means. A debut. I been through my initiation. My brother loved it all.”
“You were with a woman.” The scratchy discomfort turned up a notch.
“Not a woman, Caspar, a girl my age. So damn pretty—not my type at all.”
“You saying I’m not pretty?”
He chuckled and sat beside me. “Farrow was her name. She was as naive as me, so how the hell we were supposed to just get it on in a roomful of our peers and executives, I got no idea.”
He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Nothin’ to it; that’s what Linc told me. Bastard passed with flyin’ colors. No one could doubt his prowess with women. Wasn’t like that for me. Farrow was smart and sure, but put anyone in that position and she’d freeze—anyone with any feelin’, that is. They let us get into the bed naked before they filed into the room. A cold, sterile room about as sexy as an exam cubicle.”
The horrific scenario filled me with rage; my hands balled to punch something.
“We held hands under the blankets. It was a damn miracle there were blankets to begin with. But that wasn’t all. Electrodes were attached to us, measurin’ heart rate and blood pressure. Keepin’ tabs on arousal. Bet mine spiked”—he blinked up at me—“in fear. I couldn’t do it. No way in hell could I do it. She was shakin’ so hard, her teeth rattled. I made no move on Farrow except to hug her before I slipped out of the bed, the deed not even started, let alone consummated. I faced the frowns of disapproval, the victorious grins of people I’d considered friends. I walked bare-assed outta that room, thinkin’ I could just get gone and go to my mom. Shoulda known it wouldn’t be that easy.”
He dropped his head. Unclenching my fists, I reached for his hands. “What happened?”
“Father caught up before the doors even closed behind me. Linc was waitin’ in the hallway, too. It was like we weren’t even brothers; the way he glared at me said exactly what Father voiced. ‘You’re a disappointment, Nathaniel. I should have sent you off to the Nomads with your mother a long time ago.’ I wished he had. I’d thought, I’d hoped—Jesus, I’d really hoped—he would. Maybe I’d messed up his image enough he’d have to let me go, declare me dead, too.”
“He didn’t, did he?”
“Hell no. Mercy was for the weak. I learned that lesson the old-fashioned way.” Putting on a tough, cold voice, Blondie said, “‘If you can’t get a wife, you’ll get me the world. I want the respect of all the Territories. You will not be another black mark against my reputation, boy.’”
I was torn between finding a target to demolish like the tree branch beside us and reaching out to him. “How the hell did you get through that without being scarred?”
He turned his face up to me, and it felt like he was showing me his sliced-up heart. “You think I’m not scarred? Trust me. Father made sure I was, maybe not on the outside, like Momma, but on the inside. I got taught a lesson on the many reasons why I couldn’t screw up again.”
“Your brother, he just let this all go down?”
He threw back his head and sighed. “Let it go down? He helped him out. Made sure I walked the straight and narrow.” His blue eyes pierced my soul when they hooked mine. “Survivalist training was in order. I was sent from Alpha into the Wilderness with no supplies. One thing was certain: He wasn’t raising pussies. His punishment brought me to starving point, and then I learned the crafts of my people. Momma found me. I was taken in.”
I had to take his hand in mine, stopping him from raking his hair back again and again. “You couldn’t have gotten away with that long.”
“Six months was all. Until word came Linc was out in the Wilderness with a crew of Corps trainees, searchin’ for me. I had to be planted away from Chitamauga, away from my mother, away from my true family so I could be squired back to Alpha to take up my position as the esteemed son I was supposed to be. Least those six months were a good ride.” His smile was breathtaking. All innocence and hope over the cruel wisdom.
“Rice is a Freelander name, your Landowner family name.”
A fainter smile fastened to his lips. “That’s right.”
“How is it you were able to keep Eden’s maiden name?”
“That was my price, for staying in Alpha after they brought me back while I made like the good protégé.”
“You don’t hate her for deserting you and your brother?”
“In that situation, would you rather your momma took a punch or take the heat yourself?”
I’ve already done the same thing for Blondie twice. He knew my answer.
“I wasn’t gonna watch him suck the soul outta her. I learned how to take care of myself. I earned my place.” His fingers skipped across my mouth. “Sound familiar?”
I nodded, bringing him close to me. “Your brother go by Rice?” I didn’t know any top brass by that name.
“No. He chose our father’s surname.”
The creeping misgiving curled its fingers over my scalp and I bit out, “What’s Linc’s last name?”
Chapter Thirteen
The family name is Cutler.”
Holy shit. “Commander Cutler…Beta Commander Cutler is your twin!” I could barely breathe, let alone pronounce the words.
He assented, spreading his hands around my sides as if to hold me in place while the entire goddamn universe toppled to a new axis. Linc Cutler—his goddamn brother—was the man overseeing the recon unit out to get us.
“Your fricking family’s got a hard-on for us?”
“It looks like they do now.” His chin took on that stubborn tilt.
The double whammy followed so fast, I was glad Blondie’s hands kept me solidly on the ground because the bottom of my world fell out.
Nathaniel Cutler, Linc Cutler…and fucking CEO Lysander Cutler.
“Motherfucking hell!” Because it wasn’t bad enough the famous commander was his twin brother; the supremacist Alpha CEO just had to be his dear goddamn daddy, too. The man who already had a toe tag picked out just for me.
I almost puked up my left nut, reliving that very first oh-shit moment at CO HQ when I’d been made to stand stone-faced while his cunt of a father promised a demotion for Liz. When I’d been ordered by the head of Alpha Territory to escort his son safely to the Outpost.
Goddamn it! When I screwed up, I did it from the top and got ass-fucked from behind. It didn’t get much worse than this.
“I’m gonna kill your father.”
“Not if I do first.”
“Why have you stuck it out with the Company?”
“Linc’s a Cutler through and through, but I have to believe I can save him.” I recognized his closed-book look when he said the next. “And I got other reasons.”
“Jesus, thought I had it bad.”
“Oh, you did.” Sitting beside me, he shrugged. “We all do, in one way or another. It ain’t a competition though, ’specially since you don’t like that shit.”
It was hard to keep a straight I’m-so-fucked face when he made me laugh. “You remember everything I say?”
Blondie pulled me close, lightly kissing my lips. “Everything you say, honey, and everything you’ve done since I first saw you.”
His statement could’ve been dangerous to me. Instead it sounded devastatingly romantic. I had to have his li
ps, his tongue pressing against mine. I needed his body. My hands shaking—for once not from cold—I tugged at his pants, battling the snap and zipper. “I need you inside me.”
When my palm found his cock, he ground his forehead against mine, his voice cracking. “What?”
“You. I need you inside of me, Nathaniel. I want you to take me, have me.” I stroked up, catching my thumb on the lip of his hard, broad head and slipping slowly all the way back down. His beautiful tumescent cock filling my fist with virile flesh and pulsing veins.
“Oh hell. Caspar.” He yanked his pants down his thighs, kicking them off his feet. Moaning into my mouth, he ripped through my clothes until he got to my chest, twirling my nipples, then pulling them between his lips.
A rush of laughter came from me. I’d never seen him move so fast. As my chest rumbled, he peered up and soothed the skin he’d been nibbling.
His voice low and gentle, he asked, “You ever had a man inside you, honey?”
A memory slammed into me—skin the color of the milky coffee I’d had at the commune, brown eyes above me, deep words with a foreign lilt, Mi corazón, Caspar—and my head whipped aside.
“Caspar?” His hands stilled, my shaft half revealed to the night. “Did someone hurt you?”
I met his eyes with all the honesty I could muster. “Not like that. Not with intent.” Wriggling free of my fatigues, I linked my fingers with Nathaniel’s and brought them to my mouth. “I haven’t let anyone in for a long time.”
Kissing his fingertips, taking one inside for a long, slow suck, I shoved the memory away, concentrating on the man I had right here. “I want you.”
“I won’t hurt you ever,” he whispered.
My lips shifted with a smile, one that fled when his mouth trailed from my earlobe down the middle of my torso, wetting the thick line of hair until he buried his lips at the base of my shaft. Sucking me deep, he loved my cock with his tongue until I rode his lips.
I writhed to go further, shouting when his throat opened and all I knew was the tight cavern of his mouth and tongue. “Oh Christ!”
He went all the way down on me so many times. I fisted his hair and forced my fingers to relax before I hurt him or bludgeoned him to death with my dick.
Finally pulling up, his lips were swollen and my cock was a deep red. “Mmm,” he murmured, licking at me, spreading our moisture up and down my shaft.
The click of the lube bottle preceded the glide of a solitary finger slipping over my sacs, running tight circles over my pucker. I jerked when his finger worked inside me, my hips bearing down, my breath coming fast.
“Can I add another, honey?”
I nodded quickly, spreading my thighs. On my elbows, I watched this sexy man between my legs, his mouth drifting up and down my cock and his fingers threading into me. His head moved the same way it did when he kissed me. In and out, up and down, side to side. Counterpoint moves that kept me on edge and so erect tremors racked my entire body.
He slurped my cock with obscene noises and chuckled every time I snuck up for his lips and down for his fingers; his torrential tease made me smack my palms to the ground, groans leaking past my lips.
He licked straight between my cheeks stretched by his hands. “Gonna fuck this sexy ass.”
He pulled out a condom, but I grabbed his wrist. “Come in me, please. Fill me, Nathaniel. I need to feel you.”
“I’ve never been with anyone like this before.”
I swallowed hard. “Me neither. I’ve never wanted to.” I’d never made love before with no protection, no pretense.
That set him off. On his knees in front of me, his features were stern in sensuality, locks of hair falling forward as he surveyed my body and returned to my face. “I’ve wanted this. I never thought you’d let—”
“Enough talking, babe. Fuck me.”
He was so erotic above me, holding my thighs back, watching the thick ridge of his cock enter me. I groaned when the head disappeared inside me. Jesus, he’s a big boy.
His fingers found my face. “Okay?” he panted.
“Fuck yeah.” I lifted my hips and he slid farther in.
His cheeks flushed, eyes feverish, he hardly spared a look from my ass parting for his cock, but when he did, a sheepish grin flashed over his lips at getting caught staring. His moan was long and low as he sank all the way in.
The feel of him rocking into me made me grunt. His big cap and wide shaft hit me just right. I was stripped down to the essence of being fucked by my lover, his hands at my hips and mine rooted in his hair.
Every kiss, every caress, every endearment and gasped curse was precious.
He hit his stride, chest heaving as he stretched over me. From that angle, he smacked my gland, sending a full-body thrill through me along with a ragged groan.
“Hell yeah. You like that, big man?” Blondie lunged again, and the feel of him was making me insane. His shiny, slippery cock poised at my entrance, he demanded, “Tell me you like it. Tell me you want me to fuck you.”
“Ahhh, fuck!” Squirming to get closer, I considered throwing him onto his back and sinking right down on his dick to get him back inside me. “Fuck me. Fuck me like that, babe.”
Sweat glistened on his chest, each thrust driving me wild with lust. My balls ratcheted high, cock stretched up from my belly, beating against his abs. When he kept spearing into me, my back snatched off the ground and my head swerved from side to side.
“You gonna come, honey?”
“Yeah!”
He licked his palm with that delicious pink tongue and curled it around my cock, grinning when my erection leaped and I bucked beneath him. “That’s right. Come for me, Caspar. Come on my body.” He concentrated on the head, strumming it fast, his eyes low-lidded and his piston hips pushing, fucking.
I doused his chest, shoulders, throat as I cried out, laughing because I had no fucking idea how he could still be talking. I was barely breathing, more like moaning.
His mouth ran away with him. “Aw yeah. Feels so good, goddamn tight, honey. Fuck FUCK!” My orgasm, my joy squeezed him inside and he practically screamed, coming inside me. “I love you! I LOVE YOU!”
I stopped laughing then.
Dropping onto me, his hands ranged over my face and his lips found mine. He said it again. This time quietly, tenderly. “I love you, Caspar.”
Not exactly the way I thought it would go down but…damn. My stomach clenched, and my heart crowded my chest. Our mouths met in a soft kiss.
“Shh, honey.” He swiped under my eyes, staying against me, a jumble of arms and legs. The pounding of our hearts slowed to a gentler pace.
Those words, in his voice, replaced the fear, the huge hole of hate and hurt that always left me hungry and haunted.
Curling around him, I tucked my lips to his neck, blowing away strands of hair until I met his skin. I kissed the little divot there for a long time, listening to his deep breaths, the ones pulling my arms tight across his chest.
I couldn’t say it back yet even though I felt the words swelling inside me. All I could do was hold on to his love, hold on to him.
* * *
A blast of wind sheared across my face the same time as Blondie said, “We’re not gonna make it.”
We’d pushed ourselves to the limit, tromping over bleak mountains, splashing through icy streams, staying one step ahead. The love we’d shared two nights ago was the only thing keeping us warm anymore. Lack of food added to hardly sleeping had taken its toll.
“They’re gainin’ on us.”
The cold teeth of a gale-force wind spat fat plops of rain over us. And fuck you very much, Mother Nature.
Breaking from the headlong run, I clasped my knees, squinting at him. “What did you say?”
We couldn’t outrun anymore. We might outlast, but it was imperative to get to the Outpost, still another two days’ travel away, before them, before rumors—or real truths—wrecked our reputations.
“We need a plan.”
“Well, you’re handy with strategies.”
“You’re the commander,” he volleyed.
As I clasped the back of my head, the steady beat of rain pissed on the very last shred of Holy fuck. Nathaniel “Blondie” Rice loves me.
And it wasn’t the normal kind of rain we had in Alpha. It was a pelt of ice forming rivulets down my face and into the neck of my jacket. “Odds ain’t bad.”
His smile cantered, dimples showing. “Ain’t?”
“You’re growing on me.”
“Odds ain’t in our favor, either.”
I stamped my feet. “It’s all in the prep work.”
Our hearing split between the incoming storm and the oncoming recon troops, we kept ahead until nightfall, gaining a couple hours.
No plastics, no explosives. Our guns were loaded and we had ample knives. I didn’t know if Blondie had any experience slicing and dicing, but I didn’t have time to show him the ropes. Maybe during all the character building atrocities his fucker of a father had put him through, he’d learned the right grip, stance, and thrust.
I took his direction when he found a deep pool of mud. It was chilly enough my nuts thought about taking a walk off my body and sending me a message on my D-P from warmer climes.
While we slathered up, going dark as night in deep-cover camouflage, he gave me a little lesson in the Freelanders. “They’re classic Fifth Column in the Revolution.”
“Fifth Column?”
His neat white teeth shone amid the black mud. “It’s Old History.”
“New history to me.”
Sleet painted our black-out clothes to our bodies like a shitty second skin.
Checking his weapons, he said, “Fifth Columnists are saboteurs. Sympathizers.”
“With the rebels, the Revolution?”
“Yeah. There’s an underground movement goin’ on, Caspar. You saw the Freelanders fighting with the rebels in Alpha. The same thing’s happening throughout the InterNations; the two sides have joined up against the Company.”
“You have anything to do with that?”
He settled against a tree trunk and looked me over top to toe. He didn’t say a word.