“The biggest joke,” wrote Funt, “was how much the whole thing looked like a bad movie. Nobody looked the part. The hijackers were ridiculous in their business suits.”
The incident concluded with no injuries, and the terrorists were reportedly never prosecuted. Hijacking airplanes wasn’t officially declared a crime in Cuba until the 1970s.
10 METROPOLITAN AREAS LARGER THAN
THE ENTIRE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND
1. New York City
2. Tokyo
3. Chicago
4. Atlanta
5. Philadelphia
6. Boston
7. Los Angeles
8. Dallas
9. Houston
10. Detroit
One purpose of the egg white: to keep bacteria away from the developing chick.
POLITICAL ANIMALS
Ordinarily, the term “political animal” refers to a person who has politics in their blood. But every once in a while, the political animal really is an animal—a critter that’s running for office.
Candidate: Duke, a seven-year-old Great Pyrenees dog living in Cormorant, Minnesota
Running For: Mayor of Cormorant
Campaign Notes: Cormorant is a small township, and the mayor’s job is purely ceremonial. That probably had a lot to do with David Rick, a resident of the township, entering his dog Duke in the mayor’s race in 2014. How small is Cormorant? So small that only about a dozen people voted in the election…and at least seven of them voted for Duke—enough votes for him to beat his human opponent, Richard Sherbrook, and become mayor. Sherbrook says that even he voted for the hound after deciding it would be “pretty cool” to have a dog as mayor. “There’s no question that he’ll do a good job representing the community,” Sherbrook told ABC News. “He’s a sportsman and he likes to hunt. He’ll really protect the town.” (Cormorant holds mayoral elections every year, and Duke won reelection in 2015, 2016, and 2017.)
Candidate: Giggles, a nine-month-old pig owned by Michael Ewing, a Flint, Michigan, defense attorney
Running for: Mayor of Flint
Campaign Notes: Ewing decided to enter Giggles in the 2015 mayoral campaign after election officials publicized the wrong date as the filing deadline for the mayoral primary. The actual filing deadline was earlier than the publicized date, causing every single candidate to miss it. Result of the snafu: no candidates’ names would appear on the ballot, turning them all into write-in candidates. Ewing thought this made the campaign less transparent, which was a big problem considering that one candidate had served nearly 19 years in prison for murder, and another had been convicted of driving drunk the wrong way down the highway on four flat tires. “Giggles was sitting next to me while I was reading reports about the candidates and I said to her, ‘You would make a better candidate than these people.’ So I did what any normal person would do—I ran her for mayor,” Ewing told the Huffington Post in May 2015.
“Giggles was sitting next to me while I was reading reports about the candidates and I said to her, ‘You would make a better candidate than these people.’ ”
A month later, when state officials passed a special law that allowed the (human) candidates’ names to appear on the ballot, Ewing announced that Giggles was pulling out of the race. Which of her opponents did she endorse? None of them. “She’s not voting for anyone because she’s a pig, and that’s really the only good excuse for not voting in an election that is this important,” Ewing said.
But who would want to? Urine can be used as a yeast substitute.
Candidate: Saucisse (“Sausage”), a Dachshund living in Marseilles, France
Running For: Mayor of Marseilles and president of France
Campaign Notes: Saucisse was the office dog of L’Écailler du Sud, a publishing house that specializes in detective novels. When Serge Scotto, one of the publisher’s authors, started featuring the wiener dog in his detective novels, Saucisse found his first measure of fame. Then in 2001, Scotto entered him in the mayor’s race.
Saucisse came in sixth, beating the Rally For France candidate by nearly a percentage point. Not a victory, but not bad! So the following year, Scotto registered Saucisse as a candidate in the presidential election. The dog lost again and retired from politics after that, but continued to make regular appearances on TV and in Scotto’s detective stories. He even had a wine named after him—Cuvée Chien Saucisse—and lived to the ripe old age of 16 before passing away in 2014.
Candidate: Crawfish B. Crawfish, a boiled Louisiana crawfish (similar in appearance to a lobster, but smaller)
Running For: President of the United States
Campaign Notes: When Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal announced in June 2015 that he was running for president, someone who was definitely not one of Jindal’s admirers created a Facebook group called “Can This Crawfish Get More Supporters Than Bobby Jindal?” and uploaded a photo of a boiled crawfish to the page. So many people clicked “like” on the photo that the creator decided to enter C.B. in the presidential race, where he continued to take shots at Jindal. (Jindal’s campaign slogan: “Tanned. Rested. Ready.” C. B. Crawfish’s: “Red. Boiled. Ready.”)
Jindal’s popularity in-state and out was at a low point when he launched his presidential campaign; being dogged by a dead, well-cooked, smart-alecky “Claw and Order candidate” didn’t help. Jindal never rose above 1 percent in the polls and in one Fox News survey trailed dead last behind “None of the above.” His campaign never caught on and in November 2015 he threw in the towel. One of the few bright spots in the race: he accumulated more than 250,000 followers on Facebook…and C. B. Crawfish topped out at 25,000.
A BAD JOKE FROM THE 1970s
Q: How do you punish a Pet Rock?
A: You hit rock bottom.
Only U.S. state to host both the Summer Olympics and the Winter Olympics: California.
FARTS IN THE NEWS
This just in: Phbblbbttt!
FART HEALTHY
According to a recent study, farts can “reduce the risk of cancer, heart attack, strokes, arthritis, and dementia.” British researchers at the University of Exeter made the discovery after “feeding” cells tiny amounts of hydrogen sulfide, the smelly part of farts. “Our results indicate that if stressed cells are treated with [hydrogen sulfide], mitochondria are protected and cells stay alive.” (So the next time you let one rip in public, remind everyone to thank you for extending their life.)
FART FIGHT
In February 2018, not long after takeoff, passengers on a Dubai-to-Amsterdam flight heard the sound of uncontrolled flatulence, as a foul-smelling aroma permeated the cabin. Two men who were sitting next to the perpetrator asked him to stop, but he refused and kept on farting. He wouldn’t even apologize. Several passengers complained to the flight crew, but they couldn’t get the man to stop farting, either. By this point, the two men were threatening violence, so the pilot came out and told everyone to calm down. A few minutes later the man farted again. That was it: fists flew, people scattered, and the pilot made an emergency landing in Austria, where police with dogs boarded the plane. In the end, four people were thrown off the flight—the two men who started the brawl, and two women sitting nearby (who had nothing to do with the fight and later sued the airline). As for the unapologetic farter, he was allowed to remain on the plane.
THE RIGHT TO FART
In 2017 a German man, identified in press reports as Christoph S., was being given a routine identity check on a Berlin street when he let out two loud farts in front of two female police officers. Perceiving the flatulence as an insult, the Berlin police department fined Christoph 900 euros ($1,100). Perceiving the fine as a violation of his rights, Christoph hired a lawyer and appealed. “It is one thing if the leader of a police unit sees his colleague’s honor as being injured by a fart,” argued the lawyer, “but it is quite another if prosecutors and the judiciary agree. That is a failure of the state.” Verdict: You have a right to pass gas in public. Christoph’s fart
was ruled perfectly legal and the fine was thrown out.
Each year, over a thousand tons’ worth of diamonds rain down on Saturn.
VIRTUAL FARTS
To promote the 2016 release of its fart-themed video game South Park: The Fractured But Whole (read it out loud), the game’s developer, Ubisoft, debuted an interesting accessory they called the Nosulus Rift. It’s a mask you wear while playing the game that “transfers the smell of the fart directly into your nose.” If you want to buy a Nosulus Rift for yourself…well, that’s weird. Anyway, you can’t. Ubisoft only demoed the fully functional fart mask at trade shows—it’s not for sale. Fortunately, it shouldn’t be too difficult for gamers to fill their dens with fart smells on their own.
FARTASAURUS
In the summer of 2017, Canada’s Manitoba Museum allowed visitors an opportunity to smell the past. As part of the World’s Giant Dinosaurs exhibit, one of the lifelike “robosaurs” (a Dilophosaurus) was designed to fart loudly and odiferously, by way of a cartridge that emits a malodorous scent. (Another roboosaur, the Protoceratops, urinated into a pond.) “We want to give the impression of every aspect of dinosaur life,” said exhibit designer “Dino” Don Lessem (who was an advisor on 1993’s Jurassic Park). “There’s a scientific point to all of this stuff, but really above all, have fun.”
FART STORM
Until recently, Neptune’s atmosphere was home to a massive cyclone composed primarily of hydrogen sulfide, the same stinky gas people emit when they fart. Astronomers using the Hubble Telescope discovered the storm in 2015 and studied it for three years as it slowly fizzled out of existence. At the fart storm’s greatest intensity, it had a diameter of more than 2,000 miles. To put it another way, it was a fart the size of China.
“FARTS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN”
“All 120 million fart fans across the country: Back by popular demand, ‘Everyone Listen to the Farts of Beautiful Women Party Vol. 2’ will be held! Buff! Puu! Buree! Buha! Psuuuu!” Those are the opening lines of a press release for an event that was held in Tokyo in 2018. Apparently, the first annual “Farts of Beautiful Women” was such a success that they held a second one. It’s pretty much what the name implies: scantily clad ladies walk across a stage…and fart. But do they really pass gas, or are the farts simulated? According to this disclaimer, “Please understand that, depending on the physical condition of the performers, farts may not come out.”
“In the Age of Information, ignorance is a choice.” —Donald Miller
No computers were used to animate the 1988 film Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The nearly two million drawings were made by hand.
DANGER EVERYWHERE!
So many seemingly benign things are working toward your demise that it’s a miracle you’re sitting there reading this. Here are just a few silent killers.
MICROBES
How They Seem Harmless: Microbes, tiny organisms that include viruses, bacteria, and fungi, are everywhere. They’re in the water, the air, the Earth’s crust, and in every living thing, including your body. They are so numerous that if you gathered them all up, they’d form a layer around the planet five feet deep. Most microbes are harmless, and many are helpful. Humans need certain bacteria, for example, to maintain healthy immune systems and to help them digest food. But some microbes are dangerous.
How They Can Kill You: Even though less than 1 percent of bacteria strains can cause illnesses, that 1 percent includes pestilent diseases such as tuberculosis and the bubonic plague. And bacteria are continually evolving. The problem (for humans) is microbes’ ability to adapt. According to one expert, “Every once in a while, they evolve into something our bodies can’t handle very well. Think SARS…or Zika.” Or Ebola—the virus that killed more than 11,300 people during a recent outbreak in Africa. And microbes are practically eternal. They’ve been on Earth longer than any other organisms, and they can adapt to any conditions. So, if you’re betting on who’ll win the battle between microbes and humanity, put your money on the microbes—just like microbes are on your money.
SALTY FOOD
How It Seems Harmless: Salt is an essential part of the human diet, when consumed in the proper quantities. Adults require about 1,500 milligrams of sodium, or ¾ teaspoon, of salt per day. Your cells need it to regulate your body fluids and prevent you from getting dehydrated.
How It Can Kill You: The problem is when people eat too much of it. For a 200-pound person, eating as little as four tablespoons of salt all at once can send them to the morgue. When there’s too much sodium in the bloodstream (a condition called hypernatremia), water moves out of the cells and into the blood to balance out the sodium. But that leaves cells dehydrated. In extreme cases of overconsumption, the cells shrink, bleed, and die, causing seizures, coma, or death. In 2013 a Virginia college student, John Paul Boldrick, spent three days in a coma after he drank a quart of soy sauce (which contains about ¾ cup of salt) on a dare. He survived, but only barely. In a baby, just two teaspoons of salt can be fatal. In 1962 a hospital in Binghamton, New York, fed 14 newborns formula that had accidentally been prepared using salt instead of sugar, and six of the babies died.
Hematidrosis is a medical condition in which the patient sweats blood.
Even when consumed in nonlethal doses, eating too much salt can shorten your life by damaging your kidneys and causing heart attacks and strokes. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 90 percent of Americans ingest too much sodium, and if they reduced their intake, tens of thousands of lives would be saved each year.
CARBON DIOXIDE
How It Seems Harmless: When animals exhale or organic matter decomposes, carbon dioxide (CO2) molecules are released. Without it, all plants and animals would die.
How It Can Kill You: Carbon dioxide levels that are too high have the potential to destroy much of life on Earth, and unfortunately, those levels are soaring. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the concentration of CO2 in the air before the year 1800 was 280 parts per million (ppm), but today it exceeds 408 ppm. That’s because CO2 is emitted when coal and other fossil fuels are burned to run cars, factories, and power plants.
The problem is that CO2 in the atmosphere acts like a blanket, trapping heat that would otherwise escape into space. Having too much of it makes the planet warmer. According to NOAA, the average global temperature has risen at least 2°F since 1880, when researchers first began tracking it. “Something as simple as elevated carbon dioxide levels in our atmosphere,” says Professor Doug Haywick, “could easily wipe out a large proportion of life on the planet because of the associated increase in temperature. It likely happened before and is one theory about what killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago.” What we don’t know is which threat will destroy us first: the violent storms associated with global warming, starvation from widespread droughts, or floods from melting ice. Whatever the case, expect the death toll to rise until CO2 levels are reduced…but don’t hold your breath. (Actually, that might help.)
HOT SPRINGS
How They Seem Harmless: Hot springs form when water that’s heated deep in the earth rushes to the surface fast enough to retain its heat. People soak in the mineral-infused water to improve blood circulation, skin conditions, joint pain, and more.
How They Kill You: Next time you visit a hot spring, try not to think about the presence of hydrogen sulfide, which can be lethal if you inhale enough of it. The stinky gas with the rotten egg smell is produced by bacteria that feed off sulfide minerals in the springs, or when decaying matter mixes with standing water in sewers or swamps. Hot springs deaths are rare, but near the springs of Rotorua (nicknamed “Sulphur City”) in New Zealand, at least 13 people have died from hydrogen sulfide poisoning since 1946. If you do take a dip in a hot spring, pay attention to what your nose tells you: the stronger the odor of rotten eggs, the more hydrogen sulfide there is. If it becomes overpowering, get out!
More people live in India than in Africa, South Korea, and the UK combined.<
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Other risks associated with hot springs are the high temperature and the pH level of the water. If the pH level is too high (alkaline) or too low (acidic), the water can be deadly. In 2016 a 23-year-old Oregon man visiting Yellowstone National Park ignored warning signs against “hot potting,” or soaking in certain dangerous springs. When he reached down to check the temperature of one particular hot spring, he fell in and died. He was probably killed by the temperature of the water, which can be as much as 200°F on the surface and even hotter a few feet farther down. But the acidity of the water was also so high that by the time a rescue crew was able to attempt to recover the body the following morning, there was no body left to recover: all that remained of the man were his wallet and his flip-flops. Everything else had dissolved into the hot spring.
POT BELLIES
How They Seem Harmless: Most people think of fatty tissues as dormant and a mere annoyance, if they think about body fat at all. And it does serve a purpose: visceral fat wraps itself around internal organs, which protects them from injury.
How They Kill You: Belly fat can make you go belly up if there’s too much of it. Visceral fat tissues, found deep in your belly, are not stagnant—they’re active. They produce chemical responses in the body; they trigger the release of hormones (like organs do) and inflammatory chemicals (like a tumor does). That’s because visceral fat bombards organs with chemicals called cytokines, which lead to inflammation that can accelerate aging, cause terminal diseases such as cancer, and increase the risk of death.
As part of a vicious cycle, visceral fat works hard to keep us fat. For one thing, it infiltrates muscles, where it forms a cushion between muscle fibers and slows down the actions of muscle cells. (No wonder you feel sluggish.) Belly fat also interferes with hormones that regulate appetite and weight. Incredibly, the more visceral fat you have, the more it signals your brain to eat, and the slower your metabolism becomes. That, in turn, will raise your risk of heart attack, liver disease, dementia, depression, and diabetes. And if you think you’re safe because you’re thin, think again. According to a Mayo Clinic study, people who are a normal weight but have too much visceral fat are twice as likely to die prematurely than overweight people who don’t have much belly fat. If you measure your waist (without sucking in your gut), on average it should be less than 35 inches if you’re female, or less than 40 inches if you’re male. More than that, and you’re at higher risk for health problems.
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