“I finally understood what you were feeling. My life had become one lie after another. I couldn’t tell where reality ended and the lies began anymore. Even at my worst, when I was a complete bastard, I was honest about it. I had been hiding for so long and I didn’t want to hide anymore. I told Graham you left me.”
A tear ran down her face.
“Then I told him everything. Every single, fucking lie.”
She gasped. “No! Richard—why did you do that? You had it all. Everything you wanted! Everything you worked so hard for! Why did you throw it away?”
I grasped her arms, shaking her a little. “Don’t you get it, Katharine? Don’t you see?”
“See what?” she cried.
“I didn’t have everything! Not without you! I had nothing, and without you, it all meant nothing! The one real thing I had, the one honest, real thing was you!”
Her eyes grew round and she shook her head. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. I came here for you.”
“Why? You don’t need me.”
I ran my hands up her arms, over her shoulders and neck, cupping her face—her tired, beautiful face—between my palms. “I do need you.” I met her weary gaze with my determined one, speaking the words I had only ever spoken once in my lifetime. Back then, I spoke them with a childish mindset, and the words really had no meaning. Now though—they meant everything.
“I love you, Katharine.”
Her hands wrapped around my wrists, the doubt plain on her panicked face. “No,” she breathed.
I leaned my forehead to hers. “I do. I need you so much. I miss my friend, my wife. I miss you.”
A wild sob broke from her throat. I gathered her in my arms, refusing to allow her to escape. She pushed at my chest, fighting against the comfort I needed to give her.
“You can’t run. I’ll follow you, sweetheart. I’ll follow you anywhere.” I pressed a kiss to her head. “Don’t leave me alone again, my Katy. I couldn’t bear it.”
She broke. Flinging her arms around my neck, she buried her face in my chest as hot tears soaked my shirt. I lifted her into my arms, and carried her across the hard sand toward the bright blue cottage at the end. It was the one with the white shutters she wrote about in her journal.
I held her tight, dropping light kisses on her head. I wasn’t letting her go.
The rustic cottage was exactly how I pictured it in my head from the description in her journal. A well-worn sofa and chair were in front of a fireplace. To the left was a rudimentary kitchen with a table and two chairs. An open door led to a small bedroom, and beside it, a bathroom. That was the entire cottage. I sat Katy on the sofa and turned to the fireplace. Soot and smoke from years of use had settled into the stone and brick, turning the entire mantle a dull gray. I added some logs and kindling, wanting a fire to warm up the cool interior.
“The flue sticks.” Katy kneeled beside me, reaching past me to tug on the duct.
I struck a match, making sure the kindling caught, then stood, replacing the small screen. Bending down, I brought her to her feet, tugging her damp jacket off her shoulders, tossing it to the side. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her tight, the sense of relief saturating my body. She shivered, a long, low breath escaping her mouth. I cradled her head in my hands, dropping a kiss to her crown. She tilted her head back, the firelight dancing over her features, highlighting the delicate contours of her face.
“I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t try to find you, Katy?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I only knew I had to go.”
I pulled her to the sofa, gathering her hands into mine. “Why, sweetheart? Why did you run?”
“Because I fell in love with you, and I didn’t think you could love me back. I couldn’t hide it any longer, and I knew when you realized how I felt you’d—”
My heart clenched at her words. She loved me. I squeezed her hands, prompting her. “I’d what?”
“You’d turn back into the Richard I hated and laugh at me. You didn’t need me anymore and you would tell me to go. I thought it would be easier if I went.”
“Were you planning on coming back at all?”
“Only to find out what you wanted to do and get my things. I assumed you wouldn’t want me around anymore.”
“You thought wrong. About all of it. I need you. I want you back. I . . .” I faltered. “I love you.”
She looked down at our joined hands, then back up. Bewilderment was evident in her expression; blatant disbelief was in her eyes. I couldn’t blame her, but I wanted to eradicate both.
“You don’t believe me.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” she admitted.
I slid closer, knowing I needed to find a way to convince her I was sincere. My gaze swept the small cottage as I mulled over my words, landing on the small urn sitting on the fireplace mantle.
“Did you bring Penny’s ashes with you to scatter them?” I asked.
“Yes. We had many happy memories here. She worked hard to make sure I could come here every year. She and Burt used to come here, too. She scattered his ashes on the beach.” She swallowed, voice quivering. “I thought maybe, somehow, they’d meet up and be together again in the sand and water.” Her gaze lifted to mine. “I guess that seems silly.”
I lifted her hand to my mouth, kissing the knuckles. “Silly? No. It sounds like a sweet gesture. Something a gentle soul like you would think of.”
“A gentle soul?”
“You are one, Katy. I realized it a few weeks ago, when I stopped being such a bastard. I watched you, the way you were with Penny. The interactions you had with the Gavin family. The kindness you showed to the staff at the home.” I traced the back of my fingers down her cheek, the skin like silk under my touch. “The way you treated me. You give. You constantly give. I had never experienced that until you came into my life. I didn’t think there was anyone like you on this earth.”
I bent closer, needing her to see the sincerity in my eyes. “I didn’t think anyone like you could ever be a part of my life.”
“Because you didn’t deserve it?”
“Because I didn’t believe in love.”
Her reply was a whisper. “And now?”
“I know now I can love someone. I do love someone. I love you.” I held up my hand when she started to speak. “I know you might not believe me, Katy. It’s true, though. You taught me to love. You showed me everything you said was true. What I feel for you makes me stronger. It makes me want to be a good man for you. Be honest and real. That’s why I came clean with Graham. I knew the only way I had a chance to get you back, and keep you, was to be honest. Make you proud.”
“When?”
“Pardon?”
“When did you start to change? When did you stop disliking me?”
I shrugged. “I think maybe the day you told me to go fuck myself. That was the first time I saw the real Katharine. You’d been hiding that fire.”
“I had to. I needed my job. Penny was far more important than you or your nasty attitude.”
“I know. My behavior was horrendous. How you managed to get past any of it and agree to be with me—even for Penny—is still a mystery. That night you told me your story and let me know exactly what you thought of me was an eye-opener. I don’t think I’ve ever sobered up as fast in my life. And once again, you forgave me—you married me.”
“I had given you my word.”
“Which you could have backed out of easily. I expected you to, but once more, you surprised me. You surprised me at every turn.” Smiling, I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Not much surprises me, yet you do—constantly. I like it.”
She smiled back, her expression not as wary as it had been.
“The most amazing thing to me was, and is, the way you were with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“All I asked, all I expected, was for you to put on
an act when we were out together. I fully expected you to ignore me when we were in the privacy of the condo. I know I planned to ignore you. But . . .”
“But, what?”
“I couldn’t ignore you. You were everywhere. Without even trying, you were in my head—it was as natural as breathing. The condo became a home with you there. You teased and laughed with me. You took care of me—no one has done that my entire life. Your opinion became paramount. Everything I did, I wanted to share with you. Instead of ignoring you, I wanted more time with you. I wanted to know everything about you.”
She gazed at me, her eyes wide.
“And Penny. I loved spending time with her. Hearing the stories she shared about you. I got to know more of you each time I saw her, and the more I knew, the more I fell, until the moment I realized how deeply I was in love with you.”
I gathered her hands in mine, holding them tight. “None of my cruelness changed you. Instead, your sweetness changed me, Katy. You and Penny brought out that little boy who could still love.”
“What if he forgets again?”
I shook my head. “He won’t. He can’t—not as long as I have you.” I lifted her hand. “You left your wedding rings behind, yet you’re wearing this ring.” I tapped the diamond band on her finger. “You moved it to your left hand. Why?”
“Because you gave it to me. It was the first thing you’d given me that you didn’t have to.” Her voice caught. “I–I put it there because it was closer to my heart.”
I shut my eyes, hoping I understood the meaning behind her words. Pressing her hand to my face, I opened my eyes to look into hers. Tears swam in the depths of her expressive blue gaze. “I gave you my heart, too, Katy. Will you keep it, as well?”
She drew in a breath that stuttered and shook her small frame.
“You gave me your body. I want your heart. I want your love. I need it. I need you.”
“Say it, Richard.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“I love you, Katharine VanRyan. I want you to come home with me. Make my life complete. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you to believe me. To make you believe in me.”
“I already do.”
I cupped her face, my thumbs tracing frantic circles on her skin as my heartbeat sped up. “And?”
“I love you, Richard. I love you so much, it scares me.”
“Why are you scared?”
“You could break me.”
I shook my head. “It’s you who’s broken me, Katy. I’m yours.”
“I’m yours, too.”
That was all I needed. Pulling her to me, I covered her mouth with mine, groaning at the sensation of having her close. Our lips moved, tongues stroked and caressed as we reacquainted ourselves with each other. Her arms wound around my neck, holding me tight as I folded mine around her like a steel cage.
One I didn’t plan to release her from—ever.
RICHARD
I LIFTED MY HEAD, SQUINTING in the silent darkness. We had been sitting, holding each other, needing the closeness. I didn’t know for how long, but enough for night to have descended. “I need to add some more logs,” I murmured. “The fire is going to die.”
“I like it right here. I’m warm enough.”
I chuckled and pressed a kiss to her head. “We have to move eventually.”
“I should make us something to eat.”
“I need to find a place to stay.”
She froze. “You aren’t staying here?”
Tenderly, I cupped her face, brushing a kiss to her lips. “I want to. But I don’t want to push.”
“It’s a queen-size bed.”
I quirked my eyebrow at her. “Small for us. I suppose I’ll have to snuggle with you. I guess if it’s the sacrifice I have to make—”
Her lips curled into a smile. “I suppose so.”
“I’ve missed snuggling with you. I’ve missed your warmth and your smell.”
“Well then, I guess you better stay.”
“I guess so.” I paused, needing to ask her the question that had been simmering in the back of my mind for days. “I need to ask you something, Katy.”
She drifted her finger over my stubble. “I like hearing you call me that.”
I tweaked her nose. “Good. I like saying it.”
Her expression changed to serious. “Now, what did you want to ask me?”
I shifted, acutely uncomfortable. “The night before you left. The night we made love.”
“Is that what it was?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “It was.”
“What about it?”
I got straight to the point. “I didn’t wear a condom. Is there any chance you’re pregnant?”
She shook her head, looking embarrassed. “When I was young, I had a lot of trouble with, ah, my periods. They put me on birth control pills to regulate them. I still have trouble, so I’m still on them.”
“Oh.” I sighed in relief.
“Don’t worry, Richard.” She looked away. “I know how you feel about children.”
The sadness in her voice hurt me, and I slipped my hand under her chin, forcing her to look at me.
“You told me once you thought if I loved the mother, I would love the child. I think, perhaps, you were right.”
“So you want children?”
I fidgeted on the sofa, unsure how to answer. “This is all very new to me. I never thought I could love anyone. I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I’m so deeply in love with you, I can’t function without you. You knocked down every idea I held as the truth. I need you. I love you.” I shook my head with a wry smile. “I suppose it’s only natural to assume my thoughts on children could change as well.”
“It’s something we could talk about—later on?”
“Yes. I would ask for a little time, however. I want to have you to myself for a while. I want to know you—all of you—and you to know me.”
“I think that’s smart.”
“You’ll have to help me, sweetheart. I know nothing about kids. Nothing. The thought of screwing one up the way my parents did terrifies the fuck out of me, if I’m being honest.”
She tilted her head, studying me. “Richard VanRyan. You surpass every goal you have ever set for yourself. Do you really think I’d let you fail as a father?”
A grin tugged at my lips. “I suppose not, no.”
“It won’t happen. Knowing you’re willing to discuss it is a huge step.”
“You’re sure you’re not pregnant now?”
“Yep. Sure.”
“Okay, then. I guess we’ll discuss this again—in the future.”
She nodded. “The future.”
I slipped my hand into my pocket and held up her rings. “In the meantime, I want you to have these back. I want them on your finger.” I took her hand. “I know you think they meant nothing, Katy, but they mean everything. They mean you’re mine.” I indicated her finger. “May I?”
She nodded. I tugged the small diamond band off and transferred it to her right hand, sliding her wedding band and the larger diamond back on her left hand. Bending low, I pressed a kiss to the rings.
“That’s where they belong.”
“Yes.”
I grabbed my coat from the chair and withdrew the folded papers from the inside pocket.
“What are those?”
“Our contract—both our copies.”
“Oh.”
“It doesn’t mean anything anymore, Katy. It hasn’t for a long time. It’s time to get rid of it.”
I held them up, tearing them in half. I carried them to the fireplace and dropped them into the flames. I watched as the edges turned black and curled, the flames licking at the pages until they were nothing but ash. Katy stood beside me, watching in silence.
I wrapped my arm around her waist. “The one document between us now is our marriage license. From today onward, it’s what holds us together.”
She looked up, a tender expression on her face. “I l
ike that.”
“Maybe, once things have settled, you’d marry me again?”
Her eyes glowed. “Really?”
“Yes. Maybe somewhere prettier than city hall. I’d like you to have the wedding you deserve.”
“I kind of liked our wedding. I liked dancing with you.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “You were nice.”
“I promise to be far nicer from now on. I want to be the man I should be for you.”
“You are.”
“Be patient with me, Katy. I’m gonna fuck this up sometimes.”
She laughed low, stroking my cheek. “Everyone does. No one is perfect.”
“But you’ll stick with me?”
“Like glue.”
I dropped a kiss to her full mouth. “Then we’re good.”
I peered around her shoulder at the contents of the small refrigerator. The old wire shelves held a small amount of food. Tugging her aside, I picked up the carton of eggs, opening the lid. Only two were missing. The loaf of bread was barely touched, the package of cheese unopened, and the cream was almost full. There were two apples, some unopened yogurt, and on the counter, a few bananas. That was it. My suspicions about her lack of appetite were confirmed.
I shut the door, turning to face her. “This is all the food you have? Have you been eating at all?”
“Not much,” she admitted. “I wasn’t hungry.”
I recalled the small town I drove through on my way to the cottages. There was a little grocery store and I was sure I’d passed a restaurant. “I’ll take you into town for supper. You need to eat.”
She shook her head. “Nothing is open this time of night, Richard. It’s off-season. We’d have to drive farther to get to a bigger town. It’s a good hour away.”
“That’s fine.”
“I can make us some scrambled eggs.”
I relented easily, not really wanting to go anywhere. “All right. I’ll make toast.”
“You can make toast?” She gasped, laying her hand on her heart.
I yanked her close, kissing her teasing mouth. “Yes. My wife taught me. She’s a smart woman.”
Her cheek folded in, and I knew she was chewing on it. I tapped the rounded flesh. “Stop it.”
The Contract Page 23