by Elissa Daye
Lyssa closed her eyes and tried to quiet the emotions raging through her. The stillness that usually came easy was non-existent, for his heart still beat loudly in her memory, and the warmth of his breath still lingered on her lips. That kiss had only been one small moment in time, but she was already haunted by it.
If Lyssa was honest with herself, she knew she had wanted him to kiss her. She’d wanted it from the first moment she saw him. It was scary to desire something so close, so easily within your reach, something you never dared imagine before. He was absolutely beautiful, and those eyes could easily put her in a trance. Should she let go and enjoy whatever moments she could have, or hold out so that she did not get her heart broken in the process? How could she trust someone when those she was supposed to trust in the past had left her torn to pieces? Perhaps it was time to listen to Jephilia and just let her past go.
Lyssa looked at the number four on her arm and traced it with her fingertip. Life, Love, Balance, Peace. She did not feel closer to understanding any of those things right now. If she were to be someone else, someone better, then she needed to work on these things.
Chapter 10
Later that same night, Hunter had returned to the Watch Tower. They both sat in the library in uneasy silence as he read from his book, and she stared at the spinning globe. Lyssa tried to read his mind, but Hunter had it on lockdown. She totally understood. She wasn’t all too sure she’d want him reading her thoughts any time soon. The minutes ticked away at a sloth’s pace, and finally, Lyssa had the courage to speak, but it was at that moment that Hunter stood up and walked out of the room.
She felt the loss of his energy the moment he left, and the loss made her uncomfortable. Every single inch of her longed to be near him, and she couldn’t quite understand it. Was it because of their past? Were these feelings true for her right now, or a lingering of something once beautiful in the universe? Before long, her thoughts were spiraling so fast that she couldn’t bear to be by herself any longer. Lyssa pushed away from the table and went to search for Hunter.
When she found him perched on a sofa in the upstairs sitting room, she knew what she had to do. His eyes were closed, and he was deeply concentrating on his meditation when she sat down next to him. Not knowing what to expect, Lyssa took a chance and reached out to put her hand over his and closed her eyes. When he made to move his hand, she held it down.
“Please, Hunter. Stay. Please.”
Lyssa could not help the sound of sad desperation in her voice. She was fighting a battle that was hidden to herself. Lyssa had no idea that tears were falling down her face until Hunter raised his other hand to wipe them away. He pulled her into a warm embrace, and she stayed there, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. She was at peace. There were no expectations, no unwieldy judgments, just silence. She had never been courageous enough to ask for what she needed, but Hunter did not need her to ask him for anything. Maybe he knew her better than she knew herself. Lyssa didn’t bother questioning it.
When the tears had passed, she moved back to sitting next to him and closed her eyes. She pulled her feet underneath her, and they sat quietly together, meditating in the peace that moved between them. This peace was not as alien to her as she thought it would be. An older part of her was buried deep under the walls that had been built in this lifetime. Lyssa could feel it now, just an inkling that she was not limited to how the world had raised her here. There was more: more to her, more to life, more to this world, and so much more to this universe than she’d imagined before.
How could she move on and be free from the darkness that clouded her youth? Lyssa suddenly knew the key. This was something she had been dreading, something she felt would one day need to be done, but she had never been ready to do. She had to put her pain to rest. That cesspool did not have to define her any longer. It did not have to drive everything she did. She would not be able to experience Life, Love, Balance, or Peace until she did something drastic. Her only choice was to do something dramatic, something, so life changing, that up until now, she had feared it. She took a deep breath.
In the forefront of her mind, the words rang out. They whispered inside her like a chanting reprieve that let go of the pain of her past.
I forgive you. I will no longer hold hate in my heart for the crimes you’ve committed against me. I let it go. From today on, you will touch my mind no longer. Rest in peace, Father.
Lyssa imagined the last time she had seen him. He had looked defeated as if he had known she would never return for him to control again—that image she would carry with her for the rest of her life. While Lyssa had never gotten to confront him for the evil he’d brought into her life, she no longer needed to. None of that mattered anymore. She could feel the darkness that he had created inside her shift like a snake shedding its skin before it faded away into nothingness. There was a stillness in her that no one else could have provided for her, tranquility that she had never known existed. Lyssa was free, and while she had thought that it would never happen, she had never understood that forgiveness was incredibly powerful. Forgiveness was a catalyst for change. Free. At last.
Hunter touched her arm, and she looked over at him. “Lyssa, you’re floating.”
“What?” She had no idea what he was talking about.
“Look.” He pointed at the couch.
Lyssa looked down and almost shrieked. He was right. She was floating inches above the couch. How in the world was she doing that? “Make it stop!” she said as she tried to fight the nervous giggles that were trying to escape her chest.
“No can do. You did it. You’ll have to bring yourself down.” His teasing smile calmed the nervousness she was feeling.
“Fine.” Lyssa screwed her eyes shut so she would not see his teasing stares as she took a deep breath. If she made herself rise off the couch, she should be able to make herself stop floating. It took a few seconds for her to focus on her goal before she felt her bottom calmly touch the cushions once again. She opened her eyes and looked at Hunter.
“Feel better?”
“Actually, yes. I feel a lot better.” Lyssa raised her hand to his chin and smiled at him. She stood up and acted as if she were going to walk away.
What happened next surprised both of them. Turning around, she leaned over and lowered her lips to his. Lyssa almost expected him to pull away, but when he pulled her closer, her heart started racing. She saw more images in her head. Two people, so deeply in love they did not notice the world around them. She could feel the laughter, the tears, and the love they shared. It happened in a dizzy whirl, and when she broke the kiss and looked at Hunter, she knew that he had felt it too.
“I will remember too, Hunter. I just need time and patience.”
“And practice.” Hunter pulled her back down for a kiss that stole the breath from her body and sent chills of anticipation down her spine, the kind of feeling that could make you forget where you were, which was evident when Logan’s cough interrupted them. He flipped his brown hair out of his eyes and smiled at Lyssa.
Hunter’s eyes shot daggers at Logan for his interruption. “Logan, don’t you have something else to do right now?”
“Well, actually, no. Julius sent me to get Lyssa for training. If you want to explain to him why she isn’t available right now, feel free.” Logan smirked at Hunter. Clearly, he was not surprised to find them together.
“Training?” She looked apologetically at Hunter. “I should go. I’ll see you later?”
“Count on it.”
If she could bottle up the feelings his kiss sent through her and manufacture them for all the women of the world, she would be a rich woman. She still did not quite understand how this had started between them, but from this point on, she was not going to second-guess it. There was a strong connection between the two of them, and she would definitely be exploring the possibilities.
Another knock
sounded, and it was no surprise to see Serena trying to poke through the door. “Lunch is ready. I thought you might be hungry. I persuaded Julius to let you eat before he drags you through training.”
“We’ll be down in a few minutes.” Hunter shooed them off.
“Should I time you?” The redhead was clearly teasing them, for she did not wait for a response.
“Well, I guess we should go.” Lyssa started to turn to the door, but Hunter put his hand on her arm and turned her back.
“Wait.”
Lyssa was afraid to look up for a moment, for she did not trust herself to look at him calmly. Her heart was already pounding in her chest. Every second alone with him seemed slightly more dangerous than the seconds before. If she fell too deeply for him, she could be seriously hurt, but she had to find the courage because she knew he would not give up. Lyssa looked up at him and saw that he smiled a soft challenge at her.
“No, I won’t.”
“Stop reading my mind,” she tried to say, but the last word was cut off by the swift sweep of his lips across hers. She could not help the soft murmurs that left her mouth when his lips met hers. Kissing him forever would be easy, and she would not miss the air that she breathed. This kiss lasted longer than the others, and one led to several slower ones that made her skin flush from her throat all the way up to the top of her head. Lyssa had to push him away, or they would never leave. They were both taking deep breaths after they disengaged.
“If you would just feel more and think less, I would have fewer thoughts to read.” His joking smile put her back to a relaxed frame of mind, and she grabbed his hand, pulling him to the door.
“Let’s go eat.”
They walked down the stairs, then down the hallway on the first floor to the dining room. The other Guardians were already seated at the table, surrounded by plenty of food for everyone. She half wondered if the food had been cooked or conjured, as there were plenty of magical skills in this bunch. Lyssa had trouble believing that things were happening the way they were. While Lyssa had an open mind when she had started studying magic in college, she had no idea that the magical world extended much further than she had ever imagined. Believing in the possibility that there was magical energy around them everywhere was the easy part. Lyssa had even felt some of its presence in her circles, but she had never felt so much within herself before now. Before she attacked the shadows that night with Julius, she actually had no idea that she could actually bring so much energy forward from her wand. She had simply acted on impulse and made an assumption that it would be there to back her up. This made her wonder what she could have accomplished with her life before now if she had simply known all that she held inside her.
“I heard you knocked out some shadows the other day, Lyssa.” Serena attempted polite chitchat.
Lyssa wondered if seeing her walking into the room with Hunter had made Serena realize that she wasn’t after her precious Julius. Hunter was still holding her hand when they walked in the door. Lyssa was amazed that Hunter had not made any effort to conceal their involvement. With their eyes on her, she could feel the scarlet that tried to mark her skin, but she fought the red inching up her neck. “Apparently.” Lyssa looked over at Julius and wrinkled her nose.
Julius grinned mischievously. “We all have to start somewhere. You’re a natural, Lyssa.”
Wow. Did he just compliment her? Why was he in a good mood? Julius was a conundrum. Perhaps someday she would understand what made him tick. “Thank you, Julius. At least you’ve become more detailed in your instructions, instead of winging it.” She smirked at him and waited for the temper to rise back in his eyes, but it did not. Instead, he looked almost apologetic.
“You’re right, Lyssa. That was tactless earlier. I should have told you it was not just a test.”
Hunter was glaring at Julius, and it was clear that the apology that Julius spoke came from a steaming argument unspoken between them. “You got that right.”
“Okay, look, if you are going to be mind speaking about the poor girl, perhaps I should teach her how to chime in?” Serena shook her head at the two of them. Her red hair was pulled out of her face today, and she looked younger than she had the first time Lyssa had seen her.
“I would appreciate that. I’m usually quite adept at reading minds, but the mental blocks you’ve all seemed to master are hard to get past.” She smiled at Serena. Was it possible that Serena was more friend than foe now? Lyssa had a distinct impression when she’d first met her that Serena had wanted to scratch her eyes out. She was glad the feeling had passed.
“Perhaps later.”
The rest of lunch went very quickly. There was so much she wanted to ask everyone, so many things that they had the advantage of already knowing. The problem was she had no idea where to start. Now, she knew that this house was not in space, just in an intangible place where the shadows or any other magical being could not reach them. There were many other Guardians of the Watch Tower, and the Watch Tower itself was vaster than she could ever imagine. Lyssa wondered if the other wings of the Watch Tower were as old as this one. Not that she could complain.
“Serena?”
“Yes, Lyssa?”
“Can we work on keeping people out of my own thoughts first? I should be allowed some privacy, don’t you think?” She looked pointedly over at Hunter. He could read her easier than everyone else, and it irked her to no end. No matter how handsome he was, he should understand simple boundaries. She stuck her tongue out at him when no one else was looking and chuckled when he almost choked on his drink.
“Yes. A girl does need her secrets. That will be the first thing I teach you.”
Chapter 11
Lyssa was still fuming as she sat in the library of the Watch Tower. She had spent her morning in a heated battle with the education department at her college. Apparently, her lack of focus in her clinical observation class had given them some cause for concern. Lyssa had been called into their office and verbally berated for half an hour before she’d finally had it. When the bloated woman before her had asked her if she was sure she wanted to be a teacher, Lyssa did the only thing she could think of. She gave her a resounding no and told her that if being a teacher turned her into someone that made a living out of making others feel like crap, then she didn’t want anything to do with it. She might have also told the head of the department something about Lyssa’s tax dollars paying her salary, and then Lyssa wondered how many other prospective teachers they had bullied. After her encounter, she had gone directly to the guidance counselor and changed her major to a general Bachelor of Education, which would allow her to graduate a semester early if she finished the rest of her core requirements.
Lyssa was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she did not notice Serena and Jackson entering the room. When she finally looked up, she found both of them eyeing her speculatively.
“What?” she snapped.
“Oh, dear, rough day?” Jackson looked at her with concern.
“Well, it started off well but went downhill quickly. Let’s just say I did something I had been debating over for quite some time.”
“Well, that sounds cryptic. Would you like to explain?” Serena walked over to the chair beside her and sat down.
“I told the head of my department to stuff it, pretty much. I quit my major before they could kick me out of it, and…well, that’s pretty much that.” Lyssa took a deep breath and calmed herself. While she would like to say she was completely fine with her choice today, it was not the case. A very large part of her did not like to be told what she could or could not do, and she did not like her choices questioned. When they had asked her if she was sure she wanted to be a teacher, it was like her entire life had flashed before her eyes. Lyssa had not been raised to believe in herself or to have any sense of pride in who she was. She had fought hard to find an ounce of confidence. Lyssa had to fight hard
er than most people to broadcast a strong woman to the world. She was anything but strong, for the truth of it was that she had many insecurities that she battled every day.
“It was probably for the best, hon. Are you okay?”
Jackson understood so much more than anyone else ever would be able to. He had lived under similar oppressive circumstances, as a young gay man who was forced to be anything but what he was born to be. His parents had crammed their religion down his throat so much that he felt unworthy of anyone’s love. Lyssa was thankful that he had broken away from their cruel hands. While he made being absolutely fabulous seem easy, Lyssa understood the depth of emotions that lay beneath the surface. This was why every hair was always in place, and every wrinkle ironed out of his clothes before he left for the day. Ever partners in commiseration, the two of them would always be cemented in each other’s lives.
“I’m fine.” Fine, an emotional code they had conspired to create years ago…Fed up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. Today, she felt like all them mixed into one.
They all turned when Hunter walked into the room. Lyssa’s eyes met his, and they each paused for a moment. She turned away first, uncomfortable with the probing message trapped within his gaze.
“Everything all right?”
“We’re just talking about going shopping,” Serena offered up.
“Ah, I see. Well, have fun. Maybe I’ll see you later?” Hunter asked them all politely.
“Well, I have a test to study for, and Serena, didn’t you say we also had some training tonight?” Jackson initiated. While Julius had been mentoring Lyssa, Serena was in charge of Jackson’s training.
“Oh, yeah. Lots of training, but Lyssa is free.”
Lyssa did not miss the smirk that Serena sent her way. “I suppose. If I don’t need to do training tonight—”