by Unknown
“If you feel that my leaving the community is necessary, yes, I’m even willing to do that. The baby and I will find another home.”
“You and the baby?” he gasped before responding to her in hardened tones. “The baby stays here, Miss Langston. We’re agreed on that.” He glared at her, wondering what her game was.
She rose, alarm on her face. “No, of course not, Mr. Boyd. The baby is mine.”
“Damn it! What would be the point? I want my son! Why else would I go through the embarrassment of—”
“You thought I would give you the baby?” she demanded, her features tightening.
“Isn’t that what a surrogate mother is? Someone who gives birth to the baby and then hands it over?”
“But you’re supposed to be a sperm donor. Not a—you can’t keep the baby.”
“You think I would allow anyone, anyone,” he repeated for emphasis, “to take my child away? I’ve already lost one son. I’m not about to lose another one.”
They were almost nose to nose now, his hands on his hips as he challenged her. She was even taller than he’d thought, only a few inches shorter than he was. Beth had been a petite doll, not even as high as his shoulders.
His visitor reached down behind her for the large shoulder bag she’d left on the sofa. “Clearly we have both—I have made a mistake. Dr. Grable suggested you as a sperm donor for my pregnancy. I apologize for wasting your time.”
“You mean you’re not willing to be a surrogate mother?” Lucas demanded.
“No.”
Again she didn’t waste any words. As she moved to step around him, he caught her arm. “I’m offering a lot of money.”
Tugging at his hold on her arm, she didn’t meet his gaze. “That’s wonderful. Now, if you’ll excuse me?”
“You’re not interested?”
Her brown-eyed gaze flew to his eyes briefly before she stared at his hand clutching her arm. “No.”
“You haven’t even asked how much.”
Again she stared at him. “Which should tell you I have no interest in your…intentions.”
“Then why did Doc send you?” he demanded in frustration. From the moment he’d gotten Doc’s message, he thought his problem had been solved. He’d almost imagined himself holding his child.
“You’ll have to ask Dr. Grable that question, Mr. Boyd. I also have some questions for the good doctor.” Her lips tightened, and he noticed their fullness for the first time.
Again she tugged at his hold, and this time he released her, stepping back, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “You can name your terms, Miss Langston. I’ll be generous.” His jaw tightened as he waited for her to ask for some outrageous sum. But he was so close to having his dream. He was willing to pay.
Her response wasn’t what he’d expected. Instead of a calculating stare, he received a soft smile, gentle almost, as she said, “My dream is just as important to me as yours is to you, Mr. Boyd. I can’t do what you’re asking, for any amount of money. I’m sorry I took up your time.”
Without waiting for an answer, she walked out of the room, taking his dream with her.
Chapter Two
S omeone had to bear the brunt of his anger, and it seemed only fair to Lucas that that someone be the doctor.
“Doc, what the hell game are you playing?” he demanded over the phone.
“Now, Luke, calm down. Did you talk to Miss Langston?”
“Yeah, I talked to her. But she wasn’t willing to be a surrogate mother. She intended to keep the baby!” He couldn’t have sounded more horror-stricken if he’d been talking about infanticide. “Why did you send her here?”
“It seems crazy, I know, but with both of you wanting a baby, I thought—hell, I’m sorry, Luke, but I don’t like either of your choices. I was hoping to kind of jolt the two of you, if nothing else.”
“Well, you succeeded. I’ve never had such an embarrassing conversation in my life. Who is the woman? I’ve never seen her before.”
“You might’ve seen her if you’d stop living like a hermit. You don’t even come to church anymore, much less the few social occasions we have around here.”
“Who is she?” he repeated, ignoring the other comments.
“She’s the librarian…hired six months ago.”
“Why doesn’t she get pregnant the old-fashioned way?” If she’d done that, she wouldn’t have raised his hopes and then dashed them to the floor.
“I asked her the same question. Seems she doesn’t have any candidates around.”
Lucas frowned. She wasn’t a beauty, but she didn’t put out any effort to attract the opposite sex with her concealing clothes, lack of makeup and severe hairstyle. But, hell, they were in Colorado. Single women, outside the big cities, were scarce.
“Why does she want a baby?”
“She didn’t explain her reasons. All she wanted was information about how to go about it, not a discussion of why or why not.” There was a pause and then Doc said, “You could ask her if you want to know.”
“Has nothing to do with me!” Lucas snapped, irritated by the curiosity that filled him. “Find me a real surrogate mother, Doc. Okay? I’m ready to get this done.”
“I’ll do what I can. But you know it’s not going to be easy. Or fast. That’s why I thought—oh, well. I’ll see what I can do.”
“What are you reading?” Abby asked.
Susannah jumped as if someone threatened her very existence. With a protective arm over the article she’d been studying, she shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing much.”
Abby McDougal, one of the volunteers who helped Susannah with the various chores of running the library, and her best friend, narrowed her gaze.
“You’re working on getting pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Abby, shh!” Her cheeks flooded with color as Susannah looked around to be sure no one had overheard Abby’s remark.
“You are. I can tell.”
“I’m reading an article. That’s all.”
“What’s the title?”
“’Options.’”
“Aha! I knew it.”
“So? I tried it your way. I spoke to Dr. Grable, but he told me I’d have to go to Denver for what I wanted.” She fought to keep the blood from her cheeks because of the lie. After all, it was almost the truth. Without a local donor, she’d have to go to Denver.
She hadn’t returned to Dr. Grable’s office after the debacle of the interview with Lucas Boyd. She was no masochist. She figured she’d do the research herself. And she had. This article was the last she intended to read before she contacted a particular clinic in Denver. She already had the number written on a pad by her phone.
All she had to do was work up the nerve to make the call.
Heck, that would be a breeze compared to confronting that cowboy. That tall, sexy, handsome cowboy. Her emotions had gone on a roller-coaster ride that afternoon.
Exhilaration that her child would have this man for a father. Confusion when he told her he would keep the baby. Actually the son. She didn’t think he had considered the possibility of a daughter.
Anger and disappointment when she realized he wouldn’t cooperate. And forgiveness when she heard his admission of having lost a son. No one should have to suffer such pain.
Even though she’d been curious about his past, Susannah decided it would be best if she didn’t ask anyone about Lucas Boyd. How could she explain her interest?
Instead, she concentrated on her desire to have a child. It would be easy to chalk up her decision to her internal clock. But she knew better. She didn’t need a child for fulfillment. She loved her work and believed in the need to encourage reading.
But she wanted a child. A family. A way to pass on the important things she’d learned from her loving parents. A personal connection to the future. She actually ached with longing when she saw a young woman carrying a baby.
“Susannah, you need to find a man.”
“It’s not necessary
these days, Abby. I can manage just fine without that added complication.” She kept her voice calm, swallowing the tremor that ran through her.
Abby frowned. “Some man must’ve really done a number on you, Susannah. They’re not all bad.”
Turning her head away, Susannah tried to think of another subject that would engage Abby’s interest. She didn’t want to discuss her insignificant experience with men. The one time she’d thought she’d fallen in love, the man had dumped her because she hadn’t accepted his advances with open arms. He’d labeled her frigid.
Susannah wondered if the newest shipment of books would distract Abby. “Did you see that we received the latest Nora Roberts romance? Have you put your name on the list to check it out?”
“I don’t want to talk about books. What you’re thinking of doing—”
“Morning, Abby, Miss Langston,” a deep drawl interrupted.
Susannah almost passed out. She didn’t have to turn around, or wait for Abby’s greeting. That voice told her who was standing in front of her counter.
“Why, Lucas! I haven’t seen you in a dog’s age. What are you doing in the library?” Abby asked, a big smile on her face. “Have you met Susannah—well, I guess you have or you wouldn’t have greeted her by name.”
Susannah avoided looking at Abby, but she heard the curiosity—and speculation—in Abby’s voice. “Hello, Mr. Boyd. Is there something in particular you’re looking for?”
“Yes, Lucas, just what are you looking for? I’ve never seen you in the library before.”
“Well, Abby, I’m looking for a private conversation with the librarian,” Lucas said, a grin on his face.
Abby’s interest sharpened. “Oh, really? Now, isn’t that interesting?”
Susannah had no idea what the man wanted, but she knew she didn’t want to deal with any more comments from Abby. “Could you please watch the counter while I talk with Mr. Boyd, Abby? I shouldn’t be long.”
“I’ll be happy to.”
Ignoring Abby’s grin, Susannah looked at Lucas Boyd for the first time and drew a deep breath. The man oozed sex appeal. “Shall we go into my office, Mr. Boyd?”
He nodded and came around the end of the counter, then waited for her to lead the way.
Her back ramrod straight, Susannah stalked into her small office, wishing she’d cleaned her desk this morning. She wasn’t compulsively neat, but she didn’t want the man following her to think badly of her.
Almost laughing at that ridiculous thought, as if this man’s opinion mattered, Susannah straightened her features and sat down behind her desk. She paused as he removed his hat and hung it on the antique hat stand. A shiver ran down her spine. The conversation must be important if he took off his hat.
“Won’t you be seated?” she asked politely, gesturing to the small narrow chair across from her, the only other seat in the room.
He eyed the chair suspiciously, as if he didn’t think it would hold him. He could be right. He was a big man, several inches over six feet, his body a solid mass of muscle.
“I think I’ll stand. That seat doesn’t look any too stable.” He smiled but didn’t wait for her response. Instead he turned away and looked out the small window. Since she knew the view encompassed the parking lot, a few scraggly buildings and the mountains in the distance, she didn’t think it was that compelling.
“How may I help you, Mr.—” She broke off as she remembered their last meeting. Somehow her question seemed inappropriate. “I mean—why are you here?”
His intense blue eyes lightened slightly as he turned around, a grim smile on his face. Clearly he understood her change of question. “I think I owe you an apology.”
He took her by surprise.
“I—I can’t think of any reason.”
“I can. I was angry when you—about the misunderstanding we both suffered two weeks ago. I don’t think I was much of a gentleman about it.”
She waved a hand in dismissal, but she couldn’t trust herself to say anything.
“You see, I’d made a difficult decision. And I wanted to get on with it. When Doc said you were coming, I assumed he’d explained my offer and you’d accepted. I could already see my son—” He broke off and turned back to the window.
Tense silence filled the room, and Susannah sought to ease it. “I guess an old-maid librarian was a bit of a shock, too.”
He turned and stared at her attempt to smile.
“If you’re an old maid in Colorado, it’s got to be your choice, Miss Langston. We don’t have all that many available ladies to choose from except in the cities.”
Color filled her cheeks and she looked away. “I don’t meet any men at the library.”
“Why?”
“I guess they’re not big readers.”
He stood with his hands on his trim hips, watching her intensely. “No. I don’t mean why don’t you meet men. Why do you want a baby?”
She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry, then nibbled at her bottom lip. She wasn’t about to bare her soul to this stranger. “Why do you?”
He frowned, as if surprised by her turning the tables. Well, she had as much right to ask questions as he did, she decided, raising her chin.
“For the obvious reasons.”
“Me, too.”
Frustration filled his handsome features. “That doesn’t tell me anything!”
“But it’s the answer you gave,” she reminded him.
“Yeah, but I’m a—”
“A man?” She finished the sentence when he didn’t continue.
A sideways grin only made him more attractive. “So I’m dealing with a feminist here, am I?”
To avoid looking at him, she picked up a pen and doodled on the pad of paper on her desk. “You’re dealing with an educated woman, Mr. Boyd. Not one who’s going to accept stereotypes and limitations because she’s a woman.”
He gave a disgruntled chuckle. “You’re not like Beth at all.”
“Beth?” She suspected the woman’s identity, but she waited for him to confirm her thought.
“My wife. She—she and my son died in childbirth,” he murmured, looking away. “Three years ago.” He swallowed, as if forcing down emotion.
“I’m sorry. But no, I’m probably not like her.”
“She was little…and sweet and beautiful.” His voice was dreamy and sad. Then it changed as he added firmly, “And she always agreed with me.”
“Well, that confirms it. I’m definitely not like Beth.” She was ready to end the conversation. He didn’t owe her an apology, and she didn’t want to discuss beautiful women whose husbands adored them. Or little boys who died before they could even live. “I appreciate your apology,” she said, rising, “but it wasn’t necessary.”
“Wait! I—you never explained why you want a baby.”
“Neither did you,” she said pointedly.
“I told you about Beth and the baby!” he returned. When she said nothing, he added, “I’m trying to work something out here!” He put his hands back on his hips, a scowl on his face.
“What?”
“Well, you see, there aren’t—Doc hasn’t been able to find a surrogate mother for me.”
He looked at her, as if he expected a response, but she had nothing to say.
“I wondered if—I’ll have to have someone take care of the baby when it’s born.”
Why would he tell her that…unless he thought she’d like the position? With a shrug of her shoulders, she said, “Yes, but I’m not looking for a job. You’ll need to hire a nanny.”
“Why? You could have the baby, and I’d hire you as the nanny. The baby would have the best care in the world, from his own mother.” As if he’d finally made his case, he relaxed and smiled at her.
A beautiful smile. Too bad.
“And at night I would go home?”
“Yeah, I could handle things at night. After all, I’m his father.”
“And the neighbors would think I’d had your child
—probably as a result of a careless one-night stand—and I’ve given it up to you to raise, but I’m receiving payment to take care of it.”
“I don’t care what my neighbors think!” he growled.
“You may not, but what they think would harm your child. Do you care about him?”
“Of course I do!” he roared. “That’s the reason we’re in this mess in the first place!”
She moved from behind her desk, passing dangerously close to him, and reached the door.
“Don’t open that door!” he rapped out, an order that he apparently assumed she would obey.
“Mr. Boyd, you are visiting my office. You do not give me orders.” She opened the door. “Thank you for stopping by.”
He stared at her as if she’d slapped him. Finally he took a step toward her. “You’re not even going to consider my suggestion?”
“No, thank you.”
“But we’d both get what we want.”
“No, Mr. Boyd. You would get what you want. I would get crumbs, not even a piece of the cake. And I would lose my good standing in the community. Does that sound like I would get what I want?”
She could sense Abby’s birdlike gaze flicking back and forth between them and wished she hadn’t been so stubborn about opening the door.
He continued to glare at her, as if expecting her to explain herself further. Instead she stared at him, holding onto the door, hoping he didn’t realize she might’ve fallen without its support. Finally, when she wasn’t sure she could remain standing much longer, he smashed his cowboy hat on his head and strode from her office, not even responding to Abby’s goodbye.
“What got stuck in his craw?” Abby asked, staring at her as she took her place behind the counter.
Susannah sighed, “I love you, Abby, but I’m not going to discuss what was said in there. It’s private.” She added a warm smile, which wasn’t easy when she felt like crying.
Something must’ve alerted Abby to her fragile condition. “Enough said. Why don’t you go back in there and work on those orders. I can handle everything out here.”
With a whispered thanks, Susannah fled into her office, closing the door behind her. She returned to her chair, where only moments ago Lucas Boyd had stood over her.