by Unknown
“And you weren’t tempted?”
That question stopped Lucas cold. Because he had been tempted and he’d tried to forget that part.
It wasn’t the blondes who had tempted him, however. To his amazement, Susannah with fear in her eyes and chewing on her soft lip, had aroused desire. His gut had clenched and he’d fought the temptation to reach out and stroke her face.
“Those ladies didn’t tempt me,” he finally said.
“So what are you going to do?”
Lucas had given that question a lot of thought. He still wanted a son. His disappointment had been immense when he’d realized the local librarian had tricked him. But he couldn’t abandon his plan. Or rather Doc’s plan.
“I’ve got to do some more thinking, Doc. I don’t know if I can carry your idea off.”
“All you have to do is be honest, boy. Explain what you’re offering, pure and simple. That shouldn’t be so hard.”
Lucas’s gut tightened again, but it wasn’t from fear of being honest. No, it was from fear of losing control, of being too attracted to the woman, of wanting too much. He had to stay focused on his child and forget Susannah.
The next day, Susannah knew her plan had backfired on her by all the curious stares of the patrons of the Caliente Library. Some of the visitors had never darkened the library’s door before. They all wanted to see the woman who had spit in the wind, trod on Superman’s cape and messed with Bad Leroy Brown. Or, in this case, Lucas Boyd.
In other words, instead of making people forget she was connected to Lucas, she’d only reminded them. Or rather, Lucas’s reaction to her plan had done so.
With a quickly subdued sigh, she smiled at the old rancher who requested books on Colorado history and led him to the proper section. She supposed she should be grateful. The increase in usage of books would impress the city council.
“My, we’re busy today,” Abby said as she rounded the counter. “Haven’t seen this many people here since we opened the place.”
“Yes. The people of Caliente are certainly eager to learn today,” Susannah said, unable to keep a touch of sarcasm from her voice.
Abby smirked. She’d warned Susannah that her plan might go awry. So far she hadn’t said the fatal words, “I told you so,” but Susannah was expecting them at any moment.
“They’re just showing a little interest in their community,” Abby assured her with a wider grin.
Susannah remembered Lucas’s words of disbelief and used them herself. “Yeah, right.”
Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t been able to forget a single word the man had said. She supposed it was only fair that she use a few of them in her defense.
She turned away to go into her office when the sound of the front door opening was followed by a rush of feet and a whispering that seemed to go around the main room as if it were an electrical connection. Whirling around, Susannah braced herself.
Lucas Boyd, with all eyes upon him, walked into the library…again.
Lucas realized, as soon as he entered the building, that he should’ve chosen someplace a little less public. But he didn’t feel right turning up on her doorstep at home. That seemed too personal.
A hell of a thought about the woman he was going to—He broke off his thoughts and approached the front desk.
“Hello, Susannah. I wonder if you’d spare me a few minutes to chat.”
She looked all prim and proper today, her hair pulled back in that unflattering bun, a sober dress, though its chocolate color did complement her eyes. He almost believed his coming didn’t matter to her, but then he noticed her fingers trembling as she tried to insert a card in a returned book.
“It’s a busy time,” she muttered, never meeting his gaze.
He scanned the big room. “You folks mind waiting while I talk to Susannah?” After receiving encouraging nods, he returned a triumphant smile to his quarry. “I think everyone will be patient. And what I have to say is kind of important.”
Kind of important? He thought what he had to say was earth-shattering. Mind-bending. Cataclysmic.
Without another word, she turned and walked into her office. He followed, his gaze unconsciously enjoying the sway of her hips until he realized what he was doing. He jerked his look back to her bun.
“Look, Lucas, I don’t intend to apologize again about what happened yesterday. I may have not…you may not have been pleased, but I had good intentions.”
“I’m not here to talk about yesterday…except that I think you owe me for that little trick.” He watched the fluctuating color in her cheeks, wanting to touch her, to feel the heat.
“It wasn’t that big a deal,” she said dismissively, shifting papers around on her desk as if she had business on her mind.
But Lucas wasn’t fooled.
With a change of tactics, he said briskly, “You’re right, it wasn’t. And it didn’t make a hill of beans difference to our situation. If you have your child alone, everyone will still believe it’s mine. Both of our reputations will be damaged.”
“I’ll move.”
His heart clutched, and he took a deep breath before he could speak. “That would be a shame. You’re well liked here.”
She almost turned her back to him, shielding her eyes from his gaze. “Yes, I like it here, too.”
“So I have a better solution.” He took a step closer, instinctively believing this conversation would be easier if he could touch her. When he reached for her hand, however, she snatched it behind her.
“Wh-what solution?”
This time she faced him squarely, her chin up, ready to do battle. When he’d swept Beth up in plans she didn’t vote for, she’d pouted, or tried coyness. Not Susannah. She faced her adversary with every ounce of her, ready to go down for the count.
He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. It wasn’t easy to say those words he’d never thought to utter again. “Marry me.” His voice cracked with emotion.
“Wh-what?” she asked faintly. Her face was pale, and he feared she was going to pass out.
“It makes sense, Susannah. I’ll get the baby I want, and you will, too. You won’t have to worry about supporting it. I’ll do that. And I won’t have to worry about someone to take care of it.” He’d summed it up just like Doc said. But she wasn’t impressed. Taking a step back, she gnawed her bottom lip, color returning to her cheeks.
“You shouted at me yesterday for trying to arrange a marriage for you,” she reminded him, her gaze fixed on his. “In fact, you assured me marriage was out of the question. You didn’t want a wife.”
He remembered those words he’d shouted at her. Too bad she did, too. “Uh, I was angry.”
“That still doesn’t explain your change of mind.”
He turned away from her and paced across the small office. “Look, Susannah, those ladies didn’t understand. They thought—I mean, you led them to think I was interested in—in a love match.” He snuck a look at her, but he couldn’t read the expression on her face.
“And you’re not. You’re just interested in a baby.”
He’d known she’d understand if he explained it properly. Sighing with relief, he nodded and offered a smile. “Exactly.”
“Thank you for the offer, Mr. Boyd,” she said calmly, “but I’m not interested.”
Before he could recover, she reached for the door, prepared to end their discussion.
Just as he’d done before, he ordered, “Wait!” Unlike their previous discussion in the office, this time she halted, but she kept her back to him.
“Susannah, think about what you’re throwing away. You could have it all…a good home, a family, whatever you need to make you happy.” He was pleading for his own happiness, but he didn’t think she’d be persuaded by his needs.
“I can have it all without your help, Lucas,” she said gently, turning to face him. “I have an appointment Friday with a sperm clinic in Denver.”
His heart skipped a beat as he saw his dream escaping. “No!�
�
“Lucas—I can’t discuss this anymore today. My mind—”
“Don’t say it! Give me one more chance, Susannah. Let me have one more shot at—at persuading you.” He didn’t know what he’d come up with that would change her mind, but he wanted some time to think.
“Lucas,” she began in protest. “I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. This is only Tuesday. Come out to the ranch tomorrow night for dinner. It won’t interfere with your schedule for Friday…unless you change your mind. If you do, you can call them Thursday and cancel the appointment.” He held his breath while she considered his words.
She lifted her head and stared at him with those big brown eyes that could be warm and laughing, or cold and formal. He couldn’t read her answer there.
Drawing in a deep breath, she turned away. “All right.”
Her voice was so soft, he wasn’t sure he’d heard her answer or had supplied what he wanted to hear. “Did you agree?” he asked, stepping to her side, putting his hand on her shoulder.
“Yes, but I’m warning you. I don’t think I’ll change my mind. I understand why you want to convince me, but I can have my child without your help, Lucas.”
“I know. I know, Susannah,” he replied, squeezing her shoulder. “But I appreciate your giving me a chance.”
Chapter Six
W hat did one wear to reject a marriage proposal?
Susannah didn’t know the answer to that question as she studied the contents of her closet Wednesday night. Why had she ever agreed to this meeting?
She knew why. It was impossible to look into Lucas’s pleading blue eyes, to know the pain he’d suffered and deny him something that would cost her nothing but embarrassment.
Embarrassment that she would suffer when he asked her why she wouldn’t marry him. And he would ask. Then she’d have to explain how painful it would be to be married to a man who could only marry her because he had absolutely no interest in her.
And that would be embarrassing because she’d discovered a growing interest in him.
He couldn’t consider those three blondes she’d set him up with, because they might tempt him from his mourning. After all, whether he admitted it or not, they were all quite like his Beth.
Unlike her.
And, as he’d said several times, he had nothing to give any woman ever again. Not since Beth died.
With a sigh, she pulled out a matching plum blouse and skirt, then searched in her top drawer for a silver concha belt to accent it. She left her hair down for the first time, pulling the sides back with barrettes, the rest curling down her back. Perhaps it was an unconscious attempt to feel prettier, more womanly, in the face of Lucas’s businesslike proposal.
Okay, so she was human.
With a shuddering breath, she finished her application of makeup, also an unusual occurrence, and gathered her purse and keys. She was to pick up Abby on her way to Lucas’s ranch. After consideration, she’d insisted on Abby’s presence, and Lucas had agreed.
“Are you sure you want me to come?” Abby asked as soon as she got in the car.
“Yes, Abby,” she replied quietly, softly. Inside, she screamed her need of Abby, a third person, someone who wouldn’t be swayed by startling sexual feelings. Someone whose presence would keep Lucas from touching her. Because his touch, even with a friendly intent, made her crazy.
Nothing more was said on the short drive. Lucas’s ranch house was located only a couple of miles outside the city limits. Of course, his acreage, large even by Colorado standards, spread out behind the house for miles.
Susannah parked her compact car beside a navy blue Cadillac. “Is that Lucas’s car?” Somehow she’d expected a pickup truck.
“No,” Abby replied, frowning, “that’s Henry Grable’s car. Did you know Doc was invited?”
“No. But I suppose it’s logical. After all, Dr. Grable started this…I don’t know what to call it.”
“You know I’m going to support you, whatever you decide, Susannah. But I hope you’ll give Lucas’s idea some thought. He has a lot to offer a woman.”
Susannah bit down on her bottom lip. Maybe she’d made a mistake inviting Abby. It sounded as if Abby was on Lucas’s side. “He’s—he’s not offering what I want.”
And she was a fool for even thinking about a real marriage. She didn’t think she could make Lucas happy, even if he loved her. Her one venture into a relationship had ended badly, with her fiancé blaming her frigidity for their difficulties. And giving him license to do what he wanted with her best friend.
But she couldn’t help the feelings that Lucas Boyd had aroused in her, in spite of her supposed frigidity. As inexperienced as she was, she didn’t know how to handle those feelings. And that’s why she needed Abby by her side.
The front door to the house opened and Lucas stood silhouetted in the doorway.
With another sigh, Susannah opened her door. “Let’s get this over with.”
Lucas heard the sound of a car. His nerves went on alert.
She was here.
His wait would be over. He’d have the answer to his question. Tonight, he’d know if he’d one day soon hold his son in his arms, or whether he’d have to find someone else.
To his surprise, his hands began to shake.
“You okay?” Doc asked, stepping toward him.
“I’m fine. If this—this plan doesn’t work out, I’ll come up with something else. I will have my son.”
“’Course you will, Lucas. You almost sound like you don’t want Susannah to agree.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous,” Lucas admonished his friend gruffly. Turning his back on Doc’s prying eyes, he walked to the door and opened it.
Doc was wrong, of course. Why would he want her to refuse him when he’d gone to such lengths to persuade her? That was a ridiculous idea.
But one he couldn’t deny.
“Evenin’, Luke,” Abby called out, stepping from the shadows into the porch light.
He returned her greeting, but his gaze searched the darkness for his other guest.
When she finally moved into the light, he stared. With her hair loose and flowing down her shoulders, her body outlined in flattering clothes, she was a far cry from the plain, frumpy librarian he’d first encountered.
Which explained his troubled stomach.
He wanted nothing to do with emotion, with wanting. And yet, in his efforts to convince Susannah, he’d noticed in himself a renewed interest in life, an eagerness to face a new day.
Feelings long dead. Three years long.
They scared him.
“Come in, Abby, Susannah. Welcome to my home.”
Even as the two women approached, Lucas drew a deep breath and shored up his determination. It was the hope of his son that was causing the blood to race through his veins once more. Not a woman.
And he was going to win. Susannah was going to agree to give him his son. Because he’d figured out the weak link in her armor.
“I’m glad you could come. Let me show you around the house.”
Susannah fell in love.
With the house. Only the house, she assured herself. If she’d planned it herself, she couldn’t have been more satisfied.
Oh, not with the decor. It had an air of neglect, of a half-finished project, that reminded her too much of Lucas’s past. The furniture was a mixture of sturdy, pioneer furniture, meant to last through the ages, and touches of modern, inexpensive pieces that appeared incongruously beside the rest.
It was a house that needed love to turn it into a home.
You’re an idiot, she scolded herself. A sentimental fool. Even worse, she knew Lucas sensed her reaction. If she didn’t know better, she’d consider his expression one of gloating.
Abby and Dr. Grable had acted as Lucas’s own personal Greek chorus, affirming every advantage he’d pointed out. Financial security. A home. All the time she wanted to care for her child.
“Dinner was delicious,” s
he said politely as she wiped her lips with her napkin.
“I’ll tell Frankie you appreciated it. He’s a good cook.”
“Yes, excellent,” Abby hurriedly agreed. “He’ll be a big help. Most new mothers don’t have enough help.” She elbowed the good doctor as if she feared he’d forget his role.
“Absolutely,” he hurriedly agreed, putting down his fork. “Most new mothers have to do too much too soon. Frankie will be a big help.”
Susannah tried to hide her smile as the doctor looked longingly at his last bite of coconut custard pie. Keeping his eye on Abby, he slowly picked up his fork. Then, with his prize in hand, he hurried it to his mouth.
“I think Frankie would make it hard to regain my figure, don’t you, Doctor? That pie was impossible to resist.”
“It was mighty good,” he agreed with a grin that disappeared as Abby elbowed him again. “I mean—um, I’m sure Frankie has some low calorie recipes.”
Several remarks about the likelihood of a man cooking for a bunch of hardworking cowboys even thinking of calories passed through Susannah’s head, but she said nothing.
What was the point? In spite of all the advantages on display, Frankie included, she couldn’t accept Lucas’s offer. She would pay the price of a loveless marriage, daily rejection of the feelings she might develop.
Work had never bothered her. Coldness. Loneliness. Those were her fears. And even among the crowd of people on Lucas’s ranch, she would be lonely.
The object of her thoughts, her host, settled back in his chair at the head of the table. “Well, Susannah, have you thought about my idea? Have we convinced you?”
Something in his look, his tone, made her leery. She’d earlier thought she’d detected a self-congratulatory smirk, but something was different now.
“No, Lucas, I’m sorry. I still have to refuse your—your gracious offer.”
It took some courage to meet his gaze, but she did, hoping she hid the turmoil inside her. Instead of looking disappointed, he regarded her steadily, seriously.
“So, the idea of wealth and comfort didn’t move you?”
She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. “No, thank you.”