by Unknown
For the first time since their arrival at the café, her gaze met his. “We are. I’m trading a part of my child for the security you’ve promised. You’re trading a promise to love and protect in return. Love and protect the child, I mean,” she added hurriedly, embarrassed again.
Why did something feel wrong? He frowned. “I will protect you as well, Susannah. After all, you’ll be my wife.”
She straightened her spine and replied crisply, as if she was once more in control of herself, “I can take care of myself, Lucas. All I’m asking is that you keep your word to our child. And I know you will do that.”
“I promise, Susannah.”
She nodded and took another bite. They finished the rest of their meal in silence. She left at least half of the meat loaf and vegetables on her plate. It took effort to control the urge to press her to finish her meal. But he managed.
As soon as he’d eaten the last bite of his food, she said, “I need to return to work, Lucas. I have a lot of things to do.”
He frowned again. She seemed extremely anxious to get away from him. “Okay, but we’re decided on next Saturday?” At her nod, he said, “I’ll call the preacher and see if the church is available. And I’ll bear the cost of the wedding. After all—”
“No! That’s my responsibility. Besides, it won’t cost all that much. There’ll just be my dress…and—and a ring for you. Do you mind wearing a ring?”
He considered his response. Oh, not about the ring. Of course he intended to wear a ring. But if she thought they were going to be married secretly, as if he were ashamed of her, she had another thought coming. “I’ll be glad to wear a ring. We can go into the Springs Monday and pick something out. And you can shop for a gown there. I’ll take care of everything else.”
“What else?” she asked with a frown, pausing in her movement to leave.
“A few minor details. Don’t worry about it.” He stood and came around the table as she shoved back her chair.
“But I want to—”
He stopped her words with a kiss. He’d intended it to be light, a notice served to the community of his intentions. But that damn lower lip, both lips in fact, were soft, surprised and downright inviting. Even the slightest physical contact between them seemed to arouse in him long-dormant sensations. She made him aware of his masculinity as no other woman did.
When he finally lifted his head, she stared at him with tragic eyes, as if he’d just broken her heart. “What? It was only a kiss, Susannah. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said hurriedly, ducking her head and turning away. “I have to get back to the library.”
He let her go alone. That seemed to be what she wanted. But he was puzzled…and worried. Why should his kiss upset her? Did she think they wouldn’t touch just because they weren’t marrying for love?
If that was her idea, it was a good thing he’d kissed her. He might not love her, and have no intention of loving her, but a man has needs. And he’d just discovered one of his most urgent needs was kissing Susannah.
Susannah felt like a mouse scurrying back to her hole after the big, ferocious cat had pawed her. Lucas Boyd was dangerous. Not because he would ever intentionally hurt her, but because his careless touch could destroy her.
She’d thought he understood that touching, sex, lovemaking, wouldn’t be a part of their marriage. When he’d dismissed Dr. Grable as a part of their pregnancy plan, she’d known she was in trouble.
When her fiancé had condemned her as frigid, she hadn’t argued. After all, she had felt no urge, no heat, no impatience for her wedding bed. He’d blamed her for his affair with her friend.
Books were Susannah’s living. She’d read enough self-help books to know she was not to blame for his behavior. But her lack of interest in sex with him, the distance she felt when he touched her, had coincided with his condemnation.
She wished she could feel as distant when Lucas kissed her.
He wasn’t being dishonest with her. No, he’d told her up-front that there was nothing personal about his interest in her. He wanted a baby.
The old-fashioned way.
Impossible to do without touching. And Susannah was finding it difficult to deal with her response when he touched her. When his lips met hers, she lost all rational thought. But he brought her to earth with a thunk when his words underlined his concept of their marriage.
They had only shared one kiss and she was already out of control. How was she going to protect herself? How was she going to hide her response?
The last thing she wanted was for him to feel sorry for her, to realize how needy she was. They couldn’t live together, coexist, if that happened. He’d be embarrassed and disinterested. She’d be miserable.
The only comfort she could find was that it was one of the busiest days at the library. Once she entered the building, her work pulled at her, tugging her thoughts from the disaster of her personal life.
At least she would have her work, giving her an air of normalcy during the day.
At night, she was in big trouble.
“Doc, did you examine Susannah when she first visited you?” Lucas asked over the phone.
“Of course I did. Why?”
“Did she discuss any, uh, her past?”
“No. Didn’t say much. What’s the problem, boy? Did she turn you down?”
“No, she agreed.”
“Hallelujah! When?”
“Next Saturday. Will you stand up with me?”
“I’d be delighted.”
“When she agreed, she thought we should wait until after she got pregnant to get married. I thought maybe she was afraid she couldn’t, you know, conceive.” Lucas wrapped the telephone cord tightly around one finger, watching it grow pale as the blood flow was cut off.
“I didn’t see a problem. She’s very healthy.”
Lucas unwrapped his finger and let out a sigh. “Okay. Well, I’ve talked to the preacher and the wedding’s set for four o’clock next Saturday. We’ll have the reception here afterward. Pass the word along, will you?”
“The entire town?”
“Every last one of them. We’re going to celebrate.”
Susannah waited until she got home that evening to call Abby. Though they weren’t having a formal wedding, she’d need someone to stand up for her, and she wanted Abby.
“Abby? It’s Susannah. I wondered if—”
“It’s about time you called. You are going to ask me to stand up for you, aren’t you?” Without waiting for Susannah to speak, she continued, “A’course, I’ll understand if you want someone younger, but—”
“Of course I want you to stand up for me. But how did you know?”
“Lord’a’mercy, child, it’s all over town.”
“You mean Lucas’s behavior in the café?”
“Aw, he’s kissed women before. But the wedding is the big news. We’ve got lots to do before then. Mark next Thursday evening off your schedule. That’s when we’re giving you a shower. And Friday night you’ll spend here with me. Since the wedding’s at four, we’ll—”
“What? The wedding’s when?” Susannah couldn’t believe it. The entire town knew when her wedding was scheduled before she did?
“At four. With a big party at the ranch afterward for the entire town. There’ll be a big cake, lots of food and Jed Roy is over the moon with the order for flowers. Didn’t Lucas tell you?”
“I have to go, Abby. I’ll call you later.” Even though Abby was still protesting when she hung up the receiver, Susannah didn’t hesitate. This might not be a real marriage, but Lucas Boyd had another thought coming if he thought he could run roughshod over her.
Rage filled her as she marched out of her little house to her car. She only hoped her rage wouldn’t disappear by the time she reached his ranch, because she knew she’d need its energy to deal with the ornery man who thought he was about to become her husband!
To her relief, her anger was still simmering when she jerked to a
stop in front of his house. By the time she reached the door, she’d stoked it with the reminder of how little she figured into his plans.
Only her baby.
After her knock he opened the door with a smile. “Susannah, I just tried to call you.”
How dare he? He acted as if he was pleased to see her. The pain was so acute, her prepared speech went out the window. Without warning, she slapped him. “The wedding’s off!”
Then she ran.
He caught her before she reached her car.
“What the hell’s gotten into you, woman?”
She couldn’t answer him. Tears filled her eyes and she was choked up. All she wanted was to get away, to hide in the dark until the panic eased.
In spite of her pushing and pulling, she couldn’t get away. He held her tight. He even tried to force her face up, so he could see, but that at least she could prevent. Finally, in a surprise move, he threw her over one of his broad shoulders and headed for the house.
“Put me down! I want to leave!” She choked out the words, flailing uselessly at his back.
“Not until you explain,” he said, his voice grim with determination.
“All right, put me down. I’ll explain,” she assured him with almost gleeful anger. She was glad she had an excuse to break off their six-hour engagement.
Because she was afraid.
With a sigh, she hung limply, no longer struggling. She was afraid. It hurt to admit her cowardice, but that was why she had become so enraged.
He opened the door and stepped inside, into the light, just as Frankie entered the hallway.
“Uh, everything okay, boss?”
“Yeah, Frankie. There’ll be one more for dinner. Okay?”
“Sure, boss. There’s plenty of food.” Then he scurried back down the hall and into the kitchen as Lucas let Susannah slide down his body to stand beside him.
Susannah closed her eyes. Could she embarrass herself more? Probably her behavior would be fodder for the gossip chain that existed in the small town before breakfast the next morning.
“What happened?” he asked.
She opened her eyes, suddenly weary. And heartbroken. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over. I never should’ve agreed.”
Dully she tried to move around him, to walk away.
Catching her shoulders in his strong hands, he held her firm. “Come on, Susannah, tell me what made you mad, made you change your mind.”
“Why ask me? Probably within the hour the tom-toms will be beating across the mountains, detailing our argument, just as they detailed our wedding. You can wait until then to find out.” She knew she was being unfair but she was desperate.
“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
“No, I’m not. I’m being overly sensitive, melodramatic, demanding, expecting to be consulted about our wedding before the entire town is informed. It’s a good thing you discovered I’m outrageous before you actually married me.” She kept her spine straight, her shoulders back. But she couldn’t look him in the eye.
Finally she raised her gaze. The silence had gone on too long. Why didn’t he say anything?
Lucas was too busy cursing his insensitivity.
When he’d married Beth, he remembered the weeks before the marriage, the details that consumed her, the way she’d gotten irritated with him because he didn’t care about what color the bridemaids’ gowns were going to be.
Why had he thought Susannah wouldn’t care? She was a woman, and this marriage would be her only opportunity to indulge in sentimentality.
No wonder she’d gotten angry.
“I’m sorry, Susannah. I should’ve called you and told you the only possible time was four o’clock next Saturday. But since it was the only time the preacher could make it, I assumed it would be all right with you.”
His apology didn’t solve anything.
She tugged futilely on his hold. “Please, let’s just forget it. We’ve made a mistake.”
“No, we haven’t. I made a mistake. I was insensitive. But there’s no need to call off the wedding. Our reason is still valid.” He ducked his head, trying to see her face. “Susannah?”
She kept her head lowered, but tears trailed down her pale cheeks. “Please, let me go,” she whispered.
“I can’t.” Without thought, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. “You’re going to take away my dream because I didn’t think? I promise I won’t do it again.”
Almost as if in slow motion, she laid her head on his shoulder, her face buried in his neck, letting her body rest against his.
His reaction boded well for their marriage bed.
Even as his manhood swelled and surged, his lips sought hers, his hands stroked and coaxed her participation. When her arms slid around his neck, her fingers weaving through his hair, along his neck, her mouth opened to him, he thought he was going to lose control and embarrass himself right there.
Not that he stopped, or let her go. In fact, he pressed her tighter against him, loving the feel of her breasts’ tight buds rubbing against his chest. He deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue past any barriers, encouraging her to join him.
And she did.
When one of his hands sank to the front of her blouse and began unfastening the buttons, she returned the favor, pulling his shirt aside and stroking his chest.
He let his lips leave hers, seeking new treasures, but he couldn’t stay away from their luscious softness. His hand cupped a neglected breast as his mouth plundered hers again. He thought he’d eat her alive. And still be hungry for her again.
He’d never felt this way before.
Not even with Beth.
Such a betrayal jolted him out of his sensual haze, and he stumbled back, shocked.
He didn’t have long to dwell on the traitorous thought, however, because Susannah turned and ran again.
“No!” he yelled even as he caught her.
The kitchen door swung open almost simultaneously and Frankie opened his mouth to announce dinner. “Dinner is—Uh, sorry.” He hastily retreated.
“We’ll be right there,” Lucas called out.
Then he turned his attention to the mass of nerves in his arms. Even as she buttoned up her blouse, she was trembling like a leaf.
“He didn’t see anything, sweetheart. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
He supposed he could count it a good thing that she looked him in the eye. Except for that glow of anger.
“I can’t stay to eat. I have to leave.”
“Come on, Frankie’s already fixed everything. It will give us a chance to talk.”
“In front of Frankie?” she asked, scandalized.
“No. I’ll, um, I’ll suggest he eat in the bunkhouse tonight. He won’t mind.”
“No, I have to go.”
“Susannah, I’m not letting you go until we work out our problems. I’m not giving up my dream.”
She went completely still in his hold, and he feared he’d said the wrong thing. To his surprise, however, she drew a deep breath and stopped pulling away. “No. I guess not.”
Without another word to him, she finished buttoning her blouse, tucked it into her skirt, smoothed back her hair, caught in its usual bun and turned to walk to the kitchen.
“Susannah—” he called out and she turned to stare at him.
“Didn’t you want to eat?”
Hell, yes, he wanted to eat. He’d had a busy day. But his head was all ajumble. He didn’t want her to leave. He didn’t want her to stay. How could he face what had popped into his mind when she was still there?
Still tempting him.
What was he going to do?
Chapter Eight
H er wedding day.
Susannah lay in Abby’s guest room bed, staring at the ceiling. Abby had ordered her not to get up before ten this morning…8:47 and counting.
She should be exhausted. There had been a hundred chores to accomplish before her wed
ding. Including packing. She’d considered keeping her little house, but coward that she was, she couldn’t face either Abby’s or Lucas’s reaction.
She and her fiancé had come to a silent agreement at their last meeting. They would stay as far apart as possible until the ceremony. At least, Susannah assumed that was what Lucas wanted since he’d avoided being alone with her.
She knew it was her preference.
In fact, she was surprised that Lucas was willing to go ahead with the ceremony. Especially since she’d already revealed how inadequate she was in…in certain areas. The expression on his face when he’d pushed his way out of her arms had confirmed her worst fears.
The click of the door snapped her from her thoughts. Surprisingly she almost chuckled to see Abby’s kind face peeking through a narrow slit between the door and the wall.
“Come in, Abby, and give me permission to get up. I’m tired of lying here.”
“Land’s sake, child. You were supposed to sleep late this morning.”
“But I always get up by seven, Abby. It’s habit. I did sleep until almost eight this morning. Will that do?”
“Why, of course, child. I was going to serve you breakfast in bed. But you can come to the table if you want.”
“I want,” she replied succinctly and shoved back the covers. “I’ve never been much for eating in bed.”
She slipped on a robe and followed Abby to the kitchen. Her day had begun.
He’d been up since before sunrise.
What in hell was he doing? He couldn’t marry again. If he did, he’d face the pain of loss, as he’d lost Beth and his little boy.
He’d thought he could protect his heart by not loving a woman. But his child? Didn’t he intend to love his child? He’d promised Susannah he would. Of course he would. He couldn’t help himself.
And the fear of losing that child, as he’d lost his first child, scared him to death.
After hours of pacing, he knew he couldn’t give up the hope of a son. But he’d gird his heart, keep it locked away, until that child lived and breathed in front of him. Until he could hear its heartbeat, watch it take a breath of sweet air.