by Donna Every
Daniel lay in the bed with feelings of helplessness, anger and fear washing over him in turn. If someone was trying to get his attention, then they certainly had it.
Chapter 9
New York Chronicle
Monday September 29, 2008
The Merger Mogul, Daniel Tennant, was rushed to hospital on Friday night after what appeared to be a stroke; however this has not been confirmed as yet. Tennant, who is only thirty-five years old, was said to have been accompanied to the hospital by an unknown young lady…
Daniel flung the newspaper which had been delivered to his room to the bottom of his bed. Was nothing sacred? How did the press find out these things anyway? And where the hell was the top notch neurosurgeon who was supposed to come and see him?
For two days he had lain in this uncomfortable hospital bed, waiting and wondering with his thoughts torturing him. He couldn’t concentrate on anything showing on the wall-mounted TV and now his head was beginning to pound again and he felt hot. He pressed the button next to his bed and a nurse appeared in a few minutes.
“Nurse, can you give me something for this headache? And I think I may have a fever. I feel hot,” he complained.
She took his temperature with an ear thermometer and noted that it was 101o F.
“You do have a temperature, Mr. Tennant. I’ll go get you some pills to bring down the fever and help your headache.”
“Thanks.”
Daniel was once again left with his thoughts. The neurologist had told him he had a tumor the size of a golf ball in his head! How was that even possible? He didn’t know what the risks of removing it were, if he’d ever recover completely or at all. He’d asked Margaret to bring his laptop so that he could do his own research but she’d refused. He felt so helpless and frustrated! He was going crazy just lying here. He was going to check himself out if the surgeon didn’t show up soon. In fact he should probably get a second opinion.
Half an hour later the door opened and a tall man with graying hair wearing blue surgical clothes entered the room.
“Mr. Tennant, I’m Luke Wellington, the neurosurgeon here. I’ve been away and just got back this morning.”
“I’m glad to see you. The waiting was driving me crazy!”
“I’m sorry about that. OK this is what we’re dealing with. As you know you’ve got an acoustic neuroma, which is resting on your brain stem. It’s also impacting your facial nerve which is why you may have felt shooting pains in your face and then numbness.
“There are risks associated with removing the tumor because of the size and position. We can take two approaches: Try to remove the whole tumor surgically or remove part of it and treat the rest with radiotherapy. If we remove the whole thing we risk damaging the facial nerve which could result in permanent paralysis of the right side of your face and make your face droop, to put it in layman’s terms. We should be able to get around the facial paralysis by preserving the facial nerve and we will work closely with an ENT surgeon to do that. We would leave the part of the tumor that’s resting on the nerve and deal with it afterwards using radiotherapy. Whichever approach we take, you’re likely to lose the hearing in your right ear. How do you want us to proceed?”
Daniel closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe this! How did he want them to proceed? What he wanted was to go to sleep and wake up and find that this was all a dream. He could either die in the operation or, if he survived, he could lose the hearing in his right ear and possibly have half his face drooping! What options were those?
He took a deep breath. “I certainly don’t want my face drooping. Leave in part of the tumor and treat it afterwards. How long will the operation take and how long do I have to do the radiotherapy, assuming I survive?”
“Your survival chances are excellent, Mr. Tennant. I’ve done this operation a number of times successfully. The operation takes about 10 hours. Because of the size of the tumor, we’ll need to make an incision in your skull to remove it, so we’ll have to shave your hair in that area. The trauma to your brain will cause some swelling but once the swelling goes down we can begin the radiotherapy. That could be anywhere from 25 to 30 treatments. It’s usually done from Monday to Friday for five to six weeks. You could be out of commission for three to six months, depending on how quickly your body responds.”
“Three to six months!” exclaimed Daniel.
“You’ll have to learn to function again,” said the neurosurgeon seriously. “In addition to the trauma to your brain, your balance will be affected which may feel like you’re on a rocky boat for a while or you may experience dizziness, so you’ll need to do exercises to improve your balance. You’ll also find that you’ve lost a lot of your strength, especially after the radiotherapy and you may experience adverse effects from that like nausea, hair loss and dryness in your mouth. I’ll make sure you have a brochure so that you’ll be aware of the symptoms and side effects that you may experience.
“I’ve scheduled the operation for Wednesday morning if you’re in agreement.” Daniel nodded vaguely. “You’ll need to sign consent papers before then. I’ll see you in surgery.”
God! Why was this happening to him? He knew that he wasn’t a saint, but there were a lot worse people than him, who were walking around perfectly healthy. Why him? Why now? Was it only a week ago that his father came to see him to make peace, as he put it, before he died? At that time he never considered that he was anywhere near death himself. Maybe that was why this was happening, to show him how it felt to know that death was just around the corner. What he did know, was that he wanted to avoid that particular corner at all costs.
He needed to see his team before surgery to make sure that things would run smoothly in his absence, or worse case scenario, his death. He didn’t even want to go there. That just could not happen. He reached for the telephone next to the bed and called Margaret at the office.
“Hi, Margaret. I’m to have the surgery on Wednesday morning so I need to see you and the rest of the team here later today or tomorrow for a quick meeting.”
“OK, Daniel. I’ll arrange for the team to come tomorrow but I’ll see you later.”
“Thanks Margaret. Oh and Margaret, say some prayers for me.”
“Already on it, Daniel,” replied Margaret.
Next day
Margaret knocked on Daniel’s door, opened it a crack and stuck her head in.
“Ready to see us, Daniel?”
“Yeah Margaret. I’ve been waiting for you guys.”
The team filed into the room feeling kind of awkward to see Daniel lying in bed. It was only a couple of weeks ago that he was leading them in the brainstorming session and he had looked perfectly healthy. It made all of them very aware of their own mortality.
“Hi Boss,” they chorused.
“Hi guys, thanks for coming,” Daniel said. “Sorry I can’t offer all of you chairs so I’ll make it quick. I’m sure Margaret has told you about this damned tumor. I’m having the operation tomorrow morning and, assuming I survive it, the surgeon says that I could be out of it for as long as six months.
“Bryan, you’re in charge while I’m away. You’re already a signatory on the bank account, so that ball is now in your court. Don’t let them talk you into giving raises while I’m away,” joked Daniel. Everyone laughed to release the tension. “Start to roll out the new stuff that we came up with at the brainstorming session.” Bryan nodded. “I’ve started contacting our clients via e-mail to let them know what’s happening and that you’re in charge.”
Daniel continued, “You’re a great team and you’ve helped to make Tennant Consulting what it is. I hope to see you on the other side of this operation.”
Each one came up to the bed to shake Daniel’s hand as they left. Claire leaned over and hugged him with tears in her eyes and said: “You come through this, you hear?”
“I plan to,” replied Daniel. He couldn’t contemplate anything else. They left him with Margaret.
“Bob and I will be
here this evening. He’s been worried about you,” said Margaret. “I’ll bring some of your favorite food for dinner.”
“Thanks Margaret. What would I do without you?”
“Would you like me to call your father? He’s gone back to Virginia but you can speak to him on the phone.”
“I really don’t have anything to say to him, Margaret and I’d be a hypocrite to call him now and tell him I forgive him because of what’s happening with me.”
Margaret looked at him sadly and said: “Daniel, you may live to regret this.”
“I hope I live to regret it,” he joked cynically. “As I said Margaret, regrets are a waste of time.”
Later that evening
Daniel was sitting in his visitor’s chair with his laptop open on his lap. Margaret had relented and brought it when she came earlier; he was catching up on his e-mails and sending out messages to his clients about his situation, and assuring them that they would still be in good hands with Tennant Consulting in his absence.
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” called Daniel. Bob and Margaret came in carrying a basket.
“Hi, Daniel,” greeted Bob. “You look fine. Are you sure that MRI was right?”
“Yeah, hard to believe isn’t it? I saw it myself. Kind of amazing that something so big could be in your head and you not know it.”
“Margaret tells me the surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. We’ll both come and see you before you go in.”
“You don’t need to do that,” protested Daniel.
“You’re like a son to us, Daniel,” added Margaret. “We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. We’re praying for you and we know that you’re going to come through this.”
“I hope so,” Daniel replied. “I really hope so.”
“I brought your favorite dinner, grilled salmon and risotto” she said changing the subject. “Eat up while it’s still warm.”
“Is this like the last meal before the execution or rather, the surgery?” joked Daniel.
“I don’t know how you can joke about this,” scolded Margaret.
“It’s either that or completely lose it,” he admitted.
Chapter 10
Daniel lay on his bed with his eyes open. The clock on his bedside table displayed 11.33 pm but he couldn’t sleep. Thoughts were swirling around in his head. Thoughts of death. He wondered what it felt like to die. Did you take a breath and then try to take another one but there were no more? Is that when panic set in? Did it all end there or was there really life after death as some people believed? He’d never really thought about it. His own death wasn’t something he had given much thought to before because he’d been so busy living and trying to be successful.
His mind took him back over his life, to the struggles he and his mother endured after his dad left. His life could have turned out so differently if his mother had not drummed into him the need to work hard and be successful so that he wouldn’t have to ever live like that again. He’d taken her words to heart and worked hard to get where he was today.
He remembered the excitement of winning a scholarship to go to college and the many hours he worked to supplement that money. He remembered the sense of achievement he felt when he graduated from law school. Sorrow overcame him as he thought how his mother had died, before he graduated, and before he’d had the chance to give her all the things that he would have liked to. He smiled as he remembered how rich he felt when he earned his first big pay check (a pittance compared to what he earned now) and the fear, mixed with excitement, he experienced when he took the risk and started Tennant Consulting.
He thought of the women who came so easily as his reputation and wealth grew and even before then. He couldn’t even remember all of their names. What did it all mean? Who was it that said “Vanity, vanity, all is vanity?” He couldn’t remember but he definitely agreed with that. Where was the meaning in his life? What was it all for? What was the point of pursuing wealth at all costs? Who would he leave it to anyway? Who would care if he died? Maybe Margaret and Bob, but no-one else really. Was this all there was to life?
His head began to ache with all the thoughts and he longed for the oblivion of sleep, although at the same time he wanted to stay awake in case it was the last day of his life.
Next morning – 9.00 a.m.
Daniel looked up at the fluorescent lights as he was wheeled to the preparation room. From his position on the trolley he felt out of control and helpless. He’d told Margaret and Bob not to come but now he wished they were here and he could see their familiar faces before he went into surgery.
The trolley stopped just outside the prep room and his eyes left the ceiling to see what the holdup was. Next to the trolley he saw the very faces he’d just wished for a minute ago. He felt a surge of love for these two people. It was an emotion he hadn’t felt in a very long time.
“Didn’t think that we would let you go under the knife without showing our faces, did you?” asked Bob.
“We’ll be praying for you, Daniel,” Margaret assured him.
“Thanks you two. I’m glad you ignored me and came anyway.” He wanted to tell them that he loved them but the words stuck in his throat.
Before he could get the words out, he was taken into the operating theatre for the surgery which would last the next ten hours, if it didn’t end prematurely.
Daniel slowly regained consciousness. He tried to open his eyes but the brightness made him quickly close them again. The first thought that registered in his head was: “I’m alive!” which was quickly followed by a wish for death as the most excruciating pain he had ever felt exploded in his head when he moved it. A surge of nausea overcame him and he opened his eyes again just in time to spot and grab a bowl on the trolley next to his bed and he emptied what little he had in his stomach into it. That movement made him feel like dying.
He eased himself back on the pillow and lay as still as he could. He was afraid to move any part of his body, afraid of the pain that was just waiting to overpower him with even the slightest movement of his head. He willed a nurse to come into the room so that he could ask for something to kill the pain. He cautiously moved his eyes to the side and could see the call button so temptingly close, but the thought of reaching for it was outweighed by the memory of the pain he had felt when he moved his head before. He was trying to decide if he should try to endure the pain in order to get medicine, when he succumbed to the anesthetic that was still in his blood stream and drifted into sleep again.
The next time he woke up he found Margaret and Bob sitting in the visitors’ chairs at his bedside flicking through magazines.
“Hi,” he croaked, speaking for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours. Their eyes flew to him.
“Hi, Daniel. You’re finally awake! How do you feel?” asked Margaret.
“Like someone cut out a piece of my brain,” he replied hoarsely. They chuckled softly. He closed his eyes again and said dejectedly, “I can’t hear through my right ear.”
“I’m sorry, Daniel. Mr. Wellington warned you that would happen but I guess it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ll call a nurse to give you something for the pain and maybe a drink of water. At least you’re alright.” Margaret gently squeezed Daniel’s shoulder and left the room to find a nurse.
Alright? He was alive but that was it. He had never felt worse in his life.
The door opened and a pleasant looking nurse came in, followed by Margaret.
“Welcome back, Mr. Tennant,” greeted the nurse. “I’ve brought you some medication for the pain but it may make you feel a bit strange.”
“No problem. Anything to kill this pain.”
Daniel drank some water first and then swallowed the tablets and prayed that they would start to take effect soon. His head felt like it was in a vice and it hurt so badly that he wanted to die. Considering how bad he had wanted to live that was pretty ironic. He had thought that once he’d had the operation the worst would be ove
r, but now he didn’t know how he would get through the next six hours far less the next six months! He felt depression creeping up on him. It wasn’t an emotion he was familiar with since he had always taken things in stride and just got on with whatever he needed to do. Now there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t speed up his recovery, he couldn’t stop his head from hurting, he couldn’t hear through his right ear and he couldn’t even go to the bathroom by himself! He felt helpless, defeated and in excruciating pain. Maybe death would have been better than this.
Bob saw the look of defeat come over him. “Don’t worry, son. You don’t have to go through this alone. We’re here for you and God is here for you.”
“God?” scoffed Daniel. “If he’s out there somewhere why should he be here for me? I’ve never had the time of day for him.”
“Because he loves you in spite of that,” replied Bob.
“Yeah, OK. I don’t want to talk right now.” He didn’t want to hear about God or anything. He just wanted the unbearable pain in his head to stop.
“OK, we’ll go and let you rest some more,” said Margaret.
After Bob and Margaret left, Daniel was alone with his thoughts once again. His life had been spared for some reason. Maybe he had some unfinished business to do, but he didn’t have a clue what that was. Whatever the reason, he’d been given a second chance. Perhaps it was to use what he would learn from this experience. Already he’d learned that fame and fortune meant nothing when you were staring death in the face. So what was important? What could fill the void that was still a part of him? And for the first time in his life he acknowledged that there was a void. He’d tried to fill it with work, wealth and women but it was still there.
Chapter 11