“I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that.”
Yeah, whatever. Too much talking. Tucker leans in to kiss me, and I reciprocate the movements, but with no feeling behind them. I don’t want to kiss either. I just want to get straight to the mind-blowing good stuff.
“Just fuck me already,” I whisper into his ear.
His hands move across my hips and to the zipper under my arm. I let out a long moan as the zipper moves down my body. I swiftly wiggle out of the dress, glad that I wore my cute black panty set. I let him enjoy the view for a moment before taking his face between my hands. “I’ve not been with anyone besides Barrett in a long time. I’m not sure I know how to do this.”
“Then I’ll be sure to make this memorable,” he replies before slipping me back onto the bed.
Caspian
“Why are you doing this?” I ask Booker. My lungs are constricting, and no matter how deeply I inhale, it still feels like I’m not getting any air. I walk into the bathroom and slam the door behind me. Booker already calls me too much of a sensitive pussy. The last thing I need is for him to see me break down, over some girl nonetheless. I slam my hand into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces. Blood drips down my knuckles, and I feel a slight sense of release.
“What was that?” Booker pounds on the door, but I don’t say a word. I turn the water on and run my hand under the coolness. Now I’m gonna have to pay for that mirror and my hand is going to hurt during the gig. What is wrong with me? I never get this upset. I never lose my cool. There isn’t a temperamental bone in my body. At least not when I’m sober. Drunk Caspian is a different story, an angry man with no sense of control. Wincing, I pull out a few pieces of broken glass embedded in my skin. The pounding on the door continues. I wrap a bandage along the raw skin and look straight ahead into the shards of mirror still intact. Control yourself, Cas!
But she was with some other guy last night. Last night!
“Seriously?” Booker yells. “I didn’t expect you to get this whipped. I just wanted to show you what she’s really like so you’ll snap out of this funk.”
I gain my composure and open the door. My eyes center in on the picture from the laptop. Ginger and some guy all up on each other at some nightclub last night. Some young-looking asshole.
“I’d hardly even call us friends. She’s free to do whatever she wants.” I keep my voice even. We specifically agreed we wouldn’t be more than friends. I was okay with it, but this stabbing in my chest tells me otherwise.
Booker laughs and closes the computer. “You’ve been gaga over this girl since you brought her backstage. Can’t you see, this is exactly who she is. Spoiled, thinks the whole world revolves around her, a drunk, more than likely a drug addict. Not to mention class A whore.”
I have to defend her honor. “You sir, are ridiculous. If you knew her, if you understood even a fraction of her, you wouldn’t be calling her these names.”
Booker gets right in my face. We’ve had heated arguments before, but not over something as silly as this. We normally only butt heads musically.
“Ha, and I suppose you do? Man up, Cas. Stop trying to save the world. She doesn’t want to be saved. It’s not your job. Your job is to be here with us. Lately, it’s felt like your heart isn’t in this band. You’re messing up lyrics and chords that I know you can play in your sleep.”
I run my hands down my face. “Why are you so hell bent on dissing this girl? I mean, constantly.”
“Ginger is bad news. At first, I thought it was kinda cool that you were writing again, but this tension between Aly and you is unbearable. She knows something is up. I’m sick of watching her cry. And then there’s you. You’re not focused, and you’re screwing up constantly.”
“I have a lot on my mind.” I try to move away from him. He’s so upset, this may come to blows. It’s never come to blows.
“Screw that.” His nostrils flare a bit.
“I don’t get it.” I throw my hands in the air. “Ginger and I are friends. I can have whomever I want as a friend. You’re not my boss, Booker.”
“I’m not trying to be your boss. I’m trying to be a friend. This is about more than Ginger and her messing with your heart. This is about keeping our band together. We put up with months of you getting sloshed and missing shows. We can’t do this again. I can’t do this again. If Aly quits, I quit. Just take my advice. Aly’s advice. Stay away from Ginger.”
“I think you’re blowing this all out of proportion.”
“Eventually, but not now. Not while the breakup is so fresh in Aly’s mind. I won’t let you hurt her. You have to promise me you won’t do anything to jeopardize the band.”
It’s a promise I can’t and don’t want to make, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep this band together. This is about all five of us. Our hopes and dreams are forged into this band. We can’t break up after coming all this way.
“Fine, I promise. What is everyone doing tonight?”
Booker’s face goes from scrunched to lit up in a split second. “We’re gonna practice some songs, bitch.”
“Let’s get it over with then.”
“Good. I thought you’d complain so that saves a step. Everyone will be here…” He trails off and looks at his watch. There’s a knock at the door. “Now.”
He opens the door. Fiz and Leo come barreling in with loud voices and instruments. Fiz puts down his case and strides up to me.
“Ooh, is poor Cas still upset over Aly? You want me to spoon you?” Fiz grabs me by the waist and knocks me back onto the bed.
“Get off you fucker,” I yell, while Leo pulls out his phone and snaps a few photos.
“But I wanna spoon with you!” He tries to get behind me, but ends up falling off the bed and onto the floor.
“Serves you right.” I sit up and straighten out my shirt.
“Come on, you big babies. Let’s talk about this song so I can get some sleep.” Aly walks into the room and immediately the room quiets. This is what Aly does to us; she’s our constant in this crazy storm of a tour. She holds us together. She’s the mother figure, and keeps the other guys in line. Me, not so much. I’m the mellow one of the group.
“Gimme the lyrics,” she demands with her hand out.
I flip through my notebook and pull out a scribbled up sheet. My arms shake as I hand it to her. This is a song about Ginger. Aly knows me; she’ll figure it out right away.
“It’s about time we had a new song.” She looks over the sheet in her hand. “As long as it’s not about our breakup, I’m happy. I’m happy to sing anything that doesn’t reminisce our love.”
“Play it, friend,” Booker says as pulls out a tambourine. He’s the only one out of the group that’s heard the song. I do the same, playing a few chords on my prized Martian OM.
“This is called Before You Go, and I’ll play the first verse and chorus.” The tempo is slow, and antagonizing. As the lyrics come out, Aly’s eyes are on me. Pressing, staring.
She’s just a season passing by.
Breaking all my bones, all my bones.
Disguising all the truths. There’s wicked inside of you...
And, Oh, Deena let me go.
Just let me be.
Or let me know.
Oh, the story goes.
You’re coming home.
Before you go.
As I finish the chorus, I open my eyes and look at the guys to measure their reactions.
“Beautiful!” Booker does a slow clap with his hands.
Leo grins while his legs dangle from his spot on top of the desk. “Dude, seriously deep. Fuck me, if I know what it means.”
Fiz gives me a slap on the back. “It’s different from your normal songs, but I like it.”
No one seems worried about Aly’s reaction. They don’t realize this song is actually about a girl named Deena. They’re so used to my lyrical alliterations and stand-ins. They probably think Deena is about alcohol or something. That’s it. They think Deena is an
other word for liquor.
Turning towards Aly, she seems to have the same reaction as the rest.
“That was lovely,” she says, bending down to give me a kiss on the cheek. I’m surprised at how my skin tingles as her lips brush my skin. Before she pulls back, her lips graze my ear. “Who’s Deena?”
She means it as a joke, but my pulse quickens in fear. Things are stressful enough between us as it is. My face remains still as she turns back to the band. She leans into Booker to have a private conversation. There’s a strange feeling in my bones as I watch them talk. I broke Aly’s heart and he’s been right there to pick up the pieces. I swear something passes in their gaze. Booker puts his hand out and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. I’m going crazy. That has to be it. They’ve known each other as long as I have. Almost a dozen years. There’s nothing going on. After all, my best friend and my ex-girlfriend. Can’t get a bigger cliché than that.
Ginger
“Go away,” I mumble as the pounding outside the window continues. I roll over, but instantly feel the difference below me. This isn’t my bed, and this isn’t my pillow. An unfamiliar feeling washes over me as I open my eyes and stare at the snoring body next to mine. Regret maybe? Major, major regret. I rarely regret, but instead take life how it comes.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I mouth. Last night, this had seemed like such a great idea, but this morning? Not so much. Tucker? What was I thinking? A coworker? Barrett’s best friend? I’m never drinking again . As I think it, I realize that possibly I may mean it this time. I lean up. There’s an empty condom wrapper on the table. Thank God!
“Go back to sleep, babe.” Tucker throws an arm around me and pulls me back down on the pillow.
“I can’t. It’s too loud outside.” Sounds of construction vibrate through the paper-thin walls. Men yelling. Hammers pounding.
“You need a morning wake up?” He rolls on top of me and brings his forehead down to mine. I choke back a mouthful of bile that threatens to humiliate me. Ew, this is Tucker. I push his body off me and take a few deep breaths to steady my queasy stomach.
“This was a bad idea.”
“Cause of Barrett? You two broke up.”
“He wants to get back together.”
“He never deserved you. I’m not asking for a relationship, but I have a feeling last night meant more to me than it did you.”
I pull the white sheet up higher against my chest and give a pretentious laugh. “I’ve never seen you with the same girl twice. Don’t act like you suddenly care.”
“Whatever you say.” He shrugs his shoulders. I’m pacified for only a moment. Then I begin thinking about the aftermath of last night. People will talk.
“Listen here, bud. What happened last night will never be spoken of again or else. Understood?” There’s only one person whom I mind discovering last night’s adventure. Caspian. It’s really none of his business, but I know he’ll be disappointed in me, and for some unknown reason that disappoints me.
Tucker gives me a boyish grin and stands up to get dressed. “Got it, Ginger. I don’t kiss and tell.”
I try and make myself as presentable as possible, even though I’m about to make the biggest walk of shame of my life. I pull my hair up into a high ponytail. I’m overdressed for a morning outing, but my bloodshot eyes are covered by a pair of oversized sunglasses. I didn’t even drive so I have no idea how I will get home. I leave the room without so much as a goodbye and go down to the lobby. I step out into the blinding sunlight and search for a taxi.
“Ginger.”
I spin around to see Tucker, who points down the road. “I parked down this way. Let me give you a lift home.”
I walk past him, pretending that we are just two passersby on the street. “Go away.”
“Oh, come on. Let me drive you home. No one is watching.”
I huff before crossing my hands in front of my body. “Fine. Whatever. Just take me home.”
We walk the three blocks in silence. I’m fuming, and if it were possible, steam would literally be pouring from my ears. How could I sleep with Tucker? I wasn’t passed out drunk or anything last night, but I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. When we reach his Mustang, he opens the door. His face scrunches up as if he’s puzzled about something.
“What?” I snap.
“I get the feeling you’re mad at me.”
“You think?”
“So you regret what happened last night?”
“Tremendously.”
I scan the streets and hairs lift on the back of my neck. We’re not alone. I can’t see them, but I can feel them. The cameras.
“Let’s not talk about this on the street.” I tell him before climbing in and buckling up. We don’t talk at all during the ride home.
“Do you want me to stop and get you some food?” he asks.
“No.”
“How about coffee? Do you want coffee? You don’t have to go inside. I can get it for you.”
“No thanks.” I’m mildly embarrassed only because I don’t remember much of the previous night. I remember having sex. Good sex. I remember wanting him. Who wouldn’t? Tucker looks good, but I’m not attracted to him like that or at least I wasn’t. He’s actually being sweet, and it’s kind of endearing.
“I’ll see you soon,” he tells me when we pull up to my driveway.
“Thanks for the ride.” I hop out and don’t look back. I’m not gonna go there. Tucker is just too much of a player for me. I know exactly how this will end. I’ll think he’ll change for me, and I’ll be the one girl who can tame him. News flash! He won’t change, and I’ll end up hurt and alone.
I’m itching to tell someone, but the only person I trust is Quinn. I can’t bother her now. She needs to relax with the baby. I flop down on my couch. There’s almost a dozen missed calls. Agents, Quinn, Mariah, and even one call from Jo. I turn the speaker on and let the voicemail play as I walk up stairs and brush my teeth. I need the taste and feel of Tucker off my body.
“Hey Ginger. It’s Mariah. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a few days. You stormed out the other day, and we need to talk about what we’re gonna do about your finances. Your credit card bills came in yesterday, and we really need to talk about a few things. Please call me back.”
The water falls from the showerhead, and I attempt to scrub away every trace of Tucker. All I can think about is relaxing underneath the warmth and steam, but I need to call her back. I turn on my speakerphone to call her back as I smother lotion all over my body.
“Hello?” Mariah says.
“It’s Ginger returning your call.”
“I’m so glad you called, Ginger. I have a few things to discuss. Can you stop by my office today?”
My head is pounding, and I can barely keep my eyes open. I have no urge to leave my house.
“I’m actually busy today. Can we discuss this over the phone?” I towel dry my hair and slip on some clothes.
“Ginger, your credit card bill came today. You maxed out two of them. I just wanted to let you know in case you tried to use them. The bill will be paid next week, but then that will leave your main spending account lower than it’s ever been.”
I slump down on the toilet, my knees are shaking. I didn’t lose that much money in my investments did I? That can’t be right. Why aren’t I smarter about this type of stuff? This is why I have accountants and advisors. “Oh, okay.”
“When you drop thousands of dollars nightly, it really adds up, and as your financial advisor, I’m advising you to cut back on the useless spending. Have you thought about taking on more jobs? Commercials perhaps? It’s just that you don’t have a steady income right now, and we’ve been dipping into your savings.”
Of course, but I don’t get many offers for work. I’m never the right fit, though she doesn’t need to know that. If I want to continue this lifestyle, I suppose I’ll have to work more. I want to get mad at her and tell her off, but she’s doing her job so I keep my
mouth shut.
“Thanks for letting me know, I’ll do what I can.” I hang up quickly. As if this day couldn’t get any worse. I press my agent’s number on the speed dial. I need jobs and quick, and I can’t put this off any longer. I’ll take whatever they want. He answers the phone, his Brooklyn accent coming through the line as he says hello.
“Robert, it’s Ginger.”
“Ginger, my girl. Did you get the scripts I left for you?”
“Yes, Robert. That’s why I called. I need work, lots of work.”
“I try and get you work. You turn down most everything I offer you.”
That’s because they are low budget crap. “Well, I’ll take it now.”
There’s silence. Hesitation. He wants to ask me something.
“Well…the producers are very interested in you for those movies. I’ll give them a call. In the meantime…”
“What?” I snap. He doesn’t know how desperate I am. I’ll take anything. Really anything. Just the thought of being broke scares the crap out of me. I can’t go back to Tennessee. I can’t go back to that lifestyle. I’ll even release a sex tape if it means more money. Okay, maybe not really, but you get the idea.
“I’ve gotten a few calls from a network about Jo Gillian’s reality show….” he begins.
“And?”
“Ratings are high when you guest star. They’re interested in doing a spin off about your life.”
My mouth drops. Me? There’s nothing interesting about me. I’m not sure I could deal with those cameras following me around everywhere, but then again that’s my life anyway. “Why me?”
“You have a high profile relationship with Barrett.”
“Had,” I interrupt. “I had a relationship with Barrett.”
“Okay. Had. You’re a fun girl. People love you and hate you. They want to know more about you. Think about it. It may be a good career move. It’s only for a few months, and I can work out all the details.”
“I’ll think about it.” It’s easy money.
“Got to go girl. I’ll email you details soon.”
I put my phone down. Now what? Caspian. Butterflies soar through my stomach at the thought. I want to tell him everything. I wanted to confide in him and have him tell me that everything will be okay. We are friends right?
The One Thing Page 13