by Jim Benton
to look meanly directly at a puppyface.
Stinker was sniffi ng at all of them and
wagging his tail and they were all jumping up on him
like he was not ugly or disgusting.
Isabella scooped up The Bubblegum Duchess.
“This one is mine,” she said. “And I’m not renaming
her. Although I’ll probably call her Bubs.”
Angeline hugged Prince Fuzzybutt. “I’m
keeping this one.”
126
Then my mom said in her pretend angry voice,
“Go ahead, Jamie. Pick one.”
I couldn’t believe it. I almost started to cry.
Just Dingledongle and Stinkette were left.
The choice seemed obvious. I grabbed Dingledongle
and cuddled her close. She was the most adorable
puppy I had ever seen.
But Stinkette was rolling around on the
ground wrestling with Stinker and the two of them
were in some kind of gross ugly love. I handed
Dingledongle to Aunt Carol.
“I changed my mind. I’m keeping
Stinkette.”
Angeline and Isabella smiled. Turns out,
Stinkette was the one they both wanted.
127
They said they thought there was more of
a bond between Stinker and Stinkette. They both
felt more connected to me and Stinker through her
ugliness, I guess. Since they both wanted Stinkette,
they decided that, to be fair, neither should get her.
Isabella told me that if I had read her diary,
I would have known that already. I think Isabella
has been trying to tell me in her diary how she felt
all along. She wanted to tell me about Hudson.
She wanted to tell me that she felt left out of the
whole puppy thing. She wanted me to know that she
resented my glamorous hair.
Isabella was worried that she could lose her
best friend. But she would never say something
drippy like that out loud. Isabella says emotions
like that are for grandmas and dance instructors.
128
“I can fix Stinkette up, you know,” Angeline
offered.
I said I didn’t think that was Stinkette’s style.
Stinkette wants to be cool and funny.
My mom pressured Aunt Carol into keeping
Dingledongle, even though she said my Uncle Dan
was going to hit the roof when she got home.
Isabella said her mom was going to do the
same thing, and she was not looking forward to
the fight.
“Want us to come with you?” Angeline asked.
“Moms don’t freak out if other kids are there.”
Isabella stopped in her tracks and turned to
look at Angeline. Angeline was right and Isabella
knew it. She was a little shocked that anybody
besides me would ever offer to help her.
So the three of us went over to Isabella’s
house and it turns out we were dead wrong.
Isabella’s mom DID freak out.
129
But evidently, we helped keep the freakiness
to a minimum and she didn’t say no. Isabella gets
to keep Bubs, and now we think that her turtle
might even be starting to turn around and is
planning to stay home, but it will be weeks before
we know for sure.
It was a great day, Dumb Diary, and now me
and my ugly ugly dogs need to get our beauty sleep.
(Some of us more than others.)
130
Thursday 26
Dear Dumb Diary,
Remember the old days when I thought I
knew everything? I thought I’d never want another
dog like Stinker. I thought my dad was dumb,
my teacher was uncool, and that nobody stood
between me and Hudson except Angeline. I thought
Angeline didn’t like me, and that Isabella hated
Angeline, and that the three of us could never be
friends together, much less sisters.
Think about it: The nice one is mean to me.
The mean one is nice to me. We get jealous of
each other, mad at each other, and can’t believe
how dumb the other ones can be. I’m not sure
we’re becoming sisters — I think maybe we always
have been.
I can’t believe that I used to think I knew
everything back then. I can’t believe how dumb I
was. I think I’ve really realized something.
131
I realize that it wasn’t until exactly THIS
moment that I really and truly knew everything — at
least everything I want to know.
Thanks for listening, Dumb Diary,
P.S. I thanked my mom again for letting me keep
Stinkette and she told me not to thank her — thank
Aunt Carol. It was Aunt Carol who pressured my
mom into saying okay. Then she said, “Thank your
lucky stars you don’t have a sister, Jamie. They can
get you into more trouble than anybody.”
Best Friends for never.
Dear Dumb Diary,
So now I’m friends with Angeline. This is an Automatic
Friendship, and I have to just accept it and make the
best of things.
See, if I objected, then Aunt Carol might divorce
Angeline’s uncle, sending both of them tumbling into
a deep pit of depression for the rest of their lives, and
Angeline could wind up feeling so guilty that she would
have to go be locked up in an old dirty insane asylum
for years and years, and Stinker’s puppies would grow
up not knowing both their parents—and I couldn’t live
with myself for doing something like that to a puppy.
CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF JAMIE KELLY?
CHECK OUT HER OTHER DEAR DUMB DIARY BOOKS!
YEAR TWO: #1: School. Hasn’t This
Gone On Long Enough?
YEAR TWO: #3: Nobody’s Perfect.
I’m As Close As It Gets.
YEAR TWO: #2: The Super-Nice
are Super-Annoying
YEAR TWO: #4: What I Don’t
Know Might Hurt Me
#1: Let’s Pretend This
Never Happened
#5: Can Adults Become
Human?
#9: That’s What Friends
Aren’t For
#2: My Pants Are
Haunted!
#6: The Problem With Here
Is That It’s Where I’m From
#10: The Worst Things In
Life Are Also Free
#3: Am I the Princess or
the Frog?
#7: Never Underestimate
Your Dumbness
#11: Okay, So Maybe I Do
Have Superpowers
#4: Never Do
Anything, Ever
#8: It’s Not My Fault I
Know Everything
#12: Me! (Just Like You,
Only Better)
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© 2013 Walden Media, LLC and
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R DUM
B
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Available in print
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Some guys just can’t win…
but Danny never stops trying!
About Jim Benton
Jim Benton is not a middle- school girl, but do
not hold that against him. He has managed to
make a living out of being funny, anyway.
He is the creator of many licensed properties,
some for big kids, some for little kids, and some
for grown-ups who, frankly, are probably behaving
like little kids.
You may already know his properties: It’s
Happy Bunny™ or Catwad™, and of course you
already know about Dear Dumb Diary.
He’s created a kids’ TV series, designed
clothing, and written books.
Jim Benton lives in Michigan with his spectac-
ular wife and kids. They do not have a dog, and
they especially do not have a vengeful beagle.
This is his first series for Scholastic.
Jamie Kelly has no idea that Jim Benton, or
you, or anybody is reading her diaries. So, please,
please, please don’t tell her.
iGNORANCE is BRILLIANCE.
Dear Dumb Diary,
I went back and read some of my very oldest diaries.
The entries say things like “I eated salad dressing”
and “I got a Barbie shoe stuck in Stinker’s nose again”
and “The vet was mean to me about the Barbie shoe so
I tried to bite him but vets are quick at not getting bit
because dogs try all the time but dogs don’t usually
kick so I did that.”
What amazed me was just how dumb I used to be,
considering how smart I am now. There must have been
a day when I just woke up smart.
Sneak a peek inside the diary of Jamie Kelly, who
promises that everything she writes is true . . .
or at least as true as it needs to be.
www.scholastic.com
Cover art by Jamie Kelly with
the help of Jim Benton
Cover design by Steve Scott
RL5 008 and up
Jim Benton’s Tales from Mackerel Middle School