January got delayed, but she was finally here. Gus was ecstatic. She signed off, ended the live feed, and shouted at the front door, “Hold your horses, January Snow.” Making her way to the door, she waited for the expected reply.
“Wild horses can’t be held for long. They are untamed and free, just like we should be.” Contradictory emotions warred in Gus’ heart. On one side, she was happy to hear her sister mimicking the answer Gus always delivered to their mother when she tried to rein them in. The other side of the battlefield was occupied by guilt. Jan wasn’t free, Gus had left her little sister in the dust when she threw off her saddle and broke free from her parents’ bridle.
It mattered not that Gus had tried, for years, to fit into that cage her parents gilded for her, to spare Jan the pain of being groomed. Gus couldn’t do it anymore. One day, when she looked in the mirror and realized she lost herself, she bolted, leaving January the only one for her parents to focus on. At the time, Augusta didn’t think about that, didn’t think about anything but finding the true her and holding on tight.
It worked. She had a wonderful life of her own design here, but at what costs to Jan? I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her, especially if anyone other than Jan is controlling her destiny.
Gus opened the door to see the most stunning woman she’d ever laid eyes on. From the day she saw her in her hospital bassinette, Gus had thought there wasn’t a more beautiful person created. Looking at the svelte, blonde knockout standing on her porch, hand poised to rap on the door again, just confirmed it. Her little sister was breathtaking.
“Oh, my God, Gus, look at you. You are glowing. Pregnancy becomes you. You are freaking hot.” The words coming from her sister meant more than if from anyone else.
January dropped her bags, and they shared a much-needed embrace. Gus didn’t realize how much until Jan’s lithe arms held her with a strength that didn’t seem possible for such a petite young woman. The tears flowed freely from both sisters. It was a good five minutes before each one took on the role of caretaker and began wiping away the other’s drops of sadness and joy, laugh-crying while they did it.
Once more, they embraced…and cried. Finally, when they made their way to the couch, they sat leaning against each other and enjoyed the silence; it spoke volumes. Apologies for transgressions both perceived and real. Words of love and longing for each other’s company. The silence also spoke of both Gus and Jan’s pain. There was so much radiating from both, it made the air thick and hard to breathe. Gus knew she would still voice her apologies to her sister; she needed to. But it was obvious in the void of words between them that Jan had already forgiven her.
But I haven’t forgiven myself.
“So, little sister, why am I the last to hear you’re engaged?” Gus grabbed her sister’s hand with the ring on it. Jan snatched her appendage back, struggled to remove the ring, and then shoved it in her pocket.
“It’s not what you think, Gus, and I would rather drop the whole thing, if that’s okay with you. Besides,” Jan tucked her feet under her and turned toward her big sister and grabbed both her hands, “I’m here for you, not to talk about my shitstorm of a life.”
“Language.”
“I’m an adult; I curse; get over it. Sooooo, tell me what’s up, especially with the silver fox.”
“How do you…oh, the videos. Well, there’s nothing to tell, Jan. I fell too hard and too deep, which is my M.O. and well, he didn’t. The end.” Needing to sever the physical connection with Jan, Gus rose and headed toward the kitchen. She would break down and start blubbering about love and her dreams with John and never have the backbone to back off like she needed to do—for her sake and his.
Of course, Jan followed. Gus was furiously making sandwiches when Jan stepped up and took the knife from her before she hurt herself, and just hugged her again. No more questions or judgement, just love and acceptance. Exactly what she needed.
“Oh Jan, I’ve got to let it go, I mean I have to, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
“Please, lady, you are strong. You broke away from our parents; this will be a cake walk,” Jan whispered through her hair. Gus ignored the statement. She wasn’t ready to deal with that just yet. There was too much on her plate at present to take a bite of that casserole.
For the first time, Gus ended the embrace first. She was too close to the edge, not just about John, but where Jan was concerned to be able to maintain that physical contact and not start blabbing all her transgressions.
“Do you want a sandwich?” Gus returned to her task.
“Um, no. I don’t want cold bread, or cold meat, or condiments. And don’t get me started on cheese. Yuck.”
“Wow, still? I thought you would have outgrown that or Mother would’ve trained it out of you by now. “A proper lady isn’t picky. She can throw it up later if it didn’t appeal to her, but she should be courteous to her hostess.” They both devolved into laughter as Gus adopted their mother’s voice.
“She tried, believe me, she tried. She served me the same plate for seven meals in a row. Said I would eventually get hungry enough to eat it. I was this close to giving in by the second time, but I had a stash of Corn Nuts. I ate like five at a time so I could last for about five days or so, but Dad stepped in and put his foot down. Said I was too skinny and she needed to back off.” Jan casually grabbed an apple from the basket and took a bite like she hadn’t just shared an epic moment in the life of the perfect Thornes.
“Wait, seriously?”
Jan just continued crunching her apple.
“Our father, Timothy Raymond ‘Thunder’ Thorne, stood up to Mother? Took your side over hers?”
“Yep, shocked the shit out of me.” Gus was so stunned, she didn’t bother to scold January for her cursing. She just stood there. For a moment, she was jealous of Jan; Dad had never stood up for Gus. One look at her beautiful baby sister and that jealousy faded fast. Thank you powers that be, at least she had someone finally looking out for her…since I left her alone in that wolves’ den.
“Tell me everything. I want details. What did Mom do? Did she flip out? Why did you never tell me this story before?”
“First, I don’t know the details of that night because Mother cordially ordered me from the room. No raised voice, nothing. She gave me a hundred-dollar bill and asked me to take my bike or the bus and go to dinner and not return until I had eaten my fill. I left. I knew better than to question that level of calm.”
“Wow. What happened when you got back?”
“I walked in, and they were seated in Dad’s office having after-dinner drinks like normal and never mentioned it again. Dad was back under her control, and I had somehow won the battle but lost the war. I went to bed, and it was never spoken of again…that is, until I brought it up, along with a laundry list of other stuff, right before I called you.” January threw away her apple core and grabbed her bags. “I don’t want to talk about our parents, if you don’t mind. Show me to my room?”
Of course, you don’t want to talk about them, duh, I don’t blame you. Gus was able to pull the rest of the story from Jan. It happened the week she had left. Her baby sister was just thirteen, and she went days with just Corn Nuts. What kind of mother force-feeds and starves her thirteen-year-old daughter? Melody Margaret (hurricane force) “Windsong” Thorne, self-appointed dictator of feminine perfection, that’s who.
“Of course, honey, right down here.” Gus started leading Jan through the house. “Do you want me to get you a job at Erika and Tori’s store? I’ve already mentioned it, and you just need to say the word. They would be thrilled to have you. Since they are taking a more corporate role, they are looking for someone with your degree for the day-to-day.” Gus was amused by that thought. Everyone seemed to be growing and changing so much lately—maturing, nurturing relationships, making business deals, and starting families—everyone but her. She was stagnating and as soon as she gave birth, then what? There was no relationship to
devote more time to. No business to take a back-seat in. Just her and her ever-changing hair color and alternative therapy.
The thought was depressing, but not as depressing as what Jan was facing, so…time to suck it up, buttercup, and do what you can to help your baby sister with whatever your parents are putting her through. Your pathetic life will still be there later.
“They pay well and, unlike a lot of retail, they offer benefits if you stay on long enough. I’ve given it some thought, and…why does this arrangement have to be temporary? I know you have a great job waiting for you working for Dad, but have you given any thought to, I don’t know, maybe staying around here, around me? I know you have a fiancé now and all, and a shiny new diploma, but maybe he would move here and we could be close and…” Gus was rambling, having second thoughts. She wanted to give her sister an option outside of being under the control of their parents forever.
When the Thornes are displeased, they let it be known far and wide. If Jan was employed by them, what would they do? Fire her, cut off her source of income and independence? No, I can’t let that happen. I must offer her options.
Gus couldn’t offer a cushy office job yet, but with her business degree, Erika and Tori had indicated they would hire her for more than just running a store if she stuck around. She could make a place here. Here, by me. Where I can protect her now the way I should have years ago.
January grabbed Augusta and spun her around, gently. “Gus, I love you, and I don’t blame you for anything. As much as I would love to stay here, with you, I can’t even begin to make a decision like that. I hope you understand. However, I do need this time to find myself and all that bullshit, and who knows, things may change. Miracles happen sometimes, right? Maybe not for Thornes, as a rule, but for others. Maybe I’ll be the first. Besides, I have a job lined up already. One just for fun, but tell your friends thanks all the same.”
January’s laugh was hollow and her words laced with resignation, not hope as they indicated. She had given up. This really was just a last hoorah for her before she accepted her fate. Gus planned to do everything in her power to change that, and if she couldn’t de-program her sister, she was darn sure going to make this a time to remember for Jan.
It’s the least I can do…since it’s my fault in the first place. Just because Jan was resolved to her fate, that didn’t mean Gus had to be. As soon as she got her own ducks in a row, she’d help her baby sis do the same.
The need for answers from Jan almost overwhelmed Gus’ intuition to back off. Luckily, her intuition won because it was obvious that if she pushed her sister, it would be right back home, and that wouldn’t do.
“Sure thing, sis, right this…” Gus was interrupted by a scratching, hissing fur ball barreling down the hall like his ass was on fire…straight into Jan’s room.
“Lemme guess, Rick?”
“Um, yeah, that would be him. Sorry about that, but now that he is in your room, you’ll have to leave the door open so he can get out.”
They entered the room and saw no sign of the whirlwind that just cut them off in the hallway. Jan tossed her bags on the bed and bent down to solve the mystery of where the cat was hiding. “I’ve got good news and bad news, which do you want first?”
Jan rose to her feet and spun around to flop on the bed. Gus busied herself unzipping Jan’s bags and folding her clothes and placing them in the appropriate drawers.
“I’ll take the good news first. Most people go with bad to end on a positive, but I say start positive and then maybe the bad won’t seem so bad.”
Unmentionables on top. Sleepwear in the middle, and occasionals on bottom. Halfway through, she realized what she had done. Before Jan could deliver any news, Gus’ condition prompted her to request, “Jan, could you open the bottom drawer for me?” Jan grabbed a handful of clothes from her bag and came toward Gus.
Jan bent down and opened the bottom draw. Gus grabbed the neatly folded contents of the top drawer and dropped them carelessly into the bottom. Then, she closed the drawer with her foot.
The raised eyebrow and questioning look she received from her sister was priceless. After a prolonged moment of eye contact and quiet communication, Jan flashed her winning smile and distributed the contents of her hands randomly among the open drawers. A wave of rebellion and relief washed over the sisters as they shared a special moment that no one else could understand. After Jan’s bags were empty, they both lay back on the bed staring at the ceiling like they did when they were younger.
“Oh, the good news is, the cat is safe and sound under the bed.” When Jan didn’t continue, Gus prompted.
“And?”
“And, are you missing any socks? Because I think your cat is a hoarder and needs an intervention.”
“Yeah? What’s the bad news?” Jan turned toward her and propped her golden head on her hand.
“That was the bad news; your cat’s a thief and since you couldn’t open the bottom drawer, I can only assume you don’t have the flexibility to retrieve your pilfered items?”
Gus trained her gaze on her beautiful sister and raised her hand to her sister’s cheek. “That’s actually good news because I seriously thought I was losing my mind with all the little things that have gone missing. Now I know it’s just Rick’s way of making a place for himself here.”
Jan covered Gus’ hand with her own. The sadness in Jan’s eyes was heart-wrenching. “You always did know how to find the bright side.” Jan flopped back on the bed but still held on to Gus’ hand, letting their intertwined fingers rest on the bed between them. “Something I never perfected,” she added, her voice low and mournful.
What do you say to that? A beautiful, vibrant young woman with the world at her feet who didn’t see the bright side of things.
After moving their joined hands to her belly right where Butterbean was Riverdancing, Gus spoke hopefully, “It’s never too late to learn, Jan.”
Fascination sparkled in Jan’s eyes as she traced the baby’s movement intently, like a game of Pat-A-Cake she didn’t plan to lose. Gus was content to let her enjoy the moment but silently made a pledge. It’s never too late, and I’ll teach you like I should have all those year ago, little sis. I’ll teach you.
The baby decided to nap, and the spell was broken.
“Augusta Rain Thorne, don’t make this all about me. I can see it in your eyes. I am here for you. Yes, I am going to sow a few wild oats while I’m here, but this is not about that.” Jan rose from the bed and dusted herself off, then offered a hand to Gus. Once they were both upright, Jan rested her hands on her hips.
“Now, big sister, tell me true, what is the one thing you are craving like crazy but all the mother…and father hens in your life are denying you? The one you can stomach, that is. I am starving and ready to get my grub on.” She leaned in close. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” With that, she flipped her golden locks and sashayed through the bedroom door.
Jan’s slender form was hidden behind the open refrigerator door when Gus entered the kitchen. “Looks like you have all I need to whip you up some…” The way she said “some” triggered the memory center in Gus’ brain, and they said in unison…
“Trash Can Nachos.”
Gus got lost in memories of nachos and two little blonde-headed girls sneaking around. The first time she made them for Jan, they had been sent to bed after a cleansing smoothie supper and were starving. Earlier that day, Gus had taken the change she had left from the book fair at school and bought herself and Jan candy bars on the way home.
They each ate a square and stashed the rest for later. Jan must have been about in second grade. Their mother found Jan’s and was convinced they had eaten more and this was the remnants. Needing to cleanse the poison and calories from their systems, they were given the smoothie and that was it.
Of course, they were never truly starved, but as kids, they thought they were dying. Jan wouldn’t stop crying that her stomach hurt, so when the Thornes left for a social
event with strict instruction of fruit only, Gus disobeyed.
However, she couldn’t touch the obvious choices in the fridge or their mother would notice. Instead, Gus looked for things that wouldn’t be missed. A scoop of this, a pinch of that. Of course, no true chips in the Thorne household, so they always improvised. Whatever was crunchy or could be made crunchy. Celery, a toasted slice of gluten-free bread, quinoa cooked into thin crisps. Anything worked to impress her younger sister.
As they grew, their TCN got better; they kept Fritos stashed just for that purpose. Gus smiled at the memories. They weren’t bad ones, as it might seem to others; that was when they bonded as sisters. Gus’ smile faded as she remembered the first time and how she vowed never to let Jan go to bed in pain.
Before she had time to make more pledges and promises to right the past, Jan said words that melted her heart, “You know, these nachos were a hit in my dorm room. So much so we made it a Friday night study tradition. Each friend brought one ingredient from her personal stash, and I had to find a way to whip it up into tasty nachos. It was something the residents of Kelton Hall looked forward to the way I did growing up.”
Jan continued working, and Gus was mesmerized watching her. No more words were needed. Gus was starting to realize the positive impact she had on Jan’s life. Maybe, just maybe, her parents hadn’t destroyed all Jan’s spirit after I took off. Jan just buried it to protect it.
And I’m going to help her dig it up.
They sat down to eat and, even though the conversation had graduated from boys to men, Augusta felt like a teenager again. When she looked across the table, she saw a cute little girl with blonde pigtails and freckles eating secret nachos.
“So, give me the cliff notes of you and John. I’ve been following your videos, so I have a pretty good idea, however, I didn’t see the latest, so spill. Wait, still spill, but first, tell me about falling in love with him. You’ve told me about the cat and a few little stories, but I want to hear about that one moment. The one that changed everything. Then you can get back to the summary and latest.” Jan brought her knees up and hugged them. Her eyes were wide and waiting. Gus could barely push herself up to the table, never mind lifting her knees up that high.
Inevitably Yours (Imagine Ink Book 4) Page 8