She reaches up and palms my jaw softly. “Don’t grind your teeth, they’re under enough stress with all the sticks and pucks they have to avoid.”
I smile at her snarky comment and force my jaw to relax. “I really fucking hate sticking my life out there, but I thought if I had to do it I might as well bring them to one of my volunteer shifts at Daphne’s. I can turn the exposure I hate into exposure you need and make it bearable.”
“Are you serious?” she asks, excitement filling her voice. “That’s national exposure.”
“I know. So that’s a yes?”
“That is a yes!” She kisses me and then drops down onto my chest.
“Are you going to tell them why you volunteer here?” she asks quietly a moment later.
“Maybe. I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ll see if it feels right at the time.”
She snuggles closer and I start to trail my fingers up and down her back. This is our thing. We lie like this after sex for an hour, sometimes more, and then eventually I go home. I haven’t had a nightmare in a while—almost two weeks—but I still worry. I run my fingers through her long, silky hair, playing with the ends before dropping them and sliding through it again. My body is particularly wrecked after the game and the sex. I yawn. I need to head home soon, but she’s just so warm and soft and there’s something soothing about running my fingers through her hair…the last thing I remember is blinking.
“Babe?” Her voice is raspy and filled with sleep. “Alex?”
I must be dreaming. I feel her hand on my shoulder. She squeezes it softly. “Alex, I have to get up and make sure Mac gets off to school.”
My eyes flutter open. “What?”
Morning light floods through the windows. I sit up quickly, startled. She looks worried. “I slept over?”
“You slept over,” she confirms. “I didn’t even realize it. I fell asleep and when I woke up, you were still here.”
I glance at the small digital clock on her nightstand. It’s ten to seven. Holy shit. She slips out of bed and grabs her robe off the back of the door. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod and blink. I can’t believe it. I’m flooded with relief and happiness.
She walks over and runs a hand through my bed-head and smiles. “Just so you know, even if you have a nightmare, it’ll be okay.”
“I’m beginning to think you’re right,” I reply.
She leans down and kisses me quickly. I cup the back of her head so she can’t pull away and I kiss her again and then I tell her something that’s been on my mind for a while now. “And just so you know, whether you carry that gene or not, it’ll be okay too.”
I drop my hand and she stands up her beautiful face swirling with ugly emotions—fear, shock, maybe even a little anger. I stand up and reach for her hand. “It’ll be okay because I’m not having kids so I won’t leave them alone.”
“Sweetheart you have a kid,” I remind her softly. “You’re the closest thing to a good mother Mac will probably ever know, so you bet when you go, no matter how or when, she’ll mourn you the same as any biological kid now.”
She looks so pained, but I know this is a conversation we have to have. “Are you saying this because you want kids or something?”
“I just want you to know I’ve been reading up on this. Even if you have the gene, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get sick and people get cancer without the gene too.” I pull her into my arms and press my lips to her head for a moment before speaking again. At first the idea that she might be taken from me sent a cold flash of fear right through me. But I realized that it was a risk I had to take. I wasn’t going to walk away from the only woman I’ve ever loved—who has ever loved me—because of a what if. Any time with her was better than no time with her. “I’m saying this because I want you, kids or no kids, and whether you get the test results or you don’t, I’m always going to be here for you. You’re stuck with me.”
There’s a thump down the hall and then Mac’s voice bellows through the apartment. “Brie! Have you seen my backpack?”
Brie steps out of my arms and gives me a shaky smile. “Are you okay?”
She nods. “I am. I promise.”
She slips out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. I lie back and stare at her ceiling. I feel this overwhelming sense of peace, which is crazy because when I look at my life now, it’s like I’m a different person. I don’t even recognize myself anymore…but it’s no longer terrifying. It’s incredible.
Chapter 26
Alex
Are there always so many fucking people involved in this type of thing?” I growl as Luc and I watch ten people zip around the sidewalk carrying camera equipment.
“You act like you’ve never been on camera before.” Luc grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He saw how stressed out I was at the Barons family skate with the camera crew and producer following me around. I think he felt bad for me so he stopped by to see how I was doing while we film the final segment here at Daphne’s House. “You’ve done probably about four hundred postgame interviews in the locker room. Remember that.”
I shrug and run a hand through my hair, which makes the hair lady frown. I give her a quick apologetic smile. “In the locker room I’m in my element. I’m comfortable.”
“Why because you’re half naked and panting?” Luc quips.
“Maybe you should do the interview shirtless like you do after games,” Brie suggests. She’s standing beside Luc looking at something on her phone but clearly listening to our conversation. Some things never change. “I can get you hot and sweaty too if that helps.”
I smile down at her and wish I could kiss her right now but we have to keep this professional. “I am definitely taking a rain check on that.”
She smiles and quickly lets our hands tangle, giving mine a squeeze that is way more comforting than the squeeze I got from Luc. Mon Dieu, I love her so damn much. “I’m going to go check on the kids.”
She gives me one more supportive smile and then walks over to where the kids are clustered together on the sidewalk a few feet away. Luc watches her go and then looks at me with an awed grin. “I can’t believe that Starbucks encounter turned into this.”
“Neither can I.” I smile at the memory.
He claps my shoulder again. “I’m going to head out unless you want me to stay.”
“Nah. It’s good. I’ve got more than enough eyeballs staring at me while I do this. Thanks though for swinging by.” I’m grateful for his friendship. It’s funny how life can change in just a few short months.
“You’ve got this, man. Just be yourself.” Luc gives me a smartass grin and glances at Brie again. “Somehow that seems to work.”
“Please know I am mentally flipping you the bird right now.”
He chuckles and waves before turning around and heading down the street.
“Alex,” the producer says and marches over. “We’re good to go. Sit there, in the middle on the top step okay?”
I go to sit down. The stylist charges over and starts to fix my hair.
“Now just do your thing and pretend we’re not even here,” the producer says with a smile and I try not to roll my eyes. This whole day is contrived and set up just for them. They followed me for part of my run with the kids earlier and now they want some of them to stay and ask questions and chat with me on the front stoop, something that we’d never do normally. If they have questions, they ask me on the run or later in the house. She turns and starts to point at them, one by one, and tells them where to sit. She tells Mac to sit on the bottom step, the farthest away from me, but Mac ignores the request and sits to my left on the step beneath me. The producer starts to open her mouth, but the look on my face stops her.
“Okay…start rolling!”
Oh God, someone shoot me now. Reg starts it off as he looks up at me and asks me a question about whether I run because it’s part of my hockey training or because I like it. I tell him it’s the latter and how I
used to run a lot as a teen because it got me out of the house. I tell them that I mostly did it in the summer when there was no ice hockey, since I couldn’t afford to pay for time in indoor rinks.
The questions keep coming, ranging from running techniques to hockey questions to general health stuff. I have no idea how any of this will be interesting to hockey fans who watch this show but hey, they’re the experts. After ten minutes the producer says it’s done and everyone gets up to leave, but Reg has more question. “You said you couldn’t afford indoor hockey in the summer, so like were your parents poor?”
My heart beats faster at the mention of my parents.
“I got into hockey when I was nine, which is considered late for most. I was playing on the free rec leagues until a coach saw my potential and got me on a team where the fees were waived and equipment was supplied.”
I feel a weird lump forming in the pit of my stomach. It’s guilt. I feel bad I’m giving him kind of a half-truth or half an answer. My eyes catch Mac’s. She doesn’t look disappointed by my answer, but I realize I am. I don’t want her to think that she has anything to be embarrassed about just because she’s not growing up the way people think you’re supposed to.
I look back at Reg. “And no, my parents weren’t poor. They passed away when I was little. I was in foster care and didn’t have the best luck there, so I left and ended up kind of homeless for a few years because there was no Daphne’s House for me. But I had hockey, thanks to some great coaches who helped me stay in the game.”
I glance up and realize the camera guy is still filming. The rest of the crew is staring with most of their mouths hanging open. The producer is furtively leafing through her notes, probably wondering where the fuck that detail was in her research on me and how she missed it.
“Have you talked about this before?” the producer asks, finally giving up on her notes and staring at me in stunned confusion.
I glance at the camera. Still fucking rolling. Okay well…I guess I’m doing this. And honestly, it doesn’t feel wrong, even if it is fucking uncomfortable and terrifying. I shake my head. “Never. I had misplaced shame. I think all kids in this situation do, even if they didn’t suffer the abuse in the system I did. So when I finally got that first NHL contract, I decided to be the person I always wanted to be—the fun, easygoing guy living his dream without a care in the world. The player who hurls as many jokes as pucks.” I smile, just like the Alex they know would. “I didn’t want to be that guy with the tragic past. The sob story turned success story. I just wanted to be normal.”
“You did a good job,” the producer replies. “So why talk now?”
“Two reasons. Because I realize normal is a myth.” I pause and let my eyes find Brie. She’s standing off to the side, a proud smile on her face and her beautiful brown eyes swimming in tears. “Even the person who looks successful and privileged and ‘normal’ has fought a battle that’s left them with scars, be it mental, physical or both. And I want people to know that. I also want people to know that giving to places like Daphne’s House, whether it’s time or money, actually makes a difference. I didn’t have a place like this, but if I had my life would have been easier. These kids—whether they are homeless or in foster care or here at Daphne’s—these kids can become something amazing. I’m living proof. But people can’t know that unless I tell them so I’m telling them. If it means more people will help kids in the situation I was in, then it’s worth talking about it.”
The entire crew starts clapping except the hair lady, who’s dabbing her eyes with a tissue instead. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. Mac launches herself off the step she’s sitting on and wraps her arms around my neck in a hug so tight she’s kind of strangling me. And yet it feels fucking fantastic.
“Okay. Well, honestly, Alex I think we got more than we came for. We’re gonna wrap this.” The producer steps forward. I shake her hand keeping the other one around Mac, who’s still hugging me.
Mac finally lets go and her face is all pinched like she’s fighting her emotions. “You’re a badass,” she announces, standing up. I stand up too and watch with relief as the camera crew starts toward their big white van parked down the street.
“Language,” Brie warns her as she walks up. “But yeah, he kind of totally is.”
Mac rolls her eyes at the language police and heads inside. “You two look like you’re going to kiss so I’m outta here.”
The door closes behind her and Brie climbs the steps to join me on the stoop. She stands right in front of me. “Was that honestly okay? Did I sound like a fool?”
“You sounded like a goddamn hero.” She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck. “And you are.”
She kisses me and once again my self-doubt and anxiety starts to melt away. Yeah, it was worth it. Everything that I’ve gone through. Everything that got me here, to this place with her, was worth it.
Epilogue
Alex
18 months later
I watch Mackenzie as she sits in a chair next to Brie at the edge of the surf. Brie is telling her something, but I can’t hear what. Mac is listening and smiling with an occasional nod. I wonder if Brie is asking her? If she is, I’m too late. Fuck, I need to grow some balls already and just do it.
“Hey, burger boy,” Jordan yells as he walks across the patio toward me. “I don’t like mine charred.”
I look down at the patties on the grill and start to flip them with the spatula I forgot I was holding. I look back up and smile at Tate, the little boy strapped to his chest. His big green eyes are barely visible under heavy lids. I coo at him and he gives me a sleepy smile. “You are so lucky this kid looks like Jessie. He’s got a shot in life now.”
Jordan flips me the bird above his son’s head. “I’m just happy he’s a boy. Devin is going to have his hands full with a daughter from the Caplan gene pool.”
I glance past Jordan to where Callie is sitting under an umbrella trying to keep a sun hat on her daughter’s head, while Olivia—who everyone calls Liv—repeatedly removes it and Devin splashes in the water with Conner. “Yeah, I don’t envy him either but it’s going to be a riot to watch.”
Jordan laughs. I flip the burgers on the grill again and glance back to the beach. Mackenzie has gotten up and is walking into the ocean where Jessie, Rose and Luc are already swimming. “I have to say,” Jordan says. “I didn’t expect to ever be having a family-friendly preplayoffs barbeque with you at your long-term girlfriend’s Hampton summer home.”
I grin. “It’s an unexpected plot twist for sure.”
“Things are still good with Brie obviously,” Jordan remarks and I nod.
I nod. “They’re fantastic.”
We sold her grandmother’s place four months ago and bought a place together. It’s not as open as my loft but it’s a big, spacious brownstone that Mac loves because she’s got her own floor since her room is by itself in the attic. I’ve only had one nightmare since we moved in. And last month Brie decided to face her own nightmare and had herself tested again and I went with her for the results. When we found out she doesn’t carry the gene her mom did. The doctor asked her if that meant she would try for children and Brie simply said. “I already have a daughter.”
And it was that night she told me she was going to ask Mac if she wanted to be adopted.
I turn away from the burgers and watch Brie stand up and join everyone in the water. “I was planning on asking Brie to marry me tonight, actually, after all you goofballs leave.”
“Get the fuck out!” Jordan says, his eyes bulging out of his goofy head and his mouth hanging open. He glances down at the fuzzy blond head. “You didn’t hear that, Tater.”
“He’s asleep,” I assure him. “And I’m not kidding. I have been trying to work up the courage to do it for a couple of months. I want it to be memorable and all that crap you know. But she told me last night she’s going to ask Mackenzie if she wants to be adopted today. And so I kind of want to do it now
, so I can adopt her too.”
“Holy shit…” he says, which is kind of the reaction I expected but then he starts laughing. Loudly. So loud that it wakes Tate and he starts to cry. “Sorry. I just…you’re the guy who used to brag about leading the league in sleepovers and you acted like love was a terminal disease you were afraid to catch.”
“Yeah. I was an idiot,” I retort and smirk. “Keep rubbing it in, arsehole, and I’ll bring up your past. At least I did the player thing well, you were a train wreck.”
“True that.” He puts down his beer next to the grill and lifts a still crying Tate out of his carrier. “Come on, son. Let’s hug it out.”
He cradles his tiny human to his chest. Watching this kind of thing—family, a clear sign of love—used to feel so foreign to me. Now I’m no longer just a visitor in other people’s families; I’ve got one of my own. I just have to make it official.
I hand the spatula to Jordan. “Man the grill. I’m going to go ask Brie to marry me.”
“What? Now? But…what? For real?”
I walk across the patio and hurry down the stairs to the beach below. It’s low tide so I have a lot of beach to cross, but my confidence grows with every step. Mackenzie is waist deep, jumping waves with Rose. Brie is only knee deep, watching them. I walk right up to her and circle her waist from behind. She tilts her head and smiles up at me.
“Have you asked her yet?”
“No. I almost did…” Brie explains. “I’m nervous. I can’t figure out the perfect way to bring it up.”
“I have the same problem,” I confess and she gives me a quizzical smile.
“With what?”
I don’t answer her. Instead I call Mackenzie. She turns and looks at me and I wave her over. Brie stiffens in my arms. “What are you doing?”
“Relax,” I reply and kiss her cheek softly. “Sometimes you have just take a chance.”
Game On (Hometown Players Book 6) Page 23