Elin returned her gaze. “I don’t know… I can’t tell unless I try.”
A smile crept into Esalu’s eyes. “Well said. Let me change my question then. Would you like to find out what the differences are?”
Elin felt her pulse quicken. “Yes.”
Esalu nodded and then gestured with her chin. “Follow me then.” She began walking toward the Royal Beast quarters. Elin thought she was going to go inside, but instead she passed by the entrance and, going around the wall, headed down a small path through a wood, where Elin had never been. The deep green leaves on the branches fluttered over their heads. Once through the wood, another building for housing Beasts appeared ahead.
A sturdily built young man was just coming out of the door. He bore a pail in one hand and a bucket of dung in the other. Noticing Esalu, he stopped and stood respectfully. Esalu looked into the pail.
“It didn’t drink much, did it?”
The young man nodded, his expression gloomy. “No, it didn’t. I prepared the tokujisui potion just as you told me to, but the cub wouldn’t even try it.”
Elin started and looked at the bucket. Tokujisui? Was it the same potion her mother had given the Toda? Or was that the name for any concoction of nutrients dissolved in water?
She shifted her feet to get a better look, but as soon as she moved, Esalu said, “Do you want to see?”
Elin blushed. “Yes.”
“Then go ahead.”
Elin peered into the pail. The color of the liquid was similar to the potion used for the Toda. She brought her face close and smelt it. There was no mistake. It smelt the same as the Toda potion.
After watching Elin’s expression wordlessly, Esalu asked quietly, “Can you tell what’s in it?”
Elin hesitated for a moment. If she answered, she would have to tell Esalu about her mother. She looked up and when her eyes met the headmistress’s, she realized immediately that Esalu already knew. She knew that Elin’s mother had been a Toda Steward. Joeun must have told her.
“The stewed roots of atsune and lakalu weeds mixed with secretions from togela bugs… If this were for Toda, I would say that it has more lakalu than usual.”
The young man holding the pail stared at her, but Esalu nodded. “That’s right. I increased the amount of lakalu weed because it stimulates the appetite. But it looks like it didn’t work.” Esalu looked at the young man. “Thank you. You can go now. Leave the bucket of dung there.”
The young man kept glancing at Elin, but after setting down the bucket, he bowed and left. Esalu knelt on the ground and, taking a wooden paddle from the side of the bucket, began examining the contents. Elin crouched down to watch. After spending some time carefully checking the droppings, Esalu glanced at Elin.
“Did you notice anything?”
“…The color is paler than the dung of the other Beasts. There’s no grass stems mixed in with it, and it looks pretty soft. If this is the amount collected in one day, it’s not very much. And the fact that there is a high fur content is also a concern.”
Esalu’s eyes narrowed. “So you’ve been examining the droppings you collect every day, have you?”
Elin blinked, wondering why on earth Esalu would need to ask such a question. “Yes. I thought that’s why we collected them in the first place.”
“But your teachers never said that, right? They just told you to gather the dung and clean their quarters.”
Looking back on it, Elin realized that this was true, and she had never seen any of the first-level students examining the dung.
Esalu smiled faintly. “When first-level students finish the year, they have to take an exam in order to graduate from this task. The teacher questions them verbally about the condition of the droppings for each one of the Beasts they cared for. Almost all the students are taken by surprise. They have no inkling of the important information to be found there. They are shocked at their own ignorance. And that is a very good lesson for them.”
“I had no idea.” As a child, Elin had accompanied her mother every morning when she went to the Toda Chambers, and the first thing they did was examine the trough filled with dung. Her mother had explained carefully and methodically how she could tell, just by looking at it, the condition of each Toda. Something akin to pain spread through Elin’s chest. Everything she would learn here would be sure to bring back memories of her mother. She was following in her mother’s footsteps.
Looking at Elin’s downcast face, Esalu said, “…I hear your mother was a Toda Steward.”
Elin looked up. “Yes.”
“So she was training you to become a Toda Steward, too, was she?”
Elin shook her head. “I don’t know. She never mentioned it to me.” Esalu watched her wordlessly, and looking at her face, Elin was suddenly exasperated. It was as if the headmistress were trying to determine what was inside her by feeling her through a thick cloth. “My mother was a Toda Steward, but when we parted, I was only ten years old. To be honest, I never had a chance to learn what kind of creatures Toda are, or the meaning of my mother’s work. When I was little, I was always with her, so I remember what she did, and when I asked questions, she always answered thoroughly. That’s why I knew what was in the tokujisui. But I don’t know anything more than that. I have nothing but hatred for those who sentenced her to death, and certainly no loyalty to them.”
Esalu gazed steadily back at Elin, whose eyes were filled with anger. Then she said quietly, “Don’t misunderstand me. I heard about your past from Joeun, but I hold no prejudice against you just because you are the daughter of a Toda Steward.”
“Then why—?”
But Esalu stopped her with a gesture of her hand. “I queried you in that way for a different reason. But I don’t intend to tell you about that now. I’m sure we’ll have another opportunity someday.”
Frowning, Elin stared at her. If there was one thing she hated, it was ambiguity.
Her expression serious, Esalu continued. “Neither Royal Beasts nor Toda are mere animals. They are political tools tied to the very core of this country. Whether they like it or not, anyone deeply involved in their care has no choice but to become involved to some extent in politics. And in politics, there are many secrets. To reveal one’s hand carelessly can lead to unforeseen consequences.”
“But that’s got nothing to do with me,” Elin insisted.
“Really? Then let me take you at your word.”
Although Esalu had said she would trust her, Elin sensed that her words still held hidden meaning. She glared at her, anger rising in her stomach, but Esalu ignored her. Standing up, she brushed the dirt from her knees. “Come with me,” she said. “Don’t say a word until I speak to you, and keep your footsteps as quiet as you can.”
She removed a treatment kit from a cupboard beside the entrance and went inside the building. Following her, Elin was shocked. The inside was as dark as if someone had poured ink over her eyes. The other Beast quarters had a window in the ceiling that could be raised to let in light and, unless the weather was very bad, it was always left open, even at night. But the windows in this one were all shut tight, and no light penetrated except from the entrance.
The smell of Beast permeated the darkness. As her eyes adjusted, she could make out latticed bars covering the walls and ceiling, like a prison cell. Deep inside, she could see a form. It was nothing more than a huddled shadow, but even so she could tell that it was much smaller than the other Beasts. It must have raised its head, sensing their presence, because she saw two golden eyes gleam in the darkness.
5 LIGHT
Esalu walked over to the wall and began moving something. There was a creaking of wood and a shaft of sunlight suddenly penetrated the darkness. The headmistress must have raised the window in the ceiling slightly. A whimpering sound, almost like a baby crying, issued from the cage when the light touched its depths. The dark shadow huddled in the corner flapped its wings frantically, but its right shoulder sagged unnaturally and its right w
ing did not rise as high as its left.
It’s not even full grown.
The Beast was just a cub that should still have been protected by its mother in the nest. Its frantic movements dislodged a blanket covering its back. Its cries were so heartrending that Elin pressed her hands over her ears.
Esalu came up beside her. Raising the Silent Whistle to her lips, she blew on it gently. Instantly, the cub froze, its wings still partly raised and its golden eyes staring fixedly ahead. Esalu handed the whistle to Elin and said quietly, “If it starts to move while I’m in the cage, blow it.”
Then she lifted the latch on the door and went inside, carrying a box of medical supplies. First she examined the creature thoroughly from head to foot. Although still an infant, it was already taller than her, and she had to reach up to look at its right shoulder. She checked the wing joint as well, and Elin noticed a brown stain on the fur there. That must be where it had been hurt.
Esalu opened her box, removed a large pair of scissors and began wielding them with both hands, clipping the fur around the wound. Taking out a jar of disinfectant, she spread it on the exposed flesh. If the cub unfroze now, Esalu would be ripped to pieces before she could escape. Elin held the whistle to her mouth and watched the entire process with bated breath. She noticed other bald patches in the creature’s fur besides the area around the wound.
Has it been biting itself?
She knew that horses would bite themselves repeatedly when frustrated or depressed and suspected the cub must be doing the same. That would explain why there had been so much fur in its dung.
Esalu finished her treatment swiftly and pulled the blanket back over the cub with a tenderness that was hard to imagine from her daily behavior. Once she had finished tucking the blanket around it, she ducked back out through the door of the cage. After lowering the window once more, she nudged Elin, and the two moved out of the stable, which was plunged once again into darkness.
While Esalu was putting away the box of supplies, Elin asked, “Why is it so afraid? Because it was wounded?”
“Don’t you know what happened last month at the Yojeh’s birthday celebration?” Esalu asked as she closed the door of the shed.
“…No.”
“I see. Joeun seems to have lived like a hermit so I suppose you never heard the news.” She wiped her hands on her apron and turned to look at Elin. “An attempt was made to assassinate the Yojeh at that banquet.”
“What?” Elin was rendered speechless. The word “assassinate” seemed so alien to the word “Yojeh”. Who in this world would contemplate killing a god? Why would they even consider such a thing?
Seeing the shocked expression on her face, Esalu gave a wry smile. “Didn’t Joeun tell you anything?”
“No…”
“I guess he really did intend to leave the world behind then. He probably didn’t want to tell you how perverse society can be.” She sighed. “But if you are going to live here in the Beast Sanctuary, you will need to be well informed about what’s going on and the corruption out there. I’m sure your instructors will find opportunities to explain things in more detail. All you need to know right now is that some people have been trying to kill the Yojeh for many years.”
“But who?”
Esalu’s smile deepened. “After what we talked about earlier, this is a bit awkward to say the least, but it can’t be helped. Those who seek to take the Yojeh’s life belong to an organization called the Sai Gamulu, which literally means ‘blood and filth’… They wish to see the Aluhan crowned king.”
Elin felt her skin grow taut. She had often heard people in the Toda village complain that people from Yojeh territory treated them with contempt. The resentment they harbored had very naturally been imprinted on her own mind, and she was therefore well aware that there was some animosity between the Wajak, who lived in Aluhan territory, and the Holon who inhabited Yojeh territory. But she had always assumed that this friction existed only between the two peoples. She had never dreamed that anyone would actually want the Yojeh killed and the Aluhan crowned king in her place.
If the rift between the two was that deep, then surely it was very unwise for a daughter of the Stewards who raised the Aluhan’s Toda to be staying at a sanctuary for Royal Beasts, the very symbol of the Yojeh. That would certainly explain Esalu’s attitude toward her. But if so, then why had she agreed to let Elin enter the school?
Esalu, who had been watching Elin’s face, said quietly, “I can pretty much guess what you are thinking, but let me tell you this. I do not doubt you or feel any hostility toward you for being the daughter of a Toda Steward… At the same time, however, I think it is best that you do not tell anyone else, not even Yuyan.”
When Elin said nothing, Esalu drove home her point. “You will come to understand the situation in this country in due time. I am telling you not to speak to anyone about this until you can grasp the situation and judge for yourself. Do you understand?”
Elin knew that she was right. It would be a mistake to tell anyone before she knew what was going on. “…Yes, I understand,” she answered.
Esalu nodded. “All right then. But we were talking about Leelan.”
“Leelan? Light?”
“Sorry. That’s the name of the cub in there.” Esalu turned her eyes toward the Beast quarters. “Leelan was a birthday gift presented to the Yojeh by her nephew. The first time it was ever exposed to a crowd of people was in the garden at the banquet. The assassin was hiding in a tree behind it and the arrow intended for the Yojeh grazed the cub’s shoulder while it stood frozen by the Silent Whistle.”
A chill spread through Elin’s chest. In her mind’s eye, she could see the paralyzed Beast. It had been torn from the protection of its mother’s breast only to be thrust before a huge crowd in the bright light of day. How frightened and confused it must have felt. Had it cried out in fear, searching for its mother without understanding what was happening? In the midst of that terror, how had it felt when the arrow suddenly pierced its shoulder?
“What’s the matter? You’re not crying, are you?” With a look of surprise, Esalu peered into Elin’s face.
Elin averted her eyes. The sudden and violent surge of emotion that had risen inside her was unsettling. She knew all too well what it was like to want to curl up in fear and wail like a baby—the terror that comes from being suddenly wrenched from one’s mother; the confusion at being abandoned in the middle of a vast darkness without a clue of what to do… Was that cub once again gnawing on its flesh in the darkness? Was it biting itself repeatedly, tormented by feelings it could not suppress?
She looked up as a strong hand gripped her shoulder. “Elin, get a hold of yourself. What’s wrong?”
She brushed away her tears. “…Nothing. I just felt sorry for Leelan.”
Esalu seemed taken aback. “I can see why you might pity it… but you shouldn’t let yourself get so emotionally involved. You can’t make accurate judgments without keeping your distance and remaining objective.” She sighed and muttered. “I thought you were more level-headed than that, but I guess I was wrong… I was thinking of asking you to observe Leelan, but perhaps I should reconsider.”
She can’t be serious! Elin thought. How could anyone possibly remain objective if they knew what Leelan has been through? If she and that boy taking care of the young Beast can’t feel its pain, then they don’t understand it at all. They haven’t a clue of how petrifying it is to be suddenly separated from one’s mother and to find oneself totally alone.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then opening her eyes, she said quietly, “Miss Esalu.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t think that objectivity necessarily guarantees accurate decision-making.”
Esalu frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I think that keeping your distance can also mean that you stop feeling things.”
Esalu gazed for some time at the red-eyed girl in front of her before she finally spoke. “
I see. You have a point. Are you claiming that when you observe Leelan, you can empathize and remain objective at the same time? That sounds good in theory; whether it can actually be done is another matter.”
Elin rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know… But I want to try.”
Esalu shrugged. “All right then. Try. But there’s not much time, so you had better be very diligent.”
“There’s no time?”
“That’s right. That young Beast hasn’t eaten a thing since the day it was injured.”
Since the day it was injured? So it hasn’t eaten anything for over a month.
“Royal Beasts can live a long time without food, but Leelan is only a cub. If it would just drink some tokujisui… Even that would help.”
At the word tokujisui, Elin felt a twinge of distaste. She searched her memory for the cause and recalled something her mother had told her. Tokujisui, she had said, makes their fangs harder and their bones larger than Toda in the wild. But at the expense of other parts. Elin raised her face to look at Esalu. “I have a request.” Esalu looked at her questioningly. “I want to observe Leelan in my own way. Would you let me do that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Please excuse me from classes, practical lessons and chores. Just for one month. That’s all I need. I promise to make up for the extra work I cause the other students when I’m finished. And I’ll sit for my exams and take the training tests at the same time they do. So please, just for one month, let me concentrate on nothing else but Leelan.”
Esalu frowned. “How exactly do you intend to ‘concentrate’ on Leelan?”
“I will stay here day and night. I’ll even eat my meals in the stable to let the cub get used to my scent. Other than that, I will just do whatever comes to mind from watching it… And there’s one other thing…” Elin clenched her fists and gazed straight at the headmistress, “If while I’m doing this, the cub begins to eat meat and fish like the offspring of Royal Beasts in the wild, please let me continue to care for it after that.” She was so desperate she could feel her legs shaking. “If I am able to help Leelan recover, it will be proof that I chose the right method, won’t it? So please, let me try.”
The Beast Player Page 15