The phone began to vibrate. I didn’t move, but glanced to look at it. Dane had conveniently positioned it so I could see it was Grant calling. I turned away. It stopped. Moments later, it vibrated again. I ignored it, knowing if I talked to him now, I would just say something terrible. I didn’t know what had happened. It could have been all her. That bitch. I was so going to fix her wagon. She had it coming. The phone continued to vibrate on and off. I was finally resolved to answer. I sat up and grabbed the phone. Thirty-three missed calls. Wow. I just picked up and said nothing.
“Lanie? Are you there?” Grant sounded frantic. I hesitated.
“Yes.” It was all I could muster.
“It’s not what you think. I swear. I promise. Lanie, you have to listen.”
“I will. But not like this. You need to get your ass home, now.”
“I’ll be home right after this lunch.”
“No, Grant. You’ll be home on the next fucking flight. You’re not having lunch with that woman. You can call a limo to take you to the airport. Get home.”
“I’ll leave for the airport right now,” he said quietly.
“Fine. Bye.”
“Lanie, I love you. Please. Say it.” I was quiet. I loved this man, but I couldn’t say the words I was so mad at him.
“Lanie, please, Love.”
“I love you.” I hung up and began to cry. I heard footsteps coming up behind me. It was Chelsie.
“Hey, Babe. Bad day?” She sat beside me so close we were touching.
“Bad couple of days. Can we rewind?” I said through tears.
“Sorry, Hun, can’t do that. But this too shall pass. That I can promise you.”
“Oh? Really? How’s that, Chelsie?” I cried at her.
“Lanie, Grant has spent his entire life only wanting you. Why would he ruin that now you’re finally his? I can tell you, that man has never loved anyone but you. Don’t you get that?” Chelsie reached out and tilted my head towards hers so she could look me in the eyes. Chelsie was no bullshit. That meant she truly believed it.
“But he kissed her. I didn’t see him pull away or push her off. And why was he in her room last night? I know he and I spoke on his cell phone last night and then we were on the webcam. He had to have gone to her room after that.”
“Or maybe she was lying.” Chelsie spoke of Brianna with complete distain in her voice.
“Why didn’t he deny it, then? He just gave her this weird look.”
“I’m sure he has an explanation. Looks can be deceiving. You should know that first hand, right?”
Ouch. She did it again. That stung. She was right. But that was before and this was now. In fact, that was also after he was caught with another woman. Now my rational mind thought about how this was probably the same thing. Grant and I had bad luck with this incriminating shit. But then my crazy side thought about how maybe Dane was right. That Grant was a womanizer and our whole relationship had only been about the chase.
Chelsie watched me, and eventually picked up my left hand and stared at my ring. She moved it back and forth in the sun, watching it sparkle. So did I. So sparkly and pretty.
“He’s a great guy, Lanie. He wouldn’t have put this ring on your finger if he didn’t mean it.”
“How did you know about all this? Did Grant call you?”
“No. Dane did.”
“Dane called you? Why?”
“He said you needed me. He told me what happened. He was actually quite compassionate and concerned—for both of you! He seemed a little disturbed by the whole thing. It took lots of guts for him to call me. What’s the turnabout?” Chelsie sounded completely mystified. She didn’t sound annoyed and she sounded like she believed him.
“He apologized to me, for everything. We talked for hours this morning about it all. He even told me about all these conversations he and Grant had about me all these years. It was really a very deep and exhausting talk.” I truly felt differently about Dane now. He was himself again, the old Dane I loved.
“Well, all I can say is keep him at arm’s length and be careful. The way he’s been lately, I wouldn’t trust him. He has to prove himself again, Hun, but he seems to be on his way.”
“Yeah. But nothing is ever perfect for me for long. Just when I thought I could be on my way to happily ever after, this happened.” I began to cry again. My heart was breaking.
“Lanie, you’re jumping to conclusions. You don’t know what happened. Give him a chance to explain everything first. This could all be a waste of both of your hearts feeling a little bit damaged right now. You think he was with another woman and he thinks you don’t love him anymore.”
“What? I thought you didn’t talk to him.”
“I didn’t. Samantha is on Grant duty. Dane called her, too. I think he called Jennifer as well, in case she needs to fly out here and salvage this.”
“What? He called Jennifer? She’s probably freaking out. Does my dad know?”
“Oh please, Lanie. Dane showed his girly side, he didn’t involve the men-folk.” Chelsie rolled her eyes. Now she was talking like Dane was one of the girls. Great.
“What time does Grant get home?”
“I don’t know. It was supposed to be midnight because he was going to stay to have lunch with her. But then we spoke and I kind of told him to get his ass home now.”
“Smart girl. I would have done the same thing. And if you think for one minute if I were in your situation Steve would be innocent before proven guilty, your nuts. His ass would be in so much trouble. You have every right to be feeling the way you are. I’m just saying.”
“Can you call Samantha and tell her to find out when he’ll be here? I need to clean myself up a bit.”
“Oh Honey, of course you do. You need to look like one pissed off hot bitch when he gets here. He needs to grovel at your feet. Kiss your toes even, or maybe a few other places as well. I’d say he should buy you some jewelry, but you just got that rock, so nothing else might be as impressive. Maybe a new car?”
“Chelsie, the only thing I want is for this new nightmare to be false. I’ve about had it with all this drama. I just want Grant and I to be together and happy, with no one trying to steal one of us away. I mean, really? Have you ever seen as much crap as he and I have gone through?”
“No. But you’re both hot pieces of ass, so who could blame anyone for wanting either of you? Hell, Samantha hit on you last night. Geez.” Chelsie shook her head and stood up. She held her hand out to me and helped me to my feet. I loved the idea that Chelsie and I would actually be related. It’s not like we didn’t already feel that way, but it would be all official-like.
As we headed back to my house, I saw Dane waiting outside for us.
“Hi, Chels. Thanks for coming so quickly. Lanie, are you doing any better? Did you get a chance to talk to Grant?” he asked. He really was sounding sincere.
“Yes. Just for a minute. Nothing is better. He’s on his way home.” It felt weird to be sharing things with Dane. He was on my side now, or so I thought.
“Well, I talked to him. And he is really crushed right now. All he wants is for you to believe in him. Have faith that he wouldn’t hurt you.” Dane eyed me carefully for my reaction. Chelsie and I just gaped at him.
“Seriously? You’re trying to help Grant?” I said. Well, wasn’t this a total change of the tides?
“Lanie, looks can really be deceiving. I mean, look at what he saw. He saw you and me, well, you know. You just saw them kiss. We were way further than that. And he trusted in you, believed in you. Even though I wasn’t a big help … well you know. And you owe him that now. I mean you were harder on him about seeing Lori undressed than he was at you for … well you know.”
“Okay, Dane, I know. I get it. Why do all these women just take their clothes off in front of Grant? Who the hell does that? I mean, he is absolutely gorgeous, but that’s not the point. He kissed her back.”
“Lanie, you don’t know that. You have to trust h
im. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Without trust … there is no relationship. What’s the sense of being together then?” Dane put his hand on my shoulder.
“I agree with Dane here. Oh my God, did I just say that?” Chelsie quickly pretended to stick her finger down her throat, and then she smiled and punched Dane in the arm. He smiled back and bumped his shoulder to hers. Well, in the past few hours I’d seen some things I never thought I would. Chelsie and Dane being all sweet to each other, and Grant kissing another woman, and apparently spending time in her room late at night. And that’s when I started crying again.
“I’m sorry. Is seeing Dane and I being nice to each other too much for you? It’s making me a little sick myself. Quick Dane, do something stupid so I can kick your ass!” Chelsie jumped at Dane and he played scared shitless. Well, maybe not all play. A professional wrestler would be afraid of Chelsie on a bad PMS day.
“How about you guys call Samantha now. Find out when Grant is going to be home.”
“Sure thing.” Both Chelsie and Dane spoke in unison and both had their phones out.
“You know what, Dane, I like you as one of the girls.” She winked at him. Dane actually looked touched.
“Hey Samantha. What’s Grant’s ETA?” I watched as Chelsie’s eyes shifted from me to Dane and then back to me. “I see. I’ll tell her. Did he say anything else? Okay. Bye, Sis. Keep me in the know. Better call the boys here. We should all be here tonight.”
“Chelsie, what’s going on? When will he be home?” I whispered.
“Well, here’s the thing about that …
Chapter 40
You Are My Life
“… His ticket was non-refundable. So, he’s still on the same flight.”
“What? We’re made of money. Buy a new fucking ticket. Who gives a shit about losing the money on the first ticket? That’s just fucking bullshit.”
I was really starting to doubt why the hell Grant was being like this. Not calling. Going to her room at night after the shit she pulled. Not returning my texts. Letting her kiss him. Then not getting his in-so-much-fucking-trouble-sorry-ass on the first flight home.
“I need to go lay down. I have a splitting headache. Will you come stay with me, Chelsie, until I fall asleep?”
“Sure thing, Baby. I’ll even rub your neck for you.”
“Chelsie, I’ll call Samantha and get an ETA on her and the boys. I’m not going to call Jennifer until after Grant gets home, as a last resort, in case it’s needed. And I’ll order dinner so we can make sure our girl there eats something. Call me if you need anything. Okay?” Dane was still being a good guy. Now this was the Dane I knew and loved.
“Thanks, Dane. I’ll call you if anything comes up. Just text me what Samantha says. You can decide on dinner, and thank you.” Chelsie reached out and touched Dane’s hand when she said it. She smiled warmly at him and then turned, put her arm around me and we headed back to my house. Dane blushed.
“Hey, I’m just going to go up to the walk for a bit. Would you make tea? I feel like a nice cup of Earl Grey.” My stomach was in a knot; I was cold and I just wanted something to soothe and warm me up.
“Of course. Anything you need. You want me to kick Grant’s ass when he gets home, too?” Chelsie seemed to get excited at the prospect. She really liked kicking ass, I guess. Poor Steve.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I can kick his ass just fine all by myself. But you can watch, if you want.”
I headed upstairs, changed my clothes and grabbed Woof on the way. I wished I could turn back time to the day I got home from my business trip, so Grant and I could fall in love all over again, and be happy. I certainly would do a few things differently if I had the chance to do it all again. When I got to the walk, I sat in my comfy papasan chair and stared out at the ocean.
“Mom, are you there? Cause I really need you right now.”
Tap. Tappity Tap.
“Thanks, Mom. I just needed to know. I’m so upset and confused. I just want to stay here and know you’re with me.”
Tappy Tap Tap
I felt weak, becoming suddenly exhausted. I closed my eyes and drifted off to the sound of soft tapping. I dreamt.
Grant and I stood on the cliff together. He faced me with his back to the edge.
“Lanie, please, I can’t live without you. If you’re not in my life, there’s no reason to live. I can’t be without you. Please.”
Grant’s words poured out from deep inside his soul; his true feelings plain to see. His eyes showed the great pain he was in. I pulled back even though I wanted to run to him. Anguish twisted his face and I heard a whimper escape his lips.
“No, Grant. You cheated on me. You were with another woman … and we just got engaged. What were you thinking? How could you do that? I could never look at you the same.” I was cold and bitter.
“I thought she was you,” Grant said blankly.
I just gaped at him. How could he have just said that? My heart twisted in my chest. It felt like he was ripping it out.
“Don’t … don’t say that,” I said under my breath, my words felt like they were choking me.
He smiled at me. It was rather creepy and distorted, and then transformed back to a loving one.
“Lanie, I love you. I would never do that to you.”
“But I just heard you. You said you thought she was me.” I was seriously confused.
“No I didn’t,” he said convincingly, like he actually hadn’t or had no recollection of saying it.
“But I heard you. You … you just said it,” I accused.
“Lanie, you are all I care about. Please, stay with me. Without you, I can’t exist.”
“I need to think this through.”
“If you even question your feelings for me, then there really is nothing to think over. Your decision is made. And I can’t be without you. I love you, Lanie.”
With that, Grant turned and leapt off the cliff. I screamed, lunged and grabbed for him. But it was no use; he was long gone before I was even close. I threw myself onto the ground and looked over the edge, watching as he fell in slow motion. He watched me the whole time, his arms outstretched as if he was reaching to hold me. He never panicked. He just fell. Right when he was about to hit the rocks, I realized the serious end of it all. Without him, I couldn’t survive. There was no turning back. There was no do-over. He was gone.
“Grant, I love you. I’ll stay with you,” I screamed out to him. I threw myself over the cliff’s edge to be with my love forever the only way I could now.
I felt myself falling. The wind blew my hair over my face as I watched the sky above me. It was so beautiful. When I was about to hit the jagged rocks below, I felt my body jump and there was a loud bang on the wall.
“Mom? Grant?” I was in a cold sweat. My body still felt the shock of falling. I kept touching everything to make sure it was real and that falling was the dream. It made me miss Grant even more than I already did. His words echoed in my head in flashes.
I thought she was you. Your decision is made. You are my life. Please. Lanie, I love you.
I could see him falling in my head and it made my stomach turn. I needed to speak with him. I needed to touch him. I needed to feel the warmth of him so that I knew he was okay. I needed to kick his ass for not being home already.
I looked at Dane’s watch. I must have been asleep for a while. It was evening. I only had a few more hours until Grant would be with me again. But would he be with me? Could I be with him? I was so confused. All I knew was I needed to touch him. The thought of him not being with me, just being out of my reach, was impossible for me. I was resigned to take whatever he had to give me. As long as I could have just a piece of him, my life would be complete. Fuck that. I wanted all of him. And I wasn’t willing to share, not at all, ever.
I picked Woof up and carried him downstairs with me. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen or the living room, talking, and they all stopped and gave me a sympathetic
stare. I lowered my gaze and headed toward Chelsie and my tea, which was probably cold by now.
“Hey, Sweetie, did you get any sleep? Do you feel better? Not sure why I asked you, because I am sure you don’t,” Chelsie said, handing me my cup.
The tea was still hot. I took a sip and burned my tongue. It actually felt good. Not in an S&M kind of way, it just made me feel awake and out of the dream. I sipped my tea while everyone quietly regarded me.
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