by Ali Parker
"No, you wouldn't unless you go to med school, which you should. You weren't fazed by anything in there today."
"Why should I be?" I lifted my eyebrow.
He chuckled and crossed his arms over his thick chest. "You shouldn't, but most nursing students are. The resident cardiologist told me that you're his top intern. Ever think about moving to New York?"
"Not until today." I laughed, deciding to leave shy at the door. I wanted a different future, a better one.
"Great answer. I'll give you my card before I go. You decide to head up that way, and I expect a call, all right? Deal?" He extended his hand.
"Deal." I shook it and watched him walk toward the cafeteria. Maybe Jackie and I could go up there together after college and share an apartment. Maybe med school wasn't just a pipe dream, but something I could reach for. Maybe, but probably not. I'd need lots of emotional support, which I didn't have anywhere in my life.
"Get over yourself," I mumbled and walked toward the elevator, letting the high dissipate before I resumed my normal course of business.
Chapter 7
Kendal
The hangover I was struggling with was well deserved after losing myself in a bottle of jack the night before. Between Damon being a dick, the situation with Heather joining the university, and my sister's condition worsening, I was lost. Emotionally I wanted to crawl in a ball in the closet and hide for a week or so, but it wasn't going to happen. Over two hundred students were showing up in the next few hours to learn about the weaknesses in inventory systems, and I was the guy teaching it.
For the first time in a long time, I didn't wanna teach anything. My passion was tucked behind the dark cloud of shit life was kicking my way once again.
"Hi Dr. Tarrington. How are you?" Jake opened the door and gave me a warm smile as I moved past him. Bethany's best guy friend from college was my second TA for the semester. The poor kid had been through hell recently. The other part of their friendship trio, Bethany's roommate Krista, had fallen in love with Jake and not taken it so well when he rejected her. The boy had multiple stab wounds in his thin chest to prove it. That he was up and moving around after a couple of weeks was a miracle itself.
The memory of having to walk through his apartment right after it happened washed over me, and my knees grew weak. Something about massive amounts of blood always left me crippled.
"I'm great, Jake. How are you feeling? You look good." I reached over and gripped his shoulder lightly as we walked toward the auditorium where my first class would be held that morning.
"I'm feeling better than I have in a few weeks for sure." He opened the door and walked into the oversized room.
I reached over and turned on the lights. "That's great news. Any more trips to the doctor’s office, or are you cleared now?"
"Not just yet, but soonish." The boy walked toward the stage and slowly made his way up the stairs. I could see the struggle he was having, which he'd hidden quite well in the hallway. It still shocked the fuck out of me that love could cause someone to go ape and stab someone else, but it was on the news all the time. Having it hit so close to home was eye-opening.
"Well, let me know if you need my help." I pulled out my briefcase and emptied it before putting my glasses on.
"If you were offering help for my advance tax class, I'd totally take you up on it. That class is eating my lunch." He chuckled as I glanced up.
"You know that Bethany is a tax wizard, right? She loves all of that stuff." I wasn't trying to not help the kid, but rather put him in a situation where he felt more comfortable.
"Why are you telling my secrets?" She walked up to stand beside me, jolting me with her presence.
"I didn't even hear you come in." I smiled sheepishly. She looked good, almost too good, as if her breakup with my best friend wasn't dragging her in the dark hole it was him.
"I'm stealthy like that." She brushed her long brown hair off her shoulder and turned to face Jake. "You need me?"
"I always need you." He wagged his eyebrows as she scoffed.
"Please... Let's talk taxes, which is the only thing we might have in common." She moved up to the edge of the stage, and I hated myself for listening to their conversation, but it was my classroom, and they were both aware that I was standing there.
"I think we could have more in common now that you dropped that jackass you were dating." Jake walked slowly to the edge of the stage, the poor guy obviously didn't know that I was Damon's best friend.
"Hey, I don't want to talk about that right now." She pressed her hands to the edge of the stage and hoisted herself up to stand beside him. She turned and glanced down at me. "I don't think of him as a jackass."
I shrugged. "None of my business. I'm just glad you're still talking to me."
She laughed. "This is true."
"What are you guys talking about? What am I missing here?" Jake glanced between the two of us.
"Damon and Kendal are best friends." Bethany smirked as she poked Jake in the side.
"Oh shit. I'm so sorry, Dr. Tarrington." He lifted his hands.
"It's no matter. I'm rather pissed at him right now too. Jackass works." I smiled and busied myself with getting notes together for my lecture.
Bethany hopped off the edge of the stage and handed me a file as her expression clouded with worry.
"Why are you two fighting?"
"We're not." I took the file and glanced down at it. "We've been friends for a long time. We don't fight. One of us acts like an asshole and the other ignores it. It's his turn this week."
"So you're not speaking?" The softness in her voice left me not able to believe her 'everything is great' attitude. She was hurting... just like he was.
"Why does it matter?" I glanced back up and smiled. "He's not your problem anymore, right?"
"He's still my stepbrother. He's family."
"Right. In that case, no, we're not speaking." I closed the folder and moved around her to join Jake on the stage. The door opened to my right and Heather walked in, looking like sin in a black skirt and white button down. The woman was going to cripple me with lust if I wasn't careful. I didn't wanna be that guy anymore, but she was going to push and push until I broke. I could almost taste the depravity on my tongue.
"Dr. Tarrington. Are you all right with me sitting in today? I want to watch your lecture style." She gave me an innocent smile before introducing herself to Bethany and then Jake.
"Of course not, Heather. Make yourself comfortable." I turned and kept myself busy until class started. I was going to have to talk with Mark. Another strike on my record no doubt, but it was better than being caught half-naked with a fellow co-worker because I couldn't deny myself any longer.
I needed to find someone - anyone who could help me remain the type of man I could respect.
I could be him... I had been since college. Damon and I both had been.
"And look where it has both of you," I mumbled under my breath before turning on my mic and starting the lecture.
***
Bethany was waiting for me when I walked to my car that afternoon, which surprised me. I needed to get up to the hospital, but I would delay the trip for a few minutes for her.
"Hey," she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around her chest. Her intelligent green eyes were filled with unshed tears.
"Hey." I reached out and touched the side of her arm before pulling my hand back. I couldn't be kind or loving toward anyone on campus. Everyone would start to talk. "You all right?"
"Yeah." She sighed and pursed her lips as a tear dripped down her face. "No. I'm not."
"Beth." I reached for her, not caring for a few minutes about myself. I wrapped her in a tight, friendly hug and brushed the back of her hair like I would Amanda. "You guys don't have to keep this shit up, you know."
"He hired Christa's sister, Kendal. His ex-girlfriend's twin sister. Why would he do that?" She moved back and brushed her tears away angrily. "He hired Philip to come work for the f
irm. He knows Philip has feelings for me, that I would have feelings for Philip if it wasn't for him."
"Maybe he didn't hire Delilah, Beth. Maybe your father did." I let my hands drop to the side as her hurt seared me. I hadn't known her for more than a month, but if she was hurting, so was my best friend. I'd given him the cold shoulder before, and he fucking deserved it now, but my timing was shit. He was suffering far more than I was.
"And what about Philip?"
"You know anything I say is going to support Damon. You're putting me in a shitty situation." I slipped my hands into my pockets and glanced up at the setting sun. "He loves you and you love him. You both are being so damn stubborn right now. I would give anything for someone to love me."
The softness of her fingers on the side of my face caused my heart to soften.
"You're going to find her. I promise." She brushed her fingers down my cheek, leaving me a little uncomfortable.
I gripped her hand tightly. "You know my rules."
She laughed softly and pulled her hand free of my hold. "I'm in love with a bastard, Kendal. I'm not after you or anyone else. I belong to one man. I just wish I didn't."
"Then let him go." I regretted implying that she was hitting on me. She was broken, like the rest of us.
"No way." Anger burned past her gaze. "Never."
"Then what the fuck are you guys doing? You're just tearing into each other. Is that your purpose? His?"
"No. I don't know." She pressed her hands to her face and let out a soft sob.
"Beth." I reached out and gripped her shoulders. "Look at me."
She pulled her hands down, and my heart constricted in my chest. "It's over, but I can't let go. He's going to have to let go of me."
"You gave the ring back."
"I know." Her voice grew in volume. "It was my way of pushing him to grow up or give up. Sex doesn't heal everything. It's not the fucking answer to everything."
"It's not?" I asked earnestly. "I can think of the times in my life when I was most broken, and sex would have been quite appreciated to bring the balm of pleasure. I can't think of anything that links two people together more than making love. Why would that bother you?"
"Because, Kendal. Damon uses sex as a tool or a playing piece in his games. It's not the connecting of souls, which would be beautiful. It's dominance, control, ownership."
"I see." I let my hands slide down her arms. "And you don’t want to be dominated, controlled, owned by a strong man?"
"Fuck you for that." She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.
"Love is messy, Beth. You know this. So do I. If Damon's love language is touch, then sex is all he understands. It is healing and right to him. It's the answer to every question where the two of you are concerned. You need to talk this through with him. Ignoring it in hopes of him smashing your heart is just pure ignorance, and selfish too."
"Selfish?" Her anger was coming back.
"Yes. Communication is key in a relationship. Stop acting like it isn't."
"Why am I talking to you? You're his fucking best friend."
"Because you know that I've seen him since you gave the ring back. Ask your question. Get it off your chest." I was goading her, but she needed me to. She loved Damon with a fire I could only hope to find in a woman of my own. For either of them to let it die would be beyond stupid.
"How is he?" She pursed her lips again and glanced down at the ground as another wave of pain shook her shoulders.
"He's torn in half. He's devastated and has sunk down into being the bastard we both hoped he would never be again." I reached out and pressed my fingers softly under her chin to force her to look up at me. "If you're angry, hurt, lonely, curious... if you care at all - go find him and tell him."
"I can't, Kendal."
"Then lose him. It's your choice." I released her and walked around her to my car.
She'd see my words and actions as heartless, but I'd planted a seed that might save both of them from living a life of what could have beens. They deserved better. Hell, I did too, but I wasn't standing on the precipice of making the worst decision of my life, at least it didn't seem like I was.
I got in my car and drove to the hospital in complete silence. My thoughts moved through the past like a movie reel, never stopping on one thing and yet letting every ounce of it dry up my hope.
Why was I fighting to become someone that I wasn't? Was it to gain love or acceptance? To be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe?
What did it really matter?
Chapter 8
Dana
"Oh hell, you again, fruit fly?" Mr. Jackson glanced up from the paper he was reading and gave me a wry smile.
"Morning, Mr. Jackson. How are you today?" I set my tray down near the door and picked up the cup of pills I had ready for the ornery older man.
"I'd be better if you'd stop bringing by this damn poison." He huffed and crossed his arms over his frail chest like a small child might.
"You don't really believe that, right?" I extended the cup to him.
"What? That I'd be better off without you coming by?"
I chuckled. "No, that this is poison."
"It tastes like shit! Have you had these things? Here... I'll share." He extended the cup back toward me, still full of pills.
I laughed and pushed it back toward him. "You're the best part of my day. Did you know that?"
He grunted and popped the pills in his mouth as I walked around and opened his windows.
"Your day must suck to high heaven." He snorted as I turned around and smiled.
"Nope. It's really an okay life. It's not great or anything, but it's okay." I shrugged and reached out to take the cup from him.
He only had a few weeks at most to live, and he wasn't willing to let his family hover over the top of him while he 'wasted away'. Having been a patron of the hospital, they made a special exception and let him stay there instead of an assisted living home.
"Why is it just okay?" His voice softened a little.
"Let's see..." I started to walk to the door.
"Dana, come sit here." Him calling me by my name was a little surprising. I didn't realize he knew it, even though the damn thing was printed on a name tag above my left breast. He patted the bed beside him as I turned.
"My boyfriend is an asshole who makes his side of the bed before I even wake up in the morning." I sat down on the edge of the bed and clasped my hands in my lap.
"Wait a minute. I thought you broads like to have the bed made."
"Us broads don't really care about the bed as much as we do being held."
"Ah, I see." He nodded at me. "Keep going. This okay life can't be all about the bed being made and nothing else, right?"
I laughed softly. "He thinks I'm overweight and need to be on a diet and running on a treadmill all the time."
"Hogwash. You're the prettiest thing in this whole damn hospital." His heart monitor beeped loudly, and I reached out, gripping his hand.
"Hey, no getting all hyper on me, fruit fly."
He chuckled and cupped his hand over mine. "You gotta be who you are, youngin. Find a man that appreciates that."
"You think he exists?" I glanced over my shoulder to see Jackie standing at the door with a smile on her face.
"I do. When you find him, bring him by here so I can make sure he's the one, or have your daddy do it. Us old farts know when we're dealing with a real man or a fake. Put him through the dad test." He released my hand and laid back, letting out a tired-sounding sigh.
"My father died a few years back, but I'll bring him by here if I ever find him." I smiled and patted Mr. Jackson's shoulder. "Why do you call me fruit fly?"
"Because you're always buzzing around." He smiled and closed his eyes. "Better hurry if you want my help."
"Why's that?" I pulled his covers up to his neck like he liked them.
"Because my time is almost over."
"You don't know that." I rubbed his chest
softly and watched him slip into sleep.
"Dana?"
I turned, realizing I'd left Jackie standing in the doorway. "Sorry. I was just taking care of Mr. Jackson."
"So I see." She moved back into the hall as I grabbed my tray and walked out with her. "He's supposedly the hardest patient on the damn floor and you just worked him like a charm."
"I didn't work anything. I acted like a human who cared to another human who needed care. I think all of us would go a lot farther in this place if we did that."
"Some of the nurses do."
"Very true." I stopped by the nurses’ station and glanced up to see Tinsley rushing into Amanda's room. "Oh shit. Let me see if I can help."
"Okay, but I need to see you later." She gripped my arm softly. "I think I want to go to New York after graduation."
I smiled and nodded. "I might just join you."
"Really?" She bounced on her feet and released me.
"Yep, really." I jogged toward the room as the thought of living in a big city with all new people filled me with an odd sense of hope. Not only could I start over with a group of close-knit friends, including my childhood bestie Olivia, but I could possibly talk Parks into being my mentor. There was no real reason to stay in Dallas anyway besides my mother, who didn't need me thanks to my brother and sister being around all the damn time.
"It's okay. Just calm down." Tinsley moved in toward Amanda as she screamed and thrashed in the bed below. It would seem she had use of her arms again. She reached up and clawed at Tinsley's face, getting her good.
"Ouch! Dammit." Tinsley glanced up. "Get a sedative."
"No." I moved to the other side of the bed and grabbed Amanda's chin tightly, forcing her to look at me. "Guess what I learned today."
"What?" She calmed almost immediately as tears filled her eyes. "What did you learn?"
Her speech was slurred thanks to the drugs mixed with terror.
"I'm getting a doctor." Tinsley walked away from the bed as I moved to my knees beside it and leaned in with a smile on my face. I moved my fingers from underneath Amanda's chin and rubbed the top of her chest softly like I would my brother's when he was scared.